In September of 2018, I found myself alone in the city that never sleeps. Ironic, considering the countless nights I had laid in bed, dreaming of one day calling the city my home.

I longed for the diversity, the trash-filled subways, the way you could wear an outrageous outfit while singing obnoxiously and people would simply walk by, minding their own business. Just another day in the city. I also needed to escape my pain. I love my hometown, Newburgh, New York, but I could no longer stand visiting the supermarket I had last seen my father alive in.  My heart ached every time I drive past the apartment where papi and I danced to Marc Anthony and would drunkenly slap me around in. I could hardly bear to look at my mother’s face while speaking with her. We were ignoring the fact that her boyfriend sexually abused me when I was sixteen and ignoring that she never believed me and that she was still dating him. I was being haunted by places and faces. Haunted by the ghost of my father and the essence of my mother. I yearned to be free.

The city offers this freedom I yearned for. I knew I would no longer be bound by the shackles of my closed-minded town. People would no longer ask why I dress the way I do or why I thought writing was a feasible career. I could wear my red velvet skirts and fishnets and write uncensored, get tattoos and piercings and feel more at home in my body.

I did most of these things once I arrived: converted to thrift shopping, got three tattoos and five piercings, wrote more in a year than I ever had in my whole life, but after just two weeks of the first semester I sat alone in my dorm, sobbing. I had everything I wanted: a full ride to my dream school, NYU, a dorm in the heart of Greenwich Village, and the most freedom I ever had. Yet for some reason, I still felt empty. There was a hole in my chest that no amount of the city could fill.

I had forged new bonds with friends. We would occasionally get lunch or go out at night, exploring and unearthing the mystifying gems the city had to hide. We found many. However, the second I walked back into my dorm after one of our rendezvouses, that empty feeling crept its way back in. I was surrounded by silence and four, cold white walls. My friends had family and significant others to return home to. What did I have?

I sat at my desk, staring at the polaroids and Photobooth pictures of me and my friends, cheesy grins plastered on our faces. How is it that I could I feel so at peace with them? How is it that I could I coin the nickname Smiley and take hundreds of silly Snapchats, but feel so hollow in my own company?

Humans experience a multitude of complex emotions. These emotions are difficult to comprehend and take much chipping away to reveal their origins. Sometimes it takes life-altering experiences to truly understand them. As I sat sobbing in my dorm, I realized that happiness is a fleeting feeling. The excitement I felt to hang out with my friend had quickly turned to despair as she cancelled on me for the third time that week. I was alone in this world, and I had not yet learned how to cope.

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By Jaelynn Grace Ortiz

Jaelynn is a rising sophomore at NYU majoring in Journalism and Social and Cultural Analysis with a focus in Latino studies and is minoring in Creative Writing. The list of her hobbies is almost as drawn out as her majors are. She writes poetry, essays and stories, she dances, mentors high schoolers in the Bronx and often plans environmental events in NYU Residence Halls. She has a poem published in the introspective study Inside My World by the Live Poets Society. Despite vehemently condemning social media, she ironically has instagram which you could follow her on. 

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

Finding friendship can be difficult. New York can be difficult. Finding friendships in New York? Ouch. Whether its the sea of busy faces that never seems to wane off in intensity or speed, or the fact that all your old high school friends keep promising to come see you, but never do, it takes some outside the box thinking to find a squad to stick to in good times and bad. Here are 5 places to start looking (with a recommendation on the best way to do so.)  

1. A bookstore. I would most recommend the strand, around the outside racks where you find 48 cent pulp fiction novels. Every now and then, interesting people stop by. If they look close to your age, if they’ve got a sense of fashion you like, or hate, start up a conversation by pointing out a book on the shelf. You never know, it just might work.
2. The gym. Specifically? At 6 in the morning. You hit Palladium at opening times for three months in a row, you become one of us. We acknowledge you, respect you, we watch the weights you lift get heavier and heavier, bigger and bigger. Eventually, we take you in as one of ours. Just come by and say something, we’ve probably wanted to talk to you too.
   
3. A club you only have mild interest in. Specifically one you have only a mild interest in. Everyone says “join a club you are passionate about” but that takes so much investment and risk. What if the photography club here at NYU is pretentious and they don’t like me? What if the other basketball kids don’t like the Wizards like I do? Join a club you are curious about, but one that you might enjoy. A small club where there is a tightly knit community, and they’re looking for new blood. Who knows, maybe NYU’s golf team becomes your home away from home?

4. A museum. One you care about, obviously. But also one that is a little more lowkey. If you go to the Museum of Sex looking for friendship, you’ll probably run into more tourists looking for a free place to stay the night rather than future groomsmen at your wedding. I recommend local art galleries and exhibits, the National Geographic is currently running a cool exhibit just south of Washington Square Park. The botanical gardens in Brooklyn are also awesome for this. Go check it out, wait for a guy wearing a leather jacket or a girl with a New York Times tote bag to go in and strike up a conversation. You might strike gold!

   

5. Finally, I would recommend a park. I know it feels more like a pick up artist strategy than a real way to make meaningful friendships, but you never know, it could be both. Sit somewhere near a street performer and throw in a comment about it to the people next to you. Sometimes, all a good conversation needs to get fired up and going is a little spark. Parks are places where people relax. They aren’t usually going to be in a rush if they’re standing around looking at something. Get a couple phone numbers, ruin your instagram follower ratio, and start making friends.

By Victor Galov. Victor is a Sophomore Student at NYU passionate about self-help, self-discovery, and the self regulation of not eating too many unhealthy snacks. He is easily spotted in the wild, usually sporting a red jacket and skipping to whatever classic rock band his ears are crushing on that week with headphones in. He will most likely have tinnitus by 40, but doesn’t worry about it too much, because he knows humanity will live on in robots and computer simulations by then, anyway. He also hopes to have published his novel by then, though at the rate he is going, he will totally delete it through revisions before getting even close to finishing the first chapter.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.