Archive for the ‘onLove’ Category

Saying Okay to Cupid: Online Dating and the Search for Something

Saturday, June 2nd, 2012
Image Credit: http://phys.org/news/2015-12-online-dating-hobby-fun.html

Image Credit:
http://phys.org/news/2015-12-online-dating-hobby-fun.html

A Match.com commercial says that one in five relationships now start online. If your experience in a university library is anything like mine, you stare at a Date My School poster in the bathroom stall while you excrete the two Red Bulls and three cups of coffee that you guzzled in the past hour. You probably know, or are yourself, someone who has tried online dating, and you’ve probably heard an array of horror and success stories. When it comes down to it, online dating is just like any other kind of dating—you win some, you lose some—no matter how much success websites claim to have.

Take, for example, the tale of the two Lisas who both signed up for OkCupid.  One Lisa was a classmate, the other my roommate. Classmate Lisa had a few just-okay dates and then finally met a guy that was tall, funny, and handsome. The two decided to date for a few months before becoming exclusive, and have been happily in a relationship with each other for almost a year.  Roommate Lisa, on the other hand, after looking around on the site for a few months, finally decided to go out on a date with someone. She brought him to our apartment for some drinks before they went to a bar. I invited my own date over and a friend as well, and we all setup a false, nonjudgmental, and laid back oh-we’ve-been-hanging-out-for-a-while appearance.  Long story short, an hour later Lisa’s mother was in a terrible car accident (not really) and Lisa had to cancel the date after a tear-jerking phone call (seriously, the girl deserves an Oscar for that performance).

A promising feature of most online dating sites is that users get to establish what they are looking for. Similarly, they can talk with each other before deciding to meet in person. Of course, in-person interaction can be extremely different than interacting online, but the pressure of saying “yes” or “no” to a date is lessened when it only requires the click of a button.

So what are people on dating sites looking for? A common belief that makes people wary of signing up for the sites is that users don’t actually want relationships. For some, this is true. The beauty of it, however, is that most pages will list upfront why people sign up for the site. Then it comes down to whether or not that person is being honest, and, if he/she is not, how he/she will handle a situation that goes past a date.

Take now, for example, the report of a boy named Richard. Richard signed up for Date My School and did just that—dated his school. Date after date ensued for a boy who was troubled by rarely being able to get a step further than obtaining girls’ phone numbers at parties. As his online dating repertoire expanded, so did his ego—that is, until he met one particular girl who made him want to stop his search.

Some good news about online dating is that, since it has become increasingly popular, there are more ways than ever to meet people online and, therefore, more sites for you to choose from.  You can now find people on less traditional sites based on specific things like what you would be doing on a date (HowAboutWe.com), who is in the area (the SinglesAroundMe phone application), what your religious beliefs are (ChristianMingle.com, JDate.com), what icebreakers you use to start conversations (nerve.dating.com), and what you’d want in a no-strings-attached relationship (benaughty.com).

While the opportunities seem endless, they also seem daunting.  But once you choose a site, the rest is relatively easy.  First, be honest about what you are looking for.  While it’s also a good idea to expand your horizons and not be afraid to take chances with new and different people than you’re used to, you’re not doing anyone a favor by going on dates with people who you know beforehand you won’t be interested in. Be honest on your profile and be honest in person. Secondly, play the game like a good sport. Don’t be offended if others don’t respond online; just move on. If a date turns out to be no more than just one date, take something from the experience, even if it’s just meeting new people. Third, keep at it with a positive attitude, like this guy. If you look at someone’s profile and are unsure about whether to pursue him/her further, go for it. Why not? Remember, you already have something in common: you’re both looking to date and took a chance doing it on the same site.

Carina, New York University. Read my blog and check out my Twitter!

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The Five Year Itch

Friday, March 9th, 2012

Being in a relationship is hard. Being in a five year relationship when you both have full schedules with little extra time to spare- now you’re just talking crazy. But it’s possible! I’m proof! And now I’m going to spend the next 400-500 words talking about all the wonderful things about love and rainbows and cupcakes. Did I mention my boyfriend is a saint for putting up with my sarcasm for this long?

