Posts Tagged ‘Friendship’

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How to be a Comedian: Week 5: Teach Me How to be Funny – And Learn About College Student Discounts Below!

Monday, November 23rd, 2015

Before I start, I’d like to give a quick shout out to the Campus Clipper. The Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the Upper East Side to Greenwich Village. The company helps support students in so many ways, from their coupon booklet to their Official Student Guide. Now, on to the blog!

If you’re funny, you’re funny; but trust me, it’s extremely helpful to have veteran comedians guide you and teach you how to harness your funny bone.

7th Annual "Stand Up For Heroes" Event - Inside

So, sign up for a few comedy classes. Don’t be afraid to break out of your comfort zone or comedic interests. Take some stand up classes, like at the Manhattan Comedy School; but also take some improv classes at a renowned place like the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. It will only benefit you to learn different forms of comedy, and it also might help you find out what you enjoy more and for what your talents are best suited.

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The only way you can become a master of comedy is to practice your material and watch others perform. If you really love stand up, then go to stand up shows every week to familiarize yourself with other comedians’ styles and how they interact with the crowd – you might learn something from them. If you’re interested in improv and sketch comedy, go to an improv show every week (go a few times a week if your budget and time permits).

Making comedy shows a weekly part of your schedule will help you stay focused on pushing yourself to the next level in your own career and will make you a lot more comfortable with the business. Watch shows, watch shows, and watch more shows.

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I find that the funniest comedians are those who I trust. What I mean is that I trust their ability to make me laugh – they’re reputable. They have confidence, which makes me have confidence in them. I’m not constantly anticipating them to mess up or break into a nervous fit. You have to gain people’s trust for them to believe that you’re funny, so it’s important to show confidence when you’re on stage to let everyone know that you’re in control. When I don’t feel confident on stage, sometimes I have to convince myself that I am confident, or at the very least act like I’m confident.

Things to put on your comedic to-do list:

– Practice in front of the mirror

– Practice jokes in front of your friends

– Record yourself and analyze the video

– Write, rewrite, edit, practice, rewrite, practice, rewrite, practice

– Open mic

A few words from the Campus Clipper –

The Campus Clipper not only helps our interns learn new skills, make money, and create these amazing E-Book, but we give them a platform to teach others. Follow each new blog post to read a chapter of our various books and to learn how the Campus Clipper can help you follow your dreams!

Craving student savings while you catch up on your reading? Click on the link to download the Official Campus Clipper Coupon Booklet to enjoy some great student discounts! And check out our newest YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during this year’s Welcome Week!

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Posted in onCollege, onEntertainment, onJobs, onLife, onSavings, onTalent, onValues, Out On The Town, Outside Manhattan, Uniqueness in NYC | No Comments »

How to be a Comedian: Week 4: Finding Your Funny Bone – And Find some College Student Discounts Below!

Monday, November 16th, 2015

Before I start, I’d like to give a quick shout out to the Campus Clipper. The Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the Upper East Side to Greenwich Village. The company helps support students in so many ways, from their coupon booklet to their Official Student Guide. Now, on to the blog!

Go to the store and buy a few pocket-sized notebooks and a pencil. Carry these tools with you everywhere you go, even if you’re just taking out the trash. As a comedian, you have to constantly write out your thoughts and scribble down jokes as they occur, or else you’re going to forget them and you’ll be left trying to remember “that funny thing that happened yesterday.” Write down everything funny from your everyday life as soon as it happens, because when you react to something instantly your senses are heightened and you have the in-the-moment perspective that will fade with time.

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Personal experiences are where you get your material because it’s unique to you and no one else could possibly capture the way that you see things occur. Your friend sees someone spill coffee on their shirt, but you see a hilarious situation of a man who now has to deal with hiding an embarrassing coffee stain and he’s probably on his way to an important meeting. You have the ability to conceptualize a funny story or extract a joke out of a seemingly ordinary situation. Write down all of your funny insights because later you might be able to develop them into a stream of jokes or an elaborate anecdote.

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Find your sense of humor – goofy? Dry? Sarcastic? Physical? Cynical? Theatrical?

