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New Year, New Me

Friday, December 28th, 2012

A new year is upon us and with that brings the fresh start that so many of us desperately yearn for. We forget about what happened the year before and focus on the future and what we can do to ensure ours is the best that it can possibly be. As we start to think of exactly HOW this is going to be done, we usually end with a huge list of things and run for the hills due solely to its overwhelming nature.

 

We all strive for self-improvement (or at least I would like to think so) and we know that it’s way more than just jotting down whatever you can find wrong with you on a piece of paper, it takes a lot of commitment. Knowing yourself and your limitations is also very important.

 

 

I’ve always took a “one goal a year” approach when it comes to things like this. I think it’s important to know where you want to improve as a person and just focus on that. I know life will happen regardless but it’s more a matter of not stretching yourself too thin.

One thing I would love to focus on in 2013 is just letting people know that I care for them more and doing my best to be more emotionally available. I know, I know…that’s two things but I feel like they’re related in a sense. I’ve also learned that this is something I needed to work on based on the supreme workaholism I developed earlier in the year and in turned shunned out my friends and everyone who I care about.

Don’t worry, my family and friends understand that I’m busy, that’s not really the point. This is something that I’m doing for the betterment of ME that will in turn strengthen already existing friendships and relationship and helps create strong new ones.

So, that’s my goal, what’s yours? Whatever it may be let’s approach them with the most resolute of attitudes.

Happy 2013 from all of us here at Campus Clipper. 🙂

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Carlos L., Monroe College. Read my blog!!  Follow me on Twitter and Facebook

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Dwindling Communication in the 21st Century

Friday, October 5th, 2012

With all kinds of new technology and social media platforms popping up every day, it seems easier than ever to stay in contact and communicate with the whole world.  It doesn’t even require a lot of effort, just a portable laptop — which come in extra small packages these days – or a smart phone.  So why is it that the real value of our words is going down the drain?

Even he didn't say much and he could be heard almost ANYWHERE

Part of this is our own fault for relying too much on technology.  There’s less effort put into meeting up with a friend or family member for a quick lunch.  Making communication easier has made us less aware of the importance of following through and actually speaking.  Personal relationships have decreased in favor of the blogosphere or Facebook.

With the upcoming Presidential election, it’s important to take more pride and responsibility in our words, our communication, and listening and hearing content.  That annoying little habit of saying “like” after every other word?  That was OK when you were 13.  Part of being a responsible adult pertains not just to our professional lives, but also to our communication.  As students, you’re going to be primed as the leaders of the future; it is important to recognize this gift and own it.

Your Presidential vote is also your future, take some time out to inform yourself on what the candidates stand for. Yes, it is true that many of their speeches and debates will be ridden with white noise you should avoid, but the important thing to do is to INFORM yourself.  Educating yourself on issues is a practice you’ll continue even after the election, making you highly employable. Try news feeds like cnn.com or huffingtonpost.com. If you’re in a real rush, newser is a great place to catch up on headlines with a short and readable summary.

As to the nonsense words you use to fill silences, start thinking a little more before speaking.  This will cause you to have a fully formulated sentence before speaking, but if you should have a silence somewhere…it’s OK! No need to add “like,” “so,” “um,” etc.  Some thoughts to keep your message in line:

Are you really saying what you want to say?

Is that person going to understand your needs and goals?

If not, could you reword it and still make the message clear?

Remember: being too wordy may lose the listener.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in preparing and physically relocating to New York City, it’s that if you can write and communicate your ideas well, your career will soar.  While social media is all good and fun, it’s only effective when used properly.  So go out and use your voice, your thoughts, and yes, your phone (in fact, you could download the Campus Clipper App RIGHT NOW)!

 

Written by: Lauren A. Ramires

If you’re interested in finding out more about my opinions and ventures with social media, social media marketing, fashion, travel and humor, follow me on Twitter, Facebook or my blog.

