Posts Tagged ‘friendships’

Confessions of a People-Pleaser: On Advocating for your Needs and Boundaries

Monday, June 10th, 2024

There is no such a thing as someone with no needs and no boundaries. I used to believe I had none or at least no right to my own boundaries because I was placed in a role of mostly serving others. Specifically, many women are raised to believe this about themselves. And yet, many western cultures have this expectation that women still need to be these boss women with unbreakable spirits. I couldn’t reconcile these expectations before the time came for me to participate in a college lecture or start my first internship. 

I knew I had to dig deep within myself to find out why I had found it so challenging not to sacrifice myself for the needs of other people. To believe that I didn’t deserve to be listened to, helped, or have my identity affirmed as friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson loves to say. This was clearly impacting the quality of relationships I had with potential friends, my coworkers, family, and supervisors. And it was only blinding me from the potential I had of fulfilling my dreams and of living the kind of life I desired in the end. 

I mostly talk about boundary-setting with family in the second chapter of my ebook; but I would like to expand this conversation to include friends. Family is more or less our first introduction to how relationships are formed and how people view us. Some of us may have more chaotic families than others and follow scripts that strip us all of our autonomy, but they nevertheless serve as a blueprint for our friendships and other relationships important to us. 

As the eldest daughter in my family with two younger brothers, I was raised to constantly look after others, listen to their troubles, be available for when others had urgent matters to be taken care of, and always be open to visiting and being visited by other extended family members, even when the relationship was clearly one-sided. I grew accustomed to turning to journals and talking to myself to keep me away from the true feelings dying inside of me. And to still feel alive after a busy day of being a machine.

I’ll provide an example of a time I should have set boundaries with a “friend” in college. One woman approached me as I was waiting to meet with my advisor in the hallway. She seemed like the kind of person who was over-eager to talk to any new person she could find. I was surprised that she had ended up in my English Critical Theory class. From that point on, she always sat next to me, always asked me questions when the professor was speaking, called my phone several times in a row after class hours, and even plagiarized parts of an essay of mine. What looked like flattery in the beginning started to look more and more like obsession and jealousy (and she admitted to being jealous too). I should have told her that I clearly didn’t see her as a friend like she did. I should have let her know that she was exhausting me. I needed space, but because of the scripts I was fed as a eldest daughter, I willfully gave myself away to energy vampires like her.

Never been the most comfortable in front of a camera.

This was the script I carried with me into my young adulthood. I second-guessed my intellect during college lectures, which stopped me from participating. I felt guilty from wanting to lean on someone when I felt down because my supposed friends’ problems seemed more important, and I felt ashamed for ever using my free time because it was time I could have used to do more work at home or at the office. We all play roles in every aspect of our lives, but we have to decide what roles are depriving us of our humanity. How can we all get what we need without sacrificing ourselves and/or other people? That is my ultimate question. 

It requires a lonely journey to arrive at the answer simply because we live in a world that encourages us to treat each other like slot machines and less like humans. We all have a responsibility to show up for those we care about and hold them accountable when our boundaries have been crossed. Communicate openly and honestly, respect each other’s right to personal space, and learn the art of self-reliance because that will surely come in handy. It first starts with acknowledging we need things from others and learning to fulfill those needs in a healthy way.


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By Daeli Vargas

Daeli is a recent graduate from the City College of New York with a BA in English and a publishing certificate. She is from the Bronx and is very passionate about all things literary. She hopes one day to publish many books of her own and share her passions worldwide.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Box Of Chocolates

Wednesday, October 11th, 2023

Dating is like a box of chocolates in the sense that if I were to only eat chocolate, I’d end up at the hospital with scurvy. 

Old halloween photos. Pretty accurate depiction of how I felt at this stage of my life.

When I first started dating at college I was so caught up in hiding myself. The buzz of putting on the perfect outfit, fixing my hair just right, doing my makeup just right. The anxious excitement waiting outside the fancy restaurants. I’d get a kick out of saying the right thing and always laughing at the right moments. Everything could be in control for those three hours. Everything could be perfect for those three hours. For the evening I was a hologram, projecting a lit up image with big white teeth and temporary charm. I was choosing the most volatile and unreliable part of my life to cling to for stability. Looking to twenty year old men for stability is like being surprised when you light a match in a room full of leaking propane.