Watch shows, movies, and performances that use the humor that compels you the most and soak up the style.

Whatever type of comedy you most enjoy combined with the style of your sense of humor is how you need to shape your material. Sink into your comedic persona and take on the characteristics of humor by practicing in front of the mirror and writing down jokes in a way that reflect your personality.

Don’t try to copy or steal another comedian’s persona, because it won’t seem natural or funny, and will only make your jokes seem out of place. Do what comes naturally to you, and stay true to the funny bones in your body.

A few words from the Campus Clipper –

The Campus Clipper not only helps our interns learn new skills, make money, and create these amazing E-Books, but we give them a platform to teach others. Follow each new blog post to read a chapter of our various books and to learn how the Campus Clipper can help you follow your dreams!

Craving student savings while you catch up on your reading? Click on the link to download the Official Campus Clipper Coupon Booklet to check out some awesome student discounts! And check out our newest YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during this year’s Welcome Week!

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How to be a Comedian: Week 3: Go up There and Bomb – And Check Out some Bomb College Discounts Below!

Monday, November 9th, 2015

Before I start, I’d like to give a quick shout out to the Campus Clipper. The Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the Upper East Side to Greenwich Village. The company helps support students in so many ways, from their coupon booklet to their Official Student Guide. Now, on to the blog!

Nothing beats experience. It’s incredibly important to get as much time as possible in front of a crowd. Unless you’re the reincarnation of Bob Hope, then you’re going to bomb the first few times you get on stage. We all do. It’s just one of those obstacles that you have to overcome; but don’t worry, it always gets better.

When you start out, you’re nervous, doubtful, and go up there and totally bomb – fumbling over your words, forgetting punch lines – but each time you do it’s a learning experience that will help you progress to the next level.

stage fright

In comedy, you have to have thick skin and roll with the punches. The best way to toughen up your emotionally fragile skin is to endure several cold audiences (most open mic crowds). Few situations make my lip quiver and face turn red like a stale room while I’m telling jokes. Blank stares, silence, and the sound of your heart beat. I hate performing for a cold crowd – I’m up there baring my soul and sometimes the best reaction I get is a lady sneezing.

One of my worst bombs was my second time ever performing stand up. A comedian I had befriended, Steve Brown, offered me a 5 minute opener spot at one of his shows at the Nashville club “Jazz ‘n Jokes.” I was the only white person there and felt extremely intimidated because I was most certainly not the person whom the audience paid good money to come see. I hadn’t rehearsed and my delivery of jokes seemed like I was trying to tell everyone about a dream I could barely remember.

The result: blank stares and a few pity laughs. Lesson learned: always be prepared! Any reaction is better than no reaction though, because you’re trying to create a dialogue with your audience and get a response from them. If you can start off with a strong opener and get a laugh in the beginning, then the rest of your set will run more smoothly – you broke the ice and they trust you. To gain the trust of the audience, I use self-deprecating humor to humble myself and let them know that I’m confident as well as comfortable talking to them.

There’s hope from these grueling moments though, because you’ll find that you continue to grow more and more jaded to a cold crowd. The less you allow cold audiences to affect you, the more you rely on yourself and the less you rely on their validation. Plus, each time you bomb, you become more aware of what areas in your routine need improving. Also, you know that the next time can’t possibly be any worse!

My best advice to avoid letting a cold crowd affect your stand up, is to fully immerse yourself into your monologue and become so consumed by your jokes that nothing can damage your mojo. I’ve found that when I’m fully consumed by my monologue, I believe in myself more. You’ve got to sell yourself on your act. If you can’t sell yourself on your own jokes, then you can’t expect anyone else to buy them.

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There’s no shortcut to gaining confidence on stage and becoming famous. Everyone I’ve talked with has told me the same thing: get up on stage as often as possible.

A few words from the Campus Clipper –

The Campus Clipper not only helps our interns learn new skills, make money, and create these amazing E-Books, but we give them a platform to teach others. Follow each new blog post to read a chapter of our various books and to learn how the Campus Clipper can help you follow your dreams!

