Welcome to a year focused on self-care and wellness, because we need it!
While many, many news articles in the last 10 days have put the tightest knots in my stomach, I’d prefer to focus on things more in my control. An overlooked benefit of living in 2025 is our transparency with personal boundaries and how to use them. So long to the days of people-pleasing to the point of exhaustion; say farewell to conversations about overstimulation being taboo; and, lastly, good riddance to making ourselves uncomfortable for the sake of perception alone.
Boundaries can look like many things, but for the most part, they are simply the lines we draw for ourselves in terms of our level of comfort around others. They can involve physical contact, verbal interactions, personal space, emotions, romance, time, individual belongings, and even the workplace. Here are some quick examples:
- Not wanting a friend, family member, or coworker to speak down to you is a verbal boundary.
- Not feeling comfortable when others show up at your house without warning is a personal space boundary.
- Protecting your ability to do your work without interference or drama, especially that which extends outside the workplace, is a work-life boundary.
There are all kinds of boundaries, and the best part is that all of them are valid!
I’ll be the first to say that, for the majority of my life, I was undoubtedly an extreme people-pleaser, and this made it very hard for me to set boundaries. I didn’t know how to handle confrontation, and I didn’t like taking risks. What if I tried to set a boundary, and I lost my friend in the process? I had a few lines that couldn’t be crossed, of course, but for the most part, I often held my tongue, fuming in my discomfort, to maintain some variation of peace and order. This was not a win-win situation, as at the end of the day I had gone against my desires, and I’d built up a resentment towards those I’d done so for.
It wasn’t until I left Florida and started working full-time (How I miss the days of living off scholarship money) that I realized how important boundaries are. With most of the sunlit day spent at the hands of the dollar, every ounce of free time I now have is something I cherish to the utmost degree. I have less time to spend at this point in my life, so I want to spend it on the right things. if I let people waste that time, I’ll feel more burnt out and irritated than ever.
The fact of the matter is, as you get older, you learn that the approval of others just can’t come at your sacrifice. Now at 25, I don’t waste my energy trying to prove myself to people who don’t see my worth— and let’s face it, as a woman, I’m just all too tired of that anyway. With all of the trials and tribulations of being a full-on adult, you get to a point in time where a question starts to loom over your head: How much crap are you willing to take, and who from?
While I’d like to tell you the answer is “NONE AND FROM NO ONE,” that’s simply not the world we live in. However, if you start to feel exhausted, angry, or upset consistently because of a certain person or situation, it may be time to set some boundaries.
Setting boundaries has become a more open and honest topic today, but the conversation can still be hard depending on who you’re talking to. Feeling awkward and even guilty is normal, and you can factor in the possibility that the other party will be defensive, too. Nevertheless, it’s important to stand your ground and let it be known that you and your time are valuable! Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect and self-care. Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind as you start the new year looking out for you:
1. Know Your Limits
Before setting boundaries, you should take some time to reflect on when you do and don’t feel your best. What drains your energy? What makes you feel respected? Recognizing these limits can help you define clear boundaries before telling them to someone else.
2. Communicate Clearly and Assertively
Be direct and honest when communicating your needs. For example, in work, say, “I’m unable to take on extra tasks this week.” Point-blank. Also, in social or romantic relationships, don’t feel afraid to express what you need to feel comfortable. Any friend or partner will be able to understand that you’re coming from a good place. That conversation could start with something like “I love our time together, but after work, I need space to recharge by myself.”
3. Be Consistent
Enforce your boundaries consistently. If you let them slide occasionally, it can confuse others and undermine your efforts. Gently remind people when a boundary is crossed. While everyone is human and makes mistakes, if someone constantly disobeys your boundaries, it may be a sign that they don’t take you seriously and that your relationship is not mutually beneficial.
4. Learn to Say No
It’s okay to say no without feeling guilty! Practice it in small, low-stakes situations to build confidence. Saying no is an act of self-respect, not selfishness, despite those who may say otherwise.
5. Respect Others’ Boundaries
Respect the boundaries of others, too. One of the best ways to get comfortable with our boundary-setting is to have the ability to recognize when others are setting boundaries. If we can be mindful of those around us, then we can expect them to do the same.
Brenna Sheets is a graduate student in Emerson College’s Writing and Publishing M.A. program. She is also a teacher, currently specializing in middle school history. Her hobbies include going on long walks, reading and writing, and watching bad television.
