Posts Tagged ‘making friends’

Finding Safety In Your Situation

Thursday, June 13th, 2024

Planting my feet on Columbia University’s campus for the first time is an experience I will never forget. Before me was an oasis of grand buildings decorated with ancient names like Homer or Herodotus that I’d never heard before. Like many college freshmen in New York City, I was moving to a new place with what seemed like the entire world sprawled out before me. That feeling can be exhilarating at times, but daunting during others. Between all of the new faces, foods, and experiences you encounter, creating a community for yourself is a must when it comes to maintaining health and even sanity. At this pivotal moment in one’s life it’s crucial to find safety in your situation. 

A photo of Butler library, showing the engravings of Homer and Herodotus.
Taken on 35mm film.

Honestly, Columbia’s makeup inherently discourages a sense of community: Tucked away in Morningside Heights, the campus removes itself from the hustle and bustle of Midtown, Downtown, and even its neighboring Harlem community. Beyond physical barriers like gates, the Ivy League university maintains its competitive nature. I’ve had countless conversations with fellow classmates who complain of the competition to do well in class. In addition to NYC’s toxic “hustle culture”, Columbia students also experience the pressures of the classroom. This especially applies to students interested in the STEM field, where professors often limit the amount of “A” letter grades they give per section. This can lead to tense relationships between students and classmates, perpetuating an “every man for himself” mindset. Instead of cultivating a community of students that uplift each other, this culture can incite gatekeeping and standoffish attitudes. In my opinion, this is counterintuitive to the nature of a university. This is especially disappointing as Columbia boasts of its location at the intersection of thousands of different cultures and people. Columbia doesn’t always encourage a culture of community, but there is still opportunity for the student to engage with their surroundings! It would be a shame to close oneself off from all that the university has to offer socially, geographically, and intellectually. 

Though it may feel easy to shy away from the whirlwind of life that bustles outside of your dorm room, I argue that you have to intentionally form a safe space for yourself in college. The first few weeks of freshman year are incredibly formative. It’s such a beautiful time of life where most people have no expectations, no friends, and no curfew. Everyone is so open to meeting new people and trying new things. It’s important to lean into this social spirit that possesses everyone at the beginning of the year. The end goal isn’t to make lifelong friends, it’s simply helpful to have people to say “hi” to or invite out for adventures in the city. When you maintain a friendly and open mindset you’re fostering a more secure environment for yourself, and for the general community. Through this mindset, we can discard the idea that one must fail a class for another to pass it. While college is an inherently individualized experience, that doesn’t mean we have to face it alone. 

Forming circles of people with similar interests or characteristics are always a great place to start. Basic commonalities were instrumental in forming new friendships. For me, I was able to connect with other students who had just moved from California to New York. These friendships provided an outlet for me to express my homesickness to someone who understood what I was going through. At the same time, I was also learning more about new people and cultures. Most importantly, we were able to support each other during one of the biggest transitions of our lives through the things we had in common. 

A group photo of some of the friends I made freshman year.
Taken on 35mm film.

I can’t sit here and tell you to hunt down all of the people from your home state on the move-in day. What I’m suggesting is to start with what you know. Whether it be where you’re from, who you want to become, or how you got here, finding friends through basic commonalities is the kickstarter for maintaining sanity at college for the first time.


By Thomas Stewart

Thomas currently attends Columbia University and plans to double major in creative writing and human rights. At Columbia Thomas is a staff writer for the City News section of the Columbia Daily Spectator, where he publishes articles that concern the West Harlem community. In his free time, you can find him practicing music or trying new vegetarian recipes


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For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Don’t Let Ice Breakers Break You

Wednesday, October 18th, 2023
The view from my freshman dorm room in 2019.

