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Conquering Existential Dread Through Community

Thursday, August 29th, 2024

The studies are in: Americans are the loneliest we’ve ever been. 

It might be easy to blame social media. After all, while social media can bring people together and make communication easier, interacting with others solely through digital means can make one feel isolated and hollow.

However, this might not be the full story. Feelings of loneliness persist across age groups, regardless of how many companions (digital or in-the-flesh) one may have. As a nation, we are also spending less time with our friends, families, and volunteer organizations than we did decades ago.

What is the cause of all this? Well, it might have something to do with the rupture of community in America. Nearly three-fourths of Americans feel no sense of belonging at the workplace, the nation, or our local community. This has coincided with a decline in “third places” — tertiary spots such as church groups, book clubs, or dance classes where folks can fraternize. 

We have witnessed the decline of one “third place” in particular: the church. Though the church has never been a welcoming space for everyone, in recent decades, they’ve morphed from small, charity-focused organizations into giant, money-hoarding, tax-exempt institutions. Instead of helping their local communities, these mega-churches funnel their donation dollars into the pockets of Republican politicians, who work to take rights away from poor people, women, LGBT+ folks, and other marginalized groups. Considering that nearly 30% of Gen Z identifies as queer, and even more harbor progressive politics, it’s no wonder our belief in Christianity is in decline. And since this country’s far-right Christian minority has such a stranglehold on our politics, many young people no longer believe in democracy either, despite our immense potential power as a progressive voting bloc. 

This is not to suggest we should increase our sense of civic duty/community by becoming more patriotic or going to church (though, if you’re interested in the latter, there are plenty of progressive denominations out there). Many young Americans, especially our country’s most disenfranchised groups, have a right to feel disillusioned with traditional institutions. We have no reason to share a sense of kinship with other Americans who use such institutions to strip us of any rights we may have. 

But it’s important to focus on what this disillusionment is doing. Is it causing us to construct new communities and dismantle the old? In some cases, yes. After all, people at the fringes of society have always had to fight hard to exist and create their own spaces. 

However, more often than not, instead of building community to change our world, we feel the world is too far gone for saving — that things are too hopeless to even bother trying. It’s understandable why we feel this way: the economy is brutal, outside is getting hotter and more expensive, and we’re all working a million side gigs to make ends meet. More so than previous generations, we don’t have a sense of collective downtime. And of course, many of us spent the most important developmental years of our lives in lockdown, where hanging out with others was literally deadly. The only thing our generation shares is a collective sense of doom — doom for our financial futures, our country’s politics, our health, and the health of our environment. We’ve forgotten there are others out there who feel the same way, who can change the world using our collective anger, frustration, and sadness.

When we forget about the power of community, we find it tempting to just give up. Instead of going out after a long day, we give in and scroll through our social media feeds, which are designed to be addictive. On these social media feeds, we are told that rather than spending time with others, we should focus on working even more and building our careers. We are encouraged to be “self-made” (even though nobody, unless they were born changing their own diapers, has ever been entirely “self-made”) and to not accept “handouts” from the government. In other words, we are told to deny community at every level to survive in this world. This, of course, coincides with the rise of hustle culture, which I discussed in my previous chapter.  

The great irony here, however, is that this uniquely American brand of individualism makes us less able to survive and deal with the problems that plague us. It actually traps us in the very systems that disempower us to begin with, robbing us of our collective strength. When we doom-scroll through our phones for the third hour in a row instead of talking to others, we let the addictive algorithms win. When we fail to vote because we no longer believe in democracy, we deny our civic voice and cede ground to the American far right (a party that has less than half of the nation’s support!) When we fail to protest climate change because we think the situation is hopeless, we let polluting companies put the last nail in Mother Nature’s coffin. And when we refuse to accept help from others, we are less able to help ourselves. Furthermore, we miss out on any sense of joy we might gain from helping others — joy that can catapult us through the bleakest of times. 

So, it’s crucial that we connect with others, in any way we can— whether that’s through a chorus, a church, a queer book club, a protest group, or a charity organization. If you cannot give money, volunteer your time. If you cannot volunteer time, give your money. If you cannot give either, gladly accept help from others until you are able to give it back — if that time ever comes. You won’t change the world — nobody can on their own. But at least you’ll make it a slightly better place.  

