Posts Tagged ‘mental health’

Self-Care: How to Deal With Workplace Bullies

Monday, February 17th, 2025
Common Statistics of Workplace Bullying in America.

We like to think of bullying as something only kids go through when they’re learning about social hierarchies and how to approach people’s differences. Most of us are taught at a young age about the cycle of bullying and how to break the chain, however, as many as 45% of Americans say they have been bullied during adulthood. Often, adult bullies are more calculated than those we can recall from our childhood, as they tend to teeter the line between being domineering and unambiguously committing a form of harassment. This leaves workers questioning themselves, feeling uncomfortable, and struggling with their mental health.

According to the WBI U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey conducted in January 2021, “30% of Americans have experienced workplace bullying; another 19 percent have witnessed it; 49 percent are affected by it; and 66 percent are aware of its occurrence.”

It can be hard to tell just what constitutes workplace bullying, but a lot of the characteristics are the same as what we learned in grade school. The Workplace Bullying Institute defines bullying as “repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators that takes one or more of the following forms: verbal abuse, offensive conduct/behaviors (including nonverbal) which are threatening, humiliating, or intimidating; or work interference – sabotage – which prevents work from getting done.”

In a 2017 study, the Institute discovered that nearly 75% of workplace bullies are men, with 60 percent of that portion targeting women. Moreover, two-thirds of women workplace bullies (referred to as “mean girls”) target other working women.

When work issues get the best of me, I like to turn to my hobbies to bring me joy. Here’s a coconut lemon pie I made from scratch, which was sooooo delicious! Baking has become a very therapeutic pastime of mine.

 Aside from the more commonly known experiences like written or spoken personal insults, name-calling, or public shaming, workplace bullying also includes:

  • Intimidating or undermining employees by demeaning their work standards
  • Setting them up for failure and constantly reminding them of old mistakes
  • Threatening employees’ personal self-esteem and work status
  • Withholding Information that involves them
  • Making unreasonable demands, creating undue pressure and stress, and overworking employees
  • Giving constant and unfair criticism
  • Blaming without factual justification
  • Giving hostile glares and other intimidating gestures
  • Purposely excluding or isolating a coworker
  • Deliberately insulting others and taking part in behind-the-back putdowns
  • Monitoring another excessively
  • Ignoring personal boundaries

 A meta-analysis based on 140,000 participants showed an overwhelming amount of evidence that toxic work environments have an incredibly negative impact on mental health. This can even generate chronic stress and burnout, and it can lead to the worsening of any pre-existing mental health conditions, such as anxiety and depression. Chronic stress has been linked to issues such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and a weakened immune system. After all, we spend about ⅓ of our lives working, so it’s no wonder how a negative work environment could impact us so tremendously. 

Another thing I do when the going gets tough is remind myself of how far I’ve come and where I’m headed. This is from December 2023 when I found out I was going to Emerson! Reminding myself of the small wins I’ve accomplished (like Emerson and being a part of Campus Clipper!) is a great way to stay positive and push through difficulties.

The most common tell-tale signs of toxic work environments that are often supplemented by frequent bullying include a lack of organization, high turnover rates, poor communication, gossip, a general absence of trust, micromanagement, and inappropriate work-life expectations. Often, we are unaware of just how toxic a work environment can be until we’re knee-deep in it, searching for a way out. Of course, many people are not in the privileged position to simply quit a job without having another one lined up immediately. What, then, do we do after we’ve found ourselves stuck? Surrounded by workplace bullies?

  1. Focus on the Positives, if Any 
    • Focusing our attention on the positive things about our work can help protect our mental health by shifting our mindset away from stress and frustration and toward moments of gratitude and personal growth. Finding small wins here and there can boost resilience, making it easier to maintain motivation and emotional balance, at least while you try to find a new job. 
  2. Keep Good Company
    • Having supportive colleagues can provide a sense of belonging, validation, and encouragement amid workplace stress. By building positive connections, we can also help counteract negativity, making it easier to navigate challenges and maintain our sanity.
  3. Leave Work at Work
    • Setting a boundary with yourself to leave work at work allows us to protect our personal time from stress and negativity that doesn’t belong there. Disconnecting helps us recharge, focus on self-care, and maintain a healthier work-life balance.
  4. Connect with HR
    • If your workplace has an HR, contacting them is incredibly important for your mental health and self-care because it ensures that acts of harassment and bullying are being documented and addressed, helping us create a safer and more respectful environment. Speaking up also reinforces the idea that we deserve to be treated with respect, and we won’t expect anything less. Most importantly, workplace laws protect employees from harassment and unfair treatment, and HR has a responsibility to uphold these standards to ensure a fair and lawful work environment. 
  5. Quit! 
    • Quitting a toxic job sometimes is the only way to protect our mental health. As we know, staying in a harmful environment can lead to overwhelming stress, anxiety, and burnout. It can cause us to lose self-esteem and feel like things won’t ever get better, and the consequences can be long-lasting, both mentally and physically. Prioritizing our well-being by leaving allows us to reclaim our peace, build confidence, and seek a healthier, more supportive workplace. Being upset every day you go to work is no way to be spending ⅓ of your life. Your future self will thank you.
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Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. Her hobbies include going on long walks, watching bad television, reading, and writing.

