Make New Friends and Keep the Old: Looking Back

June 3rd, 2010

On February 20th 2007, I turned 17.  In New Jersey, when a person turns 17, and if they have fulfilled all of the requirements, he or she is eligible for their license.  Well, I got mine – along with my first car (a 1990 Buick LeSabre, navy blue).  I was so in love with my car, and had so many plans for it…my parents had already gotten me a really awesome sound system to get installed, and I couldn’t wait to drive it down the shore for the first time.

Fast forward to March 4th 2007.  In New Jersey, high school juniors have to go take the HSPA, High School Proficiency Assessment.  The HSPA spans four days, and lasts about three hours each day.  March 4th was the first day for my class, and I wore my favorite tee shirt and most comfortable pair of “lounge” pants, and flip flops.  By the time the day was over, I was ready to get home and relax.  So of course no more than hour after I had gotten home, I got a call that I needed to go to my best friend’s house for an emergency band meeting.  Not exactly excited to get there, I nevertheless got in my LeSabre and started down my street for the easy two mile drive.  This is where things get fuzzy, because not halfway down my street I, for some reason, swerved, then over corrected, and ended up driving straight into the side of a house.

The first thing I did when I woke up, having passed out for probably a minute or two, was call my dad (not 911, of course, because that would have made sense).   I then texted my friend something along the lines of “I was just in an accident on my street.”  The friend I texted, my best at the time, got to me in record time, before my father and the ambulance he called on his way from the office.  Now imagine, I’m sitting there in my own blood, cradling my broken wrist; I didn’t know it at the time, but the front of my car was crushed all the way to the windshield , which was also cracked from my face meeting it (and that’s why they tell us to wear seatbelts).  After checking on me, my friend took it upon herself to knock on the door to make sure no one was inside and injured, ignoring the danger she could have been in from the now structurally unsafe house.  That being done, she came over the passenger side, which I had somehow slid too, procured napkins from somewhere and did her best to wipe the blood from eyes and mouth – she did all of this before any other help arrived, but checked first to make sure help was going to arrive at some point.  Now, you may wonder why I bring this story up.

I think about it sometimes, about her wiping blood from my face and staying with me until I left in the ambulance.  I think about it because just a little over a year after my accident, we were suddenly no longer friends.  I wonder how we could be so close, and care so much about each other, and how that could just end.  It’s horrible how the fact is that friends, no matter how close they are, can just grow apart.  It started with a fight that probably wasn’t even that bad, and then radio silence.  BOOM, no more friendship.  We still talk occasionally, and when I’m in town we’ve gotten coffee before, but there’s nowhere near, and never will be again, the closeness we used to share.

On the other side of that, there’s the friend who made the half hour drive to visit me in the hospital each of the five days I was there after the accident.  She brought me movies and real food, and even washed my hair for me after about three days of me living with the blood, glass, and vomit that was by then crusted into it.  Of course, with my broken nose I didn’t even notice how rank I was, so the hair washing was more for everyone else’s benefit, but that’s not the point.  I’ve known her for twelve years now, I believe; she actually was my babysitter when I was younger, fun fact.  Our relationship is probably more like sisters than friends, and we can go from laughing hysterically together to me wanting to punch her in the face.

I just wonder why that friendship is different from the other one.  There’s no denying that Friend B and I have had probably over a million fights, radio silence included, yet we’ve always remained friends.  I’ve questioned in another blog on whether or not some people are just more important in our lives, and I didn’t want to think that I could rate my friends like that.  But I guess somewhere inside I do, because the simple fact is that one of those friendships is over, and the other is just as strong as ever.

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Getting to the pot of gold on the other side of awkward

June 3rd, 2010

“Get to the pot of gold on the other side of awkward”

I said this to someone once without noticing, and she was thoughtful enough to remember it and even quote me later. That’s when it really made sense to me and stuck. I say it to myself all the time now before digging into something that makes me want to hide under a bed and hibernate for the season.

Here’s what it means to me: most things that are really, really worth getting are really, really hard to get. This goes for money, love, fame, fortune, success, diamonds, you name it. There’s a reason that a very small percentage of people attain what they truly want: it’s tough as a two dollar steak and the process is just about as appetizing.

