Posts Tagged ‘mental health’

Visiting the Ghosts of Your Journal’s Past

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024

The seasons are changing, the sun is retreating, and midterms are looming. It’s time to buckle up for a serious talk on mental health!

When I finished my last journal, I remember flipping through the pages and seeing a lot of repetitive statements. On my worst days, I often wrote, “I wish I could get rid of these kinds of thoughts.” As someone who suffers from anxiety, I have a hard time turning my brain off, especially if it believes something terrible could happen. I dwell over a lot of What-ifs that are outside of my control, which often leads me to worry constantly. When I have more intense anxiety attacks, I have a tendency to mull over the same existential crisis, “What if this is going to be the worst day of my life?,” for hours until I reach some kind of resolution; sometimes this is just the day coming to an end and I thankfully realize nothing bad happened. By that point, I am grateful, but I am also emotionally drained.

Rereading my journal was a hard pill to swallow. While I was aware most of my journaling takes place when I’m not doing well, I had difficulty facing the fact that maybe I wasn’t doing as well mentally as I had thought. Wishing I had seen more “Today, I have felt great,” or “I felt anxious, but I was able to overcome it and enjoy my time,” I also felt disappointed in myself for not writing more appreciation for the little wins I experience daily. I immediately realized I wanted to work towards rewiring my brain to think positively first rather than with worry and panic. When I brought it up to my therapist, she said it was important that I recognized my thought patterns, as now we could work towards dismantling them–fun times!

Hands-on activities like painting, building, organizing, and decorating help me relieve my anxiety and feel more in control of my thoughts.

Visiting the ghosts of your journal’s past is not always a happy-go-lucky experience. On one hand, it can be hilarious to reread journals from 5 or 6 years ago, laughing at the things you used to think were problems, or even just the way you wrote (“Oh my gosh, the way Matthew constantly touches his crotch is like, SOOOO icky”). On the other hand, rereading your journals can be an eye-opening experience that brings about a new level of self-awareness. It can show your growth, or it can show you that maybe you need some extra help. 

What I learned from rereading my journals and talking about it with my therapist was that I experience unwanted, intrusive, and repeated thoughts that cause anxiety. Because of this, I need to take active measures to recognize my anxious thoughts versus my actual thoughts. I challenge my anxious thoughts, stay active, and, most importantly, give myself compassion. Luckily, my journal is a great outlet to do so.

When I journal for help with my anxious thoughts, I usually start by reminding myself that while anything can technically happen on any given day, the worst outcome is not the most plausible one. I take time to write down, “I guess today could be the worst day of my life, but it is far more likely that today will be a beautifully ordinary day, so I should focus on that instead.”

Additionally, sometimes I write out all my worries on paper so they feel less scary. I find that saying your fears out loud, writing them down, or talking them through can help you face them, process them, and eventually turn them into personal growth. It’s also important to write what you hope for. For example, one could write, “I have anxiety, and I fear something awful will happen today that will cause me immense pain, but I know that is far from likely, and I am actually just being triggered by ____ ____ and _____. I am strong, everything will work out the way I intend it to, and there’s no valid evidence to suggest otherwise.” At the end of writing out my worries, I add “The End” to close off all of my worries and end the cycle of thoughts. Usually, I’m left feeling like I’ve done all that I can, and I have to be content with that for now.

Going on walks and listening to podcasts (currently obsessed with Giggly Squad!) also helps me lessen my anxious thoughts.

What I’ve also practiced in my journal is writing mantras. These help me challenge negative thoughts and build confidence in myself against my existential anxiety. I also say these mantras out loud when I do not have access to my journal. I tell myself “My fears are not my reality” and “I am in charge of how I feel, and today I choose happiness.” It may feel odd at first, but it does help! We may not have control over most things, but we do have control over how we respond to the world around us.

While these are just a few journaling techniques, there are many more that can be helpful for those struggling with their mental health, or those just having a bad day in general.

As you move about your day, remember that no one is perfect. Give yourself the grace you deserve, and prioritize your mental well-being. Life can be very overwhelming, which is why finding tools (plural!) to help us through the harder moments is so important.

On the topic of mental health, don’t impulsively cut your hair and regret it! Go to a professional and get a new ‘do at Pathos Salon! 15% off for first-time customers with student IDs.

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is also a teacher, currently specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, reading and writing, and watching bad television.

Share

Today I Wanted to Throw Things (But I Wrote Instead)

Friday, October 18th, 2024

Drumroll, Please.

Today, I want to talk about the patriarchy (Run!).

As I have gotten older, I’ve become more and more startled by the sexism I’ve endured. I always naively assumed that these experiences would diminish as I got older. When I was a teen, I thought being an adult meant men would finally start to think with the heads on their shoulders. Between the ages of 18 and 22, I shamefully let a lot of college guys off easy. In reality, they deserved a punch in the right place, and it was all for the same reason: It was ingrained in me to think “Well, they’re just boys, right?” equating them to dogs that keep shitting on the carpet well after their puppy years. I also didn’t want to be the girl with a problem who was no fun because she couldn’t take certain “jokes,” or the girl who cared too much about right and wrong. Now, at 24, I am finally and simply beside myself. There is no other way to put it. I keep thinking about how the mistreatment of women gave rise to James Tiptree Jr.’s Houston, Houston, Do You Read?, a story where men no longer exist and the effects of the patriarchy are long forgone.