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How to Stay Somewhat Sane

Tuesday, February 4th, 2025
Another week of trying my best to not end up like Georgina Sparks

It’s 6:30 p.m. on a Sunday, and I’ve just had dinner—sausage and roasted asparagus. I head upstairs to fold the laundry and hang my dresses as reality TV plays in the background. When I finally crawl into bed, I shed a tear, and then a few more, and then a lot more. With blurry vision, I find myself clicking “pay” on a transaction for vintage Coach ballet flats I don’t need, and then I pour myself a tall glass of Prosecco. With a damp sleep mask over my eyes, I fall asleep to the sounds of 40-year-old narcissists screaming over Andy Cohen. I toss and turn throughout the night, and when I wake up, I’m puffy, nauseated, and a bit disoriented. 

This past weekend, I had brunch downtown with my two friends. We waited outside in 30° weather for gourmet omelets and signature lattes (they were luckily worth it). In between conversations about crispy tofu and men with anger issues, my friend Grace asked us if we’d been to Pressed, which is a popular cafe with a main location in Boston. My friend Amber and I thought Grace said, “Have you guys ever been depressed?”

 Slightly caught off guard by the apparent switch of topics, Amber responded with comedic elegance, “Yes, but it’s seasonal, and I have a happy lamp for that.” I followed, “I mean, hasn’t everyone from time to time?” The miscommunication was sidesplitting once we realized Grace was talking about hot paninis and not mental health issues, but it did get me wondering how many people might be feeling some variation of downcast lately, whether it be because of the season, politics, issues in their personal or work life, or just their biology. 

The signature latte in question

January was, in essence, the taking down of cheerful holiday lights, the drives back to work that grow drearier by the day, and the slow realization that the insolent Jack Frost is here to stay. Many Americans start falling into the rut of being low-energy, negative, and struggling mentally. With an election year on top of it, the levels of stress and anxiety around the country have only served as the cherry on top.

Some of us turn to escapism tactics like online shopping and celebrity drama. All in good fun, too much of anything is a bad thing. One Sunday night of wine and tears is excusable, but frequenting such activities is—say it all together now—self-destructive and detrimental to our well-being. I may not have all the answers or even relatively decent ones, but I’ve decided a list of ways to stay somewhat sane this winter is as good a start as any. Like Voltaire said, “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”

Immersing myself in art is always a great way to get out of my head and appreciate my surroundings
  1. Practice Daily Gratitude: 
    • Focusing on things we’re grateful for can help shift our perspectives and make us feel less overwhelmed, especially during challenging moments. Whether you write out a list or just say it to yourself as it comes, practicing gratitude can encourage you to remember what you have, no matter how small, and foster a sense of stability within you.
  2. Accept Your Emotions: 
    • Acknowledging our emotions instead of hiding or trying to change them can help us prevent emotional build-up. We shouldn’t judge ourselves for feeling upset but instead, accept our negative emotions for what they are and use them to navigate our life with more clarity. 
  3. Get Off Your Phone:
    • Taking a break from our phones can help reduce stress and anxiety by limiting our exposure to negative news and social media. It also allows us to be present and make deeper connections with what is right in front of us daily.
  4. Set Small, Achievable Goals:
    •  Setting small goals can lead to more celebrations that boost our confidence and make progress more satisfying. By breaking up our long-term goals into more manageable steps, we can make our dreams feel more attainable. 
  5. Laugh With Friends:
    • Getting together with friends provides us with a sense of belonging that can help offset the stressors in our lives. Additionally, our friends serve as a great support system that can lift our dopamine levels!
  6. Avoid Negative Language: 
    • Positive self-talk opens our minds up to the possibility of things going our way. If we are constantly looking for the bad in us and our surroundings, we’re more likely to find it in everything. This can cloud our perception and send us into a spiral. Oppositely, if we train our brains to look for the good first, we can actually lessen our anxieties.
  7. Get Yourself a Little Treat: 
    • Of course, rewarding ourselves with even something small provides a psychological boost and solidifies a method of self-care during tough times. It serves as a reminder that we deserve kindness and moments of joy, especially when we need it most.
  8. Ask For Help
    • If you’re feeling like your emotions are weighing heavier than you can handle, it’s important to reach out to a professional who can offer support. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you navigate through any kind of tough time. We don’t have to go through it alone, and there’s no shame in asking for help when we need it.
Have yourself a warm Sunday brunch at Cafe Landwer! Boston Students can get $10 off their first mobile order when they use the code LANDWERSTUDENT

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is currently a teacher, specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, watching bad television, reading, and writing.

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The Digital Detox: Taking a break from technology or each other?

Wednesday, January 22nd, 2025

At one time or another, we’ve all seen a dramatic announcement on someone’s Instagram story. Their vague text post reads a little something like this:

Deleting Insta. If you need me and you’re important enough, you have my number. To the rest of you, good luck finding me.

While I enjoy a casual cup of tea, these updates from random acquaintances always fall a little flat. There’s a notion to send a “Hope you’re okay!” DM, but they’re supposedly deleting their account any second now. Then there’s the passive-aggressive ‘Good luck’ that’s a bit off-putting. I can only envision myself responding to something like this if a close friend posted it, to which I would reply, “Lol, delete this.” 

Another kind of ‘logging off’ post I’ve seen an uptick of since New Year’s is the foreshadowing announcement, which says, “You may have inside access to my amazing life now, but one day I’ll disappear, and you’ll be left to wonder!” I’ve provided some examples:

Digital Detox posts about leaving social media eventually.

Is it… poetry? Is it… a Divergent aptitude test? Is it a rhetorical speech prompting us, who are tied at the hips of social media moguls, to revert to nature and solitude like the transcendentalists of the 19th century?

Even if we are leaving, we want people to hear our footsteps and notice our absence. It is human nature to want to be seen, to be known, and to want others to care; these desires are the origins of these posts. Even though it’s easy to see through the attention-seeking nature of it all, an interesting conversation is raised about the broader topic of digital detoxes and their effectiveness, or lack thereof.

