Your roommates might be the first people you meet in college. Maybe you click instantly, living together is a breeze, and you’re naming each other maid of honor by mid-September. Or maybe they become your nemesis. More often, it’s something in between: you coexist peacefully but keep your distance, or you barely interact at all. So how do you navigate this wide spectrum of roommate relationships? I’ve experienced both ends (and everything in between), so let’s talk about it.
My first roommate—let’s call her Jennifer—was one of my first friends at NYU. She was sweet, but tension started building when she consistently avoided doing her share of the chores. Jennifer was more reserved, so I went out of my way to include her: I welcomed her into my friend group, invited her to hangouts, and tried to help her feel at home in a new city. But that generosity eventually became a burden. Her dependency began to impact my social life and personal experiences.
I remember a road trip to D.C. early in freshman year. Jennifer brought only heels and struggled to walk around the city, making it hard for her to enjoy or participate in our planned activities. When asked what she’d prefer to do, she offered no suggestions. By the end of the trip, she had to be reminded to make her own meals and clean up the Airbnb, arguably basic responsibilities she seemed to struggle with.
In situations like this, open and honest communication is crucial. I shared my frustrations with her multiple times about her lack of contribution to our living space and her passivity in our friendship. She always received the feedback politely, but nothing changed. Eventually, it started affecting my ability to stay close with her.
When you don’t have a strong relationship with your roommate, a lack of communication can lead to some… interesting surprises. One night after dinner, I came back to our room to find a camping tent on Jennifer’s bed. She had placed her mattress inside it for “privacy” and to block out light. Soon after, she became almost fully nocturnal, taking advantage of her online classes. That shift only added more distance between us.
Here’s what I learned from that experience:
First, not every friendship, no matter how close it once felt, is meant to last. Sometimes, the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you see your intolerable differences. Letting go is healthy. Friendships require effort from both sides, and when that effort isn’t mutual, it’s okay to step away. That’s not cruelty; it’s self-preservation.
Second, even the people closest to you can’t read your mind. While I communicated my bigger frustrations to Jennifer, I let a lot of smaller irritations build up silently. That resentment took a toll. You don’t have to nitpick every minor inconvenience, but speaking up calmly and clearly before things spiral is often much easier than bottling everything up. After all, you’re sharing a space. Both people deserve to feel comfortable.
Now, let’s flip the script: what if you’re rooming with your best friends? That can be a dream come true or a fast track to disaster if you’re not prepared for the shift in dynamics. Yes, they’re your “besties,” but now they’re also your roommates. Respect their time and space, and don’t let your friendship make you slack on your responsibilities. A clean, welcoming living environment is still the goal.
As someone who has now lived with her best friends for over a year, I can say this with confidence: communication is everything.
Living with people you love requires the same toolkit as living with strangers. You will disagree, but it’s how you handle those moments that defines the experience. Be open to compromise. Maintain your boundaries and respect theirs. Do that, and you’ll not only survive: you’ll make some of the best memories of your college years.
Have fun, and good luck!
By Logan O’Connor
Logan is a rising senior at NYU pursuing degrees in Journalism and Politics. She grew up on Long Island, but always dreamed of living in New York City. When she’s not in class or at her favorite local cafe, you can find her wandering the city (film camera in hand) or baking up a storm in her kitchen.
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