So, I find myself in a long term relationship or as my boyfriend and I like to call it, “The Long Haul” and I think I made it clear that I won’t be talking about all the good stuff. Nope, I’m going to cut down to brass tacks here. Relationships are hard and real unless you’re Kim Kardashian and believe in the power of denial and illusions, just saying.
It’s not all the charming qualities about your partner or the way they look into your eyes and tell you that they love you (cue my gag reflex). No, it’s all about the fun.

If you’re looking to find and stay in a long term relationship, you have to ask yourself- “Can I have fun with this person even when we’re old and arthritic? Am I okay with this person being the one who will most likely be the only person I’ll allow to hear me pass gas and laugh about it?”

It sounds silly but ask anyone in a long term relationship or marriage and they’ll tell you the same thing, granted slightly variations of fun and maybe still not okay with the passing gas in front of each other part, but you get my point.
Fun is the essential part to not just romantic relationships but any relationship really.

For all you kids at heart out there, just think of that episode of Spongebob where he teaches the “F.U.N Song” to a grouchy Plankton. “F is for friends who do stuff together. U is for you and me. N is for anywhere at any time at all.”

Now before you laugh at me for being 22 years old and still knowing the words to that song from Spongebob, here me out.

When choosing a partner, do you want to be with a jolly, optimistic and fun Spongebob or can you really see yourself living the rest of your life with a total downer like Plankton? And if you happen to be content living with a Plankton, then I’ll make it a point to buy you some wrinkle cream for your next birthday for all those frown lines you’ll be getting soon.

People who have fun with their romantic partners, no matter how long they have been together, tend to be happier people- with fewer wrinkles in the long run.

We all hear the stories of the ‘ol’ ball and chain’ but I say it doesn’t have to be this way, just remember fun.

And having fun doesn’t mean you have to file for bankruptcy. There are lots of great ways to have a great time in the city for close to nothing. For example, The Brooklyn Botanical Garden offers free entrance on Tuesdays and discounts for student tickets on any other day. To top off a trip to the BBG, you can head over to East Village Tavern for buy one get one free burgers! Be sure to print out the coupon below and bring your student ID and check out the Campus Clipper for other student discounts for good eats and more fun.

 

Janet, College of Saint Elizabeth, 2012

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Breaking Dawn: I Really Don’t Know Where to Begin

Saturday, November 26th, 2011

I saw the new Twilight movie yesterday with my mother and two teenage brothers (a mistake), and I can confidently say that it was the worst movie I’ve ever paid money to sit through.

And I don’t think it’s the filmmakers’ fault. The storyline is just… so offensively and violently weird that it’s almost to difficult to stomach. Almost. While my eighteen and fifteen year-old brothers groaned and writhed in pain throughout the entire film, nobody got up and left (though there were threats). When the two hours finally ended, we walked into the sunlight, blinking gratefully, completely unable to find the words to describe what we’d just seen.

Breaking Dawn: Part One opens with the ever-bland Bella rejecting a pair of truly gorgeous shoes because she’s above learning to walk in heels for her wedding. As something of a shoe-freak and heel-lover, this made me audibly scoff over and over. I was essentially infuriated from minute 1. They were such pretty shoes, white with silver detailing, and REALLY BELLA? Can’t stoop to such a materialistic level and class it up at YOUR WEDDING? Ugh. Anyway.

It’s time for The Wedding. Bella’s dressed in a Star Trek Next Generation-type shiny skintight number with a very pretty hairdo. Edward looks like a wax figure that’s been airbrushed. Every guest got the memo to wear neutral golds and lavenders, and there are flowers everywhere. It’s very pretty to behold, and it’s over-the-top-ness prompts some great banter from the adorable and witty Anna Kendrick et al, Bella’s high school friends who are in the same boat with me on the ridiculousness of the scene. And THANK THE LORD that some characters seem wise to the craziness of the storyline: Bella is marrying at eighteen years old in a ceremony more elaborate than Kim and Kris and Kate and Wills’ combined. There are a few tender moments between Bella and her dad that really get the waterworks going (my mom was like a hosepipe throughout the entire scene), a vomit-inducing five-minute long make-out scene at the altar, and some fairly cute toasts at the reception. Everything seems to be going perfectly until Preteen Werewolf Jacob shows up, eliciting heavy amounts of cheers and sighs from the group of middle school girls in the row in front of us.

