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Everything I Learned in Life, I Learned From Gaming

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

If you don't stand in fire in game, why would you do it in real life?

After all the years of schooling, careful parenting, and going to (and dozing off in) church, it turns out that all of my life lessons ended up coming from video games. Aside from the usual “don’t stand in fire” and “turtles are jerks,” there have been more than a few jarring epiphanies leading to advice that helped me immensely in academics, work, and social life. Feeling skeptical?

1. If I want something done and done right, I have to do it myself.

I learned this while raiding in World of Warcraft (read: playing with 10-25 people at the same time to solve intricate battles). Sure, I had to trust my team and work as a cohesive group from week to week, but when it came to killing a rogue monster or fearing it away, I learned not to wait for someone else to do it while the leader yelled that we were going to die.

This advice has worked for me in real life, too. At a job, all of the employees work together toward a common goal, whether it’s customer service, meeting a deadline, or building something. But if it’s a choice between focusing on my job and letting something important in the office not get done, and taking a few minutes out of my time to ensure the continued smooth operation of the workplace, I tend to choose to take initiative for the good of the team as long as I’m not neglecting my own duties.

2. If I don’t work towards fulfilling dreams and life goals, I will eventually go crazy.

The original The Sims games were great, but when The Sims 2 introduced the aspirations system, it became a work of microcosmic genius. Fulfilling minor wants like kissing a significant other or gaining skills improved one’s mood, which in turn gave the extra boost required to do jobs well. What really spoke to me was the “Lifetime Want,” a life goal that, once achieved, would put a character in a perpetual good mood state for the rest of its virtual life.

And when a Sim went through day after day not fulfilling any of its desires, the poor thing would actually get depressed, sob randomly, and eventually have to see a shrink. It’s like the Sim is me! I could spend the rest of my life getting by with achieving minor wants, or I could set a (realistic) life goal and work towards a more lasting happiness. Oh the choices in the life a Sim… er… human.

Another thing I learned from The Sims was that ordering Chinese takeout and pizza is expensive and fattening, but that was a little less poignant. Be like a Sim and cook with your own groceries, and use the Campus Clipper coupon for Associated Supermarkets at the end of my post.

3. Some things are more important at certain times than other things.

Despite the confusing wording, this was a pretty harsh lesson for me. I used to sit at my computer playing games for so many hours a week, it was like a full-time job. Honestly, I still play a lot; it’s the hobby that I enjoy. But during the last couple years at my first university, video games were trumping every priority I previously had, including class, homework, and hanging out with the friends I used to see every week. It wasn’t until I dropped out of school and had to get a full-time job to support myself that I finally cut down on my gaming, because I didn’t have the money for it.

Above everything, the big lesson here was to manage my time. Now, I’m back in school, working part-time, and still playing video games a good deal, because I know that at certain points in the week/semester, assignments and exams will have priority, and at other times when I have a little room to slack off, I can hang out in my virtual world without guilt.

These “life lessons” may seem silly if one has already learned them from other, more traditional sources like parents and social interaction, but they are essentially the same, no matter what the source. It is a skill for people to be able to glean information from a variety of experiences and use it to grow. Whether someone is a gamer freak or a mountain climber, the world is waiting to be studied and learned from.

-Avia Dell’Oste.

Cross-posted to my blog RP Your Life!

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Avoiding Conflict at a Group Meal

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

Nothing is more obnoxious at dinner than getting attacked for your food choices.

No matter how proud you are about your healthy eating choices, there are always a few people with whom, even if they claim to be understanding and open-minded, you would just rather not get into a heated debate. Usually, they are the type to easily start said heated debates without realizing they raised their voices, and before you know it, you wish you hadn’t even brought up the topic of climate change/political efficacy/favorite color at all.

Though you may not be able to avoid every potential “friendly intellectual discussion” they want to have, there are a few ways to at least circumvent frustrating situations while eating out with friends. First, when collectively deciding where to go for dinner, it’s best not to throw out suggestions that are obviously specialty restaurants. Even if the name gives no hint, once the group arrives there and sees that the menu has absolutely no meat on it, your friends could feel tricked. Since you would like others to accommodate your food choices, try to think of their preferences too. If you are trying to avoid gluten, suggest a restaurant that you know has gluten-free options. If you are a vegan, throw out names of places that you know will have food you can eat but also has meat and vegetarian dishes.