I wasn’t eating any potatoes or protein. Both literally and metaphorically, my doctor had to berate me because drugstore ramen noodles are not a source of vitamin C or iron. Turns out the cause of my intense fatigue wasn’t much of a mystery to a professional or my mother, who I wasn’t calling enough either. Metaphorically, I was neglecting the other relationships in my life. Calling my parents made me feel weak. Hearing the voice of the person that kissed me goodnight for eighteen years made the ache in my knees feel more pronounced, and it made the dull pounding in my temple feel like an aneurysm. It was like forcing down unseasoned brussels sprouts. I didn’t want to be aware of how much I was struggling on my own or how much I wanted to be kissed goodnight still. 

Friendships also made me examine myself. Friends saw me anxiously biting my nails before class, and making a joke that nobody heard at dinner, or the time the rain made my eggs and milk fall through my grocery bag on second ave. My friends loved me all the same of course, but I couldn’t hide myself from them even if I wanted to. So I gave up Friday movie nights for candlelit dinners.

I was fixating on dating because it allowed me to craft such a limited image of myself. Who I was under under dim lighting with mellow music was much better than who I was in the harsh light of day. I was neglecting the relationships with people who actually loved me. I was neglecting relationships with inanimate parts of life, like my relationship to health. Preoccupied with trying to be pretty for men, I wasn’t considering that I could be taking pride in knowing my body was well looked after. My relationship to money was strained, in other words, I kept letting money leave my pocket. Most of all I just needed to call home. 

Going on like this made me physically ill. Life has a way of correcting itself though. The best cure for a lack of self-love is a heartbreak.

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Olivia Sully is a Junior studying English Literature at New York University. Olivia spends most of her school and professional life writing and reading, but she likes to decompress with her paintings. 

 For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful ebooks, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2023.


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The Universal Language of International Students

Tuesday, October 10th, 2023

Prior to arriving in Dublin, I hadn’t really processed or identified with the idea that I was going to be an international student. Coming from the United States, I recognized that studying in another country that is English-speaking and heavily influenced by American culture is probably not as intense of an experience as studying somewhere that is entirely foreign in both language and culture. However, I quickly came to realize that, even in less obviously foreign places, there are many experiences shared among all international students.

The first example, and perhaps the one that is most difficult to get used to, is the time difference between school and home. Everyone struggles at least a little with homesickness when they go to college for the first time, but there is truly nothing like an 8-hour time difference to throw you into the reality of adulthood. The first few days at school felt a little unreal, but eventually it set in that I wouldn’t be in the same time zone as the rest of my family for another 3-4 months. 

Something that made the experience especially difficult for me was having a boyfriend back home. With busy schedules on both of our ends, and having spent much of the summer together, it was extremely difficult at first to transition to only calling once or twice a week and having the majority of our conversations being just words on a screen. While our communication has strengthened since we first started long-distance, it would be a lie to say it isn’t still difficult to feel such a constant disconnect between us in our periods apart.

What I can say worked best for me to ease the sadness that the distance brings was meeting and spending time with people at school who are going through the same thing. I like to think of it as a sort of universal language between all international students – the homesickness, the struggle to adapt, the stresses of learning how to succeed academically and socially all while in a near completely unfamiliar place. I have found that no matter where other international students come from, there are always things we can relate to each other about over what we have experienced in this new location.

One resource that has been especially helpful to me at Trinity College is the Global Room. The Global Room is a place where many international students can take refuge to ask questions, attend informational events, and even celebrate the holidays of their home countries. One of the first times I visited the Global Room was a Thanksgiving party (a holiday I definitely didn’t realize I’d be going without for a few years). There, I was able to meet many fellow Americans and bond over some familiar holiday foods and gratitude activities.

A craft I did through the Global Room!

I’ve also learned about other cultures through a variety of Global Room events, such as an Irish trivia night and a Teru Teru Bozu-making class (Japanese rain dolls). There is something quite special about bonding with other international students over a shared lack of knowledge about the new place you’re in. Many of my first conversations with my current closest friends revolved around the unpredictable Dublin bus schedules and the expensive prices of toiletry products at Tesco. Even better, as you broaden your network of international friends, you in turn get to learn more about where they are from and what their lives are like back home. 