By Renee Ricevuto

Renee Ricevuto is pursuing a double major in English and Music at Hunter College, along with a certificate from the Thomas Hunter Honors Program. She has published her work at the University of Chicago’s Harper Review and received writing awards at her institution. She’s currently working on a research project with the Mellon Public Humanities and Social Justice Scholarship Program. When she’s not writing or researching, she loves to read, draw, sing, and embroider.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  Paragraph

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The Grind Doesn’t Stop Until You’re Dead

Thursday, August 22nd, 2024

We Americans have the Protestant work ethic baked into our bones. Though Gen Z is significantly less religious than our parents and ancestors, we’ve successfully secularized and rebranded the Protestant work ethic for younger generations. Now, we simply call it “the grind” — a word that encapsulates (yet also glamorizes) the drudgery of day- to- day life. 

Though both male and female influencers contribute to grind culture, it has earned particular cache in the “manosphere.” In these toxic, male-dominated spaces, podcastors mythologize the “sigma male,” a self-stated lone wolf who chooses to isolate himself because “the grind never stops.” Such men look down upon making attachments to others and especially women, because modern women threaten a sense of masculinity lost by improved gender equality in the workplace. Often these men see womens’ increased success as a threat to their supposedly once-secure job prospects — as if those women never had the right to try and make it in this world as well. 

And make it in this world they will, or at least die trying. These types of influencers are full of bizarre tips to maximize your productivity and increase your profit. Want to make extra money on your days off? Take a paid vacation and then use that free time to work a second job! Feeling sluggish at the office? Try microdosing on psychedelics! Thinking of starting a side hustle? Invest in a pyramid scheme, or NFTs, or any other flimsy get-rich-quick scheme that will likely leave you more broke than you started out. 

Pictured: Gen Z has begun to push back against grind culture in the form of online jokes and memes. Sourced from Reddit.

The world the rise-and-grind influencers offer to us may seem like hell, and that’s because it is. But it is also not hard to imagine why they have gained a foothold in the cultural zeitgeist. After all,  is not easy for members of our generation to start their adult lives in this economy. In fact, half of Gen Z live at home with their parents, and may not have the freedom or money to socialize and go out with friends. For the commuter student in particular, it might be tempting to simply give up on trying to make friends when it’s cheaper to stay at home, put your head down, and work. And it’s comforting to think that if you simply work hard enough, even past the breaking point, that you will be able to live well — that your Protestant-work-ethic-sans-the-Protestant will afford you a clean, well-lit office in Midtown Manhattan.

Perhaps the greatest irony of the rise-and-grinders and then, is that they are not living well, or even doing what is best for their careers. First, if you’re a man, training yourself to dismiss women out of hand — when we make up half the population, half the workforce, and more than half of college students — is not exactly a winning strategy for success. Speaking more generally, isolating yourself from others also hampers your ability to make connections that can define your career path. 

But even if these lifestyle influencers are right, and becoming an all-work-no-play hermit is the best thing you can do for your career, it still wouldn’t be worth it. For the lifestyle they promote is hollow and lackluster, like a millstone that has been ground to dust. 

After all, what is the “grind,” anyway? Oftentimes, if these influencers are not trying to sell you on one scam or another, they speak very vaguely about the actual work they do. This is because the “grind” cannot be anything that matters to you. It is simply non-specific, meaningless work only meant to propel you to the next stages of your career (if it does that). You’re not supposed to like the grind — you’re not even supposed to care what it is, even though it presumably defines nearly every moment of your life. 

To someone who has embraced this mentality, it may appear I am missing the point. Yes, the grind is simply a means to an end, a tool to accumulate wealth and power. But remember, “the grind never stops” — meaning there is no light at the end of the tunnel, no moment you can simply kick back and relax. Even if you’re rich or happy with your success, you are supposed to continue working for work’s sake — repeating the same routine ad nauseum until you die.