Of course, after going through all of the motions of democracy, you might end up at a restaurant you have never been to and didn’t have time to research their menu. If there’s one thing that might set off your opinionated friends into an unsolicited rant, it’s watching you take fifteen minutes to order because you’re asking your server for comprehensive lists of ingredients. But you’ve been to restaurants before, and the menus for certain ethnic cuisines are practically the same citywide. Once you’ve researched one restaurant and found which dishes are safe, you can assume to a degree for other places with similar styles. A little research into pasta types will let you know which kinds have eggs, and looking up traditional recipes for Japanese foods will let you know where soy can be hiding. This can cut down on the number of questions to ask the server and avoid placing a focus on you. Great places to try for big groups are Indian restaurants with their diverse meat and vegetarian options and choices of rice or bread. Use a Campus Clipper coupon to get 15% off on a weekend when you bring 4 people or more at Cuisine of India!

Even if your friends are aware of your dietary choices, they may forget in their attempts to be generous and offer you a bite of their order. Rather than going into the reasons why you can’t share their meal, a simple “No thanks. I’m good.” will suffice. To avoid further insistence, either immediately return to your previous conversation and/or return their action by offering them some of your food. Keep the dialogue going so that it doesn’t linger too long on the table and its trappings.

When all else fails and someone decides s/he really wants to talk about why you don’t eat dairy in an opinionated and gregarious manner, let him/her go through the spiel. Chances are s/he just wants to voice opinions about it, and whether or not you respond matters less than getting the rant out of his/her system. Even if you aren’t in the mood to debate, other people might want to jump into the discussion, which will take the pressure off of you to be the sole interlocutor. If you are in a group setting, the rest of your party most likely wants the same thing you do: to hang out with friends while eating good food and having lively conversation with more laughs than speeches. If you’ve picked the right friends, they won’t let one person gang up on you or bring everyone else down.

-Avia Dell’Oste.

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How to Manage Your Time For… Gaming?

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

Can I go to class now, please?

PC gamers and console junkies alike can attest to not only the increasingly social nature of video games, but also the greater acceptance of gaming as a group activity since the first Xbox came with internet capability. While party games like Mario Kart were always popular and took advantage of the fact that people hanging out together required entertainment, classic and modern MMOs (massively multiplayer online games) like World of Warcraft and console games like Halo and Call of Duty call on people from all over the country and all walks of life to organize and play together. For college students, this means fitting gaming into a schedule, just like class or work, and keeping up with the demands of other players who might not be as busy, which can be difficult and frustrating. After all, no one wants to be left behind by his/her friends, even ones that are strictly online.

If you are getting into online gaming or have been gaming for years and are having trouble keeping up now that you’re in college, here are some tips to keep your head afloat in both work and play. Just like schoolwork, online game obligations can take up a lot of time, so it should be managed and incorporated into realistic schedules that don’t overlap with each other. For example, each semester, I look at my class schedule and syllabi and note which nights (or mornings, if you do your best work early in the day) that I know I will have something school-related to do, like weekly response papers that are due every Thursday and Calculus homework due every other Tuesday. Since it’s important to do assignments well and on time, Mondays and Wednesdays would be my days that I need a few hours just for studying.

Then I look at my gaming schedule. It might be weird to hear about someone having appointments for gaming, but when other players depend on you, it’s important to be on time for them like you’re on time for class (hopefully). If my clan/guild/group likes to play together from 9pm-12am on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I should make sure that whatever assignments I have to do on Wednesday gets done before 9. Many guilds on World of Warcraft raid in the middle of the week, so Sundays are great for doing all of the major assignments you know you won’t have time for on Tuesdays. Games that require load times or other periodic breaks are good for doing required reading though the frequent interruptions are less ideal for math or science problems or anything that requires an extended thought process.

When you’re having trouble managing your time because you procrastinate over deciding whether to play or write a paper, you may have to reassess your self-control. If doing work ahead of time isn’t a possibility because you don’t have the discipline, it might be a good idea to switch clans to one that plays only on the weekends, be involved with a smaller number of games, or play the games more casually, i.e. single-player instead of in a group. Despite wanting to prove to ourselves that we have the ability to do everything by sheer will power, it isn’t always realistic. Admitting one’s flaws and rearranging our schedules to account for procrastination is better than making idealistic plans and not getting the work done at all.