There’s little point in pretending that asking someone special out, making that first sales call, or going to an interview for your dream job are going to be easy. If you’re anything like me, you’re probably going to sweat like you’re running a marathon and chug Pepto-Bismol like you’re life depends on it.

But here’s the good news. Once you cross that muddy river, there’s a beautiful shore on the other side. If you’re not willing to get dirty and make that trip, then you’re stuck on your little island. Clean and mopey. Yeah, you’ll be more comfortable avoiding your fears, but what’s the point of that comfort if it’s keeping you from getting what you really want? When you have more wrinkles than you can count and more to look back on than look forward to, will you think to yourself:

“Gee, it’s a good thing I didn’t take that risk 20 years ago.”

Or will you think:

“I wonder what would have happened if I…”

I bet you $5 that it’ll be the latter. (I’d bet a lot more, but my checking account wouldn’t like it).

The point is, we miss so many opportunities because going after them is just plain awkward. My philosophy is, face the awkward, get through it. It’ll be over quicker than you think, and the reward will be well worth it. And hey – even if you don’t get exactly what you want, I promise you’ll feel good about yourself for taking that risk. It’s addicting, and it gets easier and easier with practice.

So quit reading and go get to the pot of gold on the other side of awkward — whatever that means to you.

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The hardest part of a job is finding one

June 3rd, 2010

As I graduated college three weeks ago, I anxiously feared my most impossible task yet: finding a job. My stepfather had told me that the hardest part of a job is simply finding one and with the economy being what it is, I could tell I was going to have a heck of a time. I did not have a million internships or a degree in anything applicable to the jobs I was applying for; although being an English major does have some perks. To my surprise, a few days after sending out my resume, I had five interviews lined up, and, that Friday, I got a job. I think part of what happened was that I was lucky; the job I got needed to be filled quickly and I was available to start as soon as possible. But, the bigger part of it was that I was meticulous.

When I started my job, I realized that over 200 people had applied, and over twenty of them had landed interviews. So, what made me special? A few things…

1. I focused on my educational achievements. Since I did not have too much job experience, I tried to emphasize my education by putting my GPA on my resume, which is something that not everyone thinks of doing. If it is good, (I would say 3.5 or above) might as well slap that baby on there!

2. I was real. The guy who hired me at my job told me that, even though I did not have a lot of experience, he really liked my personality. After looking over all kinds of things to do and not do at an interview, I decided to just be myself. If an employer is looking at a bunch of people, being a robot is not going to make you stand out and land a job. On the other hand, if you are funny, or charming, or smart, or even a little silly, an employer will see you as a person and relate to you. And, if they don’t like what they see, then you probably would not be happy working there anyway.

3. I was careful. Looking over the resumes that were submitted after I landed my job, I saw a common theme: people were just being plain careless. Some people had submitted resumes with objectives that were irrelevant; obviously they had sent that same resume to a million jobs and were just changing a line and forgot to change their objective. Others had forwarded the same email to a bunch of different people. Still others made careless errors in their resumes themselves and obviously who would want to hire someone who cannot even look over their resume?

While I might have been an exception to the horrors of the job search, you can certainly be leaps and bounds ahead of the competition if you just pay attention to how you are presenting yourself. If you have something that makes you stand out, emphasize it. Maybe even try a few different resumes or cover letters to see which ones help you land more interviews. And, as always, be yourself–it really does pay off and there really is no point in getting a job you are just going to be miserable in.

-Emily S

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Tying the knot (or not)

June 2nd, 2010

I got married almost six months ago. I had just turned 24, which would have made me a spinster in a different country, but by NYC standards I was one of those nutty, irrational girls you hear about who gets married just when she’s supposed to be at the height of her bar hopping career. None of my peers were getting married (or even thinking about it), and not a single person I encountered could keep their eyes from bulging at the news–especially my little grandma who just kept muttering “But why, Tania? Why?”

My vows (piece of cake)

No, I wasn’t pregnant. No, I didn’t belong to some religious group that ships off girls to the alter at puberty. I was in love, in a caring, supportive, inspiring relationship, and I was just plain ready.

To make matters more scandalous, Brian and I had only known each other for 10 months, and we had moved in together after our second date. Those 10 months seemed like more than enough time for us, but by everyone else’s calculations, we had to be living together for at least four or five years before making any kind of legally binding decision.