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Posted in Family, Friendship, onLife, onValues, Relationships, Social Media Learning, Student Activism, Student Issues | No Comments »

To Be or Not to Be…Facebook Official

Saturday, June 30th, 2012

“Being in a relationship with someone on Facebook is basically like proposing marriage,” read a friend’s Facebook status, which had about twenty “likes” and a few affirmative comments.  I scrolled down my wall and saw that a friend “is now listed as single.” I called my boyfriend.  “What happened with them?” He was as shocked as I was, both of us having first heard through our News Feed.

 

 

After my first break up, I also had to “break up” with my ex on Facebook because we were one among many couples that chose to make our relationship “Facebook official.” We made sure that we told certain people by mouth first so that they didn’t discover it online. The two of us gave each other the nod, logged onto our accounts, and listed ourselves as single. I tried to hide it from my notifications, but people found out anyway. Comments and messages of regret and comfort trickled in even though no one knew what had happened or why we called it quits. Part of me felt bad that still so many people had to find out online, but, then again, I didn’t have the time or emotional stability to tell everyone who seemed to care. I hated the Facebook attention, but at the same time it was comforting to know that I had support.

Over a year later, I was watching television with my parents when I got a text message: “call me when u go on facebook.”  I responded, “Okay,” figuring Matt just wanted to talk online, and then joked with my dad about the Cialis commercial and waited for the end of the “NCIS” episode. Little did I know, Matt and his best friend were freaking out, suspecting that I had already seen the Facebook relationship request he sent me and was rejecting it without physically clicking the “reject” button. One commercial break later, another text message: “Sup? Go on the computer yet?”  I smiled. A week earlier during our “relationship talk,” we agreed that we didn’t have much of an opinion about our status on Facebook, but a decision had clearly been made.

I’ve always found the “Information” section of Facebook to be a strange concept, as if we define ourselves primarily by our name, hometown, gender, age, sexual orientation, and relationship status. It serves as our “Hi, my name is” sticker, and it is often one of the first things we look at when visiting someone’s profile.

The desire to “go public” with a relationship is definitely a matter of preference. I know some people who have been dating for years and still leave their statuses undefined. In fact, Facebook reported in 2010 that its majority of users, 37.62%, choose not to label their status at all.

I once had a weird, unlabeled relationship, the kind where you introduce your slightly-significant other to friends just by his name and laugh awkwardly when people make more defined assumptions. It was the kind of relationship that I wasn’t really sure how to label, but I didn’t mind; we decided to date exclusively but we weren’t yet committed, and I figured we would just see where time together took us.

Then he said he wanted to be more than whatever we were. I was hesitant but agreed to it if we would take it slow. He assumed since we were “officially together,” we would put it on Facebook. I silently freaked out but reluctantly accepted. Why should it matter? I asked myself. We’re not seeing other people, I’m now calling myself his girlfriend, so what’s the big deal? We have that picture online, some of my friends have met him, my mom knows about him….Besides, it’s just a thing on Facebook.

That night I had congratulations and “likes” on my new update from people who had never even heard of the guy I was dating and didn’t have any clue that I was the least bit apprehensive about being in a relationship. I felt incorrectly labeled, fresh produce in the frozen food section.

Twelve days later, I was searching the Facebook help pages to try to figure out how to guarantee my notifications were hidden from the world, asking friends to check their News Feed to make sure my update wasn’t there. The other end of the relationship didn’t seem to care as much about people knowing about our break up, implied by his spiteful and directed statuses which he updated every few minutes to get his point across, either to me or to everyone else.

After he de-friended me, it became clear whose attention he really wanted. What makes a relationship status a “big deal” is the fact that so many others see it. It’s like the virtual ring on your finger or locket around your neck, except it’s harder to wear it one day and not the other without people noticing. Therefore, it all comes down to the beginning: once you set a relationship status, you have to accept whatever buzz it creates as well as what might happen if it changes.

When you’re in a relationship with the right person (or married to, engaged to, in a complicated something-or-other with, etc.), you might just find that it feels right to let your Facebook friends know about him or her. Talk about it, think about it, and, if it’s what you want, break away from your “NCIS” episode, run to your laptop, and click “accept.”

