Posts Tagged ‘life’

Back at School: What To Do About Winter Blues

Tuesday, February 19th, 2019

Especially in the frosty city of New York, winter is sticking around. The cold can get really depressing for me.

What can you do about your college blues? Well, you need to take a break. Take it one step at a time.

Meditate

Boil some Tea

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Take a moment to read a book or comic book

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Watch Netflix – don’t binge! Take it one movie or ep at a time

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Take a Walk Outside

 

If it’s stormy outside, do some jumping jacks inside.

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What do you do to stave off the winter blues during the school year?

By Caroline Cao


Carol is a queer Vietnamese-Houstonian Earthling surviving under the fickle weather of New York. When she’s not seeing a Broadway production, she’s buried in her nonfiction MFA homework like Hermione Granger and her Hogwarts studies. When not angsting over her first poetry manuscript or a pilot screenplay about space samurais, Carol is cooking her own Chinese food instead of buying take-outs and dreaming of winning Hamilton lotto tickets. She chronicles the quirks of New York living and writing, runs writing and scripting services, and lends her voice to Birth Movies DeathThe Mary SueFilm School Rejectsand The Script Lab. She’s also lurking in the shadows waiting for you to follow her on Twitter or Instagram.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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My High School Sewing Class Still Helps Me Make Life Decisions Today

Monday, April 16th, 2018

To me, high school is a time where it’s very difficult to feel like your own person. While some people combat this by going through an “emo-phase” or dyeing their hair blonde, I decided to sign up for an adult education sewing class. I had always been interested in sewing at least from a curiosity perspective. At the time I was very into “fashion,” and thought my ultimate goal should be to make my own clothing, so the first step was to learn the basics of a sewing machine. I was 15 and by no means an adult, so my mom called the class teacher to check if I would even be allowed to join. After that confirmation I was in, and the youngest member of the class by about 30 years.

Image Credit: http://www.wirama.com/want-to-learn-sewing/

The first project was a drawstring bag. We sewed the string strip and the square bag with a small tunnel opening. I was amazed at how taking things step by step it was so simple, but the end product was something functional, useful, and I made it entirely myself.

Throughout the program I really enjoyed my time spent with these women, and the projects we were able to create. If my bobbin got stuck, or my thread fell out of my needle, they would help me fix it right away without ever being condescending toward the fact that I was young to be there. This class really made me feel for the first time like I was doing something concrete to achieve a goal I set out for myself, and that was exciting, refreshing, and motivating. During a time where I found it hard to separate myself from my friends, and really find out what makes me an individual, this class was a twice-weekly escape into my own world.

I keep mentioning how this was a big deal for me because it was during high school, but really I often think back to this time when making decisions in my life since then. At any age I think it can be easy to fall into a rut, or fall into into the habits of the group of people around you. But when I think back to this class I not only think it was a great decision for my individuality, I also think it showed me how the most memorable parts of your life, and perhaps the most meaningful, come from when you decide to do something just for yourself, because you know you will enjoy and benefit from it. This is where I try to base most of my career-oriented decisions from, and so far it has led me in a rewarding direction.

Ultimately, what I learned from this was how great it was to do my own thing, step out of my comfort zone, and make a decisive move for myself. It made me realize that until you sit down with yourself and think about what you want to do and what would be best for you, nothing in your life will ever really change. If you’re struggling right now to figure out what you want to do in life, or if you feel stuck in a rut, try to think of what opportunities around you excite you. If you realize you’ve been working as a graphic designer but you really miss doing the science experiments from your high school biology class, then follow that idea and volunteer as a research assistant. You’re only ever going to get something good out of doing something just for yourself, and it might just lead you somewhere you weren’t expecting.

By Danielle Agugliaro


Danielle is a junior magazine journalism student at Syracuse University hoping to one day connect beauty, fashion, and environmental science journalism in an engaging way for the public. When she’s not busy working on assignments she likes to relax with a Kurt Vonnegut novel, smoothie bowl, and her pet bird, Alfie.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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From New York to…Nassau

Tuesday, August 15th, 2017

Living in a city that’s fairly popular can be disgruntling sometimes. You’re just trying to get to work or class and there are about 75 thousand tourists in your way like that guy with a “I <3 NYC” hat and that person standing in the middle of the road trying to take a picture. It can get pretty annoying after the novelty of living in a big city wears off. There’s nothing you can do about the tourists, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a few good ways to handle the idea of tourism in your city. If you think NYC’s bad with crowds of people that don’t know where they’re doing, Nassau is worse.

https://www.shutterstock.com/

https://www.shutterstock.com/

Taken by Jainita Patel.