Overall, whether you are an international student or not, I think there is much room for bonding and meeting people over the shared unfamiliarities of university. Maybe you have the same boring professor, or you’re both struggling to finish the same assignment. Instead of lingering in the difficult and frustrating parts of the college experience, you can use them as opportunities to seek out positive relationships, which will help you further down the road in navigating your path.

Summary:

  • Being an international student can add further difficulties to navigating university life
  • I struggled with the time difference between school and home, especially with having a boyfriend back home
  • Making connections with other international students helped me feel more grounded in my new community
  • The Global Room was a helpful resource to meet more international students and learn more about Irish culture
  • Anyone, international student or not, can form new friendships through bonding over shared struggles

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By Bella Littler

Bella is a second year film student within the Trinity College Dublin / Columbia Dual BA program. She grew up in Iowa, but is currently living and studying in Dublin. On the average day, you can find her watching obscure movies, going on aimless walks around the city, or raving about any and all Taylor Swift lyrics.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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From One Home to Another

Tuesday, September 19th, 2023
My first picture of the Trinity campanile

On paper, the transition from high school to college sounds crazy. Of course, everyone has to mature and leave childhood at some point, but that abruptly? One night you’ve just finished a meal cooked by your parents, you’re sleeping in the same bed you’ve slept in since you were twelve years old, and the next night you’re in a completely unfamiliar place, sharing a room with a stranger, and trying to figure out where all the time you had ahead of you went. 

Having lived in Iowa my entire life, I knew I had to get out and see the world a little. I was afraid that if I stayed and went to school near my hometown, I’d simply never leave. So what did I do? I managed to get as far away as possible: Dublin, Ireland. I flew over in late August of 2022 with my mom, and I remember thinking the entire flight “Is this real? What am I doing? Where am I going?”

Before coming to school here, I had never been to Ireland before. I had been to Amsterdam once, for a week my freshman year of high school, but that was the only time I had ever even been outside of the country. I knew my decision to go to college in another country, let alone one I had never been to before, was insane, and plenty of people reminded me of that. But the reality of the whole thing took a long time to hit me.

The Long Room in Trinity’s Old Library, where the historic Book of Kells (a ancient religious manuscript) is kept

The first week in Dublin felt like a nice vacation, having time to explore the city with my mom and really just soak up the newness of everything. I visited my school’s campus, Trinity College, and was slightly taken aback by the number of tourists snapping photos in front of the Trinity campanile and waiting in line to see the Book of Kells. I mean, how could I be any more qualified to be here than them? Yet, I was already committed to living and studying for the next year in a place I knew practically nothing about. 

Things really hit the day I said goodbye to my mom. Every time since then, I’ve always gotten this strange feeling every time I’ve left home to go back to school. It’s a mixture of disbelief, sadness, and even numbness as I try to process that I won’t be seeing that person for three to four more months. What kind of person will I be when I see them again? Will they have changed? Will the distance improve our relationship or make it worse? These kinds of thoughts flash through my head with every temporary goodbye I make as part of the inevitable college transition.

When I was younger, I thought that knowing the goodbyes were only temporary would be enough to make things easy. College is so exciting and constantly busy, that you’d think you wouldn’t even have enough time to focus on the things and people that aren’t there. But, for me at least, they’re always there. Whether I’m actively missing my dad or wishing my friend from home were beside me witnessing some funny experience, having to be nearly 4000 miles away from people you’ve known your entire life is never going to be easy.

Me and my new friend on a “smart start” trip to Glendalough!

But that’s not to say that it doesn’t get better. The week after my mom left, I took part in an introductory “smart start” program with a huge group of international students going through the exact same struggles as me. Through lectures on life in Dublin and walking tours around the city, I got to know many of my fellow students and made friendships that are still going strong today.

It is all thanks to the support of my new friends in Dublin that I gained the confidence to join clubs, travel to other countries, and somehow also pass all of my exams. Even having only been through my first year of university, looking back I find it hard to recognize the person I was before moving abroad (in a good way).

I would be lying if I said it still isn’t hard to say goodbye. Just a week ago, I came back to Dublin after 4 months at home, and definitely had another round of questioning whether or not I could do this whole thing again. Thankfully, it only takes a night of hanging out with my friends and strolling around the city for me to remember how much I missed my newfound second home.