As a certified introvert, I dreaded the first week of classes more than just about anything. My first year of college was easily the worst in this regard: every building, professor, and classmate was totally unfamiliar. In addition to the stress of a new environment and new coursework, there was also the overwhelming anxiety of making introductions. I once believed there was no activity on the planet more tortuous than those first day of class ice breakers. I was appalled by every aspect of them: speaking in front of a group, desperately trying to think of one single interesting thing I did that summer. I spent more time agonizing over what fun fact I would share on the first day than actually reading the syllabus for a new class. I was sure it was a circle of hell designed to punish the shy and introverted.
But somewhere around the second semester of my freshman year, I started to realize that icebreakers were actually an opportunity, not a punishment. For many of us, the hardest part of making friends was always initiating that very first conversation. I could never decide where to start. Every sentence I drafted in my head sounded so stilted and awkward spoken out loud. I also had no idea what to say to someone I knew absolutely nothing about. This is where icebreakers came in handy. They gave me something to open with, because I had all this information, like names and majors and at least one semi-interesting thing that happened to them over the summer. I felt more confident approaching people and attempting to make friends with a starting point in mind. It can be something small, or seemingly trivial, but any common ground is better than none.

One girl in my math class, when asked to share a fun fact, started telling a story about the summer camp where she worked as a counselor. I found myself getting so invested in the story, I completely forgot to rehearse what I planned to say. I was completely focused on her story, and it took all of the pressure off once it was my turn. Had the solution really been this easy all along?
The key to alleviating my anxiety surrounding icebreakers was to pay more attention to other people’s answers than my own. The more I rehearsed what I was going to say, the more anxiety inducing the ordeal became. By focusing on my peers and listening intently to what they had to say, I took myself out of my own head and was able to actually start getting to know new people. I also started to realize that everyone else was seemingly just as nervous as I had been. The more we focus on our internal thoughts, we can allow them to overwhelm us. It took me 18 years of life to realize it, but overcoming my own anxiety was a lot less complicated than I made it out to be.

It may seem too simple of a solution: listen to other people in order to take the focus off of yourself. But as it turns out, it’s just simple enough to work. When you treat ice breakers like an opportunity to learn more about your classmates rather than a punishment created specifically to drive you insane, you will get a lot more enjoyment out of them. And if you’re lucky, you’ll make a few friends along the way.


By Jensen Davishines

Jensen Davishines is a recent graduate from Pace University. They are currently living and working in New York City. Follow their blog as they attempt to help their fellow introverts navigate the intensely social years of college.


 

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on classroom camaraderie

Monday, July 11th, 2022

Let me set the scene: It’s 2018. I’m a freshman. I’m in a foundations class, the kind where we’d learn basic art student stuff- rudimentary color theory, composition, how to create a focal point. It’s mid-September. By now, a quarter of the class has distinguished themselves as Good Artists, a quarter’s revealed themselves as Artists So Bad We’re Wondering How They Got Here, and the other half of us are just… average. 

A few rows ahead of me sits this absolute whiz kid. Their work has style, it has voice. They use layers. They make digital art like it’s nothing, their Apple stylus sweeping over the current assignment they’ve started up in Procreate. Our professor, making laps around the classroom, takes a pit stop at their desk. “Great job,” he says, before going on to compliment their use of space. 

They are a Good Artist. 

I look down at my own paper filled with loose sketches. I think about Whiz Kid those few rows ahead of me. Their work is a Renaissance masterpiece and mine is incomprehensible. I feel the usual twinge of jealousy settle into my stomach and, in that moment, I can’t help but think, “I’ll never be on that level.”

a person watching a peer a few seats ahead.
Staring down the competition from afar…

Flash forward to 2022.

Whiz Kid is having a graduation party and I’m invited. When I show up, all the best students of the class are there, and we eat fondue and laugh and have a grand old time. It’s amazing. At one point, I say to them, not for the first time, “You know, freshman year, I thought you were so intimidatingly cool.”

They laugh. “Dude, I always thought you were so cool!”

The night goes on. We socialize, we party- we even do a few little drawing games (you can graduate art school, but you never stop being an art student). Someone brings up the idea of maybe starting a collective, doing big group projects, moving forward as a team.

As we celebrate the culmination of these four years, I find myself wondering: how did I let myself miss out on being close to such a cool group of people?

The answer is simple, clear, and ultimately unsurprising: academic competition. 