Craving student savings while you catch up on your reading? Click on the link to download the Official Campus Clipper Coupon Booklet to check out some awesome college discounts! And check out our newest YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during this year’s Welcome Week!

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Why to Take the Trip

Tuesday, September 29th, 2015

By Daniela Bizzell

To begin, I graduated college a mere four months ago.

Throughout my time, I strived to gain the experience I needed to one day work in the editorial and publishing field. Beginning with the Campus Clipper, introducing me to my work with publishing, blogging, and learning about this field, and ending with another editorial position finishing up my collegiate career, I felt ready.

However, compared to a few good friends of mine, I didn’t have a full time, salary-paid, “big girl” job waiting for me as I received my undergraduate Bachelor’s degree diploma in Literary Studies. I had a plan, a vague, ambiguous, blurred boundaries, plan, yet no action had yet to be made.

So many of peers chose to stay in the city, attempt to “make it,” gain an office job from higher ups that would be impressed by a resume not dissimilar to my own. Some moved back home, hoping to make a few extra bucks before deciding what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives – a decision that definitely does not need to be made within the first year of graduating college. Others that didn’t “need” a job after school, travelled to foreign Croatian beaches until they felt good and ready. And a few applied to graduate school, having pounded the GRE’s months prior.

None of these plans worked me, however. None of these solutions of no longer being a student fit my aspirations. Therefore, months before graduating, I made a plan that would – hopefully, one day – help fulfill my unimaginable future while still providing me with a freedom, a release, that I so desperately needed.

My trip across the country would begin a few weeks after I graduated, giving me ample time to head home, revisit with family, say goodbye to friends, get my car, and enjoy a graduation party leaving me with word of wisdom, an atlas for the car, and some extra cash from my supportive family members. It would be not only a journey of exploration for the hell of exploration, it would be a trip harnessing potential – exploring places I may want to end up, I may find worth leaving New York for. This was my stepping stone in figuring out my adult life – and it didn’t require a cubicle, at least not yet.

The beginning of the plan was to determine where I wanted to go and what I wanted to see. What were the requirements of my potential new home, of the types of people, the types of culture with which I would want to surround myself, and just for good measure, which cities had the best food.

So it began, my decision making, choosing places that reminded me of my liberal, upstate childhood home, of my eccentric, exciting New York City, and of something new.

Austin, Texas, to Oakland, California, to Portland, Oregon, to Seattle, Washington, to Denver, Colorado, with a variety of stops in between ranging from Nashville, Tennessee to the Grand Canyon to Las Vegas. All of this would be done in a 12-year-old car with an interchanging group of girls – my support system and the only way to truly enjoy a road trip of this extent. We would take five weeks, have two break downs, and I would leave with an incredibly deep understanding of where I wanted to end up, all while taking my time, refusing to settle, and knowing that I wasn’t failing if I didn’t land myself my dream career the first week out of college. So the journey began, stay tuned, and you’ll learn every detail you’ll need for your own post-grad cross country exploration.

For some specifics, follow my confessional story here.

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Where to Go After Graduation

Tuesday, September 15th, 2015

By Daniela Bizzell

While it may seem years away, and maybe it actually is, graduating from undergrad will eventually happen. For some of you, this may seem like the happiest day of your life – those entering senior year probably could have graduated yesterday and been satisfied. For others, however, the mere thought of leaving the four walls of a classroom, the comfort of dining dollars, and the sanctity of scheduling, is traumatizing.

What do you do after you graduate?

For some, internships turn into full time positions. An office job at 22 in a field you may actually like? I’ll take it. In fact, I’m currently working for the Campus Clipper, an internship I took sophomore year of college – I graduated this past May.

There is nothing wrong with settling in right after you finish school; if anything, you may feel a whole hell of a lot more secure by doing so. However, it isn’t the only step you could take in your path towards creating a meaningful post-grad life. Finding a job, settling in, planning your 401 K isn’t the only direction you can take when you finally get the diploma. Spending 10 hours a day scanning Linkedin, SimplyHired, or your school’s career site for some sort of paid position isn’t the only way of life once you can no longer call yourself a student.