A digital detox is ​​an active choice to disengage from social media, or even all media-related electronics, for a specific time. The forms of limitations depend on the person. Many people just delete social media off their phones and log back in at the end of the day, week, or month. Other people go as far as not using their laptop outside of work and choosing to read instead of watch TV.

In our chronically digital age, how far does a digital detox really go? And is it more performative than anything? One has to wonder if you couldn’t announce it to the world, and if no one even noticed your absence, would so many people really be preaching about temporarily deleting social media? 

Social media posts about digital detoxes.

People go on digital detoxes for various reasons, including to protect their mental health, be more active, live in the moment, and be more grateful. As more users struggle with social media addictions, taking a break from the apps can also help them regain control over their time. While I see the benefits of a digital detox, I feel that the true problem is something deeper. 

Perhaps what people need the biggest break from is the facade-filled algorithm, and there are two ends to this dilemma. Suppose you’re constantly seeing videos and pictures of people with their Mercedes, MiuMiu bags, marble kitchens, model boyfriends, and more. In that case, you’ll likely start to think everyone else has hit the jackpot in life, and you’ve been left in the dust. This, of course, can cloud your perception of reality, hurting your mental well-being.

I think Whitney from Momtok really sums up the whole deal.

The bold and the beautiful swarming your feed can do damage, but I’d argue what’s worse is the number of ordinary people closer to home who are constantly faking their realities on the internet, too. Truly, how many times do we have to see a millennial post their scrub partner and/or their feral children when we know, behind half-cracked doors, they’re having affairs and are on the brink–God willing–of a divorce that their friends would be most pleased about? I’m all for showing off your new set of acrylics or your latest winter read, but showing off a life you’re not even actually happy with? Unnecessary, and a bit sad. 

Whenever I see someone announce their digital detox, it is usually because someone else online has bothered them, and they want everyone else to know it. They are calling attention to the fact that we’re not our true selves when we’re behind a screen, and sometimes, we’re way worse. Though they may be annoying, they’re not totally wrong. We’re performing for each other, and it’s not the far-away influencers that get to us in the end, but the people we know personally who got the ‘social’ part all wrong. We should know by now not to share everything, but not to masquerade either. 

It’s time we start navigating social media with more authenticity and more autonomy (and possibly fewer pictures of babies? Thanks). Next time you’re feeling like taking a digital detox, don’t announce it, but do ask yourself: Is it too much MiuMiu, too many daddies hiding behind alcohol dependencies, or both? 

Take a break from your phone and treat yourself to a tech-free spa day at Best MG Spa in Allston! Students get 20% off with this coupon and student ID.

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is currently a teacher, specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, watching bad television, reading, and writing.

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Let’s Talk About Boundaries, Baby!

Monday, January 13th, 2025

Welcome to a year focused on self-care and wellness, because we need it!

While many, many news articles in the last 10 days have put the tightest knots in my stomach, I’d prefer to focus on things more in my control. An overlooked benefit of living in 2025 is our transparency with personal boundaries and how to use them. So long to the days of people-pleasing to the point of exhaustion; say farewell to conversations about overstimulation being taboo; and, lastly, good riddance to making ourselves uncomfortable for the sake of perception alone.

Over break, I spent some time lounging at hotel pools, which is one of my favorite self-care activities!

Boundaries can look like many things, but for the most part, they are simply the lines we draw for ourselves in terms of our level of comfort around others. They can involve physical contact, verbal interactions, personal space, emotions, romance, time, individual belongings, and even the workplace. Here are some quick examples:

  • Not wanting a friend, family member, or coworker to speak down to you is a verbal boundary.
  • Not feeling comfortable when others show up at your house without warning is a personal space boundary. 
  • Protecting your ability to do your work without interference or drama, especially that which extends outside the workplace, is a work-life boundary. 

There are all kinds of boundaries, and the best part is that all of them are valid!

I’ll be the first to say that, for the majority of my life, I was undoubtedly an extreme people-pleaser, and this made it very hard for me to set boundaries. I didn’t know how to handle confrontation, and I didn’t like taking risks. What if I tried to set a boundary, and I lost my friend in the process? I had a few lines that couldn’t be crossed, of course, but for the most part, I often held my tongue, fuming in my discomfort, to maintain some variation of peace and order. This was not a win-win situation, as at the end of the day I had gone against my desires, and I’d built up a resentment towards those I’d done so for. 

As an introvert, I need a lot of time to decompress. After work and class, I tend not to take phone calls or FaceTime unless there’s an emergency to protect my alone time.

It wasn’t until I left Florida and started working full-time (How I miss the days of living off scholarship money) that I realized how important boundaries are. With most of the sunlit day spent at the hands of the dollar, every ounce of free time I now have is something I cherish to the utmost degree. I have less time to spend at this point in my life, so I want to spend it on the right things. if I let people waste that time, I’ll feel more burnt out and irritated than ever.

The fact of the matter is, as you get older, you learn that the approval of others just can’t come at your sacrifice.  Now at 25, I don’t waste my energy trying to prove myself to people who don’t see my worth— and let’s face it, as a woman, I’m just all too tired of that anyway. With all of the trials and tribulations of being a full-on adult, you get to a point in time where a question starts to loom over your head: How much crap are you willing to take, and who from?

While I’d like to tell you the answer is “NONE AND FROM NO ONE,” that’s simply not the world we live in. However, if you start to feel exhausted, angry, or upset consistently because of a certain person or situation, it may be time to set some boundaries.

Another self-care activity I enjoy is cooking. Here, I made fried rice with veggies and tofu!