Taken by Jainita Patel.

If you live in a big city, you’re going to eventually go through the 3 stages of tourism anxiety and here are just a few ways to cope:

Stage 1: Avoidance.

That’s right. It can be as simple as that: avoid the places with lots of tourists. Broadway? Avoid it no matter where you are. Battery Park? Nope. Midtown? Not today. Tourists can be avoided if you stick to neighborhoods that don’t have too many tourist attractions. Lesser-known tourist attractions in the boroughs are the best places to avoid the hoards of camera-wielding families. I’ve suggested it once and I’m going to suggest it again: Green-Wood cemetery is virtually empty and it’s gorgeous. Park Slope is mainly residential and has a lot of cute shops and places to eat. If you’re hell bent on staying in Manhattan, the East River is generally less tourist-filled than the Hudson. If you really want to get away, Hoboken has the best view of the skyline and only locals tend to live there. In the Bahamas it’s a bit harder to avoid tourists. The main key for Nassau is to stay away from Atlantis and avoid the straw market and downtown. That’s where the cruise ships let off and you don’t want to be there the first thing in the morning when hoards of people dock. Instead, try going to the other side of the island to Clifton Pier. If you need to stay near downtown, try going to Loop View instead, where you can get an amazing view. Cabbage Beach is also a good place on Paradise Island that’s pretty isolated but close enough to the resort to walk.

https://www.nycgo.com/i

https://www.nycgo.com/i

Cabbage Beach. Taken by Jainita Patel.

Cabbage Beach.
Taken by Jainita Patel.

Stage 2: Acceptance.

After a while, avoiding all of the places with tourists can get a bit boring. After all, the reason people go to places is because those places are interesting. Sometimes you just have to be okay with the fact that you live in a cool part of the world that a lot of people want to see. That doesn’t mean going out of your way to avoid tourist-filled areas, but it doesn’t mean purposefully going to those areas either. Union Square get pretty touristy during the summer, but if you have to go through it, just put your headphones in and keep walking. The second stage of living in a city is just knowing that you signed up for this and being ready for it. For Nassau, if you need to go through downtown, walking through the sunlit streets can actually be pretty pleasant even with the hoards of tourists buying rum cake and souvenirs.

Union Square https://en.wikipedia.org/

Union Square
https://en.wikipedia.org/

Pompeii Square in Downtown Nassau. Taken by Jainita Patel

Pompeii Square in Downtown Nassau.
Taken by Jainita Patel

Stage 3: If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them.

Since love and hate are pretty close emotions, if you hate tourists, eventually you’re going to become one. Whether it’s in your own city or another, but the good part about being a tourist in your own city is that you can actually go out into the world and enjoy every part of the your city that makes it so famous. Haven’t gone up the Freedom Tower yet? Now is as good as any other time. Haven’t been to the Met in a while? Go for it. Lived in New York for 3 years and haven’t walked across the Brooklyn Bridge or seen the Statue of Liberty yet? Well now’s your shot. Don’t let tourists stop you from going to see these things. Sometimes it’s just better to say “screw it” to feeling like a local and just getting out there and seeing your part of the world. For Nassau this can be especially fun. If you’ve been there for a while and haven’t gone snorkeling now’s your shot. You can even get discounted Bahamian Atlantis passes if you’re there for long enough. Downtown—except Sr. Frog’s, avoid Sr. Frog’s at all times—can be extremely fun if you’re willing to commit to just enjoying yourself instead of blending in.

Freedom Tower http://www.theepochtimes.com/

Freedom Tower
http://www.theepochtimes.com/

Atlantis Resort. Taken by Jainita Patel

Atlantis Resort.
Taken by Jainita Patel

Have fun with it. You’re going to go through the three stages of tourism anxiety no matter where you move. At first you feel like one of them and then you become jaded enough to try to avoid being one of them, but like most things in life, that too will come full circle in the end. So if you like New York for how many tourist attractions it has, you’ll love Nassau and vice versa. Hopefully you’ll get to visit both some day.

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By Jainita Patel

Jainita is a Campus Clipper publishing intern who is double majoring in English and Environmental Studies at NYU. Though writing fiction and painting are her two main passions, she also has a love of travel and adventure that has taken her across the globe.  Jainita writes under the pseudonym Jordan C. Rider. If you like her posts, you can find more of her work here or follow her on Twitter. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015. 