No matter how well you manage your time, finals week is always a difficult strain on your already packed schedule. But not everyone in your clan or guild is unemployed or a housewife, and it has always been my experience that when I take time off for finals, plenty of other players are doing the same, even guild leaders. Explain to them which days you will be missing and why. If it’s the kind of guild that requires 100% attendance, it isn’t a good fit for a student anyway since no matter how important your clan is, it’s not worth failing your classes for. Find a comfortable balance between your school and social gaming obligations, but always makes sure it tips a little to the school side.

And with all that time sitting at your computer or console, make sure to eat! Check out this awesome coupon for Whole Foods Market that lets you get all the ingredients for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for some sweet gaming fuel at a discount.

-Avia Dell’Oste.

Check out my blog RP Your Life!

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Hello, I Love You, Won’t You Tell Me Your Name?

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

Photo thanks to Ajaytheonly.blogspot.com

The French expression for falling in love translates to “falling into apples,” which I correlate to sweet, but painful. Dropping the “L” bomb is a bit of a sticky situation. There are the blurters, the stagers, the first daters, the long termers, the constant reminders, the special occasioners, the whisperers, the shout it from the roof topers, whatever you’re style, the tricky part is figuring out whether your beau shares your sentiments or not. If one of you feels it first, it’s not the end of the world, nor is it necessarily the end of the relationship, but if you have to get it out there here are some pointers for not overwhelming (or underwhelming) your significant other.

You’re Ready, They’re Not: You’re most likely in a terrified state, with a candy coat of bubbling excitement. Hold onto that, don’t let it fester and rot the roots of your courtship. If you’re certain that your beau isn’t in the same place, feel them out a bit. If you’ve been dating for more than four months, and they’re still a bit frigid toward the idea of professing statements of affection, it’s okay to say it as long as you preface the statement with something along the lines of, “You don’t have to say it back, I just need to tell you how I feel.” This will give them the out, relieving a little pressure. A wedge can be stuffed between you if you push the idea too much. I know, it’s taxing, but if you care about the person (well, you say you love them) you should be considerate of where they are in the relationship. Not everyone moves at the same pace. Maybe they need more time to get there, they mean serious business when they say it, or maybe they’ve been badly burned in the past. Sometimes the people who are reluctant to love are so because of a painful past.  Give them time. Don’t use breaking up as an ultimatum, because then you’re pushing them to leave you when they want to stay, or they’re saying something they don’t mean because they’re afraid to lose you. Granted, losing you may snap them into realizing something, but that’s not fair, that’s making the relationship a game.

Signs They’re Not Ready: You gaze at them lovingly, they look away. You make plans for the future; they make plans for dinner instead. Holding hands, even when you’re alone is a no-no. If you’re not in bed, there’s no affection. Take these as subtle hits, and to use the oh-so-popular phrase: maybe they’re just not that into you.

Signs They’re Ready: Take the situations above and reverse them.

They Said It, You Didn’t: You haven’t been together that long, this is your first date, or you’re just not feeling it, but you’re happy in the relationship so far. The first point should be that if you’re just in it to be in a relationship (you know who you are), that’s fine, but when the other person is serious about a long term commitment and you’re not, you need to let them know. It won’t get better, they won’t learn to feel less or make it more casual. Once they have the heart throb, it’s only going to end in pain, so don’t augment this by dangling a carrot in front of them. Remind them of how wonderful they are, how undeserving you are, and break it off nice and clean.

If you think that you may feel this way, just not yet, explain this to them. You can do this without being harsh. Explain your sentiments, but don’t give reasons for why you don’t love them yet. This can be used against you for the entirety of your relationship. Every fight will be about this, even if it’s masked as something else.

First Times That Don’t Count:

– After being intimate, during, or before. After you’ve already said it, go ahead and shout it at the top of your lungs (or whisper loudly if you have roommates), but don’t say it for the first time in while snuggling with your honey. 

– As a form of apology. If you’re in the middle of a fight, unless it’s due to a romantic comedy-esque misunderstanding, this kills the sentiment. If you did something to cause pain, grief, or anger, don’t pull the L-card to get yourself out of the dog house. This taints it, makes it jaded.

