There is something to be said about nostalgia. It’s a quiet perfume. Soft and sweet. Then, all of a sudden, stale and putrid.
Every week, I sit in the common room with friends. I hear their laughter, teasing jokes, and lively discussions. When I look at them, ghosts pop out at me. Are they genuine, or like those I have been hurt by? I count their differences. I count their similarities. I take note. I crease the page of this memory, reminding myself to return to it later. I analyze it with a new lens, a new focus. Instead of being present, I am half stuck in the past, looking to confirm my fears, looking for that familiarity that I understand.
Whether nostalgia or something stronger, the grasp the past holds on me leaves me constantly unfulfilled. I have always felt life was meant to be so much more than how it has been. That life is meant to be filled with adventures and sickeningly soft moments; if I am to do this thing called life, then why should it be just mediocre?
Being stuck in the past prevents us from enjoying present experiences and having a fulfilled happy life. So how do we be more present?
Step One: Let Go
When we consistently look towards the past and are reminded of it in negative ways that detract from our present experiences, we must first acknowledge and accept where we are. Often, I feel so much time has passed that I cannot truly still be affected by those things. But, ignoring the fact that I am indeed still affected by those things only hinders my healing.
In this past year, I have tried to release my grip on the past. It has been hard. My therapist made me sit with myself and ask myself questions. She sat there in silent encouragement while I looked inward. I asked myself: why am I resistant to letting these memories go? I waited and eventually, I learned that to me, letting go of the experiences was almost like I was losing those people again and again. I queried further and with each response, I felt understanding. I granted myself self-compassion and I was able to remove some of my resistance to moving forward.
I then took the conscious steps forward to let go; this heavily focused on emotional release. When the past knocked on my door, I did not turn it away, nor did I openly embrace it, letting it consume me. Instead, I stared at it straight in the face, without judgment, and grieved. This emotional release alleviated much of the past’s control.
In a similar fashion, when triggered, bringing up much more complex emotions regarding the past, I had to make space for my emotional release: to journal, to cry, to grieve, to be angry, and to surrender to the emotional wave, but to not to let it consume me. One way is through grounding techniques: breath work, tensing and releasing each muscle individually, planting feet on the floor, or spending some time alone in nature or with someone or something I love. After the wave crashes, I look towards my values, needs, and wants, so I may consciously make a decision that reflects myself and not my past and fears.
Step Two: Be Present
Life can be consistently overwhelming. There are to-do lists, pressures to be extraordinary, a desire to be perfect, and of course the dread of time. These things will likely always be there. So, to be present and enjoy life, the key is appreciating life for what it is.
In her book, “Everything Beautiful,” Ella Frances Sanders writes: “There is almost always reassurance and meaning to be found in the smallest of things, in the smallest of beauties.” Sanders describes how appreciating the smallest things in life can bring comfort, and quiet serenity in the most overwhelming of moments.
After reading this book I set myself a challenge. Every day I would find at least one thing to find beauty in. I specifically mean the beauty of life and humanity. Sometimes this is the squirrels kneading the grass with their small paws, or an elderly couple walking through the park, or just the consistent sound of city-goers experiencing their lives in such a tight space that we are at once together and apart.
Appreciating beauty in all its forms allows me to surrender to the present moment and find fulfillment even in the smallest things, and even during overwhelming times. This practice softens the creases in my heart and eases my worries about the future. Because even if everything is uncertain, there is always this: the beauty of life.
Molly Peay is pursuing her BA in Writing, Literature, and Publishing from Emerson College in Boston. She is a transfer student who graduated from a JC with an English Associate’s Degree and a General Studies Associate with an emphasis in Culture and Communication. She is passionate about leadership, advocacy, writing, and sharing new voices through art.