There are other options.

One option – in addition to a plethora of others; get creative here, folks – is to travel. Granted, the idea of travel most likely sparks images of plane rides and dollar signs. “I’m going to Paris to find myself,” “I’m backpacking through the Swiss Alps because I need a little adventure in my life.” If this is your lifestyle, more power to you. If it isn’t, don’t worry. After I finished school, my travels were cheap, within the country, and in my 12-year-old Toyota Corolla. Yes, money was spent, that, my friends, is unavoidable. However, less money was spent, and just as many experiences were had.

Yes, after graduating a university tucked away in Manhattan’s West Village, I travelled back upstate, grabbed my car, a couple of good friends, and hit the road for a five week journey across the country. As impulsive as this may seem, and as impulsive as I’d like it to seem, so much – and I mean so much – meticulous planning went into this.

Therefore, as a survivor of my five week crusade to see America, “research new places to live,” and inevitably find myself, I have a bit of knowledge on how to travel after college. Because knowledge is needed, graduating is, in fact, terrifying, and you’ll never realize you’ll need help until you’re in immediate need of help.

So keep up with my weekly posts on travelling after school, because you can do it while still being a real person after the travelling comes to a decided stop.

For some specifics, follow my confessional story here.

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College Savings Experience by Studying Abroad

Saturday, September 13th, 2014
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Photo op with some monks my friends and I met on the Great Wall of China.

I like chicken soup. Wǒ xǐhuān jītāng.

It’s probably one of the only phrases I learned to say correctly in Mandarin while studying abroad in China and it still makes me laugh one year later.

No matter what college you go to, even if it’s only a few psychology courses online, everyone should go on a study abroad program at least once in their lifetime. Study abroad is a rite of passage and the college discounts you get is worth the experience. It’s the ability to say that during your young adult life you did something different and learned about a new place. It doesn’t matter what you do or where you go. What’s important is that you get out, see the world, and learn about a country that isn’t America.

One of the best benefits of studying abroad is that your early 20s is the best time to travel. Besides school, and maybe a part-time job, you don’t have that many obligations. Once you’re working the 9-5 grind you’ll find it’s extremely difficult to snag any vacation days right away. Studying abroad provides you with a way to get college credits without sitting in a classroom for an entire semester. Study abroad programs usually offer a variety of courses that range from common core classes to specific credits that can be used towards your major.

Studying abroad through your school is a great way to make friends that will be there after the trip. Most of the people that go on study abroad trips go to the same school. It’s very easy to form close friendships in a short amount of time on these trips. Walking across campus and seeing a familiar face is always a nice surprise in the middle of a hectic day.

 

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New friendships only grow stronger after hours of hiking the Yellow Mountain (Mt. Huangshan) in the southern Anhui province in eastern China.

People don’t just travel because of the boredom from living in the same place. People travel because they thirst to see something new. It’s one thing to see a picture of a famous landmark; it’s quite another to actually see that landmark with your own eyes. Ask anyone that’s ever traveled anywhere, or ask anyone with a smartphone camera; no photo or Instagram filter can truly ever beat the real thing. When you go home and change your profile picture on Facebook to a picture of yourself standing on the Great Wall of China—that’s something to brag about.

To learn about a culture that is foreign from your own is a truly important experience. There are so many different cultures in the world that it is impossible to count. To go through life ignorant of the world around you is a foolish mistake. Hear a different language slide past your lips. Eat a food that you can’t identify. Engross yourself in a way of living that you’ve never experienced.

A study abroad trip is more than just a trip. It’s a chance to take an adventure, fill a scrapbook with memories, and tell stories to your loved ones that will last a lifetime.

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Group picture of the 2013 Summer CUNY China trip in front of the Monk Xuanzang statue in Xi’an, China.