Setting boundaries has become a more open and honest topic today, but the conversation can still be hard depending on who you’re talking to. Feeling awkward and even guilty is normal, and you can factor in the possibility that the other party will be defensive, too. Nevertheless, it’s important to stand your ground and let it be known that you and your time are valuable! Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect and self-care. Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind as you start the new year looking out for you:

1. Know Your Limits

Before setting boundaries, you should take some time to reflect on when you do and don’t feel your best. What drains your energy? What makes you feel respected? Recognizing these limits can help you define clear boundaries before telling them to someone else.

2. Communicate Clearly and Assertively

Be direct and honest when communicating your needs. For example, in work, say, “I’m unable to take on extra tasks this week.” Point-blank. Also, in social or romantic relationships, don’t feel afraid to express what you need to feel comfortable. Any friend or partner will be able to understand that you’re coming from a good place. That conversation could start with something like “I love our time together, but after work, I need space to recharge by myself.”

3. Be Consistent

Enforce your boundaries consistently. If you let them slide occasionally, it can confuse others and undermine your efforts. Gently remind people when a boundary is crossed. While everyone is human and makes mistakes, if someone constantly disobeys your boundaries, it may be a sign that they don’t take you seriously and that your relationship is not mutually beneficial. 

4. Learn to Say No

It’s okay to say no without feeling guilty! Practice it in small, low-stakes situations to build confidence. Saying no is an act of self-respect, not selfishness, despite those who may say otherwise.

5. Respect Others’ Boundaries

Respect the boundaries of others, too. One of the best ways to get comfortable with our boundary-setting is to have the ability to recognize when others are setting boundaries. If we can be mindful of those around us, then we can expect them to do the same.

Spend some me-time and get 20% off at Gloria’s Beauty Center in Allston with your student ID!

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is also a teacher, currently specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, reading and writing, and watching bad television.

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On Holiday Rom-Coms and Life’s Impermanence

Tuesday, December 17th, 2024

Nora Ephron is my hero.

When I was 18, I watched When Harry Met Sally for the first time via a pirated film service that no longer exists. I was cold and confused in September in Chicago, bawling my eyes out to a relatable Billy Crystal and his somber evening with Mallomars and dubious soliloquies. By Christmas, I had seen it probably more than 10 times. 

First snow of the season for Boston!

During my undergrad, with several campus libraries at my disposal, I dove into everything Ephron had to offer. I watched all her films, I read all her books, I scoured the internet for her articles, recipes, and commencement speeches, and I solidified her as my writing idol.

Ephron’s use of humor paralleled with her examinations of mortality is something so valuable and necessary to make it through the harder parts of life. When Harry Met Sally’s witty dialogue makes the theme of impermanence a softer pill to swallow: Harry reads the last page of every book he buys first just in case he dies before he makes it to the end; Sally is petrified of eventually someday turning 40— “It’s just sitting there like this big dead end!”; Their awkward New Year’s kiss marks the end of their friendship and the beginning of their road to love. When we really look into it, the undertone of this fan-favored rom-com is actually quite pensive, reflecting on the various ways that people perceive the passing of time, especially in terms of love and loss. 

In Ephron’s novel, I Feel Bad About My Neck, She tackles the subject of getting older with the same irreverence, blending comedy with the melancholy of losing physical vitality. While Ephron is always funny first, there is an intense poignant edge to her reflections, and right when she seems to be getting almost too serious for comfort, she throws a lighthearted life preserver to her audience: “Sometimes I think that not having to worry about your hair anymore is the secret upside of death.”

My ideal Sunday morning: Watching Gossip Girl in my reading nook.

The holidays always make me think of Ephron. When the leaves begin to die and the possibility of snow shows up in the forecast, I start to see her writing at every turn. It makes sense: the coming together of family and friends (or lack thereof), the traditions lost and new, my birthday, and the end of another year— Not to mention I manage to be surprised by the threat of mortality every December. Sometimes it feels like the holiday parties and birthday celebrations are simply fun ways to cope with the end of an era, whatever that may be to us personally. It’s a good thing! I think movies are something of the same.

More than a holiday party or birthday dinner to mask the existentialism of the winter, sometimes what we’re really in need of is some self-care–on our own terms. When I think of self-care during the ‘ber months, I envision mornings laying in bed until 9:00 a.m. and watching You’ve Got Mail over biscuits and coffee (Yes, for me, 9:00 a.m. is late). Often, all we really need is to feel close to the little things in life that bring us joy. 

Speaking of things that bring us joy, The Carrie Bradshaw in me has been finding joy in new shoes, like these Berkleigh Blacks from Steve Madden. I quote, “When one door closes, a shoe box opens.”

Whether it be the general orchestrating stress of the holidays, the existentialism that comes with the seasons, or problems that hit closer to home, make sure you’re prioritizing your well-being this holiday season. For students in Boston, I’ve compiled a list of self-care activities for any kind of person, but all of which are quite Ephron-esque.

One of my favorite self-care activities last year was taking icy walks in the snow with the birds. I was freezing, but at least I saw some nature.

1. Visit a Cozy Café

Winter is the perfect time to enjoy a warm drink. Head to a local café like Tatte or Caffé Nero and treat yourself to hot coffee or cocoa, soups, and pastries.

2. Take a Winter Walk in the Snow

Bundle up and enjoy the beauty of a quiet winter walk through areas like Boston Common, The Public Garden, or along the Charles River Esplanade. The fresh air and peaceful atmosphere can be incredibly refreshing. Researchers claim just five minutes of exercise in green space or snow space can help your mental health.