In the past few years, what has surprised me the most is the number of women I’ve met who perpetuate the patriarchy: women who’ve belittled me because I’m younger than them so my presence makes them insecure about their age: women who believe being unmarried makes my value as a person decline; women who objectify and shame each other, and unapologetically support men who do. 

I have just started my third year of teaching at a new school, and there is no AC. The classroom I teach in faces the afternoon sun. When I started working in September, temperatures reached well above 85 degrees Fahrenheit inside. After about a week of suffering in slacks, I wore business casual shorts. The fabric went past my fingertips when I put my arms down by my side—adhering to the school’s dress code policy. I even asked my boyfriend if he thought they were fine, and he said yes. Despite other female teachers wearing skirts and dresses the same length to no complaint, I was pulled into the office by an older woman in the administration. She said, “You’re new and so young, so you’re already drawing attention from the parents. You wouldn’t want to give people the wrong idea, too.” I froze. I think eventually I just said, “Okay.”

We are not always in such a privileged position to say what’s on our minds. Though we’d often like to let people have it without facing some kind of consequence, life doesn’t work that way for the majority of us. Let’s not forget, too, that BIPOC communities and women are often punished more harshly for the same mistakes as white men in the workplace. The things some men got away with doing and saying at my old jobs without even a pat on the wrist were absurd. The number of women I saw get let go for less harmful or comparable instances was worse. 

When you’re angry, it’s good to get out and enjoy nature for a while.

What’s Your Damage, Heather?

Believe it or not, this is not some exposé of the U.S. education system and its flaws. The sad fact is that I’ve simply had a very ordinary epiphany. I guess I’ve fully realized that the patriarchy is everywhere, toxic masculinity is everywhere, and I am just another young woman who’ll have to deal with it for the majority of my lifetime. After the shockwave of this realization subsided, all I wanted to do was curse out every person around me.

When we desire to hurt those who have hurt us, what are our options? Which ones leave us in the healthiest position (with the smallest chance of getting arrested)? 

In an NPR interview last week with Rachel Martin, Margaret Atwood said, “I’m quite vengeful. I can’t help it. It’s who I am. So I make [critics] into idiotic people in fiction.” This idea of rerouting your anger and using it for creative, internal gain is similar to rage journaling. 

Rage journaling, where you write out all your nasty anger until it diminishes and some clarity of mind creeps in, is less preferable to, let’s say, smashing someone’s windshield. This is because we crave a physical, visual outcome that satisfies our primitive need for control and dominance. If someone breaks us, we want to see them, or something of theirs, break as well. 

Obviously, we can not and should not resort to violence or outward aggression that is directed at and negatively impacts other living things. Therefore, using a rage journal can be a cost-effective and healthy way to help you let out your anger safely. It can also fuel your creativity when writing antagonists for your novels!

In my journal, I curse people out, call them names, tell them their mother would be disappointed in them, and the best part is I can still face them the next day not feeling guilty, embarrassed, or knowing that my last check has already come in the mail. Rage journaling validates your emotions, gives you time to process your feelings, let your anger out, and learn how to proceed with a conflict in a more appropriate manner. Overall, if you rage journal first, you can choose, to respond with rationality as opposed to heated emotions.

That being said, if you are someone like me who has anger that can’t be disposed of because it concerns the world and how it works, rage journaling is not a one-stop solution. Rage rooms are a good supplement. So is exercise, especially boxing. Screaming into a pillow is cathartic, too. Therapy is a must.

Me sunbathing, fully clothed, during my lunch break.

Truthfully, you should also stand up for yourself when you get mistreated, in the workplace or otherwise.  If you find yourself repeatedly having to rage journal or having to explain to someone else how their actions have caused harm and you’re still being treated unfairly, that is a whole other story. At that point, it could be time for HR to step in, or some kind of higher authority with the power to make things right, even if you do have to bring representation in. While we don’t like to think about things getting that out of hand, it’s important to recognize the severity of a situation and evaluate the best course of action.

The hope is that we can rage journal, show up to work the next day, and have a productive conversation that changes things for the better. It is important to try to handle conflict with patience, clarity, and logic, and sometimes that is hard to do if you are blinded by anger or hatred. At least your journal will never yell back at you.

Boston Students! Get 20% off at Gloria’s Beauty Center in Allston with your student ID!

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is also a teacher, currently specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, reading and writing, and watching bad television.

Share

Dear No One: Letters That Stay Unsent

Monday, October 7th, 2024

I’ve written a fair share of letters in my day. It’s the romantic in me who feels written words, those that are so exquisitely accurate in their portrayal of love and loss, are the pinnacle of my existence. If I love someone, I have to write to them; it’s instinctive. This doesn’t mean, however, that I send all or even the majority of the letters I write. That is the coward in me, too afraid people will hold me to the words I write at a specific moment in time, too embarrassed to have a crowd of recipients holding physical evidence of my admiration for them.

