Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Home Away From Home

Tuesday, July 15th, 2025

In college, it is important to have a strong support system. Whether it’s your family, friends, legal guardians, or mentors at school, having a good support system allows you to lean on them when you are struggling. When I left for college, the hardest goodbye I faced was my family, specifically my mom and dad. For eighteen years, they have stood by my side and have given me great opportunities and memories, so it was hard to let go and live my life on my own. I struggled in my first semester while I was away, and my family was my support system.

Family can be your strongest support system, or it can be a complicated one. In my case, I’ve had moments where my family lifted me up when I was feeling stressed about adjusting to college life, my academics, and my health. Whether it was a quick phone call from either of my parents or a package of stuff from my room to remind me of home, the little things keep me supported and motivated to keep going.

Although my family has supported me throughout my time in college, there have been times where my family didn’t fully understand what I was going through. They couldn’t always relate to the stress of college, my health struggles, or my mental health journey. It took time for me to realize that family support doesn’t always look the way you want it to. My parents have always been very keen on giving me honest and realistic feedback and telling me how it is, even if it means disagreeing with me and how I feel. This has given me a newfound perspective that support comes in all different ways.

A picture of my family who is my biggest support system.

Friendships, on the other hand, are constantly evolving in college. Some of my high school friends faded out naturally. Others stayed and became my emotional anchors. I also formed new friendships, some quickly, some over time. I think the hardest part about forming friendships is that not all of them last. College friendships are different because you’re growing, changing, and figuring out who you are, and that growth can bring you closer or pull you apart.

Family and friends deeply affect your wellness, mental health, and fitness more than most people realize. When I felt supported, I took better care of myself. I slept better, ate more regularly, and felt motivated to move my body. This proves that if you have a good support system with the relationships around you, you are more likely to succeed in every aspect of your college life.

An effective relationship can give you the stability to maintain yourself. Some key takeaways I’ve learned along the way is to one, always communicate openly. Your family and friends can’t support you if they don’t know what’s going on. Be honest about how you’re doing, even when it’s messy or uncomfortable. The second takeaway is to make time for the community, even if it’s just a 10-minute call or a quick text. The third takeaway is to show up when you can, because support goes both ways. Be the friend or sibling you want to have. The fourth and most important takeaway I’ve learned is to not force what doesn’t fit. If a friendship feels one-sided or harmful, it’s okay to let go.

Your heart, your background, your people, all come with you. Learning how to balance your academic goals with your emotional ties is part of the process. At the end of the day, when you’re done with college, the people you keep around during that process will still be around, and that’s something you should hold onto forever.

One thing I love to do when my family comes to visit me while at college is to take them to a restaurant to try new things. My parents, specifically my dad, loves a good fresh deli sandwich. Whether it’s your family, friends, etc, treat your support system to Finest Deli but using this 20% off coupon.

By: Yamilia Ford

Yamilia Ford is a rising senior at Pace University with a major in business management and three minors in journalism, creative writing, and film studies. Her passion for writing allows her to inspire through her own creative lens, giving people the opportunity to relate to her.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services. At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Chapter 1: Keeping Up With Your High School Friends

Thursday, July 28th, 2022

One of the most integral parts of the college experience is moving away from home to explore new horizons in the brave new world of college. However, people inevitably get left behind in the process whenever someone goes somewhere new. When you were growing up, it’s very likely that you made a couple of friends along your path to adulthood. Sometimes you saw these friends daily, whether in class, in clubs, or just hanging out in your free time. Not being able to see these friends who you’ve spent all of your time with for much of your daily life may be easy for some people but can be a big adjustment for others when they get to college. 

Image Credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/jCEpN62oWL4

In my experience, people tend to have one of two reactions when interacting with their high school friends in college: people either stay very closely attached to those friendships, or they neglect them altogether. It is important to remember that wherever you go, these relationships will still be a part of your life, and there are ways to include them in your life in a balanced way.