And what’s the joy in that? What’s the joy in working to earn a job with more vacation days, if you can’t use them? What’s the joy in making more money, if you can’t use it to have fun with others? Perhaps this is why, after a certain level, having more money does not increase happiness.

Pictured: Data collected by The World Happiness Report on the correlation between wealth and happiness. Happiness initially jumps with increased wealth, but starts to plateau after a certain point. This suggests that once financial security is met, additional money does not have much of a positive effect.

The Protestants lived short, difficult lives. They worked so hard partially because it was necessary for survival, and partially because work gave them a sense of order and purpose in a chaotic new world. They sought to put people in corners — men on one side, women on the other — and keep them there using intense mechanisms of social conditioning and public shame. Once again, this was to create order in their otherwise chaotic, difficult, and fleeting lives. 

Life is still chaotic, but it’s gotten much longer since the Protestants. We’ve learned we don’t have to confine human potential to have a stable society — in fact, doing so causes quite the opposite. And unlike the Puritans, we have a choice. We can grind ourselves down to the quick, or we can enjoy our days in the sun, alongside our friends and family. So when you reach the end of your life, what do you want to remember? The millstone, whole and hardy, or only the dust it has left behind?

Take a break from the grind with a soothing Seratonin Smoothie!

By Renee Ricevuto

Renee Ricevuto is pursuing a double major in English and Music at Hunter College, along with a certificate from the Thomas Hunter Honors Program. She has published her work at the University of Chicago’s Harper Review and received writing awards at her institution. She’s currently working on a research project with the Mellon Public Humanities and Social Justice Scholarship Program. When she’s not writing or researching, she loves to read, draw, sing, and embroider.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  Paragraph

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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But What If I’m Too Weird?

Wednesday, August 14th, 2024

If you read my previous chapter on letting your freak flag fly, you may be a little skeptical. How much “weirdness,” you ask, are some people willing to accept until they stop wanting to be your friend? The sad reality is that folks often enjoy “weirdness” or “quirkiness”  within very limited parameters. 

Let me explain myself a bit further. We see a lot of this attitude when it comes to neurodivergency. Of course, there’s nothing inherently “weird” or “quirky” about being neurodivergent. But a lot of times, the acceptance of these identities only extends as far as they can fit into such innocuous labels. Someone with ADHD is “quirky” when they forget to eat lunch, or “funny” because they speak without a filter. But if their ADHD causes them to forget an important birthday, or be a bit too candid in one moment, they’re no longer seen as quirky and funny, but hurtful and rude. If someone with autism rants about their special interest, it can be endearing — until the person they’re with thinks they’ve gone on for “too long,” or shouldn’t visibly self-stimulate while talking. Oftentimes, people with these identities feel they can only be the marketable versions of themselves — weird without being too weird, quirky without crossing a line that is not visible until it’s already been crossed. 

Sometimes, this limit on “weirdness” (or, I should say, divergence from the norm) ends where someone’s actions  cause harm to others. Of course, forgetting someone’s birthday is hurtful, whether the person who forgot had ADHD or not. But more often than not, there’s simply nothing wrong with a lot of behavior we deem as weird or deviant — such as stimming in public.

None of this is comforting to hear if you’re “weird” — though if you are, you likely already know this on some level, and have modified your behavior as a result. But maybe you’re itching to act in a way that feels more true to yourself. Maybe your brain simply works differently from the people around you, and you’re tired of acting like it doesn’t. Maybe you’d like to present yourself in a way that isn’t expected for someone of your age, gender, sexual orientation, and so on, but you’re afraid of the way others will respond. 

So, you want to radically change your outward identity or self-expression, but can’t turn off the part of your brain that wants to be “normal” in front of your peers.  Perhaps it’s best to start by looking inwards, and interrogating how you respond to what you perceive as “weird” behavior in others. When you find yourself judging someone else for acting abnormally, ask yourself: is this actually hurting me on some level, or is it just something I don’t personally like, or have been conditioned to find off-putting? You should apply this assessment to anyone who acts outside norms of gender, sexuality, or general “proper” behavior. You may come to realize that the person stimming in public is not harming you. The guy who likes to wear skirts to your 8 AM chemistry lab is not harming you. The girl who refuses to shave her legs is not harming you. You may learn that nobody has to live their life in a way that you personally find attractive or appealing. If you want to live in a world where your “weird” behavior has a place, you need to start by making one yourself. 