As a general rule, the best course of action for most situations is to be honest and share your feelings with others. If you love them, admire them, miss them, are happy for them, or want to let them know you’re thinking of them, then, by all means, send them a letter! As long as you are not hurting anyone by sending this letter, there is no reason to be ashamed of your feelings. More importantly, you could make someone’s day. For me, nothing is more touching than receiving a handwritten letter from someone I care about. When I die, bury me in a coffin full of all the letters written to me.

Sometimes I do work at Emerson, sometimes I take a whole meeting room to myself and take selfies in the sunlight. First come, first serve.

A different truth is, of course, that life goes on. People hurt one another, lose touch, or slowly fade into the background of one’s existence. Things are constantly fluctuating, changing in ways we can’t prepare for. We are so busy! Work, school, internships; new friends, new subway lines, new bars; a big love, a big house, a big quarter-life crisis. Our minds are often scrambled, just trying to get through the motions of everyday life and enjoy it as it comes. Then, it creeps up on you, that random Friday afternoon. You hear a song you haven’t heard in a while, and it brings you back to a few years ago. Time freezes as you relive a life that you are so far removed from you wonder if it was ever even yours. Now, you’ve found yourself missing people you shouldn’t, realizing the window of opportunity to reach out has long passed, rightfully so. You’re flooded with nostalgia, rose-colored and inflated. Pouring your heart and soul out to them now would be more than wrong. 

Alexa, play ‘Bad Idea, Right?’ by Olivia Rodrigo. Let this be a call to all the dewy-eyed girlies: Do NOT listen to that voice in your head telling you to make a harmless phone call to people who’ve hurt you. You have an alternative, and while it may not be as riveting of a story to tell at the cute cocktail spill-all, it is the healthier thing to do. The past is in the past, and you will never get it back, nor should you want to! More importantly, you are not the person you once were, and that is a good thing. Understand, too, that sometimes it is simply fun to reminisce, to repaint the past with the fresh perspective of a refined frontal lobe, but that doesn’t mean you should run with your naivety, expecting a new rendition of your past to become your reality.

A photo I took of two kids hanging out in Seaport, 2022.

Such circumstances as these are the perfect times to write a letter that is purposefully intended to not be sent anywhere. You can say everything you want to say, feel everything you want to feel, and simply tear it up (or burn it, which is thrilling!) when you’re done reading it over. There’s no regret, no embarrassment, no hurting others by bringing unsolicited memories back into fruition, and no risking your current peace. This is your chance to leave the “But What If?” to die. 

That being said, my favorite place to write letters I’ll never send is in my journal. Sometimes I will rip the pages out, crumble them, and toss them in the recycling bin. Other times I will leave them in my journal to look back on. I have also burned a few. Occasionally, I type them up and pretend I’m Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail, but I usually just put a lock on the document until I feel I’ve outgrown whatever  I wrote down, and then I trash it. I’ve even dropped a few letters in the mailbox with no return or send address. One, I’m not proud of is when I sent a letter down a river, which was environmentally careless, but I was desperate for some kind of cinematic, main character energy to justify my emotions (Ah, to be 18 again). Ultimately, it doesn’t matter where you write your letter or in what way you discard it afterward. As long as you get the cathartic release you need, you’ve done yourself some good, and you should be proud.

Get arts and crafty this fall and save 10% at Blick with a student account!

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is also a teacher, currently specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, reading and writing, and watching bad television.

Share

Delulu is the Solulu: Journaling for Creative Expression

Monday, September 23rd, 2024

Contrary to popular ‘film bro’ belief, you actually do not need to take psychedelics to unlock your inner creativity. Among the many ways one can use journaling for personal wellness, arguably one of the most popular is to explore creative expression. Often, the idea of journaling is met with the stereotypical image of a teenage girl in her bedroom, feet swinging in the air, a smile on her face, and a familiar “Dear Diary…” monologue that almost always includes a crush on a boy (because what else could women possibly have to think about, right?) However, journaling doesn’t have to be all touchy-feely-existential-dread all the time; it can be a strategic machine that helps writers, lyricists, filmmakers, artists, and other creators overcome their mental blocks and find inspiration. 

A photo I took around this time last year of gloomy autumn weather.

One of my favorite ways to stay in tune with my creative writing is doing something I call “The Five Senses.” When I journal in the evening, I usually recount the most prominent events and feelings I encountered that day. “I am absolutely exhausted” shows up a lot. “Today at work…” is another popular one, unfortunately. But sometimes this can take away from the actual sensations I experience on a second-to-second basis—all the little things that make life so beautifully sappy. I write down the five senses and try to describe the most influential senses I experienced or the ones that brought me the most joy. Here’s an example from my journal from this past Thursday:

Sight: Dark, gloomy overcast. Wet asphalt. Tiny raindrops on the passenger seat window. 

Smell: Orange citrus from my vitamins. Potent, nauseating, artificial.

Taste: Curry tofu, sweet and spicy, rich, crispy. soft, chewy potatoes. Savory, satisfying. 

Touch: My boyfriend’s 5 o’clock shadow. Prickly, comforting, endorphin-releasing, lovely.

Sound: Autumn Lo-Fi Jazz I play at work to concentrate. Soothing, familiar, easy. 