Summary:

  • I moved to Dublin to study at Trinity College a year ago with very little abroad experience beforehand
  • It was difficult to say goodbye to family and settle into a completely unfamiliar environment at first
  • I made my first, and ongoing, friendships through an introductory program for international students
  • The connections I’ve made so far have helped me establish a new home within my college environment

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By Bella Littler

Bella is a second year film student within the Trinity College Dublin / Columbia Dual BA program. She grew up in Iowa, but is currently living and studying in Dublin. On the average day, you can find her watching obscure movies, going on aimless walks around the city, or raving about any and all Taylor Swift lyrics.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Chapter 1: Keeping Up With Your High School Friends

Thursday, July 28th, 2022

One of the most integral parts of the college experience is moving away from home to explore new horizons in the brave new world of college. However, people inevitably get left behind in the process whenever someone goes somewhere new. When you were growing up, it’s very likely that you made a couple of friends along your path to adulthood. Sometimes you saw these friends daily, whether in class, in clubs, or just hanging out in your free time. Not being able to see these friends who you’ve spent all of your time with for much of your daily life may be easy for some people but can be a big adjustment for others when they get to college. 

Image Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/jCEpN62oWL4

In my experience, people tend to have one of two reactions when interacting with their high school friends in college: people either stay very closely attached to those friendships, or they neglect them altogether. It is important to remember that wherever you go, these relationships will still be a part of your life, and there are ways to include them in your life in a balanced way.

The best way to manage high school friendships is to set times to talk to them each week. If there are high school friends that you find yourself wanting to maintain some kind of relationship with, the first step is to track how much time you’re already interacting with them, whether it’s long video calls or short text exchanges. If you find that you’re constantly catching up on long calls with your friends back home, the best solution to this is to set a time each week to chat with them. While staying connected with your friends is good, you want to be careful to avoid doing so at the cost of your social life at college. College has a diverse social landscape chock-full of opportunities to try new things and to meet new people. It is important to take at least some time to explore these opportunities. College is now, and it will likely be at least a few months before you see your high school friends again. Once you get to the point where you have some roots at college, you can start dividing the time between high school and college friends however you like. Setting times to talk to people can also be helpful if you already have trouble maintaining relationships with people, especially ones you want to keep. Set a reminder for yourself to send a text or two a week to a few friends, just asking them about how they’ve been. While it may not seem like much, these little gestures can go a long way in maintaining friendships, and they are an easy way to hold yourself accountable. Sometimes people can struggle socially at college, and these little messages can help friends lean on one another. 

My second tip for high school friendships is to recognize that people are going to inevitably change. College is a completely new environment that is different from that of your hometown, and that means people are going to have the opportunity to explore themselves without the influence of parents, teachers, or other people that they’ve had in their life. Maybe they pick up a new hobby or start to explore another side of their personality. Either way, the next time you see your high school friends, it is very likely they will not be the same person as when you left them. In some cases, this could mean strengthening a bond with a person who is more in touch with themselves than ever before. In other cases, this could mean that a relationship that was strong before doesn’t last a year after college. This is totally okay. Not every relationship you have has to last forever. Starting and ending relationships is just a part of life. You do not have to feel guilty that you don’t connect with a person the same way you did before. Now you can use the experiences from that relationship to become a better person for your new friends down the line.

My final tip is to give your high school friends a chance. I think some people tend to get caught up in the newness of college. People hear that college will be the best four years of their life, and, as a result,  will try to leave everything in their “old life” behind. Like it or not, your old life is still your life, and the things that happened in it are going to influence you moving forward. In addition, this attitude can create high expectations of your time in college that may never be reached. Yes, it is true that college can be the best four years of your life, but that doesn’t mean it has to or that it will be. Yes, it is true that you may drift apart from people you may not be as compatible with anymore, but sometimes you can keep some really good friends from your high school years and continue to grow with them. Just as you can’t afford to waste any new opportunities in college, you can’t waste any old opportunities with your friends back home. 


And finally, when you do go back home for break, what better way to catch up on college memories than on some good food in the city? You can try some great North Indian food at Punjab Palace! You can get 10% off your takeout order with your student ID!

