Posts Tagged ‘#empathy’

Love Like Her: Empathy

Tuesday, July 5th, 2022

“Oh, it goes beyond sympathy. Sympathy is to understand what someone feels; empathy is to project your imagination so that you actually feel what the other person is feeling: you put yourself in the other person’s place. Do I make myself clear?”

Funny Face. Directed by Stanley Donen, Paramount Pictures, 1957.

If I could have any superpower I would sprout a field of flowers that would give people empathy once a flower is picked. Empathy is a selfless gift all people need to possess, yet most do not. It’s a social intelligence people should learn when they’re small: to treat people how you want to be treated

“I don’t want to have sex with someone, unless, they’re my boyfriend,” I’d tell him, “we don’t have to be in love. I just want to make sure it’s worth it, I guess.” It was a rule I made for myself when I decided I was ready, but it was a rule I let slip. Nearly a week later, he would write in the essay I was helping him with: “my girlfriend is annoying.” I decided to ignore it. People should vocalize the people they want? He kept it up though, he would suggest in little ways I was already his girlfriend without ever communicating it. Maybe he was afraid? Maybe, even though I vocalized that I wanted to be in a relationship with him, he was still insecure? I kept extending myself to him in that way, collecting more and more flowers. Perhaps, some part of him thought I would change my mind. I understood how scary that is and so I let him in. Once I did, he changed. I would always think of him in some capacity. I thought of how my every word, action, and mood would affect him. I wanted him to be happy and I wanted to make sure I was making him happy, that’s all. When that was not reciprocated, I could taste the way things would end before they did.

During the evening of my mother’s and father’s relationship, my dad was incarcerated, my brother was on his way, and my mom was tired. Before he went away, for what was the next five years of my life, there were no more blockbuster dates. My dad had his own apartment and my mom and I lived in the same house just a few floors higher. She went to work a lot and sometimes I’d even go with her. The clues of separation only come to me now. I saw my dad less and less, but after a long week, he was my weekend vacation. I was in sweet little kid bliss. Even when we all hung out separately everything was okay. When my dad was arrested I saw their closing come to a halt. Whatever happened between them was now in a back pocket. When my dad needed someone most he knew who was in his corner, despite everything.

I knew the boy stopped thinking of me when I was no longer something to have. It was as if we were no longer friends. He didn’t want to hang out and play video games, talk, or watch movies anymore. He would only come around for two things: sex and empathy. He would always make up excuses that were tailored in an effort to get what he wanted. I knew I would never let him feel the way he was making me feel, but I stayed. I couldn’t understand why the relationship was changing the way that it did. From there, we were on a rollercoaster that was just in for a loop when we decided to quarantine together those first covid months. He had nothing to prove when it was just us but he never stopped being apathetic. When he became so naturally codependent on me and I decided I would never allow myself to depend on someone like him. “I don’t need you,” I’d tell him in the kindest way possible. “I can take care of myself,” I’d remind him. “I just want you, not need” he had to remember. During our true finale, when I told him, “you always said such mean things to me, I didn’t deserve that.” He would respond with “and you did too.” When I asked him to name examples he’d bring up those old conversations of how I never needed him, how he did me, and how I told it to him.   

I learned that undoubtedly from all the women in my family, especially my mother. Caring comes naturally to a woman in a relationship otherwise she couldn’t call it her own. Regardless of herself, she is supposed to tend, water, feed, and love so fiercely. My mother, she showed enough care and love for both of them to exist as parents. She wrote letters and letters reminding him of how much love he had.  She couldn’t bear the thought of being taken away from her daughter’s first day of kindergarten and her son’s first day of life. She wrote all the things she wanted and would want to hear if her mistakes had pulled her away from the things she loved most. Her heart broke in all the ways she thought his heart was. She put so much time and energy into her empathy. Her only remedy for being taken for granted was to never need in return. To take care of herself second and to depend on no one because how awful would it feel to receive love the same amount of love you give for it to be taken away. 

