“you must enter a relationship

with yourself

before anyone else”

-Rupi Kaur

Image Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/explore/feeling-empty-quotes/

I’ve been talking about self-love for a couple months now and of course, I truly believe that self-love is an important concept for everyone to embody to the best of their ability. That said, there isn’t much questioning the fact that women and girls are often the ones who struggle most with self-esteem issues. Yes, everyone is vulnerable to such challenges. However, I think it’s a wider issue for women. We’ve all grown up hearing that it’s so important for women to nix the low self-esteem that they often seem to feel and learn to really love themselves, from their minds to their bodies. Basically, these ideas are no secret.

But of course, poor self-esteem and lack of self-love don’t only effect the individual (man or woman). Our relationships-professional, friendly, and romantic- are all impacted by the way we feel about ourselves. Huffington Post reports of 2013 a study that found that our self-esteem influences our relationship satisfaction and that of the person we are in that relationship with. This is because a constant lack of self-worth and self-love can eventually work its way into how we interact with others. Again, the same aforementioned study explains how this effect is consistent among genders. However, it’s also important to point out that it is also consistent across ages and relationships of all different lengths!

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One of the biggest ways to start addressing these insecurities affecting our relationships is to really try increasing our self-compassion and self-care. While I’ve been talking about self-love, I think the mention of self-compassion is simply genius.

Compassion is defined by Merriam-Webster as the sympathetic consciousness of other’s distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

Now, take that definition, flip it around, and apply it to yourself. What happens when we do this, when we have compassion for ourselves, is incredible. Forgive yourself and be consciously sympathetic toward your flaws. Understand that it’s okay, in fact magical, to have imperfections of all sorts. It’s okay to not look like the most popular supermodel, it’s okay if your family is different than someone else’s, it’s okay if your skin isn’t perfect, or if you’re an introvert instead of the class clown. When you hope to accomplish something and fail to reach your goal it is easy to be hard on yourself. When this happens it is crucial to show yourself some compassion. It is also important to keep in mind that the way we perform at any given time does not directly define who we are or what our worth is. When we realize that all of this is okay and even good, we can allow ourselves to love who we are as is.

As far as self-care, I think this is something I’ve written about previously a bit more. When we care for our minds and bodies by relaxing, eating right, exercising and more, we will simultaneously feel better-it just happens!

Here are 3 quick things you can do to develop your self-love and be sure to keep it at the forefront of your relationships:

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1. Be sure to keep your space– remember that even when you are in a relationship with someone else it is important for both of you to regularly take time to yourselves as well. Doing this will allow you some peace of mind and help you remember to care for YOU. Also, it will make you appreciate the time that you are together that much more!
2. Remember, in the words of John Mayer, love is a verb– this goes both ways. In the same way that it is more important to actively show those that you care about how much you love them than to simply tell them, it is important to choose to actively love yourself. Even if you don’t easily feel a strong sense of self-love, act in a self-loving way and eventually you’ll believe it. Mind over matter.
3. Find out what your partner loves about you, and love it too– Take everything that your partner is always saying they love about you, or simply ask them straight up what they love, and start loving it too! Of course, this can be easier said than done, but it can be incredibly fulfilling. This can be rewarding when practiced with your romantic partner, friends, and family! It also works both ways…tell the people you care about what you love about them and help them love themselves, too!

I hope that some of this is truly at least a bit eye-opening for you. Hopefully you will be more conscious in your relationships and treat yourself better. It will help those that you care about as well! Take the three key tips above and own self-love in your relationships!

By Chanelle Surphlis

Chanelle Surphlis is a Campus Clipper publishing intern, who is graduating from FIT this May. Passionate about giving back and pursuing volunteer opportunities, Chanelle aspires to work for a fashion or beauty company that includes philanthropy in its core values. If you like Chanelle’s writing, check out her blogs here and here. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.