It was weird seeing everyone acting so much more nervous than we were. Is it our country’s 50% divorce rate that gets everyone’s proverbial panties in a twist? Is it the fact that our critics haven’t found “the right one” yet, so they assumed it couldn’t possibly be so simple? Or is it that our culture of limitless options (from breakfast cereals to career paths) can’t stand the idea of picking just one of anything? I don’t know.

But here’s what I do know. No one can tell you whether or not it’s the right time or the right person. There’s no rule book for love and no norms. I’d advise that you and your partner are both completely on the same page in terms of expectations and able to talk about your fears and desires openly. But the truth of the matter is that it just has to feel right. Logic helps, but emotion seals the deal. And by the way, for me–it’s the best deal I’ve ever made in my life.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention we had an Elvis minister? See for yourself 🙂

The Most Romantic Elvis Wedding Ever

– Tania Luna

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Let’s Dance: SummerStage

June 1st, 2010

I don’t often splurge for cabs, but after a long afternoon of traveling back to the city from a short trip home to New Hampshire, I decided to switch up the subway for a cab back to my apartment. This is mostly because it was downpouring and I was trying to catch a dance class (no such luck – too late!), but the reason doesn’t really matter.

Long story short, the cab was zooming through Central Park back to the East Side and I saw groups of people heading towards a stage with large signs reading SummerStage.

Now, I have seen signs and seen the stage set up in years past, but I have never taken the time to figure out what SummerStage was all about – I just figured it would be expensive or impossible to get into. Since I was too late to go to my class, however, I had some time to look into the details about what this stage is all about.

SummerStage is put on by the City Parks Foundation, and it presents a variety of free and benefit concerts. On the list for their Mainstage in Central Park this summer is a wide variety of acts – musicians such as Public Enemy, The Specials, and other famous bands, as well as dance groups such as Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater and other performers such as poets, comedians, and actors. I’m really looking forward to trying to see St. Vincent on August 1 and Complexions Contemporary Ballet on August 10, but hopefully I can get into the action earlier than August – there are plenty of shows to choose from!

This event happens every year, and most shows are free – but for the shows that require payment, order ahead. It’s the first day of June, and some shows are already listed as sold out! The free shows just require getting there early enough to find a spot – I’ll try to go to a show soon and see just how early the crowds normally get there. Keep in mind, too, that there are shows happening not just on the Central Park Mainstage, but also throughout the rest of the city and its boroughs. Check out the website for the full listings, and I’ll keep you posted on what I see and find out about this SummerStage deal. But so far, it looks like an amazing program – keeping the arts alive and accessible to NYC residents is a great goal, and utilizing the beautiful parks of Manhattan and its boroughs is a unique way to see the performances. I, for one, can’t wait!

-Meghan Q.

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STD’s and Germ Freaks!

May 29th, 2010

The other day I spent some time with a long time friend of mine. It was a long yet blissful day; we ran all over town, touching down in each borough for at least an hour, well all of the boroughs with the exception of Staten Island. By the time we returned to my apartment, we were exhausted, drained, and well filthy. We had been running the streets of New York, riding the trains, sitting in public places, and using public restrooms. We were both due for a hot shower and a long night of sleep.

My friend, being the germ freak that she is, immediately ran to the bathroom, not only to wash her hands, but to scrub her face with soap and hot water as well. She then sat down to eat her food. While she ate, I asked her if she would take a picture of me. I was so in love with my outfit that day, that I felt the need to take as many pictures as possible in my lovely get up. At first she didn’t want to do it. She complained of touching the camera and then touching her food. She didn’t want to spread germs to her food. “But what about when you have unprotected sex”, I asked? She stopped and looked at me. “I only have unprotected sex with one person,” was her reply. I stared at her in amazement. “How do you know that he’s not having sex with anyone else,” I questioned? Her response, “he’s not.”

This got me thinking, deep, real deep. How could someone be so afraid of getting germs, but not as afraid of putting their life on the line? I mean she had been with this guy for over three years, but still.

I remember being a student in undergraduate school, and doing a project for my Black Studies class about sexual health and how so many young people are misinformed about the dangers of having unprotected sex. Thankfully, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has an abundance of information about Sexual Transmitted Diseases, including, prevention, causes, and treatment. While some diseases have noticeable symptoms, there are other diseases that don’t show symptoms. Some diseases are silent, slowly ruining the health of its victim until the victim decides to go and get themselves checked out.