By: Lucas Pratt


Lucas Pratt is a senior at Boston College studying Philosophy, English, and Chinese. He enjoys games of all kinds, Dungeons and Dragons, and getting around to finishing the copy of Dune that’s been sitting on his nightstand for months on end. Lucas has decided that the words “employable majors” don’t mean anything to him, and is eagerly seeing where the world takes him in the future.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services. At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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hot potato but make it a metaphor for zoom university 

Tuesday, July 19th, 2022

Picture this: you’re playing Extreme Hot Potato for the first time. 

You’ve never played before. You don’t automatically know what makes it extreme- you just know that you signed up, so now you’re playing. You’re a little nervous, a little excited. You bounce on the balls of your feet; you put your hands up like a baseball star, ready to play. 

Suddenly there’s a flaming lump being launched at you. 

Your eyes widen in shock. It’s coming fast, but your brain is faster. 

As the potato, hurls towards you, you process a few things. The first is that this is the potato you are supposed to catch. It is literally on fire, blackened at this point. Definitely overcooked.

The second is anger, because no one told you the “extreme” part of the game would be literally catching something on fire. You would’ve said no, or worn a catcher’s glove, or waited to say yes until you knew how to approach such a weird, wild concept, or something. There were a dozen ways to have handled it but now, with no way to prepare, you’ll probably end up with a hell of a burn.

But you don’t have time to be angry and, as the air around you gets warmer, you brace yourself for the incoming pain, your hands rigid in front of you, and prepare to catch the fiery starch. 

It’s too late to turn back now.

orange lineart drawing of a potato on fire
That is one very hot potato!

Sometimes that’s life- a game of Extreme Hot Potato, with twists and turns you never saw coming. Adolescent life, especially, can be capricious in all the worst ways. There’s dozens of coming-of-age films and books that’ve been written with the sole purpose of reminding fully-grown taxpayers about just how hard it was, and teaching up-and-coming adults how hard it will likely be. Between trying to balance autonomy with still needing support, learning to take care of yourself, doing schoolwork, making friends, holding a job, financing your education, and classes all at once, sometimes it feels like there’s barely time to breathe. Then, worse than any flaming potatoes, 2020 threw in a global pandemic. 

When COVID-19 hit an ill-prepared United States, no one was ready for it. It destroyed peoples’ lives and health, wreaking havoc on the country’s most vulnerable and marginalized citizens. For the people who weren’t dying or struggling with a weakened immune system, it was incredibly isolating. 

While not nearly as tragic as the numerous deaths it caused, the pandemic intensified the difficulties of young adulthood. It was disruptive to the college experience, leaving numerous students without housing or resources they thought they would have. A struggle it caused- that I can speak to more accurately- is how lonely it was. Best friends went from being neighbors to only being able to talk from six feet away, if you were lucky enough to live nearby. I was recently talking to my friend about some of the stuff I’d gone through over the pandemic, which had been a wild ride and a half. I’d broken up with my ex, gone through a few different jobs, dated, and tried to make new friends. My friend, one of the closest people to me when I’d been living on campus, only knew the parts of my life I’d shared online. We lamented the distance quarantine had created, the way the intricacies of social connection had been lost to distance. Not being able to be around one another on campus prevented us from being able to support each other as closely. You can’t really lean on someone from states away.

We were a single case study. Research conducted for the Children and Youth Services Review found that the impact of COVID-19 made students in India more “likely to suffer from stress, anxiety, and depression” (“COVID-19 and its impact on…”)) in addition to negatively affecting their scholarly habits. In the United States, the Center for Collegiate Mental Health found that of 43,098 students who sought mental health counseling, 94% reported that at least one part of their life had been negatively impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic (“COVID-19 Impact on College Student Mental Health”). The most affected part of life for the students interviewed, at a resounding 72%, was their mental health; at a barely-lower percentage of 68% were their feelings of isolation. Considering the CCMH report only acknowledges the responses of students who had the resources to seek treatment, it’s safe to assume the pandemic left its mark on the vast majority of us; it changed the course of our college experience.

I haven’t touched on everything else- the difficulties of staying focused in Zoom University, or the way the pandemic prevented students from accessing the facilities or materials necessary to do their work, or the way not everyone had a place to go or a family they could be around safely when it came time to evacuate campuses. Without any need for elaboration, I think it’s clear that all of it, compounded, created a hostile learning environment in an already-tumultuous period of life.