This technique helps me describe sensations in more detail, easing my transition from journal writing to creative writing. It also helps me stay present and appreciate all of the wonderful things happening around me, which is definitely needed in a world like today’s. 

love love love curry tofu in the fall.

Some other prompts can help you think more outside the box. If you need a creative spark that’s going to really turn some heads, consider getting a journal prompt book, which is available online and in stores for cheap. You can also find prompts on the internet and use those once a week or month for your journaling practice. Some examples include:

  • Make a list of questions you would ask a future version of yourself. Which version would you want to speak with the most?
  • Choose a random object in your room. What characteristics do you have in common with it, metaphorically and physically?
  • Invent an impossible tool that would make your life more efficient or interesting.
  • Imagine you get the chance to be any animal for a day. Which animal would you pick, and what would you do?
  • If you could visit the past, where would you go, and what would you do there?

Another popular way to unlock your creative expression is to free write. This is a technique where you time yourself and write down whatever comes to mind without pausing to think or erase anything. I often free write with a time limit of five minutes, although it’s not uncommon to lengthen your session. Sometimes when I read over my free-write, it is purely gibberish and more of a stream-of-consciousness than anything. Other times, I realize there is a pattern of thought going on in my brain, and that pattern might be a good topic to explore in my writing. 

Let’s not forget that journaling is a form of creativity in itself. Annie Ernaux, a French writer who won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 2022, published her diary entries as a collection titled “Getting Lost.” The book was listed as one of the best books of 2022 by the BBC and a must-read by Time. It is a favorite of mine for its honest portrayal of emotional vulnerability.

Overall, there are a ton of ways to participate in journaling as a means of creative expression. You may need to try a few to see which ones work the best for you, but once you find your niche, you’re sure to flourish.  

Calling all Boston students! Welcome the chilly fall season with some piping hot Indian cuisine from Maharaja’s in Cambridge, and take 20% off with a student ID!

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is currently a teacher, specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, watching bad television, reading, and writing.

Share

Why Journal, Anyway?

Monday, September 16th, 2024

I consider my first journal entry to be a Tumblr draft I wrote at 14 years old. I remember being vaguely frustrated with my friends, with being a freshman in high school, and with feeling unironically superior to everyone around me (teen angst if you will). In the stairwell of my mom’s old run-down Miami apartment—the paint peeling and the mold accumulating by the second—I took out my phone. Tears in my eyes and cheeks flushed, I began typing a blog post about how incredibly annoying everything and everyone was. I knew I wouldn’t post it, but I just wanted to lift what seemed like the weight of the world off my chest. Putting all my frustration into a Tumblr post also made me feel like I had some kind of control: I could, if I really wanted to, post it and tell my friends to screw all, or I could save it as a draft, hold onto it in case I ever felt like it was worth someone else’s eyes.

Photo of me (16) taken by my sister on my high school football field.

Luckily, my anger subsided once I finished writing, and I saved the post as a draft. From that moment on, I created a habit out of what I would now deem journaling. I wrote in my Tumblr drafts every time I had intense emotions, opinions I was too afraid to speak, or ideas I wanted to contemplate in secret. I felt like I was building a world from within myself that also existed outside of me. I was able to process my life through writing, and it helped me with all the raging emotions and confusion of my teenage years. The first person to lay eyes on the details of my first kiss was not a person at all, but rather my drafts. I felt like I had power over my life via recording the most major and minor details of it. 

The day I turned away from my Tumblr journal was the day I accidentally posted a draft, and that draft just so happened to include a rather repugnant, word-vomit rant about a close friend of mine (“She’s just like, soooo whatever”). I had gotten so comfortable with the idea of sharing my inner thoughts in my drafts that I forgot about the possibility of them becoming public. Once posted, I quickly deleted the journal entry, but my stomach was in knots, and a wave of guilt tackled me for how ill I had talked about my friend, how hurt she would be if she saw it. From then on, I moved my drafts to a Pages document on my laptop, which I put a passcode on. By the time I graduated high school, my Pages document, which I titled “The Drafts,” had accumulated 250,000 words.

A photo from my first visit to the Boston Public Library, 2016.

When I started my Bachelor’s degree at the University of Florida, I moved on to pen and paper. Many times I found myself on campus, itching to write and with a dead laptop, so I started scribbling on engineering paper the Reitz would reluctantly give me. This prompted me to buy a notebook, and then another, and then another. I know all too well how cathartic and romantic it is to hold your thoughts and feelings in your hands.

I have since lost the coming-of-age treasure that was The Drafts in the midst of life falling apart and putting itself back together, as it sometimes does. I do, however, have my physical journals from the last 5 years of my life. It is a privilege—and a cringe fest, to re-read them. Know always that if you decide to start journaling, no one can judge what you write but you, and even you shouldn’t judge the contents of your journal. It’s a safe space for you and only you, if that is what you wish. 

Now that I’m 24 years old and in graduate school, my intention for journaling changes day by day. Sometimes I journal for emotional processing and release, other times I journal just to have something to look back on. No matter your reason for journaling, and no matter what platform you use, it can serve as a tremendous tool—it is always there whenever you need it. There’s no right or wrong reason to journal; if you have a reason at all, that’s enough to get you started. 

