Posts Tagged ‘commuter schools’

Friendship is a Choice

Wednesday, July 31st, 2024

There are many ways a friendship can die.

When we think about some of these ways, our mind may go to the most dramatic of scenarios. One friend blew up at the other, or got together with their ex, or otherwise did something we deem unforgivable – maybe they borrowed money and never paid it back.

Pictured: Me, upon realizing I never paid my friend back for that Uber (I am a terrible person and not even God can forgive me)

Sometimes, we forget that it’s not always the big lies and infidelities that end a friendship, but the small ones. Lies like “We should go out sometime!” with no plans of following through. Lies like “Let’s keep in touch!” followed by a phone number exchange — only to fast-forward months later to radio silence. These lies are not always intentional: we all lead busy lives, and we simply don’t have the capacity to keep everyone in them. And though we don’t always admit it to ourselves, sometimes neither person really wants to keep up a connection longer than is convenient. Either way, when we do this, we break the implicit promise of a friendship — that both sides will do the work to keep the flame alive. 

Any relationship is work. Friendships do not stay together on their own; left to their own devices, they will dissolve, leaving only the imprint of what was once there — like stitches after a surgery. The choice to do nothing may be a passive one, but it is a choice nonetheless.

The upside to this is that if we can choose to lose friends, we can also choose to make and maintain them. For many college students, making friends is often taken for granted— since everyone lives on the same campus, connecting with others can feel natural and effortless. But if you’re a commuter student, you may feel differently: a potential friend may live an hour away from school, and two hours from you. This means you will have to put in more effort at an earlier point in the friendship — which can present difficulties when you’re starting out, but will hopefully help you better develop the skills to maintain connections in the long run. 

So, you may be asking: how do I go about making friends to begin with? And then, how do I keep them? I have a few tips for you, based on my experiences trying (and sometimes failing) to forge connections at Hunter College:

1. Throw Everything at the Wall and See What Sticks:

When I first transferred to Hunter, I was determined to make friends. I decided to take the blitzkrieg approach: acquaint myself with as many people as possible, and hope that something turns into a lasting friendship. I made class group chats and discord servers, swapped numbers with classmates, and talked with students before and after classes. Not every connection I made turned into something deeper, but it’s still nice to walk through the halls and see people I recognize, who nod or wave when they see me.  

Of course, there are limits to this rule. At Hunter, there’s a guy notorious for going around the library and asking every girl he sees for their number. He has asked me out twice, my friend six times. He seems to think that if he asks enough women, someone will say yes, but as far as I know, he has had little success with his approach.

That being said, don’t approach random strangers who are not in the mindset to talk to you, and respect somebody’s boundaries if they say no. And if you’re male-presenting, know that if you ask a woman for her number, no matter how platonically you frame it, she may be understandably cagey due to guys like him.  

2. Find Who Interests You in a Room

Are you in a busy room, and don’t know who to talk to? Pick someone who you find interesting! Maybe you like their outfit, their jewelry, or the way they’ve dyed their hair. Maybe you thought they said something really thought-provoking during the class discussion, which could be a nice starting point for the conversation. And if you give someone a compliment, make sure it’s about something they’ve chosen about themselves (clothes, hairstyle, etc.) and not an innate attribute (eyes, attractiveness, etc.) Compliments on the latter may read as romantic advances, which can be off-putting if it’s the first thing you say or not appropriate for the situation.

3. Keep the Energy Going!

Once you make a friend, keep it going! And remember: relationships are reciprocal. If you feel you’re putting in more work than the other person, it’s okay to pull back. You will find people who will give you the time of day. Don’t rush or force it!

Personally, I was able to make a few lasting friendships at Hunter through a creative writing class I took over the summer. Since it was an in-person summer class, everyone was passionate about the subject, had more free time, and was happy to go out in the warm weather after class. I made two of my closest friends at Hunter there. We keep the spirit alive by starting a book club, sending each other our writers’ drafts, and yapping about literature (along with other less sophisticated topics) in Central Park. We’re still friends a year later, thanks to the effort we all put into staying in touch. 

Pictured: My friends and me, enjoying our favorite pastime: yapping in Central Park. My friend on the left is very cool and famous, so their face has been censored for privacy reasons.

So, it’s completely possible to make long-lasting friendships, even at a commuter school like Hunter! You just have to put yourself out there until the right person (or people) respond. Good luck!