Jacob decided to make an appearance at the wedding even though he’s all depressed because he’s in love with Bella too (again, WHY?) and proceeds to get WEREWOLF ANGRY when she informs him that she and Edward are planning to consummate their marriage on their honeymoon. He hulks out and turns into a wolf and runs away, and Edward had to pick up the pieces. It is at this point that I realized Bella was wearing white sneakers under her wedding gown, and I became about as angry as Jacob.

Bella and Edward go off on their honeymoon via private jet to a pretty large island that the vampires just seem to own. Edward and Bella finally Do It and apparently it’s great for her but his super-vampire-strength causes him to break the bed and bruise her up a bit. I’m actually not sure because I was pretty focused on covering my baby brother’s eyes, but folks, it ain’t much to write home about.

Edward doesn’t want to Do It with Bella anymore because of the bruises, so for the next few minutes the audience is treated to a montage of Bella attempting to seduce Edward whilst engaging in honeymoon-type activities like cliff diving and chess. Her wardrobe is splendid, and Edward looks more handsome than creepy despite the glittering skin. And then, in the plot twist of the century, we discover that Bella is With Child. Enter the awkward political debate. I don’t even want to get into all of that because there are so many seriously-skewed messages being sent by this plot line, but Bella makes her own choice to keep her Vampire Fetus, and Edward is enraged.

Cut to two weeks, and Bella is so gross-looking I almost barfed. They’ve really outdone themselves in making her look awful, and her pregnant belly is covered in bruises because apparently the Vampire Fetus is as strong as Edward. There’s a lot of discussion between werewolf and vampire alike about terminating the Vampire Fetus, but Bella will not hear of it and there’s a lot of anger and wolf-fighting and hilarious stuff that made me laugh. Whatever.

Bella finds out she’ll probably die because the Fetus is taking all of her nutrients, and somehow it’s decided that she should drink some O- out of a sippy-cup. IT’S SO GROSS. She’s all skinny and the blood is in her teeth and I DON’T KNOW WHY I PAID TO SEE THIS. So Bella’s chugging blood at this point and she and Edward are starting to get excited at the prospect of their Vampire Baby.

Bella stands up and I guess the baby kicks her in the spine because some really disgusting body contortions happen and I covered my face for most of it, but Edward essentially eats the baby out of her, and she names it Renesmee (for time’s sake I won’t discuss the name). Edward shoots Bella up with vampire venom to save her life/turn her into a vampire, and Jacob decides to kill the CGI baby as the wolves gather to help take it out. But in another Shocking Plot Twist, Jacob looks at the CGI baby and falls madly in love with it, which the werewolves define as “imprinting,” resulting in a really weird montage of the CGI baby growing up and spinning in a forest. Jacob kneels in front of the CGI baby, and the wolves have to call off their attack because they can’t harm the subject of an “imprinting.”

This movie is not worth paying to see in a theater. I can’t believe I did. It’s so offensive and you can tell that the filmmakers TRIED THEIR DARNDEST and I really pity them because they were making a movie out of a book that contained all of this material. It isn’t at all reminiscent of how real relationships work and everybody looks so weird all of the time! Why aren’t the people of Forks wise to this? I’ll probably end up seeing it on DVD at some point, but as my baby brother said, “The only good thing that came from seeing that movie is I’m 100 percent sure I’m not going to see Part 2.”

Olivia, Fordham University 2012

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Hostess with the Most-est

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

Almost every college freshman experiences homesickness on some level. It’s an aspect of college life that comes with the territory, and I was certainly not immune to it. The homesickness I endured in the beginning my freshman year was almost a debilitating illness that I treated with multiple viewings of “The Notebook” and long phone calls home.

As the years pass and we begin to establish ourselves as adults, the homesickness ebbs and we become more at-home in our new