Since I was a kid, I knew that I was expected by my family and those around me to pursue the path of higher education. Apart from entertaining the occasional daydream or mental movie reel of living the life of an up-and-coming YouTube talent discovery, I’d never really considered doing anything that veered away from the straight path to college and beyond.

As is the case for many others, I had spent some 16 years busting my butt in school, and during those 16 years, my academic performance shaped much of my identity, and in turn, I had shaped a shocking amount of my identity around excelling in my studies. Yet, despite being in the school scene for nearly ¾ of my life, it wasn’t until that fateful day on Wednesday, May 19, 2021, that I realized a suffocating truth: I had no idea of who I was outside of being a student. Correction: I *still* have no idea who I am outside of being a student.

Last week on Wednesday, May 19, 2021, thousands of NYU undergraduate and graduate-level degrees and certificates were officially conferred by the University President Andrew Hamilton and the dozen or so deans and faculty of all the students’ respective schools. Last Wednesday, I graduated…virtually. On any other year, you would find the thousands of graduates sit around the field of Yankee Stadium, and honestly, as I stared into my laptop screen with my black cap on, gold tassel dangling in the corner of my eye, and cat napping on the couch next to me, that’s all I could envision.

Yankee Stadium or my mom’s living room: that is the question.

Yet, despite the virtual nature of the ceremony, I acknowledge that my graduation was a time of joy for my family and friends. My mom flooded everyone’s Facebook feed with cap-and-gown pictures from our private photoshoot in our kitchen, and I responded to all of them with a single post because, let’s be honest, no one has time to respond to every single “Congratulations”. I signed off the post with the oh-so-colorful ending, “Onto the next chapter”, along with a hashtag with the name of my graduate school, #UniversityofGroningen.

Yes, that’s right. Here I am, eternally tearful about not knowing what is meaningful to me outside of my academics and still, I decided to pursue graduate school of my own accord. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very grateful for this opportunity, and I am looking forward to deepening my understanding of my field of study, but what I’m having some real trouble with are the undercurrents of emotion that don’t come across in that Facebook post or my LinkedIn updates or even in my conversations with family and friends—the dread of a quarter-life identity crisis and the fear of losing myself in the books and the grades and the resume and the dollar signs.

It wasn’t until Wednesday, May 19, 2021, that I realized that I don’t know what really matters to me or what makes me feel fulfilled. Like, I have literally spent 10 minutes trying to respond to the simple question of “What kind of music do you like?”. I’ve had a half-hour-long internal debate about whether I prefer thin-cut or thick-cut onion rings. It would take me months to figure out my graduation outfit (thank GOODNESS, I could opt for pajamas instead of a dress this year).

As minuscule and as ridiculous as these questions might seem, upon over a year and a half of quarantine contemplation and introspection, I’ve come to realize that the reason why I have such a hard time with answering these queries and making decisions is that they are inherently based on your identity and personality. And I’ve come to realize that I’m not nearly as in tune with myself as I thought that I was.

Last week, before I graduated, a supervisor of mine proposed a challenge for me. After waiting patiently for my super obscure answer to her clear-cut “What kind of music do you like?” question, she encouraged me to take this summer to think about my “deeper whys”. 

Why do I want to go to grad school?

Why do I like my area of study?

Why do I do anything that I do?

At this moment in time, it would take me weeks or an all-nighter to answer these interview questions interrogations. But I am hoping to take these few months before the next chapter to really figure some myself out. I know that there is more to me than being a student, employee, volunteer, and member of all of the organizations that I’m a part of. There’s more. I know it.

Now, it’s time to figure out what that is.

by Christianne Evasco

Christianne is a recent graduate of New York Univerity, with a major in Psychology and minors in Child and Adolescent Mental Health Studies (CAMS) and Creative Writing. Starting September 2021, she will be continuing her education at the University of Groningen in Groningen, Netherlands. Christianne’s endeavors are fueled by her passion to use her voice to help others harness the power of their own voices through therapeutically-creative means and to connect people through language and cultural exchange. In her free time, you can find her catnapping with her cats.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

Disclaimer: This is lowkey, a venting-out post, and I’m a total hypocrite, and I really need to take my own advice, but hear me out.

Zoom burnout is a thing.

I repeat: teachers, parents, students—ZOOM BURNOUT IS REAL.

Call me old-fashioned, but I’ve always had a preference for brainstorming, taking notes, writing essays, and putting any and all of my thoughts down to paper (there’s nothing like the feeling of a writing utensil callusing your finger joints with little nubs).