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 Ever had a nightmare that ended with your smartphone in shiny little pieces? Maybe a Facebook comment on your ex’s page made you drop your phone while crossing the street, only to see it run over by a car? Okay, that probably doesn’t happen that often, but we do break our cool toys for not-so-cool reasons time to time. Use the coupon below for a student discount at Photo Tech to take a little bit of the sting out of getting your electronics fixed.

Carina, New York University. Read my blog and check out my Twitter!

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Long-Distance Relationships and Weird Technologies that Help Close the Gap

Saturday, June 9th, 2012
long-distance

Image Credit: http://www.yourtango.com/long-distance-relationship-0

Ahh, summertime. The smell of suntan lotion is in the air, breezes tickle bare skin and make girls paranoid about their skirts, and grains of sand can be found in every corner of your room after your first trip to the beach. But for many college students, summer also means leaving the college environment to return home or go abroad, and forces them to separate from friends and significant others, resulting in even more long-distance relationships, or LDRs, than ever before.

According to statistics from the now-closed Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships (yes, it actually existed), over four million college couples in the United States alone were in long-distance relationships in 2005. A more recent study conducted by the Communications Research journal found that as much as 75% of college students have or will, at some point, find themselves in a long-distance relationship. Even those in post-graduate life are increasingly finding themselves in LDRs, in part due to better technology but also majorly because of ever-increasing demands of economic situations.

With all the controversy over long-distance relationships, are they worth it? And what can be done to help maintain one?

There are many physical factors that play into a long-distance relationship, including the distance between the two involved, the modes of contact available, and the frequency and duration with which the couple can come into physical contact. Interestingly, however, studies suggest that distance is ultimately not the deciding factor for whether or not a long-distance couple will stay together.

See? It doesn’t have to be so bad!

A study conducted by the Center’s founder Greg Guldner titled “Time Spent Together and Relationship Quality: Long Distance Relationships as a Test Case” challenged the idea that relationship qualities are significantly affected by the amount of time a couple spends together. The study states, “Clearly, relationships require some level of contact and extremely infrequent contact probably does ultimately result in relationship instability. However, that level of infrequent contact does not occur in the vast majority of relationships.” In an interview with USA Today, Guldner says that his studies have found that a couple’s communication frequency “has almost no impact on whether they stayed together or the quality of the relationship.”

Rather, what makes long-distance relationships so different from others is the way that, particularly the rate at which, they develop. Guldner says, “Such relationships progress slowly because relationships develop through conflict and the breaking down of illusions—and long-distance couples don’t want to spoil their time together by fighting.” So while a close-proximity couple might break up within two months of starting a relationship, a LDR couple might do so in three or four.

I, for one, support this theory. My first relationship was one separated by about 200 miles and a $40 one-way bus ticket (which would have been more expensive had I not had used student discounts). But I don’t think it was the distance that broke us up; rather, I think that it kept us together for as long as we were. We hadn’t known each other much before we started dating, but we still decided to jump into a labeled “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship from the start because we liked each other enough and felt that we wanted to be exclusive and needed to feel some sort of commitment before pledging to make a habit of crossing state borders. When our relationship started to get shaky, our phone calls never really addressed changing feelings even though it was clear that they were there. We didn’t want to argue, and the distance made our problems easier to ignore.

The good news is that, when commitment level and level of trust are high, long-distance relationships tend to have a success rate identical to relationships where the partners are in proximity to one another, implying that a couple’s needs are less physical than commonly believed and, instead, more emotional and psychological. This summer, my current boyfriend and I are long-distance, but commitment, trust, and communication are making it easier for us to deal with the distance.

In order to keep up the emotional and psychological stability of a relationship, communication is necessary. As products of Generation Y, we tend to not have much trouble in the field of long-distance interaction. Ever since we exchanged AIM screen names in grammar or middle school, we have been using such communication tools as email and instant messaging. SMS- and text-messaging are practically our second language.

Some couples have taken this interaction a step further, creating avatars that interact through virtual reality sites like SecondLife and VirtualDateSpace. A problem with such sites, however, is that it may cause an idealized version of reality. Though it helps couples to communicate and interact, it is, long story short, exactly what it claims to be—virtual reality: an alternate reality, not real life. For example, if you are communicating with your significant other’s attractive avatar when you are not attracted to the actual person, well, things could get a little complicated.