Saying it: Think about it this way: after the excitement, shock, what have you, of the sacred words, they’re going to tell their friends, especially the ladies. Do you really want them to have to explain that you said it to get out of trouble, or in an inappropriate moment? My personal recommendation is to say it when you feel it. It will mean that much more if you’re in the moment, not in some rehearsed set up. Sure, flowers and violins are nice, but they amp up the anxiety and create a sensation of false sentiments. This isn’t Hollywood. If you’re brushing you’re teeth together one morning, or they pick up a treat for you just because, and you feel a rushing sensation, tell them. You can tell when someone really means it when they’re in the moment.

Alternatives to Love: Neither of you is ready for the commitment that accompanies saying I love you, but you still have strong feelings for one another. Use these carefully, as they can irritate if the other person has said I Love You and you respond with a luke warm declaration.

-I adore you (see Stranger Than Fiction)

-I covet you

-You’re my happy thought

– I’m crazy about you

– I think you’re the greatest thing since the wheel (make up your own)

– I’m so glad you exist

Love is a wonderful thing, and once you get the words out you can say it almost whenever you want. There is also a sweetness to the period before you express this, a time when the tension of affection, of the unsaid words, is palpable and being together creates an electrical charge of potential energy. Savor the beginning, people, don’t push it. You’ll get to the next stage, but remember that you’ll never have a beginning with this person again, so quit chomping at the bit. If you’re going to say it, think carefully and tread cautiously.

Written by Ashley Teal, Campus Clipper Blogger

See my blog:  amteal.tumblr.com or twitter @amteal

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MAN TESTED, LADY APPROVED

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

Agreeing on a flick for a night at home shouldn’t be a terribly difficult decision for most couples, but sometimes a girl needs a little warm and fuzzy happy ending romantic comedy and no amount of rhetoric can make a guy settle down to some tear filled giggles. Then, there are the guys who agree to a chick flick and suffer through ninety minutes of watch checking and sighing, waiting to cash in their newly earned brownie points. Ladies, take it easy on them, and especially with Valentine’s Day around the corner.

Here’s a list of chick flicks, man tested, ladies approve:

Knocked Up: It’s criminal to have never seen this flick, or not to find it a source of quotable, comedic material. Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl play a pair whose one night stand ends in conception and begins a whirl wind relationship where, like their child, everything is unplanned. Warning: may temporarily kill libido, best watched with committed partner.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Guys, don’t write this one off just because it’s got Audrey Hepburn in it. This is a staple in everyone’s film diet, and should not be ignored due to media attention and age. Nothing blows up, but this Truman Capote adaptation involves two escorts, Holly Golightly and Paul Varjak, jaded and living in New York, avoiding love and trying to make it. The score is amazing, and once you hear it, you’ll notice it popping up everywhere, even in Minority Report. If you have to choose between Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Casablanca, for a movie night, Breakfast at Tiffany’s is the more lighthearted choice.

Going the Distance: Don’t let the cover deceive you! The case for this flick looks like a made for TV movie, but it’s nothing if not brilliant. This star studded cast includes Drew Barrymore (on her A game), Justin Long, Charlie Day (Always Sunny in Philadelphia), Jason Sudeikis (30 Rock), Christina Applegate, & Jim Gaffigan. Barrymore and Long play a couple attempting a long distance relationship from New York to San Francisco. While the plot is easily identifiable, the candid conversations will keep you, and your beau, stifling laughter so you can hear the next line. I would easily label this as the best romantic comedy of 2010, hands down.

When Harry Met Sally: This is another must see for all movie goers. If you haven’t seen it yet, you’ll recognize a lot of other films imitating this one, monumental chick flick. From writer Nora Ephron (You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, Julie & Julia, etc), the queen of romantic comedies, is the story of a twenty year friendship that tackles the crux: can men and women be just friends? Be wary of the debates this will bring up, as it’s known to cause an argument or twenty, but if you take it with a grain of salt, this one is sure to keep you giggling.

Life as We Know it: This Katherine Heigl film takes off in the comedic department where Knocked Up left off. An unlikely pair are given custody of their mutual friend’s child after the couple passes away and they struggle to find where they fit into their new lives. This one is smart, funny, and on the girlier side, so choose wisely. Ladies, be prepared to shed a few tears in front of your movie partner.