The best way to manage high school friendships is to set times to talk to them each week. If there are high school friends that you find yourself wanting to maintain some kind of relationship with, the first step is to track how much time you’re already interacting with them, whether it’s long video calls or short text exchanges. If you find that you’re constantly catching up on long calls with your friends back home, the best solution to this is to set a time each week to chat with them. While staying connected with your friends is good, you want to be careful to avoid doing so at the cost of your social life at college. College has a diverse social landscape chock-full of opportunities to try new things and to meet new people. It is important to take at least some time to explore these opportunities. College is now, and it will likely be at least a few months before you see your high school friends again. Once you get to the point where you have some roots at college, you can start dividing the time between high school and college friends however you like. Setting times to talk to people can also be helpful if you already have trouble maintaining relationships with people, especially ones you want to keep. Set a reminder for yourself to send a text or two a week to a few friends, just asking them about how they’ve been. While it may not seem like much, these little gestures can go a long way in maintaining friendships, and they are an easy way to hold yourself accountable. Sometimes people can struggle socially at college, and these little messages can help friends lean on one another. 

My second tip for high school friendships is to recognize that people are going to inevitably change. College is a completely new environment that is different from that of your hometown, and that means people are going to have the opportunity to explore themselves without the influence of parents, teachers, or other people that they’ve had in their life. Maybe they pick up a new hobby or start to explore another side of their personality. Either way, the next time you see your high school friends, it is very likely they will not be the same person as when you left them. In some cases, this could mean strengthening a bond with a person who is more in touch with themselves than ever before. In other cases, this could mean that a relationship that was strong before doesn’t last a year after college. This is totally okay. Not every relationship you have has to last forever. Starting and ending relationships is just a part of life. You do not have to feel guilty that you don’t connect with a person the same way you did before. Now you can use the experiences from that relationship to become a better person for your new friends down the line.

My final tip is to give your high school friends a chance. I think some people tend to get caught up in the newness of college. People hear that college will be the best four years of their life, and, as a result,  will try to leave everything in their “old life” behind. Like it or not, your old life is still your life, and the things that happened in it are going to influence you moving forward. In addition, this attitude can create high expectations of your time in college that may never be reached. Yes, it is true that college can be the best four years of your life, but that doesn’t mean it has to or that it will be. Yes, it is true that you may drift apart from people you may not be as compatible with anymore, but sometimes you can keep some really good friends from your high school years and continue to grow with them. Just as you can’t afford to waste any new opportunities in college, you can’t waste any old opportunities with your friends back home. 

And finally, when you do go back home for break, what better way to catch up on college memories than on some good food in the city? You can try some great North Indian food at Punjab Palace! You can get 10% off your takeout order with your student ID!

By: Lucas Pratt

Lucas Pratt is a senior at Boston College studying Philosophy, English, and Chinese. He enjoys games of all kinds, Dungeons and Dragons, and getting around to finishing the copy of Dune that’s been sitting on his nightstand for months on end. Lucas has decided that the words “employable majors” don’t mean anything to him, and is eagerly seeing where the world takes him in the future.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet✎  and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services. At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Rules of Dating

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021

Hookup culture is more prevalent than ever, and more bound to happen than conventional dating on a college campus. Dating is difficult because it’s hard to find someone who is on the same page as you. Students are more comfortable and familiar with the act of hooking up because it lacks the etiquette of traditional dating. Hooking up is designed to be a more casual activity in which there’s more comfort, and society has gotten acclimated to it. A genuine date involves only two individuals that are attracted to each other, nobody else should be a part of it. It’s important to come up with at least 3 questions prior to setting up a date. The point of this is to sustain a conversation and get to know one another on a deeper level. It’s advised that one should be diligent in regards to questions, because asking countless questions will probably lead to an interview or interrogation rather than a date. If someone doesn’t make time or effort to see you, then continue to proceed with the next one to avoid wasting time and being emotionally attached to one person. The objective of going on dates is to understand if both parties are compatible and could see a future together. In addition, attending multiple dates with the same person is like an experiment to progress further and see if the next step should be taken. Just like rankings, there are levels to dating which are a series of sequential steps that form the foundation of a relationship.