But it is not verbal communication that is so much of a problem today. Despite the science suggesting the insignificance of the role that physical contact plays in creating strong relationships, one of the biggest complaints among long-distance couples is a lack of physical contact, both sexual and not. The human need for touch extends beyond a release of oxytocin, a feel-good hormone released through affectionate touch. Sometimes people pine for touch simply because it is comforting to know that the other person is “there,” even if they cannot be “here.”

Technology seeks to rid LDRs of this barrier through such inventions as the “hug shirt” which recreates the strength, warmth, and heartbeat of someone’s embrace through sensors embedded in the shirt, allowing you to hug and be hugged in return. An iPhone app launched in March called “Pair” sets up a direct connection between couples through which they can quickly send texts, photos, and more. Its feature “thumb kiss” vibrates when the people on either end of the phone touch the screen in the same place at the same time, letting each other know that they are both “here” and “there” and thinking of each other.

A big pillow hugger myself, my favorite invention that I found is the product “Pillow Talk,” which allows couples to feel like they are sleeping with each other by simulating their partner’s heartbeat through a pillow. One person (or both) cuddles the pillow as the other wears a ring that detects the wearer’s heartbeat. The pillows miles away beat in real time with the heart of each pillow hugger’s lover, simulating a G-rated night together.

As much of a romanticized view as this might seem, when two people are right for each other, there is no distance that commitment cannot overcome. The biggest question that one should ask when considering a long-distance relationship is not if the distance is right, but rather if the person is right. Once this question receives a “yes,” staying in touch, both literally and figuratively, will not be as hard as it seems.

UPDATE: I’ve tried the Pair iPhone app, and it’s pretty cool. You can password protect it if you want, to ensure privacy. You can send pictures, videos, or drawings, and can directly link to FaceTime through it (though the FaceTime accounts are linked through email addresses, not the phone, which is strange). You can send a cute little thought bubble that simply says “Thinking of you,” or you can live draw with each other, or drop a pin to let your Pair-mate know where you are.

In the settings, you can list your anniversary and both of your birthdays to remember. You can set up a to-do list in the “Shared Task” section, document “Moments” with pictures, and suggest the application to another couple.

Bad news, though, for polygamous relationships: you can only pair with one person.

 

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Carina, New York University. Read my blog and check out my Twitter!

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Saying Okay to Cupid: Online Dating and the Search for Something

Saturday, June 2nd, 2012
Image Credit: http://phys.org/news/2015-12-online-dating-hobby-fun.html

Image Credit:
http://phys.org/news/2015-12-online-dating-hobby-fun.html

A Match.com commercial says that one in five relationships now start online. If your experience in a university library is anything like mine, you stare at a Date My School poster in the bathroom stall while you excrete the two Red Bulls and three cups of coffee that you guzzled in the past hour. You probably know, or are yourself, someone who has tried online dating, and you’ve probably heard an array of horror and success stories. When it comes down to it, online dating is just like any other kind of dating—you win some, you lose some—no matter how much success websites claim to have.

Take, for example, the tale of the two Lisas who both signed up for OkCupid.  One Lisa was a classmate, the other my roommate. Classmate Lisa had a few just-okay dates and then finally met a guy that was tall, funny, and handsome. The two decided to date for a few months before becoming exclusive, and have been happily in a relationship with each other for almost a year.  Roommate Lisa, on the other hand, after looking around on the site for a few months, finally decided to go out on a date with someone. She brought him to our apartment for some drinks before they went to a bar. I invited my own date over and a friend as well, and we all setup a false, nonjudgmental, and laid back oh-we’ve-been-hanging-out-for-a-while appearance.  Long story short, an hour later Lisa’s mother was in a terrible car accident (not really) and Lisa had to cancel the date after a tear-jerking phone call (seriously, the girl deserves an Oscar for that performance).

A promising feature of most online dating sites is that users get to establish what they are looking for. Similarly, they can talk with each other before deciding to meet in person. Of course, in-person interaction can be extremely different than interacting online, but the pressure of saying “yes” or “no” to a date is lessened when it only requires the click of a button.