It sprouted in kindergarten, where I just had to be at the highest reading level for a five-year-old. It plagued me in high school, where an A- just wasn’t a good enough grade. So, of course, it followed me to college too. The thing is, it follows everyone. 

In a study done by Julie R. Posselt and Sarah Ketchen Lipson, the duo found that heightened academic stress and perceived competition had increased the rates of mental illness in college students (“Competition, Anxiety, and Depression..”). According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 25% of college students were diagnosed with or treated for a mental illness- and that’s just the ones who could afford to see a therapist. When you’re surrounded by a myriad of great minds, it’s easy to feel like the least capable among them. Imposter syndrome is a very real struggle, and once it sets in and tells you that you’re not good enough, anxiety is swift to follow, because what if everyone else thinks you’re a fraud, too?

When you’re in the throes of feeling like the worst, it’s easy to forget there’s other people who feel the same way about themselves, too. 

There’s no catch-all solution to imposter syndrome and the pressure of academic competition, but therapy and peer support are a great place to start. In an article from the Journal of Food Science Education, Shelly J. Schmidt hones in on how friendship actually boosts academic success at the college level (“The importance of friendships for academic success”). Students were “approximately 16 times more likely to become study partners with a friend than a nonfriend,” which indicates not a preference of social life over academics, but a preference to learn alongside people that provide an environment of encouragement. They were ready to engage with new material; it just helped to do it with friends.

a pair of friends studying from a comically-large book titled "textbooks 101."
It’s easier to get stuff done when working through it with a pal!

By bonding with peers and developing a sense of camaraderie, students were able to foster connections that made them better learners. Doing work alongside people you care about makes it feel way less like work- it turns it into an opportunity to learn and grow. It’s scary to befriend the competition, but you’ll feel way better once you start building each other up.

From an art student perspective, it’s so easy to envy different abilities. But no one’s going to do what you’re doing. Just because someone else develops work with an amazing voice, it doesn’t mean yours is inherently worse- it just means you and your peers are doing different things. Do you in a way no one else can, and be proud of your peers for doing the same. Who knows? Maybe if you get really close to them, you’ll get to go to a grad party with fondue.

two different styles of art with the subheading "good... aannd also good."
Skill has so many different looks.

tl;dr: different isn’t always better or worse- don’t let competition stop you from making friends!


Wanna create some interesting new art with the cool peers you just learned how to approach? Check out Blick Art Materials! 

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By Ness Curti

Ness Curti is a freshly-graduated illustrator from the Lesley College of Art and Design. A part-time bobarista and full-time New England adventurer, they hope to one day tell stories for a living, whether through art or words. They enjoy doodling, procrastinating, and saying hello to the dogs they pass on the sidewalk.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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friendship: low risk, way higher reward

Monday, July 4th, 2022

On one fine September evening of my freshman year, my ex and I were strolling around Porter Square. It was balmy late-summer, we’d settled into an easy stride beside each other and, on the surface, it seemed like a perfect evening. We were talking about something loosely related- college life, moving in, classes. Then she made an admission: “I just don’t have the easiest time making friends.”

I glanced over at her, eyes wide in bewilderment. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah. I feel like everyone’ll think I’m weird.” Her voice was light but her eyes had dimmed, the corners of her smile dipping towards the sidewalk- it was clear the thoughts behind her confession were taking a toll on her. 

This struck me as ridiculous, because 2018 Ness thought she was the sweetest person in the world (and it wasn’t just blind adoration or anything- 2022 Ness still thinks she’s a standup gal!). So I decided it was time for some incentive. We, and so many other Bostonian college students, had swiftly become loyal customers to many of the local eateries, so I honed in on that as the prime motivator. “Okay, let’s make a bet,” I began. “If you don’t make a friend by the end of the semester, I’ll treat us to dinner at that one really good ramen place.” 

I paused, reconsidering. 

“Actually, I’ll treat us to dinner if you do, too. As a reward,” I amended.

“So either way, you’re buying?” she asked, her smile picking back up.