If you and your other half are tight on cash, why not pick up some take out and rent a movie for Valentine’s Day? Keep things light, funny, and romantic with one of the choices above, and take it easy on the fiscal expectations.

Written by Ashley Teal, Campus Clipper Blogger

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RED DELICIOUS NEW YORK

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

Photo Thanks to Soda Head

It seems strange to say, but I love the smell of New York City. Most people complain of its filth, its odd, rusty, wet scent, but I happen to love the unique fragrance of the robust little island. Okay, so there is the occasional rancid trash bag or the urine stench coated individual on the subway, but despite the wet weather and commute sweat, New Yorkers still know how to keep it fresh.

I’m thrilled when I find myself in the wake of someone’s cologne or perfume, but we must remember to remain conscious of others’ nasal sensitivities. A good way to avoid overwhelming people with your scent, while still smelling sweet, is to use a perfume oil, or essential oil. An essential oil will give you a radiating scent that increases with your body temperature, but does not over power the senses like most spray scents.

Rub the oil on your wrists, behind your ears, in the crook of your elbow, and behind your knees. The great thing about the oil is that it spreads all day long, and will adhere to whatever you’re wearing, even if you change your outfit midday, and don’t worry, it doesn’t damage your clothing.

Another benefit to using oil instead of an alcohol infused spray is that you can reapply it in public places without causing everyone to choke and gag on the subway or in an elevator. Your scent can be better reserved for those who come in close contact with you, not just anyone on the street. This makes your skin, your touch, more alluring to a mate who can’t wait to get close to breathe in your aroma.

Some places will even let you create your own scents by combining different essential oils. Try The Fragrance Shop at 21st East 7th Street, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the number of affordable options. You can make your own unique scent, instead of using a generic, overpriced brand. Bring a friend and spend time trying new scents out, the people at The Fragrance Shop will be more than happy to help! They’re offering free incense for students when they bring a student ID, so stop by soon. Go on, New York, smell delicious.

Written by Ashley Teal, Campus Clipper Blogger

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BE ANNOYINGLY HAPPY

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

Happiness, to me, was always a shiny yellow ball that, when I reached a certain point in my life, would descend upon me in an ethereal manner and consume all my fears. Well, that’s so untrue I don’t know where to begin. In matters of love and romance, happiness cannot be achieved between two people, no matter the compatibility of interests, unless each individual is independently happy.

How then, can you be happy if you don’t have everything you want, or even need? The answer is annoyingly simple: it’s not a matter of having what you want, but wanting what you have. This does not eliminate ambition, or instill placency, it simply stifles the all consuming self pity that can hinder one’s ability to achieve. Shiny, happy people do well in life, but how do you become one of those people?

Power of Food: If you pour sugar into the gas tank of a car, it doesn’t run, it clogs up the work and creates a mechanic’s nightmare. Now, imagine your body as a car, you put the wrong things in and you’ll get little in return. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have fats or sweets, but if you’re feeling lethargic and run down, the first instinct is to grab for the comfort foods. The fuzzy end of the lollipop is where you’ll find yourself in this situation, because that cheeseburger or candy bar will only dig you deeper into exhaustion. Find things that are healthy, but taste good. I always feel better after I eat a salad, but I don’t stick to low fat dressing with plain lettuce. I spice it up with crumbled goat cheese, craisins, chopped walnuts, and a variety of other cheeses, dried fruits, and nuts, and maybe some croutons or parmesan. Add flavor to your healthy foods, at least you’re eating a salad. I love to warm up pineapple and bananas in a frying pan and sprinkle them with cinnamon. You have to enjoy what you do and eat, because what’s the fun of being skinny and energetic if you constantly starve yourself?