Stage 1: You’re permitted to go on countless dates with different people to see who is the right fit and worth dating. This part of the process can be defined as trial and error by selecting potential partners and weeding out those not worth your time and attention. The date must be in person, under 90 minutes, and with no physical interaction or intimacy. If you’re proposing the date then you should take charge and cover the cost, and don’t forget to have three to four questions in mind prepared. A level one date allows you to explore others’ personalities, their preferences and dislikes, who they really are, and helps you to decide if you want to pursue a relationship with that person.

Stage 2:  Now that you’re on the path of dating you can take baby steps to proceed, but this doesn’t have to be real relationship work. Once you are dating someone then there shouldn’t be any sense of uncertainty as to whether your partner likes you. I mean obviously your partner likes you, otherwise there wouldn’t be a romantic relationship in the first place unless you’re being manipulated or cheated on. This stage also conveys exclusivity, which implies that you’re concentrating on only one person and having sexual affairs. 

Stage 3: After you complete the first two stages, you should be capable of laying the groundwork for what’s next. By this phase, you should be emotionally invested in your partner and schedule time to hold long and important conversations. Have a timeline of where you would like to be, and see if it aligns and meshes well with your significant other. For example, get in the habit of chatting about marriage, family, and moving in together. Jumping too quickly to this portion of the relationship will inevitably lead to a skewed partnership which will end up in a big predicament.

https://www.datingadvice.com/advice/the-dating-rules

Following the guidelines above will put you in a safer position in the dating realm, and it’s better to be safe than sorry. Technology has changed the way we communicate; more chats occur online than in person. We’ve grown so attached to our devices that sometimes we deem online messaging to be more conventional and less awkward than in person exchanges. A good deal of people fear the idea of a relationship because of the commitment aspect and sacrifices. It would be preposterous to not believe that everyone prefers an attractive person when it comes to romance. However, it’s probable that you can develop feelings for someone who you may not be initially attracted to once you really begin to see their character. You’d be astonished to see how many failed and toxic relationships break out as a result of just dating off of physical appearance alone; it’s crucial to recognize one’s ideology and what they can project to the world aside from their beauty.

I admit that dating can be frightening for a variety of reasons like rejection and vulnerability. Even so, you should perceive this as a driving force to help you put the idea of dating into practice, to explore new territory and get you out of your comfort zone. There’s no telling what new heights you can reach if you just take the chance because it’s either now or never!

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By: Alex Huang

Alex is a student at the Fashion Institute of Technology majoring in Advertising & Marketing Communications. He used to major in psychology because he didn’t know what to do with his life and now wants to be in the business world. He gets distracted easily by all of the pretty girls in New York City and hopes to become a PR or Marketing manager someday. One of his favorite things to do is going out for bubble tea.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Is Love Worth It?

Wednesday, February 10th, 2021

Life can feel like a mysterious puzzle with pieces waiting to be discovered and placed together. Some believe that our destiny is handed to us at the time of our birth, but do we really know that for sure? It is an innate part of human life to yearn for affection, validation and pleasure. We often pause and reflect to wonder if we’re supposed to live life alone, scary as it may sound. Or should we invest time towards finding a partner to maximize what life has to offer like romance? Love is a subjective term, the general consensus is that love takes form when one feels a profound level of attentiveness, care, and contentment towards another person. Love doesn’t have to necessarily be sexual since it can also manifest in a platonic manner to highlight a powerful friendship. With that being said, it’s solely up to an individual to decide whether he or she desires a partner regardless of their sexual orientation. It’s also crucial to keep in mind that relationships don’t always work out and that’s perfectly normal, there are plenty of potential soulmates out there. After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea. What many tend to forget is that not having a partner at a certain timeframe or age is justifiable, there’s no reason to be ashamed of it. Truth be told, some may have no adversities capturing love while others are trapped in a cycle of feeling frustrated because of attributes like appearance, personality, or even lack of experience. As unsettling as it might sound, the dating scene is an aggressive competition that requires effort; the objective is to market yourself as a suitable and worthy candidate to the best of your abilities. At the end of the day, it’s imperative that you know your worth and not be anybody’s second choice; a forced partnership isn’t going to do any favors as well, it’s as awful as a fake smile.