“I guess so.” We both had a chuckle, continued on our merry way back to campus, and probably had a great rest of our night. But my ex had brought up a relevant point, universal not just to new students, but to anyone. 

How does reaching out and building friendships work?

I think the answer can boil down to simply “putting yourself out there.” Way easier said than done, especially when factors like social anxiety or time limitations come into play. There are so many ways to shoot yourself down; maybe people are just being fake-nice, or maybe they don’t know how to just say no to hanging out, or maybe, as was my ex’s big fear, they’ll find you weird.

It can be super easy to let fear of rejection get in the way of anything, especially friendship.

But before getting into a tailspin over everything that could go wrong, I think it’s worth digging into the benefits. 

At the very least, ECPI University suggests that friendships can provide a networking opportunity (Why Friendship is Important for College Students). For any budding professional, that’s already a highlight. That said, networking potential probably isn’t the first thing to look for in a potential companion, so it’s a good thing there’s oodles of other benefits.

In her 2016 article from Dartmouth Together, researcher Janice McCabe took inventory of the social connections at an unspecified university, interviewing a total of 82 students (How Your College Friendships Help You– Or Don’t). Her findings revealed that, while some close-knit friendships in the college setting can be academically distracting, many actually academically elevate each other. Colleges are big- it’s easy enough to find people who share your values, and if that includes your success as a booksmart icon, you’ll likely attract friends who will not only help you achieve your potential, but achieve it to its fullest capacity. 

Additionally, these close-knit friendships provide people to lean on. One of the students interviewed by McCabe, addressed as Alberto in the study, had been a victim of racist remarks from peers and professors. Through his close friendships, he was able to receive support and know there were allies in his corner. Friends are a place to process, a place to work through strife; a symbiotic, reciprocal friendship also provides opportunity for empathy. 

If that’s not reason enough to branch out and invite a new pal into your life, there’s also the reality that you probably won’t have to do it super often. After checking in with her interviewees post-college, McCabe found that about 30% of people had maintained their connections for at least five years. That’s a hypothetical three out of ten people that you could potentially get super close with and have in your life forever. Albeto, McCabe’s interviewee, had called his friends his family. Why would you want to let brief, hypothetical embarrassment scare you out of finding family?

And once a group starts, it doesn’t stop- people multiply. Maybe it’ll start with a peer you met in that Illustration 101 class, or someone in the dining hall. Then you’ll have dinner with them and they’ll bring their roommate. Maybe their roommate has a cool new friend, who gets invited to the next thing you decide to do. And so on and so forth- you never know how real the “six degrees of separation” theory is until you see it in action.

That’s certainly how it went for me, my ex, and our friend group during my freshman year. I don’t think we ever did get that ramen, but it didn’t matter- the real reward was the friends we made along the way.

There’s literally nothing as great as support from people who care!

tl;dr: these are people who are probably very much like you! Reach out to them!


It’s definitely not ramen, but if you’re looking for the perfect incentive to get your partner to make friends, maybe suggest some mouthwatering Indian food and pop over to Punjab Palace (I can absolutely vouch for this place- it’s amazing)!

With your student I.D. and your Campus Clipper coupon, you can get 10% off on your next takeout order. And it’s fairly shareable- perfect for you and any new pals!


By Ness Curti

Ness Curti is a freshly-graduated illustrator from the Lesley College of Art and Design. A part-time bobarista and full-time New England adventurer, they hope to one day tell stories for a living, whether through art or words. They enjoy doodling, procrastinating, and saying hello to the dogs they pass on the sidewalk.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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From New York to…Edinburgh

Thursday, June 8th, 2017

It’s a big change, moving from a small town to a big city. It feels too vast, too claustrophobic, too many people in too many streets that twist and turn into each other like streams in never-ending deltas.

It’s not just a specific city, though. Anywhere from New York to Paris to Mumbai can feel like that when you’ve never experienced it before. Sure, moving to a city can be exciting, but even that doesn’t completely erase the other feelings.

But there’s some comfort. Every big city can feel like a small town once you recognize the spots that feel a little cozier, the neighborhoods that feel more like lakes than constant oceans. In New York, that means avoiding midtown at all times and in Edinburgh, it means fleeing tourists on the Royal Mile, especially during the summer months.

