
My orientation week at Tandon NYU was different from what I expected. I saw it on my first day of college. I planned the perfect outfit and makeup to show up as the perfect version of myself. If there was one thing I struggled with in high school, it was limiting my yapping. I’d talk too much, share too many personal details, and often walk away from conversations wondering if I’d come off the wrong way. So, during my orientation, I wanted to have a little balance. With this in mind, I expected to struggle a lot, wondering if I was blending in the right amount.
But I guess everyone else was just as nervous—so nervous that they didn’t talk much at all. So, I felt like I had to bring my yapper self out just to make the room feel a little more alive. And so I did. And that beginning made me believe that maybe in college I could be a yapper and be okay.
But then came the first week of classes, where things got real. As time went on, I was swept into the rush of assignments, exams, and the constant fear that maybe I wasn’t smart enough. Being one of the smartest people in my classes for most of my life had suddenly turned into feeling like one of the dumbest. I truly started questioning my place among all these people who, somehow, just seemed effortlessly smarter than me. And that was when I kind of noticed myself going quiet. All I wanted to do was just go to college, attend my lectures, do my labs, come back home, finish my homework, and cry before going to sleep. Amidst this chaos, I really forgot to go out, have fun, and be the yapper I enjoyed being.
To be honest, with a routine like that, it would normally be pretty hard to make friends. But I guess I was lucky—people still found me friendly. Maybe we just trauma-bonded over the engineering grind. Whatever it was, it made integration in calculus a little more bearable, three-dimensional motion in physics slightly less painful, and those six-hour labs just tolerable enough to survive.
Sometimes I wonder if people on this engineering campus even get a chance to enjoy college. I see my friends from high school going to parties every weekend, going out every day, posting stories from rooftops and cafes while I’m sitting in the library Googling “how to survive thermodynamics without crying.” For a while, it felt like I was missing out, and maybe I should just be a writing major, then at least I would have some time to breathe.
It was really tempting. I remember almost going to my advisor and changing my major. After all, I have a passion for writing as well. But I didn’t. I felt ashamed, like changing majors meant I’d failed. Like, I wasn’t strong enough to handle engineering. That feeling hit my ego hard. Instead of admitting defeat, my pride pushed me to try even harder, maybe more out of stubbornness than anything else. It became less about what I truly wanted and more about proving to myself that I could do it, regardless of the circumstances.
Maybe this is what my college journey is really about—not the wild parties or the packed social calendars like some of my friends talk about. For me, it looks different. It’s late nights spent struggling with physics problems, trying to make sense of mechanics. It’s staring at a page filled with symbols until integration by parts finally seems okay. It’s discovering how to design something that doesn’t just look good but stands.
It’s the small victories of finally understanding a tricky concept or the moments of laughter with friends during study sessions. It’s about learning who I am when everything feels overwhelming. It’s about learning how I learn and thrive.

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By Marzia Seemat
Marzia Seemat is a sophomore at NYU studying civil engineering and creative writing. She loves being close to nature, especially at the beach. Her favorite things include good food, morning tea, hour-long movies, and spending time with the people she loves.
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