https://dating.lovetoknow.com/Loving_Couples

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By: Alex Huang

Alex is a student at the Fashion Institute of Technology majoring in Advertising & Marketing Communications. He used to major in psychology because he didn’t know what to do with his life and now wants to be in the business world. He gets distracted easily by all of the pretty girls in New York City and hopes to become a PR or Marketing manager someday. One of his favorite things to do is going out for bubble tea.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Philautia

Saturday, November 11th, 2017

Courtesy: Sublime360

Courtesy: Sublime360

I have often been told that I don’t love myself enough to walk away from things that generate negativity: things meaning people – people mostly harmful to my mental health 500 dollar payday loan today. Seldom do advisors forget the phrase, “Love yourself.” But how does one love herself when she is repeatedly being told to love others and be respectful of them as soon as she walks on two feet instead of four. Her first teenage heartbreak and she suddenly hears the phrase, “fall in love with yourself first,” the same one in different voices.

Falling in love with oneself isn’t easy. You know your own flaws and imperfections and to give a damaged human being that kind of unconditional love requires a lot of patience and dedication; it requires trust.

We often don’t trust ourselves with a lot of things. I don’t trust that I can ever get an A in my statistics class. I think I am incapable of achieving that score. And if I think I am incapable, I will never be capable. I don’t necessarily trust myself to be the most satisfied human being and hence I will simply never be one.

There is no hard learned formula for falling in love, sometimes you might not even realize but you may have fallen head over heels with someone already. But falling in love with yourself requires a guidebook; a guidebook with one simple rule that quite bluntly states, “In order to love yourself, you must behave in ways that you admire (Irving Yalom).”

Courtesy: Tiny Buddha

Courtesy: Tiny Buddha

 

 

Everyone visualises an ideal self and the closer you are to your ideal self, the more likely you are to appreciate yourself. My ideal self is an extremely selfless human being: a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 but I might only be 7 as of yet. And in order for me to love myself in the purest form, I have to strive to be the 10.

Everywhere everyone around you is searching for this ideal self, not in themselves but in others. Often when we don’t love ourselves enough, we go looking for someone else to love us and show us our best selves. Often we come across people hoping they would fill up the void in our lives. And this very void that we are so desperate to fill, makes us feel vulnerable and naked.

Love for me is beyond any measure of lust or beauty. Love is what comforts you just by the thought of it. There is love in friendship and there is love in honesty. However, the brutality of love is that it ruins you. But philautia (self love) unlike any other kind of love, always uplifts you.

I have loved and lost. And I feel so scared that I’m never going to feel that way again. I am relentlessly looking for love while I’m also subconsciously waiting for it to knock on my door as a surprise.

But instead of waiting in distress, it is time I provide myself with what I am desperately searching for.

As college students we almost always fall prey to conversations that involve friends almost always talking about the people they are dating. You suddenly become the “other” when you feel alienated. You suddenly become the “other” when everyone around you is either falling in or out of love. The college environment exerts a certain pressure on you where you feel compelled to give in to what everyone else seems to be doing. If anything, you resort to Tinder or Bumble.

So stop dating that guy who abused you. Stop looking for love on websites where commitment phobics look for hook up buddies. Stop hanging around with someone who makes you his side chick.

Identify the things you love about him. List it on a sticky note. Hang it on your mirror. This will remind you that these are the qualities you adore. These are the things that you should train yourself to excel in.

