Maintaining friendships is something I’ve struggled with in my time in college. There is so much talk about romantic heartbreak that we aren’t really prepped to lose a friend. It can be just as painful, especially the kind of friend you thought would be in your life forever. College has taught me that not all friendships are meant to last and learning that lesson is one of the most defining parts of growing up.
As someone who is more reserved, quiet, and a little rigid when it comes to my beliefs, making friends is very hard for me. It can be hard for me to put myself out there and show my true personality. Throughout my time in college, I’ve made some incredible friendships. People I laughed with until I cried, studied with until 2 a.m., vented about life, etc. These friendships carried me through some of the hardest and happiest moments of my life. But I’ve also watched a few of them dissolve quietly, unexpectedly, or sometimes through conflict I never saw coming.
Some breakups happened because we simply grew apart. Our schedules no longer aligned, our values shifted, or we stopped showing up for each other. Others ended in messier ways. Misunderstandings that were never resolved, hurt feelings that were never addressed, or boundaries that were crossed too many times. Regardless of how it ended, the aftermath always had the same emotion… grief.
One of the hardest friendships I lost was this past semester. I had my friend in my second semester of sophomore year, and we clicked almost instantly. We had pretty similar lives and bonded over very similar experiences throughout our lives. We eventually became roommates all of junior year and shared everything from meals, secrets, and inside jokes. At the tail end of the second semester, I had changed. I struggled a lot with my mental health, which made me push myself away, causing a bit of a shift. I also wasn’t perfect and did things that I shouldn’t have done, causing the friendship to take a rift. I left the end of the semester with us on bad terms and haven’t talked to her since. In hindsight, the friendship ending was mainly my fault, and now I take accountability for a lot of things happening. Losing this friendship was probably one of the toughest experiences I’ve gone through. I always thought she would be one of my bridesmaids or like an aunt to my future children. I cried for weeks and not because I was angry, but because I missed her.
Although losing my friend was really hard, it did teach me a lot of things. I learned a lot about how I am and how to proceed with friendships in the future. The first and most important thing is to allow yourself to grieve. Whether it was your fault or not for the friendship ending, it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or betrayed. Your emotions are valid even if no one else sees the loss. The second takeaway is to set emotional boundaries. If you’re tempted to keep checking their social media or overthinking every last conversation, pause and give yourself time and distance to process. The third takeaway is to not romanticize the past. It’s easy to only remember the good times, but reflect honestly. The fourth and final takeaway is to make space for new connections. Losing one friend doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. Sometimes it just means you’re making room for better alignment. Take those friendships as a learning experience for someone else you meet.
Image credit: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/202208/how-to-foster-friendships-filled-with-love-heart-and-spirit
Friendship breakups can impact your mental health just as much as any romantic one. Sometimes the most painful endings lead to the most powerful growth, and while I’ll always carry love for the friends I’ve lost, I’ve learned to carry it in a way that doesn’t weigh me down. I keep going back to the time I had with my friend and reflect on the positive, which gave me lifelong memories I’ll never forget and cherish for the rest of my life.
Let’s face it… the best thing to do after a breakup is to eat food. When I went through my friendship breakup the first thing I ate was ice cream. At Sundaes and Cones, you can enjoy a free topping with any purchase. Use your school I.D and enjoy!
By: Yamilia Ford
Yamilia Ford is a rising senior at Pace University with a major in business management and three minors in journalism, creative writing, and film studies. Her passion for writing allows her to inspire through her own creative lens, giving people the opportunity to relate to her.
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