When she was finally on the outside, having that free time she then thought of herself instead. Picking flowers and actually smelling them. He was so far away now taking up less space and there was finally room to breathe and become. To become someone who wasn’t a pile of everyone else’s feelings. That is when she learned to dance. 

I never believed that everything he did and said was what I did not deserve. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t good enough and that was the best excuse he wore. I was angry at myself all the time and when I wanted to be hurt I’d call him. I didn’t love him. I wouldn’t ever love him in that way even if we were happy. But, I knew then I thought that was the love I thought I deserved. I let him treat me the same way I treated myself and the way I have always been treated. 

If I could have any superpower I would sprout a field of flowers that would give people empathy once a flower is picked. Not only would they learn to treat others how they’d want to be treated, but they’d learn to have empathy for themselves. When I  take the time to understand my feelings and give myself room to feel those feelings without shame, that’s empathy. I am going to be stuck with myself for the rest of my life. And as I grow older I find I would never treat someone the way I do myself. I can be unkind, ruthless to my brain and body, and still push myself to do and be in situations that steal from my person. The first step toward receiving what I deserve from the world is by creating a blueprint. 

Edited by Jackson Bailey
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By Melodie Goncalves

Melodie Goncalves is a rising senior at Rhode Island College pursuing her degree in English/Creative Writing and Sociology. She has passions for reading, writing, caring for others, and music. Spending lots of her time with friends and family.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services. At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The Gift of Listening

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2020

The gift of listening is a power that revolves among us human beings on this earth, it is vital to living and may be considered a scare trait. According to Merriam Webster the term “listen” points out specific keywords. Such as, “pay attention”, “give consideration”, and “be alert”. Listening is a skill and is often unexplored territory that despite our sense of hearing it requires wisdom. It requires wisdom because it involves concentration, effort and the ability to distinguish hearing and listening. Listening is more than a trait, it is a process that is filtered because we often choose what we want to hear and what we cancel out. We also forget that with listening comes feeling connected with one another, spiritually, physically and mentally because we are sharing a healthy space, that makes it important to understand each other. 

The Muse, “Improve Your Conversational Skills in 4 Easy Steps” https://www.inc.com/the-muse/4-ways-you-can-become-a-better-conversationalist.html Accessed 1 Dec 2020.

In spite of our noisy and distracting surroundings, it encourages us to be patient and silent. When you’re silent, you are able to grasp more information, be more observant, and it allows you to learn about who you are. Therefore, we should all want to improve our listening skills with some effort and practice. As it benefits you in the long run and possibly could strengthen your relationships with not only others but also with yourself. Listening is very crucial to being successful. For instance, during a job interview, you must listen closely to the questions in order to give effective answers or during a job training process. In 2019, I acquired my first retail job in the industry at Uniqlo. As a Sales Associate providing customer service, accomplishing floor layouts, also following and listening to instructions got me promoted to an Advanced Associate, after three months. A co-worker once advised me, “don’t work hard, work smart” which could be interpreted from different perspectives. In my understanding, I apply this to my work ethic and in my leadership skills. In other words, working hard is part of what got me promoted but it wasn’t entirely the reason for my promotion. The ability to listen to my manager’s delegation of tasks, listen to the feedback, and comprehend what was expected of my work allowed me to build confidence. Responding to constructive criticism and being assertive through engaging positively with my team members made me have a positive attitude. Listening plays a major role in creating a safe culture and environment because when your thoughts, opinions, and ideas are being taken into consideration it makes you feel involved. 

Furthermore, listening is far more than being a good leader but it is also about building worthy relationships and being a wise person. Being a good listener to a friend or your next-door neighbor may not be a big deal for you, but to the other party, it could mean healing and being valued. It may be known as venting but it creates a safe and welcoming atmosphere with someone else that could possibly be in the same shoes as you once were. When you listen to someone it creates a bond between you and the person, a special connection that engages just you and the other, out of the billions of people on this planet earth. Listening to your significant others helps with your own personal development, it doesn’t have to be career-wise but it can also help with your own healing, learning, and communication skills. Sometimes, this world needs more empathy, respect and to be more caring. It is important to be that change and to give your undivided attention as you’d like to be given. Are you a good listener? 