What better place to get started on your journaling journey than Caffé Bene? Boston students get 10% off with their student ID!

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is currently a teacher, specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, watching bad television, reading, and writing.

Share

Chapter 7: You Don’t Have to Stay Home

Monday, July 29th, 2024

Renowned relationship expert Paul C. Brunson while on the Diary of a CEO podcast said something along the lines of “Go where you’re scarce.” This resonated heavily with me when trying to figure out what reasons there were for me to stay home that it started to look like I wasn’t growing the way I wanted to; and I was never convinced it was a good idea in the first place. I ignored the longstanding struggle I had with connecting with my home city and neighborhood. There was a voice telling me that I would be abandoning the very place that essentially made me. And the people.

There was a clear mismatch between myself and my environment. I honestly felt more of a transplant than a true native New Yorker. I was never a fan of the hustle mentality, never favored the overcrowded streets, and never blended in beyond the racial diversity of my neighborhood in the Bronx. Paul C. Brunson pointed me to the concept of “environmental mastery,” which is one of the six dimensions of psychological well-being: self-acceptance, positive relationships, autonomy, environmental mastery, purpose, and personal growth. I found environmental mastery to be the most difficult to fulfill right after positive relationships.

I found myself competing against strangers on the street for a couple seconds of quiet in a city and neighborhood that wasn’t built for that. I was even racing for space on narrow sidewalks, subway platforms, and other frantic spaces. This wasn’t the way I wanted to interact with the city; all I wanted was to sit and take it all in. Sadly, it seemed like speed was erasing a lot of the city from my memory, especially the positive memories I did have from childhood. The city got too big for me to feel seen. Not that I needed to be bigger than it, but I wanted to feel like there could be traces of me while I am still here. It looked more and more like the only way for me to reach environmental mastery was moving out of the city.

a group of people crossing a street in a city
A taste of the Big Apple.
Image Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/a-group-of-people-crossing-a-street-in-a-city-F2m6TRfBwko

I’ve already given much credit to my college years for getting me out of the domesticity bubble when family was at the center of my identity, my life. But I have to give it much more for even getting me to consider moving out of the city as an option. That never looked like an option when I thought all I had was here in New York City–or at least what I thought I had was here. College awakened a desire in me for more than what I was used to for all my childhood and adolescence. New travels, new people, and a chance to discover my own tastes in everything there is to enjoy in life.

Making the decision to leave your hometown isn’t the kind of decision you can make on an impulse, but it is particularly beneficial for us 20-somethings. Moving out of your hometown can give you the chance to recreate your identity based on a newly discovered sense of self, a more expansive social circle, and more decision-making control over your immediate space—throw in more control over your time. It can feel so powerful to build a life of your own even if away from the influences of those you grew up with. For those who have a burning desire to start anew like myself but find it difficult to make those first moves (no pun intended), it might help to pay close attention to any strong emotions that come up when you think about your hometown because that could indicate a larger trend of lack of contentment. Sad to say I relate to this.

I always knew I wanted to leave New York City, even all throughout college. Fear managed to get the best of me, and I stayed put for years, even when I had multiple opportunities to study or work abroad. Sharing a two-bedroom apartment with 5 other family members, working extra hard to not afford the apartments I wanted, and not having the time for a social life was negatively impacting my mental and physical health, yet I ignored that for years. Now, I won’t pretend and say that your problems will magically disappear the moment you move out. But moving out of your hometown might free you from negative environments, make you more responsible for yourself, and perhaps reveal a you that always existed but struggled to be seen in the old environment. I think there is no greater reason than finally growing into yourself to create a new home.


You can still save money when you move out. Save 10% on any hardware essentials with this coupon!

By Daeli Vargas

Daeli is a recent graduate from the City College of New York with a BA in English and a publishing certificate. She is from the Bronx and is very passionate about all things literary. She hopes one day to publish many books of her own and share her passions worldwide.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

Share

Chapter Four: The Beauty in Mess

Monday, July 8th, 2024

My mother always told me that straightening my curly hair was as important as going to school—like the state of your natural hair somehow aligned with the state of your life. If I failed to keep up with the biweekly hairdressing appointment before school or work, I would become a negative representation of my family. I would become a negative representation of a woman. A failure. Beauty for my family meant so much more than being able to attract people sexually or romantically—it meant being able to make or at least look like you make good decisions and are a positive role model. Say hello to the halo effect.

I don’t think there is any part of my life that isn’t messy. From my hair, to my feelings, decisions, relationships, to the notes in my notebooks, everything about me screams “mess.” I like to think that this messiness is a result of how self-contained I was in my childhood and adolescence. Even a result of perfectionism due to the pressures of being the eldest daughter of immigrant parents. Somehow, I was still able to make sense of life. I could accept that I wasn’t born a newly minted Barbie doll nor was I born to be one. My mess and flaws could be beautiful too.

a black and white photo of a naked woman
We aren’t meant to be perfect.
Image Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/a-black-and-white-photo-of-a-naked-woman-d97MDnRxpeU

I like to think that college freed me from the structure of K-12 education. With college, I had a legitimate excuse to make mistakes of all kinds. You didn’t have to know exactly what you wanted to study and could possibly change majors multiple times throughout the semester. You didn’t have to have three to four pages worth of experience to put on your resume because college was the interim period before you were fully flung into the workforce. Your life was a blank canvass you could paint however you wanted.