So what are people on dating sites looking for? A common belief that makes people wary of signing up for the sites is that users don’t actually want relationships. For some, this is true. The beauty of it, however, is that most pages will list upfront why people sign up for the site. Then it comes down to whether or not that person is being honest, and, if he/she is not, how he/she will handle a situation that goes past a date.

Take now, for example, the report of a boy named Richard. Richard signed up for Date My School and did just that—dated his school. Date after date ensued for a boy who was troubled by rarely being able to get a step further than obtaining girls’ phone numbers at parties. As his online dating repertoire expanded, so did his ego—that is, until he met one particular girl who made him want to stop his search.

Some good news about online dating is that, since it has become increasingly popular, there are more ways than ever to meet people online and, therefore, more sites for you to choose from.  You can now find people on less traditional sites based on specific things like what you would be doing on a date (HowAboutWe.com), who is in the area (the SinglesAroundMe phone application), what your religious beliefs are (ChristianMingle.com, JDate.com), what icebreakers you use to start conversations (nerve.dating.com), and what you’d want in a no-strings-attached relationship (benaughty.com).

While the opportunities seem endless, they also seem daunting.  But once you choose a site, the rest is relatively easy.  First, be honest about what you are looking for.  While it’s also a good idea to expand your horizons and not be afraid to take chances with new and different people than you’re used to, you’re not doing anyone a favor by going on dates with people who you know beforehand you won’t be interested in. Be honest on your profile and be honest in person. Secondly, play the game like a good sport. Don’t be offended if others don’t respond online; just move on. If a date turns out to be no more than just one date, take something from the experience, even if it’s just meeting new people. Third, keep at it with a positive attitude, like this guy. If you look at someone’s profile and are unsure about whether to pursue him/her further, go for it. Why not? Remember, you already have something in common: you’re both looking to date and took a chance doing it on the same site.

Carina, New York University. Read my blog and check out my Twitter!

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The Five Year Itch

Friday, March 9th, 2012

Being in a relationship is hard. Being in a five year relationship when you both have full schedules with little extra time to spare- now you’re just talking crazy. But it’s possible! I’m proof! And now I’m going to spend the next 400-500 words talking about all the wonderful things about love and rainbows and cupcakes. Did I mention my boyfriend is a saint for putting up with my sarcasm for this long?

So, I find myself in a long term relationship or as my boyfriend and I like to call it, “The Long Haul” and I think I made it clear that I won’t be talking about all the good stuff. Nope, I’m going to cut down to brass tacks here. Relationships are hard and real unless you’re Kim Kardashian and believe in the power of denial and illusions, just saying.
It’s not all the charming qualities about your partner or the way they look into your eyes and tell you that they love you (cue my gag reflex). No, it’s all about the fun.

If you’re looking to find and stay in a long term relationship, you have to ask yourself- “Can I have fun with this person even when we’re old and arthritic? Am I okay with this person being the one who will most likely be the only person I’ll allow to hear me pass gas and laugh about it?”

It sounds silly but ask anyone in a long term relationship or marriage and they’ll tell you the same thing, granted slightly variations of fun and maybe still not okay with the passing gas in front of each other part, but you get my point.
Fun is the essential part to not just romantic relationships but any relationship really.

For all you kids at heart out there, just think of that episode of Spongebob where he teaches the “F.U.N Song” to a grouchy Plankton. “F is for friends who do stuff together. U is for you and me. N is for anywhere at any time at all.”

Now before you laugh at me for being 22 years old and still knowing the words to that song from Spongebob, here me out.

When choosing a partner, do you want to be with a jolly, optimistic and fun Spongebob or can you really see yourself living the rest of your life with a total downer like Plankton? And if you happen to be content living with a Plankton, then I’ll make it a point to buy you some wrinkle cream for your next birthday for all those frown lines you’ll be getting soon.

People who have fun with their romantic partners, no matter how long they have been together, tend to be happier people- with fewer wrinkles in the long run.

We all hear the stories of the ‘ol’ ball and chain’ but I say it doesn’t have to be this way, just remember fun.