When you stop looking for them in others, you will start looking for them inside you. There is no harm in being old school and waiting for love to come to you instead of trying to find it at a bar or club. Halt. Don’t rush.

We have a long way to go, many paths of life are yet to be discovered so live on with the hope of every path taking you to a better destination each time. We have big dreams, big enough to scare us. But only with belief and trust, will these dreams become realities.

 

By Sushmita Roy

Sushmita Roy is a Campus Clipper intern and a junior at NYU majoring in Journalism and Psychology. Her research interests includes immigration, human interest stories and social psychology. When she’s not studying, Sushmita enjoys catching up with friends, binge watching TV shows and cooking for anyone and everyone. For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC, from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books; we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings. 

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Use Student Discounts to Love Yourself: In Accordance to the Five Love Languages

Thursday, March 9th, 2017

Image Credit: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/five-love-languages

Image Credit: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/five-love-languages

“Self Care.

betrayal makes the heart fragile

handle yourself with care”

-R.H. Sin

The five love languages, as created by Dr. Gary Chapman, describe the different ways that people give and respond to emotional love. Of course, the idea behind understanding the different love languages is to create a lasting and truly happy marriage. However, this can also be tied strongly to all of our relationships, as well as the one we have with ourselves.

The first of the love languages is Words of Affirmation. This language includes using verbal compliments and terms of gratitude as ways to communicate our love. Using words of affirmation is a great way to show our appreciation for those we care about.

Quality Time is the next love language. It is important to take time for each other, to bond and appreciate each other’s company. When it comes to self love, it is just as important to take time for yourself and treat yourself with kindness and care, and to truly understand how you are feeling.The importance here, especially in today’s generation, is to not spend this time watching TV or browsing Facebook. Instead, partake in an activity that allows you to think and reflect on your feelings, thought processes, goals, aspirations, etc.

Next is Gifting. This is the idea of using some sort of gift, whether it costs money or not, to show someone that you have been thinking of them. Someone who primarily speaks this love language will use and appreciate gift giving as an expression of love.

 The Acts of Service love language goes hand in hand with the saying “actions speak louder than words.” If someone’s primary love language is Acts of Service they will appreciate someone cooking them dinner, helping them with work that has been stressing them out, cleaning for them, or running errands for them.

 The last love language is Physical Touch. The people that predominantly speak this language are those who we may recognize as “touchy feely”. Without physical touch these people don’t feel the same connection, compassion, or overall love.

I took Chapman’s online quiz to find out my top love language. Here are my results:

Screen Shot 2017-03-02 at 10.24.29 PMIn a relationship, quality time is the most important for me. This means I appreciate someone’s undivided attention and spending uninterrupted time with another to deepen the connection between us. Now, when it comes to self love, this means I appreciate spending time alone doing activities that I enjoy and that help me feel happy and refreshed.

So, how can I feed my most prominent love language, thereby improving my sense of self-love and save money while doing it? Campus Clipper, of course! In the coming weeks I plan to use my Campus Clipper coupon booklet to get a student discount on a pedicure. Getting a pedicure will be a great way for me to focus on myself, clear my mind, relax, and will leave me feeling refreshed!

I spoke to an FIT student, Jordan Shramek, who also took the Love Language quiz, and found out that her primary love language is Quality Time as well! Here are Jordan’s full results:

IMG_1711 Jordan and I share the primary love language of Quality Time, and while I was speaking with her, she told me that she also loves to get her nails done in order to give herself some love. Getting her nails done and visiting Newport Mall for shopping on a regular basis are important to Jordan, allowing her to rejuvenate and ensure that she is giving herself the love she deserves. I believe that it is important for those of us with a primary love language of Quality Time to frequently take time to ourselves to simply do what we enjoy most in order to really feel great, and Jordan agreed with me on this.

I suggest you also take Chapman’s test to learn your primary love languages. This will help you understand how you need to be cared for in your relationships with others and how you can truly care for yourself.

