Moving to a new environment can be challenging, especially when it means leaving some of your loved ones. When I moved to New York from Wisconsin, I had to say goodbye to a lot of my friends and family, most of whom reside in Wisconsin. However, I was lucky enough to be able to move to the city with my partner. We met as undergrads, staying in Wisconsin for an extra year after college and building our relationship in a familiar environment. As individuals, we didn’t feel the need to move just yet, and I felt a certain safety staying in the same place. I had my friends around me, my relationship was going steady, what more could I ask for? But during my gap year, I realized I wanted to get out of the midwest and experience grad school in an environment I wasn’t too familiar with. I was excited for the adventure, as well as the challenge, and after I was accepted to The New School, my partner and I decided to move to New York together. As midwesterners, we both felt it was time for a change.
Change is exciting, but it can also be very stressful. We were moving to a new place with not a lot of knowledge of the city, and we were living alone together for the first time. Of course, we were both a bit nervous of the unknown, both as individuals as well as in a relationship sense. It can be hard when your relationship has only ever been in one place, and moving from that place can get rid of a sense of safety and comfortability. From moving in to figuring out jobs, moving to New York was definitely a bit overwhelming at first. However, we both agreed that we were in this together. We made sure to remember that we were a team, something that became all the more important in an environment where we hardly knew anyone.
When we first moved, we stuck together, exploring the city and connecting with the few friends we knew on the East Coast. We had fun shopping together, decorating the apartment, and making meals for each other. It was important for both of us to foster a comfortableness in our relationship in such a new environment, and for us that meant sticking together and braving the city as a pair. There was a safety we both felt in having each other, and I’m so grateful that we’re on this journey together. Of course, once we settled in and became more familiar with New York, we had our own individual commitments to tend to. I started classes a few weeks after we moved, and my partner found a job shortly after. We had our own new environments and new friends, and building our own communities was something we’d never really dealt with in Wisconsin. We had the same friend group and went to the same school, so our lives as individuals were relatively intertwined.
As we navigated school and work, we inevitably spent less time with one another. Of course, we were both happy for each other and we were meeting so many new people, but it’s still hard on a relationship to have such a big change in routine. Thus, we decided to plan weekly date nights on a day both of us were free, and we decided to make dinner for each other when the other person was working late or had a late class. On the days we feel too tired to go out, we stay at home and watch a movie or play cards and just relax and decompress. We’ve realized the importance of giving each other grace and communicating when we’re stressed or tired, something that has become crucial in such a new place. We’ve also recognized that not all weeks are the same, and sometimes a planned date night may not work out if I have extra work to do or if my partner is picking up an extra shift. Realizing this, communicating, and being okay with a change in plans has been crucial to thriving as individuals as well as in a couple. Though we see each other a bit less than before, we’ve been able to make our time together that much more special and fulfilling, which has made our relationship grow even stronger.
By Katrina Kallas
Katrina Kallas is a first-year graduate student at The New School, studying creative writing with a concentration in fiction. Originally from Wisconsin, they enjoy writing about relationships, friendships, and personal values. In their free time, they write fictional stories on a variety of topics and hope to publish a novel after they graduate.
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