–Sam Levitz is a graduate of Brooklyn College and went on the CUNY Study Abroad trip to China the summer of 2013. Follow her on Instagram: slevitz

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Giving Back: Where to Connect

Tuesday, April 15th, 2014

 

Now that you are prepared, well prepared-ish, we move on to the biggest complaint students have. “Yeah, but how? Where do I go?” You would think that with my whole chapter on research, you would know how simple it is to get connected. But if you do not know where to connect yet, all you need to do is simply seek out clubs at your school. There are clubs of all different subjects, including community service. So to make it even more simplified and handy for you, I’ve compiled a list of different colleges in the New York City area. You will see how easy it is to get involved in a club and serve not only in your community, but also with other classmates your age. The colleges I chose were NYU, Hunter College, Columbia, and Parsons, but don’t close this eBook just yet. What I’ve realized is that the process of finding clubs in colleges is very similar. So if your school is not on this list, don’t feel disheartened. This article can still assist your pursuit.

 

NYU

Without being a student I was able to investigate the available clubs. On the main directory page I simply looked under Community Service. In this section there are so many groups that allow you to give back through various approaches. For example, clubs like Arts in the Community and Make Music encourages students to use their artistic skills in order to help sponsor children in art or music programs who normally don’t have the funds to pursue their dream. Another community service oriented club is CHEFs for School, is a group that stands for “Cheap, Healthy, Eco-friendly Food” which focuses on educating students about proper nutrition and meal preparation. Each club has their own webpage that explains their purpose and provides an email for you to easily contact the club’s leader.

 

Hunter College

The same method can be used here, but this college takes it a step further. Hunter College has a system set up so that after you find a club that peaks your interest, you can see what time the club meets and view other students who are involved. For instance, the Sustainability Project is designed to spread awareness of environmental issues specifically in NYC; they have a whole page with available spots for outside links and photos of their latest events. Because Hunter College created this unique set up, you are able to see current and relevant information about what each organization is doing.

 

Columbia University

Now, this school was a bit harder to research. In order to find more information about the clubs, you need to be logged in. So I can only help you to an extent. Although, during my lurking I saw that they have a group called Community Impact. This club included all sorts of activities like serving at food pantries, working with Habitat for Humanity, completing a Project for the Homeless, and many more.  Seems like this would be the easiest option to get plugged into for some volunteering opportunities right?

 

Parsons

Of course here at the New School of Design, you are able to use your own unique talents to give back, so it doesn’t come as a shock that there are unique clubs on their list. Some ideas I found: the Sisters on the Runway, which is a runway show put on every year to raise money to prevent domestic abuse. The funds raised at this event are donated to shelters that provide job training and keep victims of abuse safe. Of course, if you would rather use your brainpower over designer skills there is a whole group of clubs in the Political Action section. Here you can choose what issue you would prefer to problem-solve in order to restore your community.

 

As you can see, there are many volunteering opportunities just waiting for you at school. If you don’t have friends at home that encourage you to serve, then seek out a new club to join. You will be surrounded with peers who have a similar fired up passion about a specific cause who can encourage you and make serving a fun, exciting, experience. So go join one! With that blazing passion, you’re bound to start a wildfire of kindness! Too cheesy? Okay lets just continue onward…

 

YOUR KINDNESS IS THIS POWERFUL....okay this is actually kind of scary. Moving on!

 

 

Club Directories:

NYU: http://www.osa.nyu.edu/directory/club_directory_cat.php

Hunter: https://hunter-community.symplicity.com/index.php?s=student_group&au=&ck=

Columbia: http://communityimpact.columbia.edu/

Parsons: http://www.newschool.edu/student-services/student-development-and-activities/student-organizations/recognized-organizations/

 

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Samantha Bringas

Follow the Campus Clipper on Twitter and Like us on Facebook!

Interested in more deals for students? Sign up for our bi-weekly newsletter to get the latest in student discounts and promotions  and follow our Tumblr and Pinterest. For savings on-the-go, download our printable coupon e-book!

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Giving Back: Starting from Home

Tuesday, March 4th, 2014

So you kept reading eh? Expecting me to list the best organizations that will help you change the world? Think I’m going to start with some statistic that is going to make you feel on fire for Cambodia? Well I’m not. Yes it is true that according to Compassion International for only $1.25 a day you could supply food, clean water, medical care, and education to a child in need, but I won’t bombard you with these facts, at least not right now.