And having fun doesn’t mean you have to file for bankruptcy. There are lots of great ways to have a great time in the city for close to nothing. For example, The Brooklyn Botanical Garden offers free entrance on Tuesdays and discounts for student tickets on any other day. To top off a trip to the BBG, you can head over to East Village Tavern for buy one get one free burgers! Be sure to print out the coupon below and bring your student ID and check out the Campus Clipper for other student discounts for good eats and more fun.

 

Janet, College of Saint Elizabeth, 2012

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Meeting Fellow Vegans in the City

Sunday, July 10th, 2011

Not THAT kind of vegan club!

Being in such a small minority, vegans must face others that disagree with our principles every day, and not everyone understands. Even if someone isn’t belligerent or overly defensive, mere good-natured joking can hurt if it feels like a friend is belittling our beliefs. Of course, there is no escaping people who don’t have the same moral systems, whether it has to do with food or not. However, a good way to reinforce one’s confidence with his/her choices is to seek out others who feel the same way, and college is a great place to meet with like-minded people. Here are some ways that you can start connecting.

Start by looking for your college campus’ vegan club. If the school website doesn’t have an up-to-date list of clubs, check with the student resources department. While you’re there, look for any bulletin boards maintained by student services, which can have notices for many different clubs. Any areas where students gather, like near cafeterias or student lounges, are also popular places to post flyers. Besides “vegan,” other keywords to look for are “vegetarian,” “animal rights/equality/liberation,” “anti-vivisection/cruelty,” and “humane.”

If the school doesn’t yet have a vegan club, you can opt to start your own. Each college’s process for creating a student-run organization will differ, but it usually starts by submitting a request to student services with a name and mission statement. You may or may not be required to collect signatures as proof of student interest, but that would be a perfect opportunity to start publicizing your budding club around campus. Once approved, gain members by posting flyers, informing your classmates, and playing up opportunities to run for council positions. Remember to advertise free refreshments in the flyers!

For students who would rather socialize outside of school or are graduating soon, the city is a  platform for vegan organizations of all kinds. Take advantage of search engines and social networking sites to find groups whose events are in line with your interests, whether they be social meals or activism. For example, the LGBT and friends group VegOut NYC hosts potluck dinners on every third Sunday of the month. Also, try searching “vegan” on Meetup.com to see upcoming gatherings that you can join to meet new people in safe, public environments like restaurants. The New York City Vegetarian Meetup Group even offers the opportunity to organize meetups by contacting restaurants for reservations and creating an event on the group page.

When I first became vegan and suddenly found myself surrounded by people who were attempting to understand my new lifestyle choice, I got tired of having to explain myself all the time while trying to avoid offending people and still convey my important message. Just like it’s nice to find a person who likes the same music and movies as I do, sometimes I relish being able to talk about my personal food and ethical preferences with people who just understand. Reaching out to connect with other vegans can be a cathartic experience, and I highly recommend it to any budding or weathered herbivore.

 

-Avia Dell’Oste
@Hunter College

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Posted in onCollege, onFood, onLife, Relationships, Student Activism, Uniqueness in NYC | 2 Comments »