Perhaps the best thing to come from the COVID-19 College Experience was resilience. As someone who stuck through Zoom University, I was able to get a place off-campus, in the same town as my friends from school, and have a semi-normal senior year. Things got better. Proximity allowed me to be closer to my chosen family, to have people around me that I could go to for support, and to have access to my college’s resources. I saw the world start to heal, starting with the little community of Lesley University. For some people, persistence took a different form. Whether it was a gap year or the realization that a traditional college education wasn’t the path for them, the pandemic encouraged people to branch out, finding creative solutions that fit their needs, growing like plants through cracks in the pavement. We all found a way to keep going.

orange lineart drawing of two folks having a talk on a park bench
Sometimes you need a good heart-to-heart with the friend you got separated from at the hands of a global pandemic.

Extreme Hot Potato burns, but you make it out alive.

tl;dr: the only way out is through.


You did it! You survived quarantine and made it all the way through college. You- and your chosen family, made up of a ragtag group of college pals- deserve a sweet treat. 

With your student IDs and the help of a Campus Clipper coupon, you can get just that at Pavement Coffeehouse- and all from the comfort of your own home! By using the promo code specified in the advertisement, you can get five dollars off of your first mobile order.


By Ness Curti

Ness Curti is a freshly-graduated illustrator from the Lesley College of Art and Design. A part-time bobarista and full-time New England adventurer, they hope to one day tell stories for a living, whether through art or words. They enjoy doodling, procrastinating, and saying hello to the dogs they pass on the sidewalk.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Do They Hate Me?

Monday, June 27th, 2022

Continuing with this notion of persistent thoughts within friendships and what really brings them to the forefront of our minds, I want to center this blog post around the commonly pondered question: do they hate me? 

This heavy question can lead to hours and hours of insecurity and self-doubt. I think for me, this question really comes about because of people’s tone. I can interpret it incorrectly and that misinterpretation can make me believe that my friends actually don’t like me. I feel like I spend most of my time just tearing apart every conversation I have with someone, to make sure the conversation went okay. Then, I turn inward and tear myself apart thinking about certain ways I reacted and what could be misinterpreted on my end to make them not like me. Sometimes I fear that my worst nightmare is coming true, that my friends don’t like me, they just merely tolerate me. Nevermind the fact that the loss of a friendship hurts just as much as, if not more than, a breakup.

I share these inner feelings, not to encourage this spiral of negative emotions that are somewhat baseless in nature but to enter into the conversation that insecurity and overthinking make you live these intense experiences that haven’t happened. So, you feel like you are going through them constantly, grieving things that aren’t lost and hating yourself for things that aren’t outside of your own mind.

Image Credit: https://clipart.world

First, in any type of relationship an individual may feel some sort of anxiety upon the possible fallout because of how fragile relationships can be. No matter how close people are, it can fall apart. Now, that may sound cynical but it is realistic and still a bit dark.

Now, my negative thought process, as I mentioned before, develops from within the tone of a conversation I have with someone. That anxiety further intensifies over a text conversation because I can’t see or read how the other person meant for the text to come across. I automatically revert to assuming everyone is using a passive aggressive or distasteful tone with me because I have convinced myself that everyone is just pretending to like me.

In fact, writer Jon Jaehnig who authored the article, “Why Don’t People Like Me? Thought Patterns And Behaviors With Social Skills” for betterhelp.com discusses this theory, that within friendship we constantly make overgeneralizations based on a handful of bad experiences. These overgeneralizations lead us to project our inner feelings and thoughts onto our relationships with others. Essentially, the negative thoughts and feelings that are within ourselves harm our budding relationships when we assume that they will fail because of past experiences. Often, it is easy to misremember interactions and convince ourselves that we never really had any close friends, which further “proves” our negative and baseless thoughts that are rooted in anxiety.

Although in the past I have feared being alone, I have come to realize that embracing loneliness helps to heal these negative thoughts. Becoming my own friend, in a way, has had a positive impact. It allows me the opportunity to have friendships form in a natural way, and not feel the pressure of past experiences weighing down on them coupled with the pressure of needing people to like me.

A great way to embrace this loneliness is by spending some quality time with yourself! So treat yourself! And if you are in New York City, you can stop by City Glow Beauty Boutique and get 20% off all services when you bring this coupon and your student ID!