According to the CDC, each year, there are approximately 19 million new STD infections, and almost half of them are among youth aged 15 to 24. This shows that many young people don’t get checked out. Maybe they think that they are invincible, or are afraid, or they may simply be ignorant about the importance of knowledge of their sexual health status. Fortunately, there are places throughout the five boroughs, where male and female students can get tested for STD’s. So what will you do? Will you become a germ freak or a freak about the safety of your sexual health? I suggest that you choose the latter!

Free and Confidential Clinics in NYC

Shana H

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Let’s Dance: Subway Performances

May 27th, 2010

New York City’s MTA has raised prices and made service cuts since my Freshman year in the city, but one thing it hasn’t cut is the arts. The subway system of Manhattan is a large and sometimes overwhelming beast, but at least it’s never dull.

As part of an initiative to keep the subway stations looking clean, interesting, and exciting, the MTA began the Music Under New York program. We’re not talking about the random homeless guys singing on the subway trains, or the great Mariachi band that frequents the N train. No, the MUNY program sponsors artists formally in the stations themselves, complete with signs and microphones. Artists must audition and attend orientation prior to performing for the NYC public.

One of my favorite performers is Alice Tan Ridley, who I normally see at the Herald Square station. She always attracts a crowd – this is actually her profession, and she is good at what she does. Ridley is well known not just for her soulful singing, but also for being the mother of Gabourey Sidibe, star of the recent movie Precious. She is adamant about not living off her daughter’s paycheck, however – so if you see her rocking out in the subway, feel free to throw a dollar or two her way.

So next time you’re looking for a show and don’t have money for a student priced ticket, just spend some extra time on your next $2.25 subway ride and find a show. There are almost always performances going on at the major stations (42nd Street, Herald Square, etc.) and a more detailed schedule can be found at the MUNY website – and let me know your favorite performer, I’m always looking for new shows!

-Meghan Q.

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Facebook Friends Forever

May 27th, 2010

So, I’m sure it’s obvious by now that I write about friendship, love – that kind of thing. And, with an old friend’s birthday being today, I’ve been thinking…

Okay, so, facebook? It’s there so we can keep in contact with old friends and new friends and blahblahblah. I’m sure most people have one, I know I do. For the longest time I didn’t want one, I saw no reason for it. Last year, though, a friend just went and made one for me and I haven’t looked back…well, I have, but not often. The thing about my facebook, though, is that I don’t talk to the people I’m “friends” with. Those I do, I also text them frequently. All of those people I thought to keep in contact with once we became facebook friends I don’t even bother with, because I realized why we weren’t friends in the first place (and not being close facebook friends with someone is in large part due to their status updates – if I have to read those lyrics to “Airplane” again, I’ll go crazy). What’s the point of having something to keep in contact with people who I already keep in contact with? Yet I still have mine, and probably will for a long time.

As I said earlier, my friend’s birthday is today. Of course, all of her facebook friends are aware and have been sending her well wishes. Now, I know for a fact that half of the people who said “Happy birthday!” are people she doesn’t like, and they probably know it, too, yet they say it all the same. Now, is this an olive branch, a chance at reconciliation? Or is it just something a person does when they see So-and-So’s birthday Today on the side of their page? Another friend of mine was mad that I didn’t wish her a facebook happy birthday, even though I said it through phone call and text. Are things not official if they aren’t facebook official?

I’ve noticed that a lot of people have 300+ friends, and I personally don’t know that many people, let alone am actual friends with that many. My graduating high school class was a little over 700 students, but I can only name 100 on a good day. If I didn’t know a person in high school, why would I connect with them now? One could argue that it’s important to make new friends, but now that I’m in a completely different state, it seems to make new friends with those I graduated with.

Am I thinking too much about this? I don’t even know what my point is, aside from the general confusion I get when some person I’ve never met before, who went to the same high school as me but graduated either earlier or later, tries to be my “friend.” I say no to them, but a lot of people don’t because they like looking at inflated numbers of friends, even if they really aren’t. With friendship, it’s quality, not quantity, right?

-Mary K

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VegEats! An Introduction

May 26th, 2010

Veggies: delicious, nutritious, and cheap!