Instead, let’s start from home. No really, start at home! Contrary to popular belief, we are not created to be alone. Independence will only get you so far in life. Yes, you can go out and get a job, stand out among the rest and work your way up the ladder, but in order to be truly successful you need community. Growing up you needed someone to guide you, but now that you’re an “adult”, you need friends to hold you accountable to your goals, build you up, and simply laugh with. Because of the mutual love and comfort you find in each other, these relationships cannot flourish without sacrifice.

So what better way to begin this journey of “giving back” than starting from home? You can’t learn to serve those around the world and strangers on the street until you learn to serve those you love (and sometimes can’t stand).

Here are some simple suggestions that will surely show you care:

  1. Give Housework Help
    When you live with someone, you start picking up on their “telltale signs” of a good or bad day. You can feel their emotions vibrate through the floorboards into your room. You just know. So on those days when their door is shutting you out, or they burst through yours crying about the stresses of a new job, give a helping hand. After sitting with them listening to their cries, and affirming that, “Yes, your boss is a jerk, no, they don’t deserve you”, take a moment to think of how you can help. Maybe the dishes are piling up and it’s their day to do them. Follow the Nike cliché and “just do it”. They may or may not notice, but that’s not the point. The point is you showed a little love to the person you spend every day with.
  2. Bring Friends Food
    Why do people say, “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” when we all know it’s actually pizza, or that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, when in reality the stomach is the key to every person’s soul? Sure we’re all poor students, but if just a few extra bucks can make your roommate’s whole day, why not “just do it”? I noticed the importance of this the other week when I ordered some Thai food to be delivered to my friend’s apartment in Brooklyn. I didn’t realize the portions would be so large, and there was no way I was gunna carry that back to Jersey. I offhandedly offered it to my friend and her eyes widened as she responded, “YES! That will be my lunch for tomorrow.” Finally I realized the importance of food to us struggling younglings in the city. So the next time you order from seamless.com or browse through all the meal coupons on the Campus Clipper, keep your friends in mind!

    If your roommate ever snaps at you, check around the room for a coupon...or unopened bag of chips...

  3. Being Sick Sucks
    Let’s just stop and contemplate all the places you touch on a daily basis. Just thinking about the subway alone is enough to make me gag. In the fast-paced rush of the city, we just don’t have time to get sick! Most of the time we don’t even have a chance to sit down to eat a healthy meal. Yet every winter we put off our flu shots and brave the cold. Even if you don’t catch anything, there’s a chance that one of your roommates will. Before you routinely run out the door, take a moment to check on the people you live with. More likely than not they don’t actually need anything, but knowing that someone is willing to take care of them is comfort enough. Maybe you’re not much of a cook, but opening a can of soup and popping it in the microwave can be exhausting for someone who’s sick with the flu. Doing this will only take two minutes, but showing that you care makes the heart happy, and healthy.
  4. Show Active Appreciation
    Hopefully, you live with someone who helps keep the place clean, or gives you a text while waiting in line at Starbucks asking what you want. (If not, maybe you could just slide this article underneath their door). Regardless, the most important component of keeping a relationship strong is the act of showing appreciation. So when they sacrifice for you don’t just say “thank you”. Verbally express appreciation for your roomie. It doesn’t need to be a sob fest, unless that’s what they need, (refer back to the girl in tip 1), but showing appreciation for each other will help calm those inevitable crazy days that come with a shared living space.

 

Sometimes all you need in a city full of pushy grimacing faces is a strong and joyful relationship with your house buds. But as I stated before, the act of helping only begins here. Now we continue onto serving outside.

 

If my short snippet about Compassion International did in fact interest you, you can find more information here: http://www.compassion.com

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Samantha Bringas

Follow the Campus Clipper on Twitter and Like us on Facebook!

Interested in more deals for students? Sign up for our bi-weekly newsletter to get the latest in student discounts and promotions  and follow our Tumblr and Pinterest. For savings on-the-go, download our printable coupon e-book!