I was often afraid to make mistakes because I didn’t want to send the message to anyone that I couldn’t handle life. That I wasn’t trustworthy. Or a good decision-maker. But I argue that I turned out just fine after making tons of mistakes throughout college and after graduation. I don’t doubt there will be plenty more to make but just as many good decisions to make as well. The fear of making mistakes to me is simply the fear of regret. We don’t want to regret having created a mistake-ridden life. A lot of us ultimately want to be at least proud of our lives in the end.

I had to fight off a lot of doubt over whether I belonged at college or not. I could have made the mistake of dropping out entirely (and many different times) if I hadn’t used my campus’s counseling services. But there were many other resources and opportunities I could have made better use of. Such as participating in more campus events, writing more in my leisure time, sharing my work outside of class, participating more in class, not doing other people’s work for zero credit, and keeping certain contacts for future reference. Most of these, as you can see, have a lot to do with relationship-building—one of the things I struggle with the most.

I failed to set boundaries early in many of my relationships with classmates and workmates that I was growing very unhappy and unfulfilled. I was masking many of my true thoughts and feelings to hold onto some social approval, even if it wasn’t going to mean anything months or years later since we continue to meet new people in new places. I failed to hold intentional relationships instead of relationships of convenience, which led to a lot of alienation. It wasn’t what I truly wanted, and my mental and physical health suffered a lot because of this.

I tried patching my issues up with facial serums and masks, but it quickly proved to not be sufficient. As much as they brightened my skin (and occasionally boosted my mood), especially during exam weeks, it started to become more and more a reminder of how I was numbing my emotions. These beauty regimens helped me avoid the glances I’d frequently get from my mother when she thought my emotions were aging my face. It’s usually why I avoided looking at myself in the mirror. Beauty regimens would become my cover-up for good health, even when my issues were more than skin-deep.

Think of the beauty regimen exactly like our work routines. They are both often done to receive an external reward, involve excessive consumption, keep us measuring each other based on random numbers, and turn us into products. I was the product I kept making over just to be accepted by the world. And not only does our skin already do all it needs to on its own, but our brains and skin are more connected than we know. Instead of just focusing on the outside, we should do what some dermatologists recommend being “emotional skincare,” which is a beauty approach that aims to create better skin through better mental health.

College helped me be better to myself and my skin. I used to care so much when I’d forget to de-puff my eyes, moisturize my face, or exfoliate my legs because I put my parents’ wishes over mine. I realized that my skincare routine was never about me but about how I thought the world needed me to look. But being on a college campus, I almost magically stopped caring about what my parents and everyone else thought. Perhaps because they couldn’t claim that extra space I had for myself, I could feel comfortable enough taking off the metaphorical (and skincare) mask every now and then—at least in my own company. Comfortable enough with being messy and cleaning up after myself in private.


If it’s got “serotonin” in the name, it’s got to be good! Enjoy with 20% off!

By Daeli Vargas

Daeli is a recent graduate from the City College of New York with a BA in English and a publishing certificate. She is from the Bronx and is very passionate about all things literary. She hopes one day to publish many books of her own and share her passions worldwide.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

Share

You Can Fit It All… But Should You?

Wednesday, July 3rd, 2024

Going back to college when in your 20s can be nerve-wracking. At first, life as a student excited me because of the things I was about to learn, the student discounts I would get in different venues, and the possibility of making new friends. However, as time went on stress added itself to the picture, harming the joy I felt for starting school again. 

When I started at the community college, I noticed most of my classmates were much younger than me. Although I was learning and getting my student deals, my freshman year was unsuccessful in giving me any friends. Additionally, I kept comparing myself to my younger classmates. They would graduate before me (age-wise) and start working before me. This made me feel like I had a race to win. Slowly, I kept taking more and more classes to make sure I graduated faster. I even tried to graduate in three semesters instead of four, but my job schedule didn’t allow it. I was so occupied with schoolwork and regular work that for two years I barely had time to take advantage of everything the school offered. I never used the many resources available or joined any club. I spent those years like a ghost.

A normal week in my planner during the semester. During the weekend, my body gave up and I got sick.

It wasn’t until my last semester when I met some students my age in my major that I realized other people were giving themselves the chance to go to school again and that there was no need to race anybody. We met after class during office hours, and I finally felt I had a community. It lasted only four months. Then I graduated, and it was time to transfer to a different campus. Once again, thoughts about finishing my degree as fast as possible came to the surface, and without my friends around, I purposely kept myself busy. I signed up for five literature courses while working two jobs for 32 hours a week, a choice that already felt like a lot. However, I didn’t stop there. I didn’t want to make the same mistake I did back in community college, so I was set on using as many resources as possible. I signed up for the internship program at the career center, applied for multiple scholarships, and submitted work for awards. Additionally, I went to office hours, joined a few club meetings, and stayed available for student events. 