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How Other People Can Help You Love Yourself

Friday, May 12th, 2017

“The world reflects back to you how much you value yourself”

-Danielle LaPorte

I’ve been talking so much about self-love for the past few months and how important it is to show ourselves love. But sometimes it is hard to get yourself to do what is best for you. What is the easiest loan to get online loans-cash.net? Some people find it difficult to be what might be considered “selfish” and others can’t find the time to do so. Whatver the reason, I think I’ve neglected to really discuss how important and necessary it is to have other people in our lives so that they can help us love ourselves.

‘What does she mean?’ you may be thinking to yourself.

Well, for example, one of my roommates and I have been roommates since sophomore year of college and now we’re each one of the others’ best friends. That said, as it turns out, we have each also come to calling the other our personal “life coach.” Now, I’ll admit, I think she is likely a better life-coach to me than I am to her often times (it’s hard, okay?), but we are often turning to each other for help through life’s challenges.

Image Credie: http://www.essay.ws/essay-on-whistle-blowing-the-environment/

Image Credit: http://www.essay.ws/essay-on-whistle-blowing-the-environment/

As graduation approaches, we’re stressed about school, finding jobs, getting an apartment, moving into said apartment, and still the other usual stressors like boys and money *eye roll*. So, it goes without saying that we’re always relating to each other regarding life’s difficulties and trying our best to provide the other with words of encouragement, songs of encouragement, positive energy, mood-boosting foods like cupcakes, calmness when the other is overstressing, a friend to walk the city with, and more. She keeps me on track, or tries to at the very least, and I try to do the same for her. When we can’t see the fault in our own actions, point of view, or opinion, the other is often there to cue us in on the opposing side of it all. I would’ve been a wreck without her these past few years!

Today we were out and about in NYC and decided to check out this sculpture in Rockefeller Center in order to distract ourselves from all the other crazy stuff going on-we took time to treat ourselves right on this beautiful day (and it was free)!

I think it is more than safe to say that we, as people, tend to easily place way too much weight on our own shoulders. It is also safe to say that this can create several different problems. Taking on too much keeps us from giving one task or person our undivided attention, which would allow us to better accomplish our goal at the time. It makes it easier to make mistakes, it draws from our experiences, it detracts from full satisfaction, and it makes it more difficult to self-love.

you can't carry the world on your shoulders Image Credit: https://mattbowsher.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/leadership-in-adult-social-care-beyond-the-brontosaurus/

Image Credit: https://mattbowsher.wordpress.com/2013/11/02/leadership-in-adult-social-care-beyond-the-brontosaurus/

These are all reasons that sometimes we need someone else to turn to. Whether that means you are delegating some of your load to someone else therefore lightening your own or whether someone else is just there to encourage you or do something fun with you when you need it most. Having a friend, family member, or even colleague by your side can make a tremendous difference in your self-care, self-compassion, self-confidence, self-love, and overall happiness and satisfaction. So let others help you love yourself, already!!

By Chanelle Surphlis


Chanelle Surphlis is a Campus Clipper publishing intern, who is graduating from FIT this May. Passionate about giving back and pursuing volunteer opportunities, Chanelle aspires to work for a fashion or beauty company that includes philanthropy in its core values. If you like Chanelle’s writing, check out her blogs here and here. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services
.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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College Savings: How to Afford a Study Abroad Trip as a Broke College Student

Friday, September 19th, 2014

Whether my friends ask me if I want to go to the movies or out for an expensive meal, my answer is always the same: “I’m a college student.” This is the universally known phrase meaning, “I’d love to, but I can’t. I’m broke.” College expenses can really weigh down on my desire to have a social life. Between tuition, books, Metrocard fare, and food, there’s really no wiggle room for anything extra and I’m always trying to find college discounts wherever I go. When I learned about study abroad options through CUNY, my friends asked me where I wanted to go. “China,” I replied smiling. “But I’m a college student.”

Eating a bowl of noodles in Nanjing, China that cost 7¥ (yuan): less than $1.50!

Eating a bowl of noodles in Nanjing, China that cost 7¥ (yuan): less than $1.50!

