Archive for October, 2016

How Not to Do Anything: An Expert Guide – How Not to Be Well-Read, and Remain Uninformed

Saturday, October 29th, 2016
Image Credit: http://www.grmatthews.com/single-post/2015/07/23/Bored-of-information

Image Credit: http://www.grmatthews.com/single-post/2015/07/23/Bored-of-information

Some of the most successful idlers are prone to expending vast amounts of time reading books or (let’s be realistic) the Internet, due to a desire to be the kind of person who reads widely and knows what’s going on in the world. Reading is as good a waste of time as anything else that no one is forced to do, and if that’s what you like to do when you’re doing nothing, more power to you. But to a true layabout, reading, or at least reading books or the news or just about anything that’s particularly serious, is a bit too much of a hassle.

For most of recorded history, reading was the best entertainment that could be found anywhere, at any time, and it was beloved of some of history and literature’s greatest loafers, like Aristotle and Hamlet. However, in today’s crowded entertainment marketplace, reading can’t compete. Even reading something as innocuous as the tabloids is infinitely more taxing than watching reality television, or having a tiny woman in a box on your computer screen tell you what it says in the tabloids. The internet is an immaculate solution to the problem of serious reading: not only can you pick from an incomprehensibly large selection of vacuous material, but you can even post your own most banal and meaningless thoughts. Which means that anyone with an internet connection can find a supply of asinine amusement that is literally limitless.

To those who aspire to the pinnacles of sluggardom, I recommend the following habits:

  • Abstain from all newspapers (and their websites), non-glossy magazines, and books not written by famous people. Basically, avoid anything that’s actually in print and isn’t colorful.
  • Get all of your news from celebrities’ twitter accounts.
  • Always go with the movie version.
  • Instead of reading canonical authors and books, read their wikipedia pages. (This trick works with less well-regarded books, too!)
  • If you disagree with your reading material, find something else to read.

By Aaron Brown


Aaron Brown was one of the Campus Clipper’s publishing interns, who wrote an e-book “How Not To Do Anything: An Expert Guide.” If you like Aaron’s writing, follow our blog for more chapters from his e-book. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during last year’s Welcome Week.

Become a fan on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

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How Not to Do Anything: An Expert Guide – How Not to Be a Force for Positive Change in Your Community

Saturday, October 22nd, 2016
Image Credit: http://bit.ly/2dGIYVQ

Image Credit: http://bit.ly/2dGIYVQ

No less venerable an American than Mohammed Ali once said, “Service to others is the payment you make for your space here on Earth.” That’s one way to look at it. “I never asked to be born; I don’t owe nobody shit,” is another (suggested by the rap duo Das Racist in their song, “I Don’t Owe Nobody Shit”). Whether your views on the subject of community service are closer to one or the other aforementioned, or completely different, chances are that you will not be doing much volunteering in the near (or distant) future. After all, volunteering, like visiting a museum or voting, is one of those things that nearly everyone shares a deep belief in doing, but seldom actually does.

As anyone who’s ever done some volunteering can tell you, it is generally dull, disheartening, and thankless work (since you don’t get paid to do it, duh). Unfortunately for breast cancer researchers and homeless people, even the most heartfelt gratitude of the nicest volunteer coordinator you’ll ever meet doesn’t really compare to the material satisfaction of cashing a check and then buying some clothing or electronics. Moreover, volunteering can be incredibly depressing, since the causes that require volunteers tend to be both pretty dire and underserviced. And only some people (do-gooders, masochists) enjoy that demoralizing tang.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you don’t have to change much of anything in order not to be a force for good in your community. But just in case you dabble in working for free, here are some alternative choices. When you want to see something intensely dispiriting, watch the new Holocaust movie, or read the World section of the newspaper. When you’re asked to lend a hand, inform your implorer that you’re late for your weekly nursing home tea time with Granny; that should quiet them up, and maybe even get you some encouragement, which is nice even if undeserved. And when you feel like a worthless, lazy waste of space, turn on some partisan cable news: you’ll find ample evidence of your own value as a person, in the form of commentators and politicians, whose central goals on this Earth seem to be to obtain the maximum number of fake tans and to terrify everyone else. You never even bother the neighbors.

By Aaron Brown


Aaron Brown was one of the Campus Clipper’s publishing interns, who wrote an e-book “How Not To Do Anything: An Expert Guide.” If you like Aaron’s writing, follow our blog for more chapters from his e-book. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during last year’s Welcome Week.

Become a fan on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

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How Not to Do Anything: An Expert Guide – How Not to Stay in Shape

Saturday, October 15th, 2016
Image Credit:  http://mom.girlstalkinsmack.com/health/exercise-of-diabetics.aspx

Image Credit:
http://mom.girlstalkinsmack.com/health/exercise-of-diabetics.aspx

Many young Americans spend an altogether gratuitous amount of time and money on exercise and a healthy diet, two things which all doctors order, but which almost no one really enjoys. Despite the difficulty and unpleasantness of physically exerting yourself or eating home-cooked vegetables, there is an unfortunate tangle of social pressures that causes a great many people to do so. Luckily for you, you are immune to the unreasonable ideals of the popular culture and your mother.