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The Never Ending Joys of Roommates

Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Serrana Gay

Roommates. We all have them, and if you haven’t had one yet, chances are you will at some point. Whether your roommate is your best friend or someone you met a week ago at orientation, living with people is always a challenge.

I have lived with a whole cast of colorful characters: boyfriends, best friends, strangers, and strangers who have become friends. Each relationship has had its ups and downs and each relationship has taught me something different. But time and time again I always come back to the same thing: COMMUNICATION. Without it any relationship is destined to fail.

During my last year of college I fought with my best friend over who was going to vacuum the living room. We didn’t speak for a week. One comment from me led to a dismissal from her, which grew into a text message war, which exploded into a screaming argument and then total silence–endless, dragging silence. Days and days of silence.

Then one day I had an epiphany, a forehead slap moment. The reason we weren’t resolving anything was because we weren’t speaking. We had gotten into a vicious circle of non-communication.  Of course, I thought. We were never going to fix anything if we didn’t speak.

That very afternoon I apologized. I told her I was upset because I felt like I was the only one that ever cleaned, and that I realized that I  had played a part in making her upset. She said she felt like I was mothering her. We hugged and by the end of the conversation, we were laughing at our own stupidity.

What I took away from this experience is that 1) nine times out of ten, conflicts arise from misunderstanding or things left unsaid, and 2) it is better to confront things head-on than to stay mad.

I know this seems a little too easy, and that sometimes talking about your feelings can be difficult. But take it from someone who knows, without communication all relationships are doomed to fail.  As life coach Tony Robbins so aptly puts it, “To effectively communicate we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

So I put it to you, dear readers, to be the different ones. Take up the challenge and share how you are feeling. Communicate. You will be surprised at how much more easily you will coexist with those you share the world with. And you just might find that the way you treat people will start to shape who you become, the person you are.

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The Myth of the Friendzone

Tuesday, August 27th, 2013

What’s your favorite myth? Maybe something from the Greeks; a cool Herculean feat, Perseus and the Gorgons, the never-ending cycle of jealousy and revenge from Zeus and Hera? Or perhaps something Egyptian, Chinese, Celtic, Slavic? The world of mythology is unendingly vast.

With all of these tales to choose from, my favorite is one created in more modern times—my absolute favorite myth is the myth of the friendzone.

betabeat.com

 

We’ve all heard it before. Some crusty dude talking about how he was just so nice to this girl, he did everything he could to make her happy, and all she did was friendzone him. Because girls only like d-bags, or girls don’t like boys who are nice to them, or whatever thinly veiled misogynistic crap people are spouting these days.

The friendzone isn’t a real thing. It is a fake concept invented by people who wanted an outlet to ease the pain of rejection; a way for them to say “it wasn’t my fault—I was friendzoned!”

Saying that someone put you in the “friendzone” implies that just because you were nice to them and acted in a FRIENDLY manner, they owe you something. That girl should be in love with you because you let her cry on your shoulder about all of her stupid life problems you hardly even care about! Why doesn’t she want to kiss you on the mouth after all that caring and attention you bestowed upon her?!

How dare she be happy with someone else!

 

There are so many ugh-worthy things about this I hardly know where to start. For one thing, it’s an incredibly selfish and egocentric way of thinking about your relationships with other people. Expecting something back after doing something nice for someone else kind of flies in the face of what friendship is supposed to be about. You should do things for your friends because it’s enjoyable for you to see the other person happy or to know that they have support during a difficult time. Of course you expect them to do the same for you, but not in the sense that they owe it to you.

For another thing, no girl is obligated to date you just because you were nice to her. Maybe she doesn’t want to date you because, oh, I don’t know, she just doesn’t want to date you? Because she’s not attracted to you in a romantic way? Because she’s with someone else or is trying to be with someone else? There could be a million different reasons, and it doesn’t really matter which it is. She just doesn’t want to date you. Maybe if you stopped focusing on the rejection and just moved on with your life, you’d be able to find someone who does value you in a romantic way.

Please, for the love of god, just stop talking about the friendzone. It’s about as real as Lord Voldemort and just as damaging to humankind.

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Alex Ritter, NYU.

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