Why compare New York to Edinburgh when talking about a small town feeling? Well, both cities hold a relatively large percent of their country’s population in a very compact space for the number. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by either when you’re not from the area, but they each have unique spots that make you feel like you never left the small place you grew up in.

https://www.favrify.com/

https://www.favrify.com/

https://edinburgh-chamber-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/

https://edinburgh-chamber-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/

Avoid tourist destinations

New York and Edinburgh both have a large tourism industry concentrated in a highly dense area, and if you spend a lot of time there you will feel overwhelmed by your new city life. For Edinburgh, this is a lot less important since the Royal Mile has a lot of less crowded spots where there are virtually no people such as the Writer’s Museum. However for New York, any street you visit in Midtown during the middle of the day is pretty much guaranteed to be crowded.

Try new neighborhoods

Instead of tourist areas, try opting for new neighborhoods in both cities. Both Hamilton and Washington Heights in New York are great places to feel like you’re in the suburbs again. With the lack of the ever-present crowd, the water on both sides, and the plethora of parks like Fort Washington and Highbridge, it’s a great area with a casual, residential feel. Coffee shops like The Chipped Cup give a cozy, warm feeling without escaping the novelty of New York. For Edinburgh, nothing gets away from big city life and screams small town like nature. Calton Hill is smack in the center of the city and a great place to hang out if you want to avoid the crowds at Arthur’s Seat. Or if a hike isn’t your cup of tea, try the area around Dean’s Garden and Cemetery— it’s super cozy and beautiful.

Chipped Cup Coffee http://www.chippedcupcoffee.com

Chipped Cup Coffee
http://www.chippedcupcoffee.com

 

View from Calton Hill Taken by Jainita Patel

View from Calton Hill
Taken by Jainita Patel

Take a day trip

One of the best parts about living in a small town is being able to drive and see another place. In both New York City and Edinburgh, you can still access new places even without a car. For New York, if you’re an experienced hiker and need to get out for a day, take a train from Grand Central to Fishkill, NY ($25-$30 one way, about 2 a hour journey) and hike Breakneck Ridge. If that seems a little too intense, try a day tour with Vertically Inclined ($35, about an hour’s journey) to Anthony’s Nose in the Bronx. In Edinburgh, if the breathtaking view from atop Calton Hill wasn’t enough, maybe try a trip into a Highland with Rabbies (tours range from £28 to £42).

View from the Breakneck Ridge Trail. https://cdn-files.apstatic.com/hike/

View from the Breakneck Ridge Trail.
https://cdn-files.apstatic.com/hike/

View from Loch Lomand (Peaking into the Scottish Highlands) Taken by Jainita Patel

View from Loch Lomand (Peaking into the Scottish Highlands) and me.
Taken by Jainita Patel

 

Talk to your neighbors.

Yup, it’s as simple (or as difficult) as that. The ease of living in a small town is that you know a lot of people. Without that social cushion, cities can seem cold and awkward. In Edinburgh, most people tend to be friendly and generous with their conversation and advice if you can muster the courage to ask them. In New York, people can be a bit tougher to crack, but frequenting a local coffee shop or other nearby venue is guaranteed to have the barista or another frequent patron notice you and that could be a good way into a friendship that can make the big city seem a little smaller.

These few tips can help you feel a little less alone and scared in a big city. Both places require quite the adjustment period, but trust me, soon it will start to feel like home again and you’ll get a lot more comfortable. And who knows? If you like how New York or Edinburgh can start to feel like a small town, hopefully you’ll get a chance to visit the other city someday and find the same feeling there as well.


By Jainita Patel

Jainita is a Campus Clipper publishing intern who is double majoring in English and Environmental Studies at NYU. Though writing fiction and painting are her two main passions, she also has a love of travel and adventure that has taken her across the globe.  Jainita writes under the pseudonym Jordan C. Rider. If you like her posts, you can find more of her work here or follow her on Twitter. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015. 

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