You must interrogate the cop in your head who polices others for being “weird,” so that you can stop policing that same behavior in yourself. In other words, by being less judgmental of others, you’re also letting go of the person you imagine judging you for simply existing as you please. Remember: as long as you’re not harming anyone else, you are doing nothing wrong.

I know this might seem ironic, since I’ve spent a lot of time detailing strategies for making friends. Doesn’t this necessarily require caring what others think? Well, not exactly. While it’s good to be generally polite to others, you are not trying to be friends with everyone — especially people who do not have respect for your hobbies, interests, or vital parts of your identity. Whether you go to a campus or commuter school, there are plenty of clubs and organizations that you can join if you want to express yourself in a non-judgemental environment, apart from the general student population. And if the club you’re looking for doesn’t exist, you can start one!

Fashion influencer Sara Camposarcone has amassed quite a few online followers (and haters) for her quirky, eccentric style. And I love her all the more for it. Picture taken from www.youtube.com/saracamposarcone

I won’t lie. There will still be some people who judge you, even though you’re doing nothing wrong. But you can choose not to let that judgment define you. For every person who judges you, there will be others who accept you. You cannot please everyone, and anything worth doing will be hated by at least someone.

Be bold. Get a haircut at least someone will hate.

By Renee Ricevuto

Renee Ricevuto is pursuing a double major in English and Music at Hunter College, along with a certificate from the Thomas Hunter Honors Program. She has published her work at the University of Chicago’s Harper Review and received writing awards at her institution. She’s currently working on a research project with the Mellon Public Humanities and Social Justice Scholarship Program. When she’s not writing or researching, she loves to read, draw, sing, and embroider.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  Paragraph

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Afterword

Monday, August 12th, 2024

When I was told I would be writing an ebook for the Campus Clipper, I was elated. Being an author was a childhood dream of mine since I was six, and it has never faded away. I always thought I could hide that dream chasing other careers because writing was too much self-exposure. Perhaps I couldn’t handle being seen as a result of having my writing out there. Granted, this ebook is just about the college experience—which wasn’t in my plans of a first book—but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any personal elements sprinkled in it.

‘The pen is mightier than the sword.”

This book was an opportunity to not only practice writing about my own personal experiences but to give myself more credit as a writer, a woman, and a person. This isn’t to say that all my advice is useful but to say, your words will provide value to someone–anyone. You don’t necessarily have to write in a sophisticated way to make an impact on others; and you most certainly don’t have to have it all figured out for anyone to take you seriously. I wrote this book from an honest place and to provide a deeper perspective on the college experience.

This might be where I end my book, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t more to say. If anything, I could decide to write another book for everything left unsaid. I hope that you take inspiration from any of these chapters of The Graduated Woman: Life Beyond the Degree and decide to make good use of your time at college. While this book was oftentimes very difficult and tedious to think and write about (for too many reasons, which I won’t have all the time to explain here), it gave me much-needed clarity about where my life is headed. I think we all need to take a step back and reflect on the choices we have made in young adulthood. Hopefully, in that process, you’ve—like myself—have gotten the answers you need and seek. Cheers to new phases and let’s keep in touch in spirit.

Female legs, woman with pen writing or painting, handwriting on notebook on flower blooming meadow Female legs, woman with pen writing or painting, handwriting on notebook on flower blooming meadow, in countryside outdoor, in the field on summer day in meadow, feel the nature, relax, alone travel. 35-39 Years Stock Photo
I believe when women write, they are truly free.
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By Daeli Vargas

Daeli is a recent graduate from the City College of New York with a BA in English and a publishing certificate. She is from the Bronx and is very passionate about all things literary. She hopes one day to publish many books of her own and share her passions worldwide.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Thursday, August 8th, 2024

Growing up, adults would call me an “old soul.”