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By: Yadira Tellez

Yadira is currently enrolled at the Fashion Institute of Technology, majoring in Fashion Business Management and minoring in English literature. She’s worked in retail and has had the opportunity to work behind the scenes during NYFW. Her dream is to be a Fashion Stylist but enjoys creative writing to relieve stress and express her mind.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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How Effective Listening Can Improve Our Lives

Tuesday, October 27th, 2020

“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do the listening” Larry king once said. Being a good listener is an essential skill in life, and serves as a guide for self personal growth. People often interpret success differently, listening encourages the success of harmony, empathy and conversation amongst one another. The gift of listening is about dominating the qualities of an effective listener and understanding its benefits. 

Drobot, Dean. “Active Listening” 2017, https://www.css.de/blog/2017/03/01/active-listening-active-listening-improve-your-communication-and-build-positive-relationships/. Accessed 26 Oct 2020.

Every day we are required to be attentive and to listen. In the workplace or career path, it plays an important role in self-improvement and it is vital to success. Nathalie De Joya, a student attending Hunter College, majoring in Nursing conveys the power of listening as a health care worker. “Being a good listener is imperative in nursing. The art of nursing highlights the care we give to our patients that foster meaning and relationship”(De Joya) It is a good experience and self-rewarding to not only the nurse but to the patient receiving the acknowledgment that they deserve. One of the biggest emphasis of nursing is that we should always give patient-centered care and being a good listener is definitely something you need to achieve this” (De Joya). A nurse requires skills such as being active and having full concentration. In fact, these skills are tools that allow nurses to work collaboratively with their patients. Patients want to be understood, and feel in the right hands, it helps establish a good relationship with their nurse if communication is effective. I, myself hadn’t realized how much listening revolves around nurses accomplishing their job. Through this interview with Nathalie I’ve learned that being a nurse is much more than studying medicine and a Bachelor’s degree, it goes far beyond that horizon. To be successful in the field, you must instill trust and be empathetic, listening is key. In addition, it opened my mind to learn about new ideas and the different functions of every role within the workplace.

David Mejia, is an overnight Full-time Associate for Target. The company’s objectives involve a commitment to, “Exhibiting honesty, respect and concern for others through every interaction” stated in Target’s Code of Ethics (Code of Ethics, 2019) During his overnight “Stocking” position he is in charge of replenishing the sales floor with inventory in order to create profit. ” I can’t stress enough how crucial it is to listen and work together as a team in order to achieve our end goals” exclaimed David. I took the freedom to ask him, what are your techniques or tips to achieve your delegated tasks? ” You must be attentive to detail, and discipline yourself on time however, listening carefully allows me to have a good work performance because it makes me aware of what is expected of me”. “How has being an effective listener helped you grow in the workplace?” I asked. “It helped me build confidence, work productively but overall it’s given me the opportunity to build positive relationships with my managers” (Mejia). David depicts how effective listening empowers us to be our better selves, and working in a safe environment persuades us to speak up during any situation.

Throughout the happiest moments of our lives, we want someone to listen and share our laughter with. Especially during the hardships of our lives, we want to feel safe. Listening is the core of empowerment, relationships, and living to the fullest. It is the beauty of being human, validating one’s emotions, being able to conversate and share a connection on a deeper level. Overall, listening allows trust, empathy, and positive relationships in our lives.

You can find all of our active coupons at this link. Redeem them here:


By: Yadira Tellez

Yadira is currently enrolled at the Fashion Institute of Technology, majoring in Fashion Business Management and minoring in English literature. She’s worked in retail and has had the opportunity to work behind the scenes during NYFW. Her dream is to be a Fashion Stylist, but enjoys creative writing to relieve stress and express her mind.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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