When I talk about my spring semester, people often ask me how I did it. How was I able to accomplish so many things? Some assume my GPA paid the price, but it didn’t. Some think I’m just a superhuman, which I am not. The truth is that I had to sacrifice something to have time for all my school-related occurrences. I had to sacrifice multiple things, actually. And I did so without realizing it at first.

My messy desk reflects my inner turmoil and stress.

The first thing I sacrificed was spending time with my loved ones. I had limited time off, which I used to attend school events; thus, dates with my husband and hanging out with my friends were left behind. The second thing I sacrificed was my house chores. We usually divided our time to clean, but my family took over my chores during the semester. Naturally, this brought up some tension in the household. The third thing was my physical health. Before the spring of 2024, I followed a balanced and fulfilling diet, and I would exercise regularly. My tight schedule eliminated the time to cook or move my body, which translated into stomach problems and joint pain. Lastly, the fourth thing I sacrificed was my mental health. I have never had a stellar one, to begin with, but the overload helped only to intensify pre-existing issues—and generate new ones. I had no time to give my mind a break and cope with everything that I was experiencing. I was in a constant state of numbness and inertia that I am just becoming aware of now. Ever since the semester ended, all I can do is sleep for 10 or more hours. I can’t even write as much as I wished to do during the summer break. My mind and body are exhausted. 

Slowly, I am becoming myself again. I am reconnecting with my friends, taking over my house chores once more, returning to better food habits and exercise, and caring for my mental health. More importantly, I am learning about limits. Our culture celebrates overachievers, and it is tempting to always take on a new challenge to prove—to others—that you can do better.  However, prioritizing rest is not a lazy habit. It is a balanced one. What is the point of racing if your body succumbs before the finish line?


Allow yourself to prioritize your wellbeing and relax with this coupon.

By Roxanna Cardenas

Roxanna is a Venezuelan writer living in New York City. Her works include essays, poetry, screenplays, and short stories. She explores fiction and non-fiction genres, with a special interest in horror and sci-fi. She has an A.A. in Writing and Literature and is working on her B.A. in English with a Creative Writing concentration.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

Share

Chapter Three: Breaks are Productive

Monday, July 1st, 2024

I always sensed from my Dominican immigrant parents that you had to really justify your breaks and even vacations. I remember feeling guilty for missing a few classes in middle school, even when I was very sick. I remember being in my high school Tae Kwon Do class doing jumping jack exercises, feeling so weak from my period symptoms that I felt I couldn’t jump anymore; yet my instructor kept telling the girls that periods weren’t any excuse not to do the exercises. And those high school days were long running from8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. These were among the many ways I was neglecting my health for the sake of hard work—unsurprisingly this only continued even more during college.

My childhood and adolescence was defined by my studies because that’s how I was taught to view life and success. I was taught that taking breaks was a distraction from continuing to increase your social status and making loads of money; two things that were extremely important for my family. It also felt like because they were themselves so used to the grind, they needed me to do the same in order to understand how much they sacrificed to get me to a decent life in the US. However, I think their view of personal sacrifices for me isn’t entirely accurate.

In some ways, I feel like I have sacrificed my entire self for my parents. I spent much of life building an inauthentic version of myself easy enough for them to manipulate. I prioritized my needs last, leading me to deprive myself of so much I needed in order to survive in the first place. Sometimes, I deprived myself of proper dinners just to work more to feel like I could pay my parental debt in labor. Other times, I gave up on precious sleep—something I am jealous of my twelve-year-old self for doing better—just to re-update my resume and apply for more jobs to feel like I wasn’t doing nothing at home.

If I happened to have too much free time, I couldn’t just journal, write for fun, listen to music, or chat with friends online without it feeling like I wasn’t being productive enough. Labor was the way my existence was justified. It was the way my parents felt I could properly honor them and even God. Even better if I could just handle doing it all as modern women are expected to. Clean. Cook. Babysit. Console. Get Paid. Being a woman was itself a full-time job with little benefits as I have come to face it more and more each day. And quitting was not a choice.

I have found that making time for both journaling and walking are forms of exercise I can easily do every day without hurting my wallet, my mind, or my body. One being more mental and the other being more physical, they still mirror each other in that they both keep me active and release me from self-containment—like I mentioned in the previous chapter. I have also found that journaling and walking facilitate each other, especially when I am in as open of a space as my college campus.

An empty train cart all to myself 🙂

These exercises encouraged me to continue tapping into my sense of interoception, one of the many other senses we humans have but aren’t too aware of. As a woman, I am aware that I have been spending a lot of time inside my head and haven’t given those feelings proper release out into the world. It almost felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin and transform into a butterfly in order to fly away from my problems. But I had to learn to love living in my human body and find my natural habitat—a place where I could smile, yell, laugh, and cry at a high volume without shame.

College was a break from home and everything else that came before it. College might cause some to grind even harder if they aren’t careful enough, but it gave me a resting place to slow down. Breaks, regardless of what they are breaks from, are productive because you have the space to properly enjoy yourself. You’re able to let your brain breathe, let yourself be inspired by the world, take notice of beautiful sights nature gifts you, and listen to your body when it may be telling you are consuming too much energy. If anything, your breaks allow you to be a proper student of life. Exactly why you shouldn’t let labor be your master.