Hookup Messes

Monday, June 27th, 2011

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What is Hookup Culture? I know what a hookup is and I know what a culture is: of course, I’m a college kid. But put those two words together, and I’m lost. After a bit of research, I discovered it was our generation’s way of wasting time before they find someone to get into a serious relationship with.  It is when people meet, talk, and instantly become intimate—but only for the night. It ranges from kissing to going home with the person. I see this all the time at college, but I never thought it was anything new. People have been getting frisky before marriage since… always! Now however, with morals on the decline, men and women have began to rely on non-committal, spontaneous hookups to kill time and relieve loneliness with instant sexual gratification. But once again this is not new information. Most college students are well aware of this culture and take part in it one way or another. Ever been up and out in the morning and seen a girl walking in 6 inch heels and a party dress at 9 am? Laughing and making light of that image is what hookup culture is all about. And as a woman in college—surrounded by hookup culture and inevitably being a part of it—I don’t mean to sound like a third party uninvolved and like I have never woken up the morning after a night out hoping no one saw the escapades I took part in; believe me, I have. But just stopping to think about all the drama and turmoil hookups cause within ourselves makes me want to take a lot of mistakes back. The attention may feel nice in the moment—through sleepy eyes you drink in their words and smile—but when that night is over and you realize you never even got the chance to give them your number… so you knew they weren’t going to call… and you kind of were glad they wouldn’t… it leaves you feeling a bit empty. Not good or bad, just if no one saw the two of you leaving the bar, you could play if off (to yourself as well as to others) like it never happened. The point to stress is that it won’t make things better. Casual hookups are short lived. You may feel prettier and attractive during the night but what about if you see that person and you realize they only wanted you for a moment and weren’t thinking about you for the long run? You could end up feeling cheated out of a chance, or maybe that people think you’re cute enough to kiss but not enough to get to know. Never let it be easier to hookup with someone than it is to ask that person out on a date. Because after that sets into your train of thought, it’s a slippery slope of what boundaries you’ll allow to be pushed just to get that momentary satisfaction.

Before writing this article I was talking to a male friend of mine about the dating situation that goes on in his school and he told me, “there is no dating scene in our freshman class… everyone just drunkenly hooks up and act all embarrassed when they run into each other the next day.” So my advice for freshmen entering college, with a sea of new friends and potential hookups in front of them, it’s better to just take a step back and try to hold off on the locking of lips just yet. Get to know people, make friends and hang out first, be young and free and see if they are someone you would want to be that intimate with. Wait till someone thinks your worthy of taking out to dinner or even something more casual like coffee or karaoke with a group of friends at Karaoke Boho. Now that I’m a junior in college, not only have I seen the damage hookups can bring, but I’ve also seen how precious relationships can be when you give yourself a moment to just be alone and let love decide your actions rather than lust.  As my mother would say, “honey, you’ll never find a boyfriend if you’re kissing all his friends.”  Just be you, have a great time and make yourself a hot commodity that will only go with someone that you know is worth your kisses.

-Jackie Aqel

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New Age Breakup

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

The click of a mouse and now everyone knows you are single!

Everyone in their life experiences that dreaded moment of breaking up with someone or being broken up with, yet in today’s world this process has become even more complicated. There was once a time when you simply ignored phone calls or forced yourself not to call that past love or mistake, but now a clean break is almost impossible because of social media as well as texting.  Nowadays it is common for an ex to be merely a text away and oddly enough your “friend” on facebook, which can easily and constantly remind a person about their past relationship because of mutual tagged photos.  This makes it all so hard to completely disconnect with a person and stunts the process of closure that is usually very necessary at the end of a relationship.  Texting and the hyper-connection of social media are all fine and dandy if you can handle remaining friends with an ex but for most people it’s usually a source of upset and drama.

The event of breaking up has become in many ways embarrassing because “everyone” knows about the failure of a relationship when a person’s facebook status changes from “In a Relationship” to “Single”. The worst part is people can comment on the situation and facebook friends can even “like” your entrance into singlehood.  Instead of a reassuring phone call or face-to-face talk explaining to friends what happened, many times texting replaces what I feel is essential to moving on, which is just talking about it, especially with close friends. The times have changed and people have changed too. It has become a social norm to be insensitive to others during a never easy experience and to make moving on so much harder than it really needs to be.  It’s for that very reason that I feel when changing your relationship status on facebook you should immediately delete the post after doing so or make it private, unless it’s something you’d like to share with your facebook friends. But for most part, the experience is quite the nuisance, so to avoid the possibility of hurting your own feelings or your ex’s it’s probably not the best idea to advertise your breakup. However, when the times comes that you’d like to make others aware you are single, make it public on your info page to get the point across.