By: Ashley Geiser 

Ashley Geiser is a Junior studying English with a concentration in Creative Writing at Pace University. She is also the Editor-in-Chief and Co-President for Her Campus at Pace. She loves reading and editing. And when she is not reading or editing, she can be found baking in her kitchen.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Cultivating Your Community and Finding Your Peers

Sunday, August 22nd, 2021

After the initial shock and scramble for a newfound identity has passed, New York City can become pretty lonely and alienating until one finds their own niche community. In the beginning of my time at The New School, I struggled with finding my peers because it felt like everyone already created established groups. Coupled with my social anxiety, the city landscape was a rough place to immediately make close friends. I found that at first, the city offered  a strange lack of intimacy disguised as comradeship in student life as I would find myself attending school organized activities with groups of people that I would no longer hear from after leaving the room. Keeping in contact has always been a difficult task for me, but I wanted to make close connections so I realized that I had to break out of the shell that I had created for myself. One thing I really had to learn for myself was that meaningful friendships exist in more than just group settings. In other words, it’s okay to feel like others may have more friends than you. Socializing should not feel like a competition! What really matters at the end of the day is that you have formed strong connections that are meaningful to you and the people you share them with. It took me a long time to realize that I don’t need an extremely large friend group that shares the exact same interests in order to be happy; after all, how is it possible to find people exactly the same? Such an occurrence is rare and can actually cause social disadvantages as you may never interact with people of different opinions than you. It is the equivalent of a friendship within a vacuum, which is the exact opposite lifestyle that New York City encourages. 

With my social anxiety it was, and still is, often difficult to convince myself to take risks and talk to new people but I found that my best friends have been made through breaking out of my comfort zone. During my sophomore year, a classmate invited me to a party at her apartment in the East Village and I felt the immediate creep of anxiety rolling through me. Despite this, I realized that I never really went out when I had the opportunity to do so, and I considered the notion that I was missing out by spending my free time only with my one best friend in the city. I loved the lower east side and I knew that I needed to love and experience it beyond the media I consumed about it. I needed to branch out in order to have more diverse experiences and the party was the perfect place to do so! This notion came hand in hand with the recognition that if I want something, in this case friendships, I must be willing to put myself out there and make the effort to get to know people rather than expect them to come to me. Manifesting can only go so far if one does not act! At the party, my friend and I ended up meeting a new student who was also looking to meet people. We fell into easy conversation and by 2 am we were eating Ihop on 14th Street! Exploring preexisting relationships helped alleviate some of my social anxiety and meet more people. Unforgettably, I met one of my best friends at this party that I was so anxious to attend!

Beyond the casual irregular party invitations, another way to meet your own people is to create your own clubs. Sure, your university may offer its own interesting clubs but if you notice that there is not a specific club for you, try forming your own! A few friends and I started a book club when we were sophomores, and though the club never fully got off the ground, I was introduced to various new novels and people who are just as bookish as myself. Be open with your interests, this is the one thing I wish I had acted more upon. At the end of the day, there is no one to impress or be afraid of because your interests are what make you unique. You will attract the right people if you are open about what kind of person you are! 

Enjoying Open Mic Night at The People’s Forum

Lastly, I also recommend volunteering in your community. One way to find people with a similar drive and passion to you is through volunteer work! I highly recommend The People’s Forum, which is located on W 37th Street in the Garment District of Manhattan. The People’s Forum uses their space to organize political activist events and host activities like open mics and movie showings. They also have volunteering opportunities that encourage conversations with like minded individuals and a chance to help out a cause that one believes in. I have been to a few of their open mic nights, which featured acts from original performances to poetry readings! Consider what you believe in and how you can make a difference in your community. This is a surefire way of making new connections that can last beyond the time that you volunteer for an organization!

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Overview

  • Dismiss the idea that your friend group must be large and identical in personality, doing so will make you happier in the long run. 
  • Hold your friends close; form meaningful relationships with people that you actually enjoy talking to rather than just aiming to impress.
  • Wear your interests on your sleeve! Don’t be afraid to showcase your interests. 
  • Volunteer with organizations to help out in your community! I recommend The People’s Forum.

_______________________________

Helisoa Randriamanana is an aspiring writer, academic, and recent Spring 2021 graduate of The New School with a BA in literary studies and a double minor in philosophy and religious studies. She is interested in jump starting a career in the world of book publishing and most of her work, both fiction and non-fiction, reflects the humanist philosophy of Emmanuel Levinas.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The Power of Listening

Wednesday, November 18th, 2020

The world continues to change daily and rapidly, it is evolving everyday. As human beings we are shaping our own evolution, constantly changing our present and future. Through all of these advancements and technological improvements, our lives are often facilitated and our surroundings are much noisier. It can be difficult to maintain the practice of listening, and lose these skills. If we lose the art of listening, then we also lose or diminish our communication skills, which can affect our personal and professional life. It is important to be an effective listener, and to pay attention to the world as a whole.

In today’s society, we’ve grown more impatient and more appreciative of effortless things. Amazon, the innovative company that has shifted the e-commerce industry, offers a “Prime membership” that enables you to easily receive a package within a day or two, people are willing to pay more for a faster delivery service. Even when it comes to listening it is easy to daze off or filter the information we choose to retain. Especially when we are all busy fulfilling our daily duties and responsibilities, it is often convenient to keep everything short and straightforward rather than putting in the effort to listen and empathize with the speaker. 

By the early 1900’s a video camera was invented by John Logie Baird, who knew that camera’s would turn the world upside down (BBC, 29 September 2015). Nowadays, it is very easy to record everything. It is the beauty of being able to capture and relive everything taken on a camera lens. As a student myself, I rely on screenshots or photos of any class notes to help capture the information I couldn’t carefully listen to. However, it affects our listening skills because we no longer feel the need to be attentive and listen as recording content is available during any day or time. We are focusing on what these technological advancements can do for us versus the benefits that being an effective listener can bring to our development. 

We’ve become immersed in our own world, that most of the time our headphones are the answer to escaping our reality. It’s made us lose the connections amongst others, and we’ve also lost the ability to connect through sharing our ideas, experiences, and aspirations with one another. Conversation is no longer prominent if headphones serve as a refuge. Furthermore, it is negatively impacting the ability to be physically present and embrace the sounds of life. 

Being an effective listener is a gift that offers more than hearing the bird chips or our morning alarms, it is a set of skills that can bring prosperity, strengthen relationships and help us be more comprehensive in such a hectic world. Being a good listener also allows us to listen to ourselves, it gives us the opportunity to listen to our mind, body, and soul for a road to happiness. Establish wellness with yourself to be able to listen and care for others first. The act of caring is just as powerful as listening to your significant other, express themselves.

How to make yourself a priority (self-care):

Bera, Maggie “10 Easy Self Care Tips For Actors” https://www.actoraesthetic.com/blog/self-care. Accessed 12 November 2020.
  • Turn off your phone. Most of the time the first thing you do as soon as you wake up in the morning is check your phone. Now you’ll have to “unplug” to distress from your emails, notifications and buzzing that only make you overwhelmed. Try to set a schedule for yourself. For example, stay off your phone thirty minutes prior to bed or manage your screen time on the screen time tab in your settings for most iPhone users. If necessary, put your phone on airplane mode, focus on breathing and take a break!
  • Treat yourself to dinner. Food can be classified as an event, and we can make it memorable if we make it. During a stressful moment food can truly be our best friend, we don’t have to make dinner a “friends night” it can be a night to treat your cravings and watch Netflix, treasuring your own company. 

How to take care of others:

Uknown, “Self Care takes a Community, say mental health experts” https://www.folio.ca/self-care-takes-a-community-say-mental-health-experts/. Accessed 12 November 2020.
  • Reach out. Most of the time we aren’t aware of what our friends or next-door neighbors are going through, ask the person next to you “are you okay?”. Reassure them that you’re there to listen, stay connected with your friends and family.
  • Be present. Often many may experience financial problems, however, being present for someone doesn’t always necessarily mean being there financially. It could also mean helping someone study for their test, encouraging someone to achieve their goals, celebrating a birthday, or even offering them a ride home are all acts of care. 

You can find all of our active coupons at this link. Redeem them here:


By: Yadira Tellez

Yadira is currently enrolled at the Fashion Institute of Technology, majoring in Fashion Business Management and minoring in English literature. She’s worked in retail and has had the opportunity to work behind the scenes during NYFW. Her dream is to be a Fashion Stylist but enjoys creative writing to relieve stress and express her mind.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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