By Chanelle Surphlis

Chanelle Surphlis is a Campus Clipper publishing intern, who is graduating from FIT this May. Passionate about giving back and pursuing volunteer opportunities, Chanelle aspires to work for a fashion or beauty company that includes philanthropy in its core values. If you like Chanelle’s writing, check out her blogs here and here. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015. 

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Make New Friends and Keep the Old: Making Plans

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Do you remember those two friends I talked about before?  The couple who recently got engaged, the guy in the Navy and the girl in college?  Well, now they’ll be farther away from each other than New York to New Jersey – try New Jersey to Washington…state, that is.  See, Navy Boy just finished his first two years of training, I guess it is, and after that comes his assignment.  In this case, he’s being sent to Washington State.  College Girl, on the other hand, is still in college, and will be for the next couple of years – not even taking grad school into consideration.  On the one hand, she could go with him.  However, for the Navy to pay for her housing Navy Boy needs to sign on for another six years – that’s a really long time.  College Girl would also have to go to school out there, and leave all of her family and friends behind for the foreseeable future.  Or, they can be separated for even longer.  It’s a tough choice, and I can’t honestly say which is better or what I would do, because their situation seems so extreme.  Navy Boy’s brothers are all in some sort of service; his younger brother is also in the Navy and is about to be shipped overseas, so I guess his family has adapted to these big changes and grown used to talking to each other over Skype only.

The reason I bring this up is because College Girl and I were recently making plans for next summer – like driving to Vegas once we’re both 21, or even just a day trip to DC when we both have the time.  These kinds of plans, though, can all fall through depending on where our lives bring us over the next year.  Like Navy Boy, just last June the thought was that he would go to Virginia…Washington is a lot farther away than Virginia.

There’s that Death Cab for Cutie song, “What Sarah Said.”  In it, Ben Gibbard sings, “And it came to me then that every plan / is a tiny prayer to father time.”  Now, okay, that song is about watching someone die, but those lyrics really work in any situation.  In two years, a year, none of us can really know where we’ll be no matter how many plans we make, or vacations we plan.  But we still make plans, hoping that despite everything else we’ll be able to meet up with so and so for this or that.  I’m not really one for change, but it happens every day regardless of my feelings or opinions.  So, College Girl and I will make our plans for trips across the country cause that’s what friends do, and Navy Boy and College Girl will make their plans to get married and talk every night, no matter where they are, because that’s what people who love each other do.  There you are, father time, a few more prayers to look over.

-Mary K

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Make New Friends and Keep the Old: Looking Back

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

On February 20th 2007, I turned 17.  In New Jersey, when a person turns 17, and if they have fulfilled all of the requirements, he or she is eligible for their license.  Well, I got mine – along with my first car (a 1990 Buick LeSabre, navy blue).  I was so in love with my car, and had so many plans for it…my parents had already gotten me a really awesome sound system to get installed, and I couldn’t wait to drive it down the shore for the first time.

Fast forward to March 4th 2007.  In New Jersey, high school juniors have to go take the HSPA, High School Proficiency Assessment.  The HSPA spans four days, and lasts about three hours each day.  March 4th was the first day for my class, and I wore my favorite tee shirt and most comfortable pair of “lounge” pants, and flip flops.  By the time the day was over, I was ready to get home and relax.  So of course no more than hour after I had gotten home, I got a call that I needed to go to my best friend’s house for an emergency band meeting.  Not exactly excited to get there, I nevertheless got in my LeSabre and started down my street for the easy two mile drive.  This is where things get fuzzy, because not halfway down my street I, for some reason, swerved, then over corrected, and ended up driving straight into the side of a house.