I didn’t know it at the time, but when adults call a child an “old soul,” it is almost always because that child is a bit weird and not good at connecting with people of their own age. I was certainly no exception. In the school cafeteria, I’d talk off the ear of anyone who would listen, rarely aware of whether they had any interest in what I was saying. In the school yard, rather than playing with others, I’d sit on the benches and read, or talk to the class monitor. For the fifth grade school talent show, instead of singing a song from Frozen like a normal child, I chose “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera. The adults loved my elementary school impression of Christine Daae, while the little kids in the front row put their hands over their ears when I sang the high note. 

Pictured: An actual email I sent to the producer of Phantom of the Opera when I found out the show was closing. Shockingly enough, he never replied. Weird Kids turn into Weird Adults. 

However, being a Former Weird Kid has its advantages. First, I write these posts on how to make friends from the perspective of someone who has struggled to fit in and find my place. I understand it’s not as easy as simply “putting yourself out there” when people have not always responded well to me when I’ve done just that. There’s nothing wrong with being weird, but weirdness does not always have a place in a world that often punishes deviations from the norm. 

I’m not suggesting you hide the weird or unique side of yourself in order to get people to like you. In fact, I’m advocating for quite the opposite: while I did not make many friends in fifth grade, in the long run, letting my freak flag fly has helped me find a community of people who share my interests and quirks. After my performance in the talent show, a few teachers approached my mother and suggested I audition for a children’s choir in the area — the rest is history. Though I’ve since graduated from that organization, chorus is still a huge part of my life, and so are some of the “old souls” (read: weird kids) I’ve met there. 

Pictured: My old chorus and me, performing Aging Magician at San Diego’s Balboa Theatre. Thank you, Andrew Lloyd Webber. From the San Diego Union-Tribune.

So, don’t be afraid to be weird! Weirdness sets you apart, and can help you find other people who share your interests, hobbies, and hyperfixations.  And if you’re an “old soul” who struggles to connect with your peers, don’t be afraid to make friends with actual old souls — that is, people who are literally older than you. Not only can these relationships be just as (if not more!) fulfilling than ones with people your age, but research shows that having friends across age groups actually helps your brain development. At the adult chorus I currently attend, where there are folks of all ages, I’ve gotten career advice from 30-year olds, life advice from 50-year olds, and advice on how to clean cashmere (extremely helpful) from 80-year olds. So, talk to Barbara from your birdwatching group, or Mary from your accounting class. They may not end up being the shoulder you cry on when you go through, say, your first breakup, but they might give you dating advice you’ll remember years later just when you need it. They may teach you something you’ll be glad to know, whether you’re an old soul, a weird kid, or something in between. 

Save on a quirky cut that will make you stand out in a crowd!

By Renee Ricevuto

Renee Ricevuto is pursuing a double major in English and Music at Hunter College, along with a certificate from the Thomas Hunter Honors Program. She has published her work at the University of Chicago’s Harper Review and received writing awards at her institution. She’s currently working on a research project with the Mellon Public Humanities and Social Justice Scholarship Program. When she’s not writing or researching, she loves to read, draw, sing, and embroider.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  Paragraph

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.


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Chapter Eight: You Have More Choice than You Know

Monday, August 5th, 2024

I had planned to interview either a friendship coach like Danielle Bayard Jackson, a female empowerment coach (which I never knew was a thing before conducting this research), or a feminist theorist/academic like Dr. Bec Wonders for this final chapter. An interview with either of these professionals would have helped me better tackle heavy subjects like the female happiness paradox, female friendships, and other issues related to modern womanhood. These are topics I had to include here because college is an institution that takes women out of the home, which is very significant for women’s freedom. It was hard finding someone who fit the profile of who I wanted to interview while overcoming scheduling conflicts. But I will dive into these topics the best way I know how.

Choice is essentially at the root of what feminism is about. However, not everyone—especially not every woman—has the same degree of choice as the other. There are many women, especially those marginalized, who are forced to make constrained choices because of social, cultural, familial, political, and economic pressures. It is even important to note that while many women from Western cultures experience more choice than those from Eastern cultures, that doesn’t necessarily mean the choices available to Western women will automatically grant them happiness and fulfillment considering the pressures modern women have to work more than previous decades.