Physical Fun: What ever happened to just running because it was fun? When was the last time your friend chased you through a park and it wasn’t because you slept with his girlfriend or stole his iPod? It’s a struggle to go out there and exercise if you’re not hard wired for it, but once you get on a roll, you might like it. The key is to find something that gets to excited, something that holds your attention. I like to box and to row. I can’t afford to row, so wherever I’m living I find a place that offers boxing. I recommend a private trainer for the first couple of times, and most places will offer some kind of deal. I’m often surprised that I pay someone to make me work until I feel like passing out, but I feel great after and my energy level goes through the roof. I have friends who play Frisbee, join soccer teams, jog, do pole dancing and strip tease classes, take dance lessons, and they all rave about how much more motivation they have when they exercise, they just had to find something to maintain their interest. Even if it’s watching TV while you work out, whatever does it.

Self-Hypnosis: Alright, I know this sounds crazy, but you can actually talk yourself into being happier. A lot of us are naturally inclined to find the negativity in a situation before they look to the positive. Here’s a little trick that’ll get you smiling more: when you walk into work in the morning, before you do anything, write down three things you’re grateful for. After fifteen days, you’ll start to see a significant improvement in your demeanor because you’re training your mind to naturally try to find positive things in your environment. This also works when you’re fighting with your hubby, sit down, breathe, and tell him or her three things about them that you’re grateful for. Verbalizing makes it more tangible. I like to list three things I’m grateful for before I go to sleep at night, out loud, and it helps calm me into a state where I can more easily fall asleep, and it prepares me for the morning. Mind over matter, just try it.

Healthy people are happy people, and happy people make great partners. Try a few of these tips, and maybe sit yourself down and ask what it is you want in life. Even if you know you want to be in better shape, have better skin, a better job, a new pair of sneakers, etc, verbalizing it will make it easier to visualize and eventually obtain. Trust yourself.

Written by Ashley Teal, Campus Clipper Blogger

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First Dates: Let it be

Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

Remember the “dating” habits of junior high? Do you like me? Check yes; check no. There was no dating, simply a quick glance from across the room and zip bam boom the two of you are all wet puppy eyes and picking out fine china. Later on, things got a little more complicated and I’m not quite sure what did it. Broken hearts, realism, cynicism, or maybe residual scarring from that fifth grade beau that never shared his PB & J. Occasionally two friends get together after a long time of “hanging out” or that one night stand turns out to be the real thing and nothing like its original shape, but for the most part we have to date. Dating is a wonderful thing, resembling a sort of salad bar. With no commitment, a clean slate, and a night out, there’s nothing to lose. Here are some fun (and hopefully helpful) little tips for a first date:

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy: You’re most likely going to date a lot, and I highly recommend it, before you even settle into a committed relationship, so take it easy on the first date. Don’t try so hard to impress or to tell your date every tiny detail about yourself. The great thing about getting to know someone is, well, getting to know someone. All the small surprises are the fizzy bubbles that swim up your nose when you drink a soda, so don’t gulp it all down- you’re almost certain to get sick. Try not to summarize yourself, they need to form their own opinion of you; they’d rather read the novel than get the cliff notes. Instead, talk about things you enjoy, things you have in common, or even something quirky that pops into your mind. Breathe, and keep things simple. Don’t begin with the Spanish inquisition, it was uncomfortable in the fifteenth century, and that hasn’t changed. You should be interested in your date, curious about them, but you’re not conducting a job interview.

Forever: This is a first date, repeat that to yourself every time you begin imagining how he’ll look in a tuxedo or if your mother will like him. This isn’t a habit for all of us, but I’ve encountered a large number of friends, worsening with age, that try to map out their relationship early on and it almost always ends up in tears and Haagen-Dazs. I once had a friend imagine the eulogy he would deliver at her funeral after having been married for forty years (after a first date); it ended in sweatpants for a week and boxes of raw brownie batter.

Don’t expect everything to be perfect, and don’t expect a commitment, just enjoy your time together. Think of it as only happening for one night, plan on never seeing this person again, and if it works, it works, if not, you can be thankful for the good time or relish in the relief of never having to see them again.

Liar, Liar: How many times have you caught yourself saying something that you know is a grandiose embellishment or not even remotely true  to someone you just met? This is a time when honesty is the best policy. If you didn’t climb Everest, save a baby from a burning building, or attend Yale, don’t say you did. It’s true, you may never see this person again, but I’m a firm believer in the universe’s sense of humor, and a liar is the prime source of entertainment for the powers that be. If you do end up in a relationship, how embarrassing is it to be caught when they realize that you don’t spend much time working out like an Olympic athlete should. Be you, because if they don’t like who you are, do you want to be in a relationship with them? There is no amount of rhetoric that should make you be a different person.