Studying abroad, although costly, is not necessarily as impossible as one might think for the ‘poor’ college student—and it certainly has its perks. One way to help pay for your study abroad trip is to get scholarship money. Just like when you were applying for college, scholarships are diverse, obscure and available to a multitude of people. You just need to be willing to look for them. One great place to start is CEA Scholarships, which are scholarships specifically for students who want to study abroad. There are multiple merit based scholarships available and also financial need based scholarships.

Often times when applying for these scholarships you are required to write a personal essay. In order to get the money you need to make yourself stand out. Write several different essays, share them with your writing major friends, revise, and edit. The more work you put into your essay, the better chance you’ll have at getting that money. Other scholarships to look into for studying abroad are the SIROCS scholarship and the SASA Travel Abroad Scholarship.

You never know when you're going to stumble upon some interesting souvenir like a Communist Obama Tshirt!

You never know when you’re going to stumble upon some interesting souvenir like a Communist Obama Tshirt!

Don’t be afraid to go and contact the financial aid office at your college. Even if you don’t think you qualify for financial aid, go anyway. Sometimes the financial aid rules and regulations differ for certain study abroad programs and it never hurts to ask! Taking out student loans might also be a viable option to look into. Loans are a really great way to give yourself some time to save up your money after you take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Start saving up now! Even if you get fully covered by scholarships or financial aid, there’s still the matter of having spending money in a foreign country. Whether you want to buy a cheap bowl of noodles, or a memorable souvenir, you’re going to end up wanting to spend some cash on your trip. In Shenzhen, China I came across an amusement park called Windows of the World. I was definitely glad that I had some cash to pay for the admission. Get a part time job while you wait for the start of your program and put that cash aside. You’ll be happy you did once you get to your new temporary home. You want to be able to take care of yourself while you’re away and have some fun too!

 

 

My friends on the train ride at Windows of the World in Shenzhen, China.

My friends on the train ride at Windows of the World in Shenzhen, China.

Sam Levitz is a graduate of Brooklyn College and went on the CUNY Study Abroad trip to China the summer of 2013. Follow her on Instagram: slevitz

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Pushing Boundaries: How Traveling and Studying Abroad Have Changed My Life and Shaped My Career Path, and Why You Should Do It Too

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

At only 21 years old, I am no Confucius. I cannot give you sound and scientific advice that, if followed, will give you guaranteed success and happiness and all the things you’ve ever dreamed possible. I do not know everything; I don’t have all the answers. What I DO have is my own experience. One of my favorite lines from a book came from Arthur Japin’s In Lucia’s Eyes that reads, “The world is full of people who spend their entire lives seeking the miracle of love without ever seeing it. It’s actually very simple and self-evident, except to those who seek it. One need only have a different way of seeing things. That is not something you can teach people. All you can do is tell your story.”

Whether or not you’re looking for love, let that last sentence resonate with you. All you can do is tell your story. This is my story.

Me:

My mother was born and raised in Brazil and moved to the U.S. when she found her future husband who worked in San Francisco at the time. This man, my father, lived in the U.S. for several years already, but actually grew up in San Jose, Costa Rica.  Call them star-crossed lovers or whatever you wish, these two foreigners set out to make a new future in a new country for their new daughter, me!

 

Growing up, it was just my parents and me. No siblings, no relatives nearby, no pets other than the occasional goldfish won at a carnival with a lifespan average of two days.  I spent most of my breaks from school traveling, either to Costa Rica or Brazil, to see family and connect with cousins and friends my age, keeping up with both Portuguese and Spanish.

The language was never a barrier to me when I was in another country, but became an issue when I returned to the U.S. and had already started school. I would meet with friends and sometimes be unable to realize that I wasn’t speaking English with them because I was so used to being understood in another language.

In addition to traveling to see relatives, I was fortunate enough to have such hard-working parents who always wanted me to see the world, as was their goal for themselves.  We travelled to many places in Europe before I finished the 8th grade, even at which point it was very clear to me that studying abroad would be in my future, no question.

Before starting high school I KNEW I would be gone for sophomore year – I researched study abroad programs and took advantage of them.  Initially I wanted to go to countries like Italy or Spain, but I wound up finding a full-ride scholarship opportunity (sponsored by U.S. Congress and German Parliament) to study in Germany, so I applied. As I moved further through the selection process, it became surreal how competitive this was: out of 2500 applicants, only 50 would receive scholarships.

In April 2006, I learned I had received the scholarship. I turned 15 the next month and three months later was off to live in Germany for a year: no family, no friends, and didn’t  know a word of German. I was the youngest of all the recipients, and after 11 months I was fluent in German.