3. Visit a Museum or Art Gallery

Spend a few hours at one of Boston’s amazing museums like the Museum of Fine Arts, Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, or the Institute of Contemporary Art (a favorite of mine!). Exploring art or history is both educational and a great way to escape the cold.

4. Take a Long, Relaxing Bath

When the temperature drops, there’s nothing like a warm bath to unwind. Add some Epsom salts, essential oils, or a bath bomb for extra relaxation. Light a few candles and play calming music to create a spa-like experience at home.

5. Attend a Yoga or Meditation Class

Winter can sometimes feel isolating, so attending a yoga or meditation class is a great way to stay grounded. Studios like Prana Power Yoga or YogaWorks offer a variety of classes, or you can find local options online for home practice.

6. Go Ice Skating at Frog Pond

If you’re looking for an outdoor activity, try ice skating on the Frog Pond in Boston Common. It’s a beautiful location to enjoy some winter fun. While you’re there, you can check out The Embrace sculpture and head over to Cafe Bonjour for some French cuisine.

7. Cook a Comforting Winter Meal

Take time to prepare a hearty, warming meal like a vegetable stew, chili, or homemade soup. Enjoying a homemade meal is a nourishing act of self-care, especially when paired with your favorite podcast or music.

8. Read a Book by the Fireplace

If you have access to a fireplace or a cozy corner, curl up with a good book and enjoy the warmth. Whether it’s a comforting novel, an inspiring self-help book, or even poetry, this is a perfect way to relax and unwind.

9. Treat Yourself to a Spa Day

You could book a facial, get a massage, or try a DIY spa day with hydrating face masks, hand scrubs, and foot soaks. Exhale Spa and MG Spa (which offers 20% off to students!) are great local spots to relax and rejuvenate.

10. Of Course, Watch a Movie Marathon or Binge a TV Series

In my opinion, there’s nothing better than snuggling up with blankets and watching your favorite movies or TV shows. Whether it’s a holiday classic or a binge-worthy series, winter is the ideal time to indulge in a cozy movie marathon with your favorite snacks.

Head to MG Spa for some self-care this winter and get 20% off with your student ID!

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is also a teacher, currently specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, reading and writing, and watching bad television.

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Visiting the Ghosts of Your Journal’s Past

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024

The seasons are changing, the sun is retreating, and midterms are looming. It’s time to buckle up for a serious talk on mental health!

When I finished my last journal, I remember flipping through the pages and seeing a lot of repetitive statements. On my worst days, I often wrote, “I wish I could get rid of these kinds of thoughts.” As someone who suffers from anxiety, I have a hard time turning my brain off, especially if it believes something terrible could happen. I dwell over a lot of What-ifs that are outside of my control, which often leads me to worry constantly. When I have more intense anxiety attacks, I have a tendency to mull over the same existential crisis, “What if this is going to be the worst day of my life?,” for hours until I reach some kind of resolution; sometimes this is just the day coming to an end and I thankfully realize nothing bad happened. By that point, I am grateful, but I am also emotionally drained.

Rereading my journal was a hard pill to swallow. While I was aware most of my journaling takes place when I’m not doing well, I had difficulty facing the fact that maybe I wasn’t doing as well mentally as I had thought. Wishing I had seen more “Today, I have felt great,” or “I felt anxious, but I was able to overcome it and enjoy my time,” I also felt disappointed in myself for not writing more appreciation for the little wins I experience daily. I immediately realized I wanted to work towards rewiring my brain to think positively first rather than with worry and panic. When I brought it up to my therapist, she said it was important that I recognized my thought patterns, as now we could work towards dismantling them–fun times!

Hands-on activities like painting, building, organizing, and decorating help me relieve my anxiety and feel more in control of my thoughts.

Visiting the ghosts of your journal’s past is not always a happy-go-lucky experience. On one hand, it can be hilarious to reread journals from 5 or 6 years ago, laughing at the things you used to think were problems, or even just the way you wrote (“Oh my gosh, the way Matthew constantly touches his crotch is like, SOOOO icky”). On the other hand, rereading your journals can be an eye-opening experience that brings about a new level of self-awareness. It can show your growth, or it can show you that maybe you need some extra help. 

What I learned from rereading my journals and talking about it with my therapist was that I experience unwanted, intrusive, and repeated thoughts that cause anxiety. Because of this, I need to take active measures to recognize my anxious thoughts versus my actual thoughts. I challenge my anxious thoughts, stay active, and, most importantly, give myself compassion. Luckily, my journal is a great outlet to do so.

When I journal for help with my anxious thoughts, I usually start by reminding myself that while anything can technically happen on any given day, the worst outcome is not the most plausible one. I take time to write down, “I guess today could be the worst day of my life, but it is far more likely that today will be a beautifully ordinary day, so I should focus on that instead.”

Additionally, sometimes I write out all my worries on paper so they feel less scary. I find that saying your fears out loud, writing them down, or talking them through can help you face them, process them, and eventually turn them into personal growth. It’s also important to write what you hope for. For example, one could write, “I have anxiety, and I fear something awful will happen today that will cause me immense pain, but I know that is far from likely, and I am actually just being triggered by ____ ____ and _____. I am strong, everything will work out the way I intend it to, and there’s no valid evidence to suggest otherwise.” At the end of writing out my worries, I add “The End” to close off all of my worries and end the cycle of thoughts. Usually, I’m left feeling like I’ve done all that I can, and I have to be content with that for now.

Going on walks and listening to podcasts (currently obsessed with Giggly Squad!) also helps me lessen my anxious thoughts.

