Ah, college dating life, where to begin? The lore of finding your “true love” on campus runs deep. We all hear the stories: two freshmen sit next to each other in an Intro to Psych class, and boom —they end up getting married ten years later. There’s a kind of romantic hope that college will be the time where it all clicks. High school was just practice for the real thing, a prequel to the great love story we’re meant to star in.
In reality, it’s quite brutal.
Some people fall into (and out of) relationships like it’s part of their routine. Others don’t date at all. And in between, there’s the strange, emotionally ambiguous purgatory that is the situationship: a non-committal “thing” that looks like a relationship, feels like a relationship, but is never named as one. It’s confusing and often exhausting.
In my world, the first year of college wasn’t about dating. I bounced around, got to know people, and explored different circles and sides of myself. I had no heavy intention to commit because I didn’t want to. I was curious and open and still figuring out who I even was. And on top of that, I knew I was going abroad to Florence, which added a natural time limit to any potential connection.
Studying abroad opens up an entirely new kind of dating landscape. In Florence, connections were usually fun, passionate, and short-term. People were in it for the experience, not the longevity. That in itself can be beautiful: learning how to live in the moment, how to flirt in another language, and how to appreciate someone’s presence without worrying about the future. But it also meant that any real commitment fell off the table until I was more grounded, until I was back “home.”
It wasn’t until junior year that I went on what I would consider my first real date, right before I left for London, of course. (I seem to have a habit of falling into things right before I leave.) The idea of the date scared me more than I care to admit. Not because of the person, but because it was set up through Hinge, which comes with its own psychological rollercoaster. Online dating is, frankly, horrendous for forming genuine connections. It can work, but most of the time, it’s a quick spark of banter, a few days of chatting, then a ghosting from one side or the other. Tinder? Mostly hookups. Bumble? Well… it’s Bumble.
But Hinge—Hinge had potential, at least in theory. And that first date was sweet and chill and surprisingly easy. It helped set a gentle precedent: dating didn’t have to be a minefield. To this day, first dates still make me sick with stress and nerves. I overthink my outfit, my voice, and whether my smile looks right. But once I’m there, it’s rarely as bad as I imagine.
That being said, I have had bad dates. I’ve had awkward silences and forced affection. But I’ve also had wonderful ones, fun, flirty, or even completely platonic, where I left with a new friend instead of a crush. That’s the thing about dating in college: it’s unpredictable. If the hit dating show Love Island taught us something surprisingly real: sometimes you’re torn between committing to something good or holding out for something that might be great. There’s no easy answer.
credit: Ben Symons/Peacock
The best guide, in the end, is your gut.
Don’t commit just because you feel you’re supposed to. Don’t date just to prove you can. And definitely don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t had a “serious” relationship by a certain age. Everyone moves through this process at their own pace, on their own path. Love, however it looks, finds people in different ways and at different times.
That said, you do have to put yourself out there. That’s part of the process. Be open. Be brave. Be willing to laugh about the disasters and appreciate the little moments. But don’t let dating become something that drains you to the point of hopelessness.
Dating in college should feel like an adventure, not a punishment. A search for connection, for romance, or just for a good story. Whether you’re looking for a life partner or just a dinner date who makes you laugh, remember: this is your timeline, and there’s no wrong way to move through it.
Just breathe, and have fun!
By Logan O’Connor
Logan is a rising senior at NYU pursuing degrees in Journalism and Politics. She grew up on Long Island, but always dreamed of living in New York City. When she’s not in class or at her favorite local cafe, you can find her wandering the city (film camera in hand) or baking up a storm in her kitchen.
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