Heated debate exists around whether or not it’s okay to remain friends with an ex on facebook, my feelings and advice depend on whether the break up was “bad” or not. Everyone is curious as to what their ex is up to after breaking up but it’s not healthy to be updated every passing second of your life! If you find yourself checking their page obsessively and notice it pretty much always leaves you with a feeling of discomfort then I suggest not being friends with your ex on facebook. To forget someone these days you need to delete him or her from your electronic life, cell contacts, as well as from your own biting reality. On the other hand, if you find yourself not caring about your ex’s life appearing on yours newsfeed then you can leave it alone.  It’s usually okay to stay facebook friends if the breakup was mutual and ended without hard feelings.  It can be nice to see how people grow and change by checking out their facebook profile. But let’s be realistic the majority of breakups are messy and emotional catastrophes, so it’s almost a guarantee that your facebook wall could end up looking like a battlefield of love.

It’s important to do what’s best for you in a time were your discovering life on your own, or preparing to successfully share it with someone new. Some say it’s harsh to delete a person representative of your past but here’s the truth: they broke up with you or you broke up with them already, which is as harsh as you can get, so why not take the extra step to make yourself feel better? You need to get away from it all but that doesn’t mean you have to book a super shuttle ride to the airport and hop on a plane. I’ve also been told that deleting an ex from your contacts is necessary because many people text their ex’s at emotionally unstable times causing confusion about the state of the relationship. Being happy is what matters most and if you can’t find happiness while constantly being reminded of your ex then you should make the change that is necessary to evolve on your own, and free yourself from that particular relationship. After all, there is so much more out there than the simulated life you “live” on facebook and so much more to say when you’re not constricted to 180 words or less by text.

-Anjelica LaFurno

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Veganism and Family

Monday, June 20th, 2011

You wish they'd support you in everything, but that doesn't always happen.

When I first told my parents I had turned vegan, they were surprisingly supportive. I was expecting them to yell, to tell me how bad it was for my health, and pretty much refuse to accommodate my new dietary restrictions whenever I visited. What I didn’t expect was how quickly their surprise faded as they acquiesced to my silly choices. They probably thought it was a fad, like the time I stopped eating seafood for a while because I thought it was wrong to take from our Mother Ocean. I was a weird kid.

I didn’t visit my parents often, but when I did, they seemed to be very considerate when preparing family dinners, always making sure that my share was separate. My mom would always dole out some sautéed vegetables on my plate before adding pork to the rest of the veggies. Then, one day when I was at home alone with my dad, he offered me some traditional soup made from seaweed, which isn’t as gross as it sounds for a Korean like me. As I ate, wholly innocently and suspecting nothing, I noticed it tasted kind of fishy.

“Dad,” I said, “is this a seafood broth or something?”

“What? Of course not,” he replied.

I still thought it tasted odd, but I believed him. That is, until I dipped my spoon in and pulled out the innards of a clam.

“DAD!”

“What? What?”

He said something ridiculous, like it must have fallen in by accident, but I knew he had simply taken some seafood soup they had made, picked all the clams out, and had just missed one. Of course, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had been doing sneaky things like that the whole time when my mom wasn’t looking.

When it came time for the New Year’s Day family gathering, we all went to my grandmother’s house for the traditional rice cake soup on the first day of the new year. When I sat at the table, I noticed that my bowl’s contents looked pretty milky, like everyone else’s did, like it had been cooked with bone marrow. I asked my mom about it, and my dad frustratedly interjected.

“Oh my god, just eat it!”

I felt my family’s patience waning. What they thought was a phase had become a new lifestyle, and they were finally coming to terms with accommodating me for the rest of their lives. They were not happy about it.

Despite the requisite compassion for living creatures, vegans have to develop a bit of a thick skin. Even if we never try to convince others to walk our path, people will take it upon themselves to attack beliefs that are different from theirs. It’s especially hurtful when such criticism comes from family, who we expect to support us. But like every other choice I made that my family initially thought was irrational, they eventually came around and accepted that I make my own decisions. My parents may never believe that veganism is sane or healthy like I want them to, but they still love me for who I am.

Even though… I still check the labels on anything my dad gives me.

Try dispelling some of their skepticism with Vegan Treats. It’s guaranteed to work better than a lecture. Scroll down for a dual coupon to Atlas Café, where all the desserts are deceptively vegan, and save the 20% Teany Café coupon for a cute and healthy teatime with your friends.

-Avia Dell’Oste.

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