Mind Your P’s & Q’s: This seems like an obvious tip, but a lack of manners is the culprit in most bad dates. Unless you’re at a restaurant where the culture requires eating with one’s hands, use utensils. Gentleman, you don’t have to throw your coat over a puddle or offer grand (sometimes terrifying) gestures, just open a door or two. Also, a guiding hand on the small of her back is a risk, but sometimes a real winner. Ladies, smile! Don’t be the dining dead, offer those ivories up as part of the package, because smiling releases endorphins and it’ll boost your good time vibes. If you eat in a restaurant, be nice to your server. Yes, they signed up to wait on people, but they did not sign up to deal with condescending jack wagons all night. These are general rules that should apply to every day, but for the people out there not utilizing them, try starting with a first date.

Most importantly, remember to have a good time! Make fun plans, because going on a date is the best excuse to do something exciting. In a relationship, you have to enjoy doing things together, and an active date can sometimes be the best way to limit verbal diarrhea. Love isn’t all drama, it’s predominately giggles, so go out and get yourself some laughing fits.

Written by Ashley Teal, Campus Clipper Blogger

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How to Make Love Stay

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

The one to two year period of a relationship is the time in which you start to get into what I call the meat of it. Any facades that you had in the beginning have dissipated; you’ve seen the gritty and the real, and obviously you like what you’ve seen so far, otherwise there’d be a hole in the wall shaped like you or your beau followed by a settling cloud of dust. You know your other half’s tics, quirks, phobias, and the whole kit and caboodle. This is the point where you don’t know everything, there are always little (and sometimes not so little) surprises, but you feel like you do. This is the meat. This is what everyone was always talking about when they said that relationships are work. When your grandmother was cross stitching pillow cases (or, like mine, gambling in Vegas), and she looked at you over her glasses (or poker chips) and furrowed her brows at your gushing affections for some guy you just met, this is what she was waiting for.

Relationships are work, but the work is one of the best parts. You have to enjoy the ride, because there is no destination. Here are a few tips for relationship maintenance:

Say Thank You: It’s all about the little things. Big gestures are nice, as are the warm and fuzzy declarations of love that happen every now and again, but it’s the little day to day recognitions that keep you from taking advantage of each other. Just remembering to say thank you for the things they do for you is as important as doing things for them. Say thank you for taking the trash out, doing the dishes, making the bed, walking the dog, making dinner, or easing your troubles after a rough day. You don’t have to press your forehead to the floor in a bow of thanks, it can even be in passing, just say it. Verbalizing thanks also reminds you of how much they do for you, it’ll keep you out of the ‘I do everything’ mentality that everyone gets wrapped up in from time to time.

Thoughtful Purchases: You have to buy your one and only a present on their birthday, holidays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day. What about every other day of the year? A bouquet of flowers ‘just because’ is a winning gesture, but there are other things that will make your significant other gush at your sweetness and earn you a few extra brownie points. If they’re an avid reader, pick up a book that you heard about or saw in a book review that you think they might like. Even if they don’t like it, they’ll like the idea of it. A box of sweets from a bakery your co-worker raves about, a trinket from China Town, their favorite appetizer from a local restaurant, or anything you see in your daily travels that you think they might enjoy. If you’re strapped for cash, they will understand, so even mentioning that you saw something they’d love in a store window will remind them how much you care. You don’t have to go over the top every day, that’s overwhelming for both parties, but let them know that you’re thinking of them with small gifts. This little tip works for all types of relationships from romantic, to platonic, to familial.

Time Apart is Time Together: When we hear of good relationships, ones that people are often envious of, the line “they do everything together” is almost always used. This is a fallacy. Healthy relationships are kept by each person having their own time. I like to think that the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is not referring to separate vacations, long business trips, or long distance, but the time couples spend apart on a regular basis. It’s important to share a lot of common interests and hobbies, but sharing everything will certainly wear down the enamel of any relationship. Make time for your friends, for taking walks on your own, classes, or spending time doing something you want to do alone. You should also remember that your mate has friends and activities he or she would like to do alone. Don’t gripe over “girl time” or “guy time,” but relish the time they’re away from you to do your own thing. A glass of wine and a good book go a long way in a bustling city, especially when you’re sharing a matchbox sized apartment with another person (or 5). Every week you should make time for yourself and your friends, and then set up a time to spend together. A walk through Coney Island, an intimate dinner, an indie flick, or renting a movie and ordering Chinese are great things to do together, and you’ll have a lot to talk about because you haven’t spent every waking moment together. Conversations grow stale and quiet in even the best relationships. How can you have anything to talk about if you haven’t been apart to experience new things?