And remember: when humans fail, cats are the only friends you really need!

Split a pie with friends using this 25% off student discount!

By Renee Ricevuto

Renee Ricevuto is pursuing a double major in English and Music at Hunter College, along with a certificate from the Thomas Hunter Honors Program. She has published her work at the University of Chicago’s Harper Review and received writing awards at her institution. She’s currently working on a research project with the Mellon Public Humanities and Social Justice Scholarship Program. When she’s not writing or researching, she loves to read, draw, sing, and embroider.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

Share

Every Undergrad for Themselves: Finding Community at a Commuter School

Tuesday, July 23rd, 2024

There persists in America the popular image of the average college student. It comes up time and time again, in books, movies, and popular media, with the same tropes and cliches we’ve come to love. Usually, it starts with the freshman as they stumble into their first class, bright eyed and bushy-tailed — like a lamb who does not know they are being led to the slaughter. They are rarely prepared for the barrage of exams, deadlines, and testy professors that will define their life for the next few years.  

Still, the student has fun. Since they live on campus, making friends is not too difficult. They drink, go to parties, maybe join a sorority or fraternity. They stay in a cramped dorm and gain fifteen pounds at the dining halls. It’s a sort of monkish existence: the college student does not have money, but they can more or less have all their needs met within a small radius. In that way, they live in an imposed poverty, circumscribed by the confines of their campus. 

Pictured: Just guys being dudes on my campus. Image courtesy of Joe Stroppel

At least, this is how the story goes — and it’s certainly one I absorbed avidly before I went to college myself. I was told that these are not just the hallmarks of early college living, but necessary rites of passage in youth development. College is not merely a place for students to earn their degree: they also learn how to live separate from their parents, as a kind of trial-run for adulthood.  And yet, as I was soon to find out, this image does not reflect reality for all students, especially those who do not live on campus. In fact, as many as a quarter of college students reside with their parents and commute to school — meaning no dorms, no meal plans, and no 5-minute sprints between bedrooms and learning halls to catch 8 AM classes.

 On the surface, this might seem easier: students in this position can theoretically dip their toes into adulthood with the help of their parents, instead of being pushed into the deep end by choosing to dorm. But the reality is often the opposite: not only might students take this option simply because they cannot afford housing costs, but they may also have family responsibilities that extend beyond the classroom. To support themselves and their households financially, many commuter students work part-time or even full-time jobs on top of a full courseload of classes. Additionally, they often have to account for meals, transportation costs, and long commutes to school. In fact, such students may be more familiar with the day-to-day realities of adulthood than ones living on campus — though this is not to say that students in either position have it easier. 

Perhaps one of the greatest challenges for commuter students is building community when so many students live far away or lead busy lives outside of the classroom. At my commuter school, I initially struggled to make friends during my first few terms as a student.

 I go to Hunter College, a CUNY university located in NYC’s Upper East Side. Hunter is a product of its environment. Since real estate is precious, we have no sprawling green lawns, cozy inner courtyards, or acres of nature for students to wander along. Though students at Hunter often do not wander; just like our school, we are also products of New York City. Here, clocks tick faster, so we treat minutes like money. Hold on! A second just rolled under the couch – could you get it for me? Four minutes spent at the deli waiting for coffee. Four hours last night studying for that test — and even less spent sleeping. 

Pictured: Me, college student, at a time when I’d much rather be sleeping.

So, in the everyday math of time management, how do we make space for others? How do we forge relationships when it feels like nobody else is around — as if every undergrad is out for themselves? If you’re looking for a friend, you’re in luck. I’ll show you the ropes of relationship and community building at your commuter school. I’ll teach you how to make connections in unexpected places and resist the hustle culture that keeps you in isolation. If you’re looking for a friend, let me be your first one. 

Buy bubble tea with a friend! Or, if you’re lonely, save money and drink your feelings!

By Renee Ricevuto

Renee Ricevuto is pursuing a double major in English and Music at Hunter College, along with a certificate from the Thomas Hunter Honors Program. She has published her work at the University of Chicago’s Harper Review and received writing awards at her institution. She’s currently working on a research project with the Mellon Public Humanities and Social Justice Scholarship Program. When she’s not writing or researching, she loves to read, draw, sing, and embroider.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

Share