Before beginning my time at a University, it was clear to me I would study abroad again. I would have applied for the program right away if it weren’t for the window allowed for it by the study abroad office. I was the first to submit an application for that as well, and in the fall of 2010, I had one of the BEST semesters of my life in Bern, Switzerland. If I hadn’t graduated early, I would have studied abroad again.

I’ve now relocated from Arizona to New York and am pursuing a career here while considering my options for a Master’s abroad – perhaps Switzerland again.  I’ve even recently been asked to work with a European magazine for some press releases. My passion is traveling and connecting with people who have experienced this and exchanging cultures.  All the traveling and studying abroad I’ve done have brought me here and told me where I’m going.  You CAN and SHOULD do it too, and even if traveling isn’t something you want for your career, experiencing it now while you’re young is priceless and will teach you so much about yourself and the world.

 

Where to look for study abroad programs:

  1. Consult with your school’s study abroad offices: I realize these offices are becoming smaller and smaller in the U.S., but these guys know what they’re talking about. Ask which kinds of programs are available to you – some may have year standing or GPA requirements. Maybe there’s a specific kind of program you’re searching for – my school offered programs in which you travel with a group of students from the University while learning abroad. My school also offered a program where you didn’t pay a study abroad fee, just the same tuition you were paying while attending the school, which is how I was able to study abroad. Many study abroad offices even have information on scholarships. There are plenty of options; inform yourself!
  2. Check other programs: This gets tricky and is where fees come into play, sky-rocketing the price of your study abroad experience. My scholarship study abroad program was limited to high school students, but there are other groups out there! Check out: ciee.org or studyabroad.com.
  3. Maybe you’re interested in the experience of it but don’t want to be studying: Check out things like aupair-world.net where you can be a live-in nanny, earn some money, have a host family that could help teach you more about the culture, and be immersed in your new surroundings. You could take a semester off to do it, do it in the summer, or make time for it after you graduate. Another post-graduate option could be The Peace Corps.
  4. Degrees and Internships Abroad: These are other ways you can be productive in a new place. You can research schools in the areas you’re most interested in and see their guidelines for international students. My advice for those looking to study in Europe would be to check out bachelorsportal.eu OR mastersportal.eu where you can define your search based on degree subject, country, or tuition and GET THIS: tuition prices elsewhere could be as little as 4% what you’re paying now. What about textbook fees? That’s all an American scam so you can say “bye-bye” to that! As for internships, try goabroad.com/intern-abroad or ask at your school’s study abroad office.  HEADS UP: this internship opportunity in China was just tweeted via @InternQueen that may be worthwhile: http://www.crccasia.com/?utm_source=InternQueen&utm_medium=Eblast&utm_campaign=October

5. If all else fails and you just want to travel abroad but want to do it sooner rather than later (excellent choice), check out statravel.com for good deals on flights and hotel information – those prices keep going up these days so it’s good to know of a place that’s dedicated to finding competitive rates. I’d also recommend kayak.com, which is where I found an affordable flight to NYC.

Why:

Even if traveling doesn’t give you insatiable wanderlust as it has to me, at the very least you’ll         broaden your horizons, learn something new and take these experiences with you in your next job interview, which could make all the difference. I encourage you to try something new, to not be afraid, and to learn a new language – there’s no better way than immersion! At the risk of sounding cliché, the world is truly your oyster so go out and open it!

 

 

 

 

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Posted by Lauren A Ramires. Follow her blog, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram (username: laurenaramires) for more lifestyle and inspiration posts.

If you’re interested in learning more of the experiences of a Peace Corps Volunteer, check out this blog for stories on the daily happenings of a PCV and things you could expect.

 

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Dwindling Communication in the 21st Century

Friday, October 5th, 2012

With all kinds of new technology and social media platforms popping up every day, it seems easier than ever to stay in contact and communicate with the whole world.  It doesn’t even require a lot of effort, just a portable laptop — which come in extra small packages these days – or a smart phone.  So why is it that the real value of our words is going down the drain?

Even he didn't say much and he could be heard almost ANYWHERE

Part of this is our own fault for relying too much on technology.  There’s less effort put into meeting up with a friend or family member for a quick lunch.  Making communication easier has made us less aware of the importance of following through and actually speaking.  Personal relationships have decreased in favor of the blogosphere or Facebook.