You do maintenance on nearly everything you own: your computer, car, apartment, shoes, clothing, phone, so why would you neglect the most important thing? Your relationship is a living, breathing thing that you and your significant other create, so treat it with a little courtesy and keep it healthy.

Written, with love, by Ashley Teal

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Make New Friends and Keep the Old: Wet, Hot, New York Summer

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

This past weekend, College Girl was up in the city visiting me.  We devoted about two hours only to talking about her split with Navy Boy (after which I promptly defriended him on facebook – I am of the opinion that it’s totally appropriate for friends to hold grudges for each other when one half of the friendship is too nice to be mad on their own behalf, but I digress) and the rest of the weekend enjoying New York City in the summer.

I have no job, and all of my friends know this.  They know that my life is primarily dictated by how much money my parents are willing to give me at any given time, and seeing as how College Girl is their favorite friend of mine, they weren’t too hard to get money from for the weekend.  However, I set myself to the task of finding free things to do, and as most of us either know or are learning, there’s plenty to do in the city that’s free.  I think I’ve seen a few blogs from some of the other bloggers dedicated entirely to the city’s free events scattered throughout the summer.

Brooklyn Bridge Park and Bryant Park both have movies showing throughout the summer, sponsored by SyFy and HBO, respectively.  In Brooklyn, every Thursday you can see a movie with the sun setting on Manhattan in the background and music provided by a DJ.  Their selection is varied, from Dreamgirls to Rear Window to The Big Lebowski and I’m counting down the days until August 26th when they’ll be playing Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.   Bryant Park is showing old school Hollywood movies, with classic favorites Rosemary’s Baby and Carousel. These two parks aren’t the only places showing free movies throughout the summer, but they’re my two favorites.

College Girl got to New York via the Megabus right around noon, just in time for a day of thunderstorms.  I have this standing theory that whenever I have a visitor, the weather is going to be bad, and the rain starting just as she texted me that she was in her cab is my case and point.  We wandered around my area of East Harlem for a while, not completely out of the rain even with umbrellas, before an impromptu trip to Whole Foods for ice cream, waffles, and pie.  Let it be known that from my stop on the 6 to the Whole Foods at Union Square takes about half an hour, but it’s definitely worth it for the blueberry pie.  After that we decided on an easy night of Chinese food and “Degrassi.”  Laughing at the absurdity of a tornado warning in New York that night, we both relaxed and caught up on each other’s lives, hoping that the next day would bring nicer weather and a chance for me to show off what I’ve learned about the city from living in it on my own for a year.

One of the best things about the city in the summer, not even taking into account the free opportunities offered, is Central Park.  With that said, Central Park is the perfect place for those with few funds to hang out.  Every summer Central Park is host to Shakespeare in the Park, often boasting big name actors that love their craft so much they are willing to put on a free show.  Tickets are hard to come by, free as they are, and can be gotten through an online lottery or standing in line for hours.  Saturday was The Merchant of Venice, and as much as I enjoy Shakespeare I wasn’t that interested until I saw the name Al Pacino.   I haven’t lived in the city long enough to be  immune to the appeal of stars like him, and again, the fact that such a thing is free, blows my mind.

Central Park also has its Summer Stage, and since we were unable to get tickets to Shakespeare in the Park, College Girl and I walked around until we literally stumbled upon a crowd of people all heading to, what we soon discovered, a free performance of the  Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater.  With the air cooling thanks to the sun going down, we watched the Alvin Ailey dancers with the soundtrack of live blue music in the background, and it was maybe of my favorite experiences of the city so far.

-Mary K

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Posted in Friendship, onEntertainment, onLove, Out On The Town, Outside Manhattan, Relationships, Student Maximu$ Summer/Fall 2010, Uniqueness in NYC | No Comments »

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