All women will fall somewhere within the “free choice-constrained choice” debate, for which one paper offers a third view—“satisficing”; this being when specifically women make a choice that may not be preferable but is good enough depending on unique personal circumstances (though not used in other sources, I use “free choice” instead of “choice” to be more specific). I may not want to admit it to myself, but I feel I might have been making more constrained choices than “satisficing” ones. The only free choice I would consider I have ever made would be going to college since I always wanted to go since senior year of high school—though my parents expected me to go too.

This subject for women is often fraught with shame, guilt, and regret because women feel pressured to make the “right” choice. But only anti-feminists believe there is such a thing as the “right” choice for a woman. Ultimately, no one has the right to tell another what kind of life they should live. And even if any woman ultimately makes a choice that is wrong for them personally, life is still meant to explore whatever options are disposable and appreciate the lessons that come with it anyways.

Additionally, our lives are made for multiple choices and not just one. I myself have felt regret for rejecting many men who were in some way interested in me because I didn’t want the “death sentence” of singlehood to be my fate as a woman. It wasn’t until I realized the pressure I felt to get married and have children was ironically a way of affording the possibility of moving into my own apartment. Marriage might have been a temporary solution towards my goal of financial stability, but there always seemed to be a trade-off lurking in the shadows (e.g., dual income replaced with unequal domestic labor in long-term partnerships).

Similarly, I felt regret when I quit a dream internship because it being fully remote was making it more difficult to manage the boundaries between work and my family. After a while, I realized that my peace of mind was much greater than any career regrets. I would rather work a tolerable in-person job to a fully-remote job I liked because the latter required more out of me emotionally and physically. Having been on both sides of the choice paradox fence, I felt like I was sacrificing too much. Though, I can’t say I am not grateful for these experiences because they redirected my energy towards more sustainable options.

While the female happiness paradox (though, I prefer to call it the “woman’s choice paradox”) tells us that women are under a lot more stress because of the constrained or satisficing choices we have to make, there are still ways for women to create more or better choices for themselves in an increasingly anti-woman political landscape. It may seem ironic that I hold a very optimistic view about women’s gains—not just in the West—while talking about the limits on women’s choice. On the other hand, it is important to recognize that freedom is a lifetime pursuit under capitalism; and many of us can find freedom to varying degrees depending on the path(s) we take.

One way women can create more or better choices is to keep their friendships with other women close. Though there are many obstacles that stand in the way of female friendships keeping strong as cited by Dr. Bec Wonders, women still make great efforts to maintain a support network; actually, college-educated women are more likely than college-educated men to have a close friend at work. The second way towards more choice is attending networking events, meetups, or social events for women such as the Women’s Connection Summit led by Danielle Bayard Jackson, and/or social clubs where mostly women are likely to be in attendance. The last way towards more choice is to take inspiration from and highlight other women’s work, especially those who you would want to work with in the future. By continuously reaching out to other women, you can learn from them, create awareness of necessary and impactful work, and likely develop bonds that will last a lifetime. Connection creates abundance, of course.

two women standing next to each other in front of a white wall
Women work better together.
Image Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/two-women-standing-next-to-each-other-in-front-of-a-white-wall-OUxbYsnmPJI
Connect with your girls over lunch using this 15% off coupon!

By Daeli Vargas

Daeli is a recent graduate from the City College of New York with a BA in English and a publishing certificate. She is from the Bronx and is very passionate about all things literary. She hopes one day to publish many books of her own and share her passions worldwide.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Boston Coupon Card 2024

Thursday, August 1st, 2024
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New York City Coupon Card 2024

Thursday, August 1st, 2024
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Friendship is a Choice

Wednesday, July 31st, 2024

There are many ways a friendship can die.

When we think about some of these ways, our mind may go to the most dramatic of scenarios. One friend blew up at the other, or got together with their ex, or otherwise did something we deem unforgivable – maybe they borrowed money and never paid it back.