What I’ve also practiced in my journal is writing mantras. These help me challenge negative thoughts and build confidence in myself against my existential anxiety. I also say these mantras out loud when I do not have access to my journal. I tell myself “My fears are not my reality” and “I am in charge of how I feel, and today I choose happiness.” It may feel odd at first, but it does help! We may not have control over most things, but we do have control over how we respond to the world around us.

While these are just a few journaling techniques, there are many more that can be helpful for those struggling with their mental health, or those just having a bad day in general.

As you move about your day, remember that no one is perfect. Give yourself the grace you deserve, and prioritize your mental well-being. Life can be very overwhelming, which is why finding tools (plural!) to help us through the harder moments is so important.

On the topic of mental health, don’t impulsively cut your hair and regret it! Go to a professional and get a new ‘do at Pathos Salon! 15% off for first-time customers with student IDs.

Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is also a teacher, currently specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, reading and writing, and watching bad television.

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Today I Wanted to Throw Things (But I Wrote Instead)

Friday, October 18th, 2024

Drumroll, Please.

Today, I want to talk about the patriarchy (Run!).

As I have gotten older, I’ve become more and more startled by the sexism I’ve endured. I always naively assumed that these experiences would diminish as I got older. When I was a teen, I thought being an adult meant men would finally start to think with the heads on their shoulders. Between the ages of 18 and 22, I shamefully let a lot of college guys off easy. In reality, they deserved a punch in the right place, and it was all for the same reason: It was ingrained in me to think “Well, they’re just boys, right?” equating them to dogs that keep shitting on the carpet well after their puppy years. I also didn’t want to be the girl with a problem who was no fun because she couldn’t take certain “jokes,” or the girl who cared too much about right and wrong. Now, at 24, I am finally and simply beside myself. There is no other way to put it. I keep thinking about how the mistreatment of women gave rise to James Tiptree Jr.’s Houston, Houston, Do You Read?, a story where men no longer exist and the effects of the patriarchy are long forgone.

In the past few years, what has surprised me the most is the number of women I’ve met who perpetuate the patriarchy: women who’ve belittled me because I’m younger than them so my presence makes them insecure about their age: women who believe being unmarried makes my value as a person decline; women who objectify and shame each other, and unapologetically support men who do. 

I have just started my third year of teaching at a new school, and there is no AC. The classroom I teach in faces the afternoon sun. When I started working in September, temperatures reached well above 85 degrees Fahrenheit inside. After about a week of suffering in slacks, I wore business casual shorts. The fabric went past my fingertips when I put my arms down by my side—adhering to the school’s dress code policy. I even asked my boyfriend if he thought they were fine, and he said yes. Despite other female teachers wearing skirts and dresses the same length to no complaint, I was pulled into the office by an older woman in the administration. She said, “You’re new and so young, so you’re already drawing attention from the parents. You wouldn’t want to give people the wrong idea, too.” I froze. I think eventually I just said, “Okay.”

We are not always in such a privileged position to say what’s on our minds. Though we’d often like to let people have it without facing some kind of consequence, life doesn’t work that way for the majority of us. Let’s not forget, too, that BIPOC communities and women are often punished more harshly for the same mistakes as white men in the workplace. The things some men got away with doing and saying at my old jobs without even a pat on the wrist were absurd. The number of women I saw get let go for less harmful or comparable instances was worse. 

When you’re angry, it’s good to get out and enjoy nature for a while.

What’s Your Damage, Heather?

Believe it or not, this is not some exposé of the U.S. education system and its flaws. The sad fact is that I’ve simply had a very ordinary epiphany. I guess I’ve fully realized that the patriarchy is everywhere, toxic masculinity is everywhere, and I am just another young woman who’ll have to deal with it for the majority of my lifetime. After the shockwave of this realization subsided, all I wanted to do was curse out every person around me.

When we desire to hurt those who have hurt us, what are our options? Which ones leave us in the healthiest position (with the smallest chance of getting arrested)? 

In an NPR interview last week with Rachel Martin, Margaret Atwood said, “I’m quite vengeful. I can’t help it. It’s who I am. So I make [critics] into idiotic people in fiction.” This idea of rerouting your anger and using it for creative, internal gain is similar to rage journaling. 

Rage journaling, where you write out all your nasty anger until it diminishes and some clarity of mind creeps in, is less preferable to, let’s say, smashing someone’s windshield. This is because we crave a physical, visual outcome that satisfies our primitive need for control and dominance. If someone breaks us, we want to see them, or something of theirs, break as well. 

Obviously, we can not and should not resort to violence or outward aggression that is directed at and negatively impacts other living things. Therefore, using a rage journal can be a cost-effective and healthy way to help you let out your anger safely. It can also fuel your creativity when writing antagonists for your novels!

In my journal, I curse people out, call them names, tell them their mother would be disappointed in them, and the best part is I can still face them the next day not feeling guilty, embarrassed, or knowing that my last check has already come in the mail. Rage journaling validates your emotions, gives you time to process your feelings, let your anger out, and learn how to proceed with a conflict in a more appropriate manner. Overall, if you rage journal first, you can choose, to respond with rationality as opposed to heated emotions.

That being said, if you are someone like me who has anger that can’t be disposed of because it concerns the world and how it works, rage journaling is not a one-stop solution. Rage rooms are a good supplement. So is exercise, especially boxing. Screaming into a pillow is cathartic, too. Therapy is a must.

Me sunbathing, fully clothed, during my lunch break.

Truthfully, you should also stand up for yourself when you get mistreated, in the workplace or otherwise.  If you find yourself repeatedly having to rage journal or having to explain to someone else how their actions have caused harm and you’re still being treated unfairly, that is a whole other story. At that point, it could be time for HR to step in, or some kind of higher authority with the power to make things right, even if you do have to bring representation in. While we don’t like to think about things getting that out of hand, it’s important to recognize the severity of a situation and evaluate the best course of action.

