A humble guide to the Do’s and Don’ts of dating in a big city; don’t worry you can’t make as many mistakes as I did.
- Do not get into a car on the fifth date, tenth date, or even the twentieth date. Maybe just avoid cars altogether?
If you are a young person in a city using dating apps, at some point, you will end up on quite a few dates with one person. You may think, I’ve seen enough of this person, and they were really nice and funny at the Chelsea markets and so sweet when we rode the subway to Brooklyn. When they offer to pick you up in a car, and let’s be honest, that’s so exciting because nobody ever has a car in the city, you may agree in a heartbeat. But just because a person is no longer just a profile on a screen, it does not mean you know them! This person may drive thirty minutes outside the city before trying to weasel out of going to dinner as planned. This person may not be a serial killer, but they may still be a jerk and leave you stranded for not being “down” to only chill at their apartment. The taxi may be $70 to get home.
- Do meet in public places.
I’m not just saying this because of safety. That part is obvious. I’m saying it because when your family and friends start coming to visit, they are going to ask for the list of food and drink recommendations. You have a responsibility as the recommendation person. Men, women, or people you are dating may come and go, but good Spanish tapas or Indian recommendations will be with you forever.
- Do not let the first date be meeting up with a guy + their friends.
You may think meeting up with a guy while he is out with friends means two birds, one stone! Maybe you’ll make a friend or two. Maybe you’ll meet a husband. What it really means, though, is that you end up at some packed bar, with a suspiciously wet bathroom, a rude bartender, and one awkward man and his one awkward college roommate buddy. The guy you are supposed to be on a date with will give up yelling over Sweet Caroline at some point and sit next to you, silently bopping away to the beat. The college roommate buddy will not have uttered a single word in the last thirty minutes. In the end, your ears will hurt, and you will still be a boyfriend short and a friend short.
- Do go on friend dates.
Yes, friend dates are a thing. Plenty of dating apps have a friend option where you match and meet up with people who are just like you- young, alone, and looking to do something fun in a platonic, unromantic, asexual way. Wholesome intentions only. It seems sort of odd to meet people this way, but it is better to utilize dating apps to meet friends than using your date to meet them.
- Do not rush.
I’m not talking about sororities. Have your Alabama rush week. Just don’t rush dating. Dating may not seem like something you can rush; it isn’t your commute to work or a last-minute essay. Your first date goes well. He texts and asks to see you tomorrow, and you could punch a hole in the wall in an excited way, not an angsty way. Cut to two weeks later when you are eight dates in and telling your parents about him, and he lets you know he leaves back to London tomorrow. He lives in London. He was only visiting New York.
- Do treat dating as a meander.
Not a race, not a marathon, maybe not even a stroll, but a meander. Let yourself feel the highs of a great first date. Don’t try to squish the excitement. Meanders are meant for smelling the flowers. Thoroughly smell them for as long as possible; in fact, drag it out over a few days. Drag it out over a week. Drag it out until the high has inevitably faded and your brain chemistry is stable, then plan the second date. If you are meant to be together, then there is no rush. So, make your doctor’s appointments for the year. Clean that one cabinet that has both potatoes and a stack of old mail. Be a happy old woman in her English garden before you go plodding along back to the same rose.
Olivia Sully is a Junior studying English Literature at New York University. Olivia spends most of her school and professional life writing and reading, but she likes to decompress with her paintings.
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