I’m in my first semester of Senior year now, and listen— I’m still afraid of the dining hall. Kind of. It’s big, busy, and bright. It’s a space that still feels uncomfortable for me to enter some days. During my first three years of college, when I relied on the dining hall for meals because I lived on-campus, it was sort of like exposure therapy going in and out of that place at least twice a day. Now it takes more of an effort. The dining hall is unfamiliar again. But I push through that, and I go in anyway because I know I can. Because it’s not actually that bad once I get in there and sit down. 

A few months into this semester, I’ve managed to find a rhythm. Every Monday I meet some friends for coffee, Wednesday we get dinner, Thursday we hang out after class. I try to make time for work, for the gym, for my school work, for my creative endeavors, and for my friends. All with the help of Google Calendar, of course. Every semester is a bit different. I meet new groups of people, and I experience new things. When I first started college I was 18, and now I can go out to bars on the weekends with those same friends I had back then. Things have changed, and so have I. I spend my time with people I’m comfortable around, and people who make me feel heard. Gone are the days where I forced myself to be around people who don’t respect me or my boundaries, the days where I overextended my social battery and pushed myself past the limit of what I was able to do. 

What I’ve learned (and am still learning) in my time at school is the importance of communication—clear, concise communication. Specifically, drawing lines when needed. It can be especially difficult, because even when there’s plenty of “how-to-set-boundaries” guides online and in books, ultimately it depends on every person involved. I mean, everyone thinks differently, right? But being able to effectively communicate your boundaries is an essential part of friendship, and it’s something I’m still learning to do. Saying “yes” even when you’re scared can be so important, but sometimes saying ‘yes’ to everything can cause issues. The importance of “no” is just as crucial in friendships. Knowing yourself, your boundaries, your energy and comfort levels—staying aware of what you need will no-doubt help your relationships with other people— can be what makes the difference in a meaningful relationship. Real friends won’t expect you to bend backwards at their every beck and call. Saying “yes” to everything is just as problematic as the opposite—something else I learned in my first years at college. There’s a certain balance that’s different for everyone, but by staying in tune with your body and mind, you’ll be able to figure out what works for you. 

Human connections are the most important aspect of life. Even the most antisocial of us are social creatures. Our experiences, how we behave, and how we perceive the world are impacted by who we spend our time around. I’m trying to find the people I’ll spend the rest of it with, the people who make me feel like ‘me.’ I’m heading off into the so-called “real world” in just a few short months. I hear those first few months after college are going to be the “worst of my life,” which of course leaves me trembling in fear. But here’s the thing: sure people say it will be that, but I don’t think it has to be. There’s no point in my life I have to be at right now, or even next June or July—there’s no clear-cut blueprint for the point I’m supposed to be in my life by then. Or ever, really. I might feel lost, I mean, I feel lost now, months before I walk the stage at commencement. But taking a step back, I have to remind myself of what really matters. Life is about the relationships I form in my life, and the people I spend my time around. I think that’s true, at least. I’m only 22, I may need a few more years to figure out the meaning of life. But now I know that I’m capable of overcoming my fears, even if it takes a while. My outlook has changed and is still changing.

By: Meg Carey

Meg Carey is studying creative writing and publishing at Emerson College in Boston. They love reading and writing sci-fi, horror, and romance (bonus points if it’s all three), as well as poetry. You can find them on instagram @megcareywrites, and substack @megcarey.

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