The hope is that we can rage journal, show up to work the next day, and have a productive conversation that changes things for the better. It is important to try to handle conflict with patience, clarity, and logic, and sometimes that is hard to do if you are blinded by anger or hatred. At least your journal will never yell back at you.

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Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is also a teacher, currently specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, reading and writing, and watching bad television.

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Dear No One: Letters That Stay Unsent

Monday, October 7th, 2024

I’ve written a fair share of letters in my day. It’s the romantic in me who feels written words, those that are so exquisitely accurate in their portrayal of love and loss, are the pinnacle of my existence. If I love someone, I have to write to them; it’s instinctive. This doesn’t mean, however, that I send all or even the majority of the letters I write. That is the coward in me, too afraid people will hold me to the words I write at a specific moment in time, too embarrassed to have a crowd of recipients holding physical evidence of my admiration for them.

As a general rule, the best course of action for most situations is to be honest and share your feelings with others. If you love them, admire them, miss them, are happy for them, or want to let them know you’re thinking of them, then, by all means, send them a letter! As long as you are not hurting anyone by sending this letter, there is no reason to be ashamed of your feelings. More importantly, you could make someone’s day. For me, nothing is more touching than receiving a handwritten letter from someone I care about. When I die, bury me in a coffin full of all the letters written to me.

Sometimes I do work at Emerson, sometimes I take a whole meeting room to myself and take selfies in the sunlight. First come, first serve.

A different truth is, of course, that life goes on. People hurt one another, lose touch, or slowly fade into the background of one’s existence. Things are constantly fluctuating, changing in ways we can’t prepare for. We are so busy! Work, school, internships; new friends, new subway lines, new bars; a big love, a big house, a big quarter-life crisis. Our minds are often scrambled, just trying to get through the motions of everyday life and enjoy it as it comes. Then, it creeps up on you, that random Friday afternoon. You hear a song you haven’t heard in a while, and it brings you back to a few years ago. Time freezes as you relive a life that you are so far removed from you wonder if it was ever even yours. Now, you’ve found yourself missing people you shouldn’t, realizing the window of opportunity to reach out has long passed, rightfully so. You’re flooded with nostalgia, rose-colored and inflated. Pouring your heart and soul out to them now would be more than wrong. 

Alexa, play ‘Bad Idea, Right?’ by Olivia Rodrigo. Let this be a call to all the dewy-eyed girlies: Do NOT listen to that voice in your head telling you to make a harmless phone call to people who’ve hurt you. You have an alternative, and while it may not be as riveting of a story to tell at the cute cocktail spill-all, it is the healthier thing to do. The past is in the past, and you will never get it back, nor should you want to! More importantly, you are not the person you once were, and that is a good thing. Understand, too, that sometimes it is simply fun to reminisce, to repaint the past with the fresh perspective of a refined frontal lobe, but that doesn’t mean you should run with your naivety, expecting a new rendition of your past to become your reality.

A photo I took of two kids hanging out in Seaport, 2022.

Such circumstances as these are the perfect times to write a letter that is purposefully intended to not be sent anywhere. You can say everything you want to say, feel everything you want to feel, and simply tear it up (or burn it, which is thrilling!) when you’re done reading it over. There’s no regret, no embarrassment, no hurting others by bringing unsolicited memories back into fruition, and no risking your current peace. This is your chance to leave the “But What If?” to die. 

That being said, my favorite place to write letters I’ll never send is in my journal. Sometimes I will rip the pages out, crumble them, and toss them in the recycling bin. Other times I will leave them in my journal to look back on. I have also burned a few. Occasionally, I type them up and pretend I’m Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail, but I usually just put a lock on the document until I feel I’ve outgrown whatever  I wrote down, and then I trash it. I’ve even dropped a few letters in the mailbox with no return or send address. One, I’m not proud of is when I sent a letter down a river, which was environmentally careless, but I was desperate for some kind of cinematic, main character energy to justify my emotions (Ah, to be 18 again). Ultimately, it doesn’t matter where you write your letter or in what way you discard it afterward. As long as you get the cathartic release you need, you’ve done yourself some good, and you should be proud.

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Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is also a teacher, currently specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, reading and writing, and watching bad television.

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Delulu is the Solulu: Journaling for Creative Expression

Monday, September 23rd, 2024

Contrary to popular ‘film bro’ belief, you actually do not need to take psychedelics to unlock your inner creativity. Among the many ways one can use journaling for personal wellness, arguably one of the most popular is to explore creative expression. Often, the idea of journaling is met with the stereotypical image of a teenage girl in her bedroom, feet swinging in the air, a smile on her face, and a familiar “Dear Diary…” monologue that almost always includes a crush on a boy (because what else could women possibly have to think about, right?) However, journaling doesn’t have to be all touchy-feely-existential-dread all the time; it can be a strategic machine that helps writers, lyricists, filmmakers, artists, and other creators overcome their mental blocks and find inspiration. 

A photo I took around this time last year of gloomy autumn weather.

One of my favorite ways to stay in tune with my creative writing is doing something I call “The Five Senses.” When I journal in the evening, I usually recount the most prominent events and feelings I encountered that day. “I am absolutely exhausted” shows up a lot. “Today at work…” is another popular one, unfortunately. But sometimes this can take away from the actual sensations I experience on a second-to-second basis—all the little things that make life so beautifully sappy. I write down the five senses and try to describe the most influential senses I experienced or the ones that brought me the most joy. Here’s an example from my journal from this past Thursday:

Sight: Dark, gloomy overcast. Wet asphalt. Tiny raindrops on the passenger seat window. 