It really wasn’t until I graduated high school that I started using screens as much as I do now. In fact, when I first entered university, I was shocked; no, gob-smacked (cool word) at the number of other students who used their laptops to take notes. Since then, I’ve replaced the sensory satisfaction of a pen and paper with the sweet clack of a keyboard. And now, I feel an “unproductiveness” and a sort of emptiness without my technology.

As a college student, I spent a good chunk of my time hunkered down scouring the internet for information, typing away my papers, and lounging in bed while blankly gazing into the glare of blue light of Hulu when I probably should have been either studying or sleeping (speaking of which, guys, you gotta sleep). But the amount I spent scowling at black docs and scrolling through streaming services is overshadowed eclipsed DECIMATED by the time I spend in front of screens ever since the pandemic started.

I like to consider myself an adaptive person. At least, I try to be as flexible as possible (though I was a lot more fit before the pandemic). Still, this whole “everything-online” and “virtual living” thing has me worn out, and I know I’m not alone in this sentiment.

I’ve spoken to friends, classmates, coworkers, professors, and other professionals, and while I—or we—can’t speak for everyone, to my knowledge, the general consensus is that people are getting really tired of hopping on a Zoom call X many times a day.

School, work, socialization—everything is online. And while it’s important to acknowledge what a privilege is to even have access to these resources that allow us to engage in spaces, realize opportunities, and connect with others around the world in real time, it’s also important to recognize the not-so-positive impacts that technology has had on people during this time. Zoom burnout (and really, just burnout in general) is a real thing and can not only affect performance but also our overall well-being.

None of us could have anticipated the start of a pandemic at the dawn of a new decade (well, that is, apart from…). But now that we’re over a year into this global quagmire, it’s important to do what we can to ameliorate the situation, not simply with tech-driven solutions, but also understanding others as well as the self.

Teachers: I get the whole “keep your cameras on during class” thing—trust me, I understand what it’s like to be on the other side of the camera, hosting a meeting or class and seeing grey boxes with names floating in limbo in place of faces. It can feel isolating, awkward, and, quite frankly, annoying when it seems like nobody wants to be there and chances are they don’t. Now, it’s not that they don’t want to be in class necessarily, but most people don’t find it particularly pleasant to have the morning/midday/midnight face and bedroom/kitchen/living room (/bathroom?) out on display for everyone to see. Many people would rather be in class in person. 

Parents: I can understand why you might get frustrated with your kids once in a while when/if they seem like they’re not putting effort into their classes, chores, or other goings-on. My mom gets pretty ticked with me too when I “forget” to do the laundry on Fridays, and I get it. I mean, c’mon, you go to work how many times a week, work how many hours, and juggle how many other responsibilities that come with being a parent? I truly do understand, and I’m sorry that your kids seem to have seriously regressed into actual kids, but—and this is not an excuse but a plea from one of these aforementioned kiddos—there is a lot going on. And yes, you’re right, right now, most of us don’t get up every morning to commute, or go to work (in person), or pay the bills, but have you ever tried your hand at feigning a smile (and/or attention) while on camera (which, by the way, is probably recording your every move and every word) multiple times a day on multiple days in a week? Dude, it’s tough.

And students: I only have two words for you—CHILL. OUT. It is a rough time for a lot of us right now, and just because this is a global pandemic with people around the world pushing through it and many individuals making do, doesn’t mean that your experience is not valid. I can promise you that no one is having an especially easy time right now (well, I mean, unless you have some green and the nerve to fly over to some island resort during this truly tragic period, no shade intended…okay, yes, shade intended).

All of that said, I have four more words for everyone, from teachers to parents to students to whoever else—give yourself a break.

Actually, I have two more words for you all (welp, I guess I’m a hypocrite and a liar)—be gentle. Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with others.

If you take nothing from this read (except for my shade and HILARIOUS sarcasm), or in case you’re in dire need of a TDLR, here are four key takeaways:

• Zoom burnout—and burnout in general—is real.
• We’re in the middle of a global pandemic.
• Stay home and stay safe.
• Give yourself a break.
• Be gentle with yourself, and be gentle with others.

by Christianne Evasco

Christianne is a senior at New York Univerity, majoring in Psychology and minoring in Child and Adolescent Mental Health Studies (CAMS) and Creative Writing. Christianne’s endeavors are fueled by her passion to use her voice to help others harness the power of their own voices through therapeutically-creative means and to connect people through language and cultural exchange. In her free time, you can find her catnapping with her cats.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.