Ease your mind with a refreshing spa day using this 10% off student discount coupon!

By Daeli Vargas

Daeli is a recent graduate from the City College of New York with a BA in English and a publishing certificate. She is from the Bronx and is very passionate about all things literary. She hopes one day to publish many books of her own and share her passions worldwide.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

Share

Finding Your Mentors

Tuesday, October 3rd, 2023

One piece of advice that I received from nearly everyone prior to starting college was to make connections with my professors as much as possible. Networking and establishing relationships with professional mentors are an especially important aspect of being a film student, but something that I was unsure of how to approach as a relatively introverted person.

The difficult part about college is that it is more valuable and important to make those professional connections than ever before. However, it is also way more difficult to get to know your college professors than, for example, your high school teachers. It is entirely dependent on you to take the initiative in reaching out to professors, whether through attending their office hours or sending them an email. It is a lot easier said than done.

For one, professors can be incredibly intimidating when you only know them in a classroom setting. In my case, while I’m not in the largest course at my college, the film professors are still lecturing in front of 70+ people every week. They don’t know your name, they don’t know your interests or your abilities, they don’t even know if you’re attending class every week or if you’ve never shown up. So how in the world are you supposed to make yourself known and stand out from the crowd?

My experience reaching out to a professor for the first time was more one of desperation than anything. In my second semester of my first year, my mental health was at an all-time low. I was questioning every class I was taking, how I was spending my time, and whether or not I was on the right path for where I wanted to be in the future. On a phone call with my dad, I was going through the usual complaints and frustrations I had been expressing the entire semester, when he suggested having a conversation with one of my professors.

Now, I was very skeptical of the idea at first. I had never emailed one of my professors about anything other than assignment details, let alone had a sit-down conversation with one. The conversation would also essentially entail me telling my professor straight to their face that I wasn’t enjoying the subject they basically have dedicated their entire life to…scary. But, with more than a little pressure from my parents, I emailed a few of my film professors asking if any of them would be willing to have a short conversation with me about my studies.

I arranged a meeting after class with one professor and was practically shaking the entire class with fear of what was to come. To make things worse, at the end of the class, the professor read my name out loud in front of everyone. It would be an understatement to say my confidence in the upcoming conversation was low. But it was too late to back out, so I shakily walked up to the front of the class while everyone else filtered out the back. 

My professor invited me to sit down, and I was surprised right off the bat by how friendly and understanding she was about my situation. I expressed how I wasn’t feeling challenged by how introductory all of my classes had been up to that point, and how there were so many other subjects I was interested in that I was afraid I had chosen the wrong one. 

She wasn’t upset or taken aback by my feelings, and she wasn’t even entirely surprised with how underwhelmed I felt by everything. She reminded me that first-year classes are inevitably going to be introductory, and that if I can stick through the beginning, there will be many opportunities further down the line to find offshoots in film studies that connect with my other interests. She told me about some future research opportunities I could get involved in, as well as recommending some additional readings to give me deeper insight into the kinds of things we were learning about in class.

Thanks to my professor’s advice, I started watching more material outside of class assignments to further explore my other interests!

Overall, I walked away from the conversation feeling a lot more confident in myself, in my path, and in my abilities to seek out resources to make my college experience right for me. I was proud of myself for making the effort to reach out and ask for help and was delightfully surprised by how willing my professor was to give me advice. 

I think it’s important to remember that professors were once students too. In fact, you could even consider professors to be life-long students, since they are constantly engaging with and learning from the information in their field. They know what it’s like to struggle with learning things, or to struggle with feeling like you’re not learning enough, so don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help when you need it.

While your early college interactions with professors can help you capitalize on your active college experience, the relationships you form early on can also help you with future things like research opportunities or recommendation letters. From my experience, I would recommend reaching out to professors for the first time when you feel like you could benefit from their support in their studies. That way, when the time comes that you are looking for a project to work on or a reference for an application, the relationship has already been formed naturally instead of purely on a transactional level.

One last point I’d like to stress is that mentors can be found everywhere. Professors aren’t the only option – there are counselors, clubs, administrators, and even visiting speakers that can help give you advice and support in your studies. I can guarantee you that, although it’s easy to feel alone, there are so many people out there who have felt and gone through the exact same things as you. Instead of being intimidated by their success and status, remember that they were in your position once too, and that is exactly why they are the perfect people to go to for advice.

Summary:

  • I was intimidated by reaching out to professors at first
  • After a period of constantly questioning my pathway, my parents encouraged me to ask my professor for advice
  • I was nervous but surprised by how kind and helpful my professor was in our sit-down conversation
  • Establishing professional connections in a natural way can help you down the line in your career
  • Mentors can be found all throughout the college community

Enjoy 15% off a delicious taco anytime with your student ID!

By Bella Littler

Bella is a second year film student within the Trinity College Dublin / Columbia Dual BA program. She grew up in Iowa, but is currently living and studying in Dublin. On the average day, you can find her watching obscure movies, going on aimless walks around the city, or raving about any and all Taylor Swift lyrics.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

Share