Pictured: Me, upon realizing I never paid my friend back for that Uber (I am a terrible person and not even God can forgive me)

Sometimes, we forget that it’s not always the big lies and infidelities that end a friendship, but the small ones. Lies like “We should go out sometime!” with no plans of following through. Lies like “Let’s keep in touch!” followed by a phone number exchange — only to fast-forward months later to radio silence. These lies are not always intentional: we all lead busy lives, and we simply don’t have the capacity to keep everyone in them. And though we don’t always admit it to ourselves, sometimes neither person really wants to keep up a connection longer than is convenient. Either way, when we do this, we break the implicit promise of a friendship — that both sides will do the work to keep the flame alive. 

Any relationship is work. Friendships do not stay together on their own; left to their own devices, they will dissolve, leaving only the imprint of what was once there — like stitches after a surgery. The choice to do nothing may be a passive one, but it is a choice nonetheless.

The upside to this is that if we can choose to lose friends, we can also choose to make and maintain them. For many college students, making friends is often taken for granted— since everyone lives on the same campus, connecting with others can feel natural and effortless. But if you’re a commuter student, you may feel differently: a potential friend may live an hour away from school, and two hours from you. This means you will have to put in more effort at an earlier point in the friendship — which can present difficulties when you’re starting out, but will hopefully help you better develop the skills to maintain connections in the long run. 

So, you may be asking: how do I go about making friends to begin with? And then, how do I keep them? I have a few tips for you, based on my experiences trying (and sometimes failing) to forge connections at Hunter College:

1. Throw Everything at the Wall and See What Sticks:

When I first transferred to Hunter, I was determined to make friends. I decided to take the blitzkrieg approach: acquaint myself with as many people as possible, and hope that something turns into a lasting friendship. I made class group chats and discord servers, swapped numbers with classmates, and talked with students before and after classes. Not every connection I made turned into something deeper, but it’s still nice to walk through the halls and see people I recognize, who nod or wave when they see me.  

Of course, there are limits to this rule. At Hunter, there’s a guy notorious for going around the library and asking every girl he sees for their number. He has asked me out twice, my friend six times. He seems to think that if he asks enough women, someone will say yes, but as far as I know, he has had little success with his approach.

That being said, don’t approach random strangers who are not in the mindset to talk to you, and respect somebody’s boundaries if they say no. And if you’re male-presenting, know that if you ask a woman for her number, no matter how platonically you frame it, she may be understandably cagey due to guys like him.  

2. Find Who Interests You in a Room

Are you in a busy room, and don’t know who to talk to? Pick someone who you find interesting! Maybe you like their outfit, their jewelry, or the way they’ve dyed their hair. Maybe you thought they said something really thought-provoking during the class discussion, which could be a nice starting point for the conversation. And if you give someone a compliment, make sure it’s about something they’ve chosen about themselves (clothes, hairstyle, etc.) and not an innate attribute (eyes, attractiveness, etc.) Compliments on the latter may read as romantic advances, which can be off-putting if it’s the first thing you say or not appropriate for the situation.

3. Keep the Energy Going!

Once you make a friend, keep it going! And remember: relationships are reciprocal. If you feel you’re putting in more work than the other person, it’s okay to pull back. You will find people who will give you the time of day. Don’t rush or force it!

Personally, I was able to make a few lasting friendships at Hunter through a creative writing class I took over the summer. Since it was an in-person summer class, everyone was passionate about the subject, had more free time, and was happy to go out in the warm weather after class. I made two of my closest friends at Hunter there. We keep the spirit alive by starting a book club, sending each other our writers’ drafts, and yapping about literature (along with other less sophisticated topics) in Central Park. We’re still friends a year later, thanks to the effort we all put into staying in touch. 

Pictured: My friends and me, enjoying our favorite pastime: yapping in Central Park. My friend on the left is very cool and famous, so their face has been censored for privacy reasons.

So, it’s completely possible to make long-lasting friendships, even at a commuter school like Hunter! You just have to put yourself out there until the right person (or people) respond. Good luck!

And remember: when humans fail, cats are the only friends you really need!
Split a pie with friends using this 25% off student discount!