The first thing I did when I woke up, having passed out for probably a minute or two, was call my dad (not 911, of course, because that would have made sense).   I then texted my friend something along the lines of “I was just in an accident on my street.”  The friend I texted, my best at the time, got to me in record time, before my father and the ambulance he called on his way from the office.  Now imagine, I’m sitting there in my own blood, cradling my broken wrist; I didn’t know it at the time, but the front of my car was crushed all the way to the windshield , which was also cracked from my face meeting it (and that’s why they tell us to wear seatbelts).  After checking on me, my friend took it upon herself to knock on the door to make sure no one was inside and injured, ignoring the danger she could have been in from the now structurally unsafe house.  That being done, she came over the passenger side, which I had somehow slid too, procured napkins from somewhere and did her best to wipe the blood from eyes and mouth – she did all of this before any other help arrived, but checked first to make sure help was going to arrive at some point.  Now, you may wonder why I bring this story up.

I think about it sometimes, about her wiping blood from my face and staying with me until I left in the ambulance.  I think about it because just a little over a year after my accident, we were suddenly no longer friends.  I wonder how we could be so close, and care so much about each other, and how that could just end.  It’s horrible how the fact is that friends, no matter how close they are, can just grow apart.  It started with a fight that probably wasn’t even that bad, and then radio silence.  BOOM, no more friendship.  We still talk occasionally, and when I’m in town we’ve gotten coffee before, but there’s nowhere near, and never will be again, the closeness we used to share.

On the other side of that, there’s the friend who made the half hour drive to visit me in the hospital each of the five days I was there after the accident.  She brought me movies and real food, and even washed my hair for me after about three days of me living with the blood, glass, and vomit that was by then crusted into it.  Of course, with my broken nose I didn’t even notice how rank I was, so the hair washing was more for everyone else’s benefit, but that’s not the point.  I’ve known her for twelve years now, I believe; she actually was my babysitter when I was younger, fun fact.  Our relationship is probably more like sisters than friends, and we can go from laughing hysterically together to me wanting to punch her in the face.

I just wonder why that friendship is different from the other one.  There’s no denying that Friend B and I have had probably over a million fights, radio silence included, yet we’ve always remained friends.  I’ve questioned in another blog on whether or not some people are just more important in our lives, and I didn’t want to think that I could rate my friends like that.  But I guess somewhere inside I do, because the simple fact is that one of those friendships is over, and the other is just as strong as ever.

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The “Is it Worth It?” Test

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010

In his book, The Magic of Thinking Big, David Schwartz gives the following relationship advice:

Before you start getting upset and fighting about something, put the situation to the “is it worth it” test. In other words, is fighting/complaining/crying/bickering (whatever your relationship poison) worth the consequences? Is it worth the risk of creating bitterness and resentment? Is it worth the potential for hurt feelings and ruined moods on both ends?

Here are some examples:

– Your boyfriend forgot it was your mother’s birthday, and your first instinct is to make him feel guilty. Is it worth it?

– Your roommate used up all the toilet paper and forgot to renew the roll. You’re ready for battle. Is it worth it?

– Someone bumped into you on the train, and you’re already taking in a deep breath of air for all the curse words you’re about to unleash. Is it worth it?

You get the idea. I love this strategy because it’s so simple and so effective. Just asking yourself this question helps puts things in prospective and diffuses so much frustration. So much relationship tension exists because we overreact to insignificant things (and this holds true for ALL types of relationships). My sister, Kat, might snap at me because she’s had a rough day, I take it personally and get defensive. She gets even more upset. I get even MORE upset. And before you know, it we’ve both got our arms crossed and our bottom lips jutting out. (Story of our sisterhood).

Of course there are also times when this approach isn’t the right fit. For example, if you walk in on your girlfriend making out with a stranger. In that case, I’d say it’s almost definitely worth it to have a pretty serious chat. Stewing in silence even over small stuff is never a good choice, but the point of this advice is that if you can let something roll of your shoulders, do. We say so many things we don’t mean and do so much we later regret all because of a lousy mood or displaced frustration. In fact, I once read a theory that a lot of the world’s most brutal battles have been spurred by generals because of maddeningly severe tooth aches. Hey you, generals. Was it really worth it?

– Tania Luna

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