With the upcoming Presidential election, it’s important to take more pride and responsibility in our words, our communication, and listening and hearing content.  That annoying little habit of saying “like” after every other word?  That was OK when you were 13.  Part of being a responsible adult pertains not just to our professional lives, but also to our communication.  As students, you’re going to be primed as the leaders of the future; it is important to recognize this gift and own it.

Your Presidential vote is also your future, take some time out to inform yourself on what the candidates stand for. Yes, it is true that many of their speeches and debates will be ridden with white noise you should avoid, but the important thing to do is to INFORM yourself.  Educating yourself on issues is a practice you’ll continue even after the election, making you highly employable. Try news feeds like cnn.com or huffingtonpost.com. If you’re in a real rush, newser is a great place to catch up on headlines with a short and readable summary.

As to the nonsense words you use to fill silences, start thinking a little more before speaking.  This will cause you to have a fully formulated sentence before speaking, but if you should have a silence somewhere…it’s OK! No need to add “like,” “so,” “um,” etc.  Some thoughts to keep your message in line:

Are you really saying what you want to say?

Is that person going to understand your needs and goals?

If not, could you reword it and still make the message clear?

Remember: being too wordy may lose the listener.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in preparing and physically relocating to New York City, it’s that if you can write and communicate your ideas well, your career will soar.  While social media is all good and fun, it’s only effective when used properly.  So go out and use your voice, your thoughts, and yes, your phone (in fact, you could download the Campus Clipper App RIGHT NOW)!

 

Written by: Lauren A. Ramires

If you’re interested in finding out more about my opinions and ventures with social media, social media marketing, fashion, travel and humor, follow me on Twitter, Facebook or my blog.

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I don’t wanna grow up; I just wanna be a Toys’R’Us kid.

Friday, May 14th, 2010

Today, a friend of mine’s mother passed away. I had never met the woman, but I know she’s been sick on and off the entire time my friend, one of my first in New York, and I have known each other. But platitudes like “she’s in a better place” or “at least she’s not feeling any pain” really don’t seem to do much good for anyone who hears them. It’s almost the opposite — like saying, “Hey, you’re mom isn’t hurting anymore so you really shouldn’t be so sad.” So what should you say?

I’ve never been good with comforting people, or dealing with other’s emotions at all, actually. It’s one thing to know that I should be there for my friend, should offer to go to the funeral and support her — it’s another thing entirely to do that and not get swept up in trivial things, like the Celtics clinching the Cavs’ series.

I foolishly put myself in her spot the other day, imagining it was my dad who just died and I had to convince myself not to call him, just to make sure he was okay even though I knew that nothing could have happened to him in the time since we’d last spoken. I’ve always had a strong imagination, though, and watching a friend’s grief does nothing to stop that.

I can admit to myself, and by extension the World Wide Web through this blog, that if a friend from home just lost a relative, the situation would be different. Last year, a close friend’s mother passed and there was literally nothing more important than getting back to Jersey to be there for her and her family, who I’ve known my entire life. I wonder if just the length of time one person can know another factors into that extra effort that is willingly put forth without thought, or if, as awful as it is to think, some people just matter more. I don’t like to think that, to think that one friend can be held to different standards than another — but that’s probably how it is.

Not offering any comfort may just be my own cowardice; at twenty I hate being faced with any reminders of mortality, no matter what the case is. I don’t believe it to just be a fear of death, that’s too simple. It’s more a fear of not being young anymore, of growing up and losing vitality and vibrancy and the joie de vivre. My father is turning fifty in a few weeks, and I know aging bothers him a lot more than it does my mother. I get that from him, I guess, though it is silly for someone my age to care about growing older so much unless it is a desire to finally reach twenty-one. For the record, I couldn’t care less about being twenty-one and I sometimes find myself wishing I was still a teenager.

This blog seems to jump from point, or non-point, rather, to non-point. I do have one though — a point that is.

They say the friends we meet in college are the ones that will last the rest of our lives. If that’s true, no amount of personal discomfort should keep us from being there for our friends; regardless of if it’s being there at a funeral, or letting a friend crash on the couch during finals’ week to escape a commute to Long Island. Though no longer kids, people in their late teens and early twenties still have that innate selfishness that wants everything in life to revolve itself around their comfort — but that’s not what happens. Accepting that, and being there for other people despite ourselves, is one of those first, and terrible, steps to growing up.

-Mary K

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