Hi everyone! My name is Jon, and I’m going to be offering some guidance into the wonderful world of vegan/vegetarian-friendly eating in New York City. For those who aren’t sure, a vegetarian is a person who restricts consumption of meat and animal byproducts. There are several types of vegetarians: pesco-vegetarians, who include fish in their diets; pollo-vegetarians, who include poultry; ovo-vegetarians, who include eggs; and lacto-vegetarians, who include dairy products. These prefixes can be combined. For example, when I officially started identifying myself as a vegetarian three years ago, I was a ovo-lacto-vegetarian.

About two months ago, I began identifying myself as a vegan, which is a strict vegetarian (absolutely no meat or animal byproducts) who extends this philosophy beyond diet into other parts of life. This means vegans don’t use products made from materials like leather, silk, or wool, because these materials rely on animals and animal captivity to be made. Vegans also only use man-made sponges and avoid substances like gelatin, an ingredient in most marshmallows and derived from collagen found in animal bones, or beeswax, commonly used to make candles and produced over a long period of time by bees as an essential part of their home. This lifestyle may sound a little extreme to those who have not encountered veganism before, but when adopted mindfully for the right reasons, it can be a wonderful positive change for many people.

So you may be saying to yourself, well, now I know what they don’t eat; what DO they eat? I eat primarily fruits, vegetables, nuts, and grains, as well as artificial animal-free products such as tofu. When eating out, I often go for Indian, Chinese, Israeli, Thai, or Mexican, as these cuisines offer lots of delicious vegan options, or I go to one of the multitude of vegan/vegetarian-friendly restaurants in New York City. Many people when hearing about this diet have concerns about health, primarily about protein and iron deficiency. Vegetarianism and veganism are actually very healthy as long as the practitioner eats a variety of foods, pays attention to intake of nutrients, fats, and calories, and stays active, (which is true of any lifestyle.) In fact, studies have shown that limiting meat and animal byproducts can significantly lower your chances of major health problems, including heart disease, cancer, stroke, obesity, diabetes, even Alzheimer’s! The average American eats nearly double the amount of protein they need per day, and veg-eaters have numerous alternative to meat and animal byproducts to find protein, iron, and all other essential nutrients.

I’m so excited to help you find ways to eat healthy on a student’s budget. New York can be expensive, but there are lots of tricks to up your nutrients, help the environment, and keep your wallet (and belly) full. To get you started, Campus Clipper has wonderful coupons for great veg-friendly restaurants like Atlas Café, Indian Taj, Monster Sushi, Tahini, Wild Ginger, and many more! Check them out on the coupons page! Happy Eating!

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Tips to Get You Through Your Finals Alive and Well

May 26th, 2010

Finals. It is perhaps the most dreaded word in the vocabulary of any college student – a term that signifies endless nights of studying and memorizing in the last desperate attempt to jam every last bit of information into your brain before test time. No matter how long you have been in college that word does not cease to terrify your poor little brain cells. However, there are certain things that you can do to get you through your tests and on to the freedom of summer vacation.

1. Put test information (day, time, and place) and paper due dates on a calendar. This way, everything will be in one location and you won’t have to frantically search for it later on. In addition, writing everything out will enable you to check for any conflicts, which you will be able to solve well before test time.

2. Schedule your study time in advance. Carefully think about how much time in the library each class will require and plan accordingly. Remember to devote time to those tests or papers with the nearest deadline first so you don’t end up studying for a Economics final on Monday when the test date is four days later.

3. Rewrite your notes. After long hours of studying, the information you are reading literally becomes a giant blur. Writing out your class notes allows your brain to remain active, which, in turn, helps you remember that important detail when taking the final.

4. Take some time to rejuvenate your brain. Studying non-stop for twenty-four hours straight is the worst thing you could do during finals. Your body needs to rest from time to time in order to remain alert. So call a friend and go to the cafeteria for an hour, watch an episode of your favorite show, take a power nap, do something that you feel will give your mind a much-deserved break. A little something I learned from a psychology class I took when I was a freshman is my favorite way to squeeze in a little down time for myself. It’s a technique called voice relaxation therapy. Visit this YouTube link to try. It’s short and sweet, and you will feel a hundred times better when you’re finished. Promise.

-Christina Brower

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