Smell: Orange citrus from my vitamins. Potent, nauseating, artificial.

Taste: Curry tofu, sweet and spicy, rich, crispy. soft, chewy potatoes. Savory, satisfying. 

Touch: My boyfriend’s 5 o’clock shadow. Prickly, comforting, endorphin-releasing, lovely.

Sound: Autumn Lo-Fi Jazz I play at work to concentrate. Soothing, familiar, easy. 

This technique helps me describe sensations in more detail, easing my transition from journal writing to creative writing. It also helps me stay present and appreciate all of the wonderful things happening around me, which is definitely needed in a world like today’s. 

love love love curry tofu in the fall.

Some other prompts can help you think more outside the box. If you need a creative spark that’s going to really turn some heads, consider getting a journal prompt book, which is available online and in stores for cheap. You can also find prompts on the internet and use those once a week or month for your journaling practice. Some examples include:

  • Make a list of questions you would ask a future version of yourself. Which version would you want to speak with the most?
  • Choose a random object in your room. What characteristics do you have in common with it, metaphorically and physically?
  • Invent an impossible tool that would make your life more efficient or interesting.
  • Imagine you get the chance to be any animal for a day. Which animal would you pick, and what would you do?
  • If you could visit the past, where would you go, and what would you do there?

Another popular way to unlock your creative expression is to free write. This is a technique where you time yourself and write down whatever comes to mind without pausing to think or erase anything. I often free write with a time limit of five minutes, although it’s not uncommon to lengthen your session. Sometimes when I read over my free-write, it is purely gibberish and more of a stream-of-consciousness than anything. Other times, I realize there is a pattern of thought going on in my brain, and that pattern might be a good topic to explore in my writing. 

Let’s not forget that journaling is a form of creativity in itself. Annie Ernaux, a French writer who won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 2022, published her diary entries as a collection titled “Getting Lost.” The book was listed as one of the best books of 2022 by the BBC and a must-read by Time. It is a favorite of mine for its honest portrayal of emotional vulnerability.

Overall, there are a ton of ways to participate in journaling as a means of creative expression. You may need to try a few to see which ones work the best for you, but once you find your niche, you’re sure to flourish.  

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Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is currently a teacher, specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, watching bad television, reading, and writing.

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Why Journal, Anyway?

Monday, September 16th, 2024

I consider my first journal entry to be a Tumblr draft I wrote at 14 years old. I remember being vaguely frustrated with my friends, with being a freshman in high school, and with feeling unironically superior to everyone around me (teen angst if you will). In the stairwell of my mom’s old run-down Miami apartment—the paint peeling and the mold accumulating by the second—I took out my phone. Tears in my eyes and cheeks flushed, I began typing a blog post about how incredibly annoying everything and everyone was. I knew I wouldn’t post it, but I just wanted to lift what seemed like the weight of the world off my chest. Putting all my frustration into a Tumblr post also made me feel like I had some kind of control: I could, if I really wanted to, post it and tell my friends to screw all, or I could save it as a draft, hold onto it in case I ever felt like it was worth someone else’s eyes.

Photo of me (16) taken by my sister on my high school football field.

Luckily, my anger subsided once I finished writing, and I saved the post as a draft. From that moment on, I created a habit out of what I would now deem journaling. I wrote in my Tumblr drafts every time I had intense emotions, opinions I was too afraid to speak, or ideas I wanted to contemplate in secret. I felt like I was building a world from within myself that also existed outside of me. I was able to process my life through writing, and it helped me with all the raging emotions and confusion of my teenage years. The first person to lay eyes on the details of my first kiss was not a person at all, but rather my drafts. I felt like I had power over my life via recording the most major and minor details of it. 

The day I turned away from my Tumblr journal was the day I accidentally posted a draft, and that draft just so happened to include a rather repugnant, word-vomit rant about a close friend of mine (“She’s just like, soooo whatever”). I had gotten so comfortable with the idea of sharing my inner thoughts in my drafts that I forgot about the possibility of them becoming public. Once posted, I quickly deleted the journal entry, but my stomach was in knots, and a wave of guilt tackled me for how ill I had talked about my friend, how hurt she would be if she saw it. From then on, I moved my drafts to a Pages document on my laptop, which I put a passcode on. By the time I graduated high school, my Pages document, which I titled “The Drafts,” had accumulated 250,000 words.

A photo from my first visit to the Boston Public Library, 2016.

When I started my Bachelor’s degree at the University of Florida, I moved on to pen and paper. Many times I found myself on campus, itching to write and with a dead laptop, so I started scribbling on engineering paper the Reitz would reluctantly give me. This prompted me to buy a notebook, and then another, and then another. I know all too well how cathartic and romantic it is to hold your thoughts and feelings in your hands.

I have since lost the coming-of-age treasure that was The Drafts in the midst of life falling apart and putting itself back together, as it sometimes does. I do, however, have my physical journals from the last 5 years of my life. It is a privilege—and a cringe fest, to re-read them. Know always that if you decide to start journaling, no one can judge what you write but you, and even you shouldn’t judge the contents of your journal. It’s a safe space for you and only you, if that is what you wish. 

Now that I’m 24 years old and in graduate school, my intention for journaling changes day by day. Sometimes I journal for emotional processing and release, other times I journal just to have something to look back on. No matter your reason for journaling, and no matter what platform you use, it can serve as a tremendous tool—it is always there whenever you need it. There’s no right or wrong reason to journal; if you have a reason at all, that’s enough to get you started. 

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Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is currently a teacher, specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, watching bad television, reading, and writing.

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