While it may prove problematic not to get a job, or lonely not to have a lady or gentleman friend, it is surpassingly easy not to stay in shape; that’s why one third of all adults in the United States are obese! But don’t worry, it’s not necessary to take it that far. The important thing is to be only as unhealthy as you want to be. With a diet of whatever is tasty and at hand, plus a minimal exercise regimen, you can settle into a nice equilibrium of health, a natural weight that may fluctuate drastically depending on the quality of local fast food, and the frequency of meals that you can get other people to make for you.

With the time and money that other people pour into their local gym and health food store, you can do practically anything, or, even better, practically nothing. Watch TV, fly a kite, browse the latest internet memes—if you’re feeling crazy, read a book. Nearly anything that you feel like doing is far less arduous and more pleasurable than exercising, and with all of your unhealthy savings, you can even buy a playstation or a bigger TV, and stay on the cutting edge of indolence. With the right attitude and a total lack of willpower, you can be as lethargic as the most spoiled house dog, and you don’t even have to go outside to go to the bathroom!

By Aaron Brown


Aaron Brown was one of the Campus Clipper’s publishing interns, who wrote an e-book “How Not To Do Anything: An Expert Guide.” If you like Aaron’s writing, follow our blog for more chapters from his e-book. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during last year’s Welcome Week.

Become a fan on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

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How Not to Do Anything: An Expert Guide – How Not to Be Cool

Saturday, October 8th, 2016
Image Credit: http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyxq6u2z7m1qf0zg2o1_500.jpg

Image Credit: http://bit.ly/2dUIf0u

For those living the languorous life, it can be tempting to consider yourself somehow superior to others due to your activity-free lifestyle and comparatively blithe, carefree existence. This is a thoroughly justified and righteous assessment to make. However, you have to be extremely careful not to take such judgements beyond their simplest, self-evident conclusions, and begin to consider yourself cool. Being cool has a lot of appeal to young people––it means that you somehow know better than your peers, without knowing anything at all, and it means that you get to have sex without necessarily having a job. But being cool, like having a real job or a girlfriend, takes nearly constant work.

Don’t be fooled by the false detachment of the coolest guy in the room: no matter how apathetic his mien, he is deeply invested in your perception of him in relation to everyone else. He feeds off your vision of him, which proves his coolness better than he ever could. What you need is true detachment, and you can’t have that unless you sincerely don’t care what the other people at the party think of you, since you aren’t invested in a cool self-image. Know that you are better than them, but pay no attention to whether or not they realize this. In fact, it’s better if they don’t.

In order to circumvent any hazard of coolness, I have an elegant solution: wear sweatpants. All the time. Sweatpants are incredibly comfortable and always cheap. You can wear them anywhere, including in bed, and best of all, there will never be any confusion as to whether or not you are cool. (This strategy is also highly effective when eluding employment and romantic entanglements.) While everyone else scrambles to adhere to the moment’s fashions, you can sit on the couch, complacent in your sweatpants. From far enough away, you look like a king on his throne, in robes of cheapest cotton.

By Aaron Brown


Aaron Brown was one of the Campus Clipper’s publishing interns, who wrote an e-book “How Not To Do Anything: An Expert Guide.” If you like Aaron’s writing, follow our blog for more chapters from his e-book. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during last year’s Welcome Week.

Become a fan on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

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How Not to Do Anything: An Expert Guide – How Not to Get a Girl or Guy

Saturday, October 1st, 2016
Image Credit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/being-alone-after-divorce_b_3560504.html

Image Credit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/being-alone-after-divorce_b_3560504.html

The greatest threat to a life devoid of obligations –– and the number one reason that anyone does anything –– is, of course, sex. (Almost) no one is interested in a person that doesn’t do anything, as such a person may often be considered “lazy,” or even “useless.” Obviously, such hasty judgements fail to appreciate the degree of commitment and even skill requisite to really doing nothing. But in any case, the allure of sex is a given; it is the single thing most likely to distract one from some good old indolence. It is the primary reason that scientists and musicians are constantly trying to top one another, that bankers work eighteen hour days for another meaningless zero on their Christmas bonuses, and that regular people put so much effort into appearing active, interesting, and reliable.

But even the appearance of activity, interest, and reliability takes just a ton of work. And if and when you find someone who buys the crock that you actually are fascinated by French literature or Lady Gaga and really do get more than pecuniary sustenance from your job, you only need to work harder to keep up the illusion, until it inevitably fails and you are left cold and alone, wondering why you haven’t quit your painfully dull job. Then you remember: who wants to have sex with someone who can’t even hold down a job? A vicious cycle.

To fight the threat to your inactivity that the possibility of romance presents, I humbly proffer the following brief set of instructions:

  • Maintain standards in potential partners that are well above what might be considered realistic, fair, or sane. (You can always do better.)
  • Follow advice given in chapters 1-2 (published on the Campus Clipper blog last week and the week before) and 4-9 (that are yet to come). No member of the opposite or same sex should bother you.

By Aaron Brown


Aaron Brown was one of the Campus Clipper’s publishing interns, who wrote an e-book   “How Not To Do Anything: An Expert Guide.” If you like Aaron’s writing, follow our blog for more chapters from his e-book. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during last year’s Welcome Week.

Become a fan on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Instagram!

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