By Renee Ricevuto

Renee Ricevuto is pursuing a double major in English and Music at Hunter College, along with a certificate from the Thomas Hunter Honors Program. She has published her work at the University of Chicago’s Harper Review and received writing awards at her institution. She’s currently working on a research project with the Mellon Public Humanities and Social Justice Scholarship Program. When she’s not writing or researching, she loves to read, draw, sing, and embroider.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Chapter 7: You Don’t Have to Stay Home

Monday, July 29th, 2024

Renowned relationship expert Paul C. Brunson while on the Diary of a CEO podcast said something along the lines of “Go where you’re scarce.” This resonated heavily with me when trying to figure out what reasons there were for me to stay home that it started to look like I wasn’t growing the way I wanted to; and I was never convinced it was a good idea in the first place. I ignored the longstanding struggle I had with connecting with my home city and neighborhood. There was a voice telling me that I would be abandoning the very place that essentially made me. And the people.

There was a clear mismatch between myself and my environment. I honestly felt more of a transplant than a true native New Yorker. I was never a fan of the hustle mentality, never favored the overcrowded streets, and never blended in beyond the racial diversity of my neighborhood in the Bronx. Paul C. Brunson pointed me to the concept of “environmental mastery,” which is one of the six dimensions of psychological well-being: self-acceptance, positive relationships, autonomy, environmental mastery, purpose, and personal growth. I found environmental mastery to be the most difficult to fulfill right after positive relationships.

I found myself competing against strangers on the street for a couple seconds of quiet in a city and neighborhood that wasn’t built for that. I was even racing for space on narrow sidewalks, subway platforms, and other frantic spaces. This wasn’t the way I wanted to interact with the city; all I wanted was to sit and take it all in. Sadly, it seemed like speed was erasing a lot of the city from my memory, especially the positive memories I did have from childhood. The city got too big for me to feel seen. Not that I needed to be bigger than it, but I wanted to feel like there could be traces of me while I am still here. It looked more and more like the only way for me to reach environmental mastery was moving out of the city.

a group of people crossing a street in a city
A taste of the Big Apple.
Image Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/a-group-of-people-crossing-a-street-in-a-city-F2m6TRfBwko

I’ve already given much credit to my college years for getting me out of the domesticity bubble when family was at the center of my identity, my life. But I have to give it much more for even getting me to consider moving out of the city as an option. That never looked like an option when I thought all I had was here in New York City–or at least what I thought I had was here. College awakened a desire in me for more than what I was used to for all my childhood and adolescence. New travels, new people, and a chance to discover my own tastes in everything there is to enjoy in life.

Making the decision to leave your hometown isn’t the kind of decision you can make on an impulse, but it is particularly beneficial for us 20-somethings. Moving out of your hometown can give you the chance to recreate your identity based on a newly discovered sense of self, a more expansive social circle, and more decision-making control over your immediate space—throw in more control over your time. It can feel so powerful to build a life of your own even if away from the influences of those you grew up with. For those who have a burning desire to start anew like myself but find it difficult to make those first moves (no pun intended), it might help to pay close attention to any strong emotions that come up when you think about your hometown because that could indicate a larger trend of lack of contentment. Sad to say I relate to this.

I always knew I wanted to leave New York City, even all throughout college. Fear managed to get the best of me, and I stayed put for years, even when I had multiple opportunities to study or work abroad. Sharing a two-bedroom apartment with 5 other family members, working extra hard to not afford the apartments I wanted, and not having the time for a social life was negatively impacting my mental and physical health, yet I ignored that for years. Now, I won’t pretend and say that your problems will magically disappear the moment you move out. But moving out of your hometown might free you from negative environments, make you more responsible for yourself, and perhaps reveal a you that always existed but struggled to be seen in the old environment. I think there is no greater reason than finally growing into yourself to create a new home.

You can still save money when you move out. Save 10% on any hardware essentials with this coupon!

By Daeli Vargas

Daeli is a recent graduate from the City College of New York with a BA in English and a publishing certificate. She is from the Bronx and is very passionate about all things literary. She hopes one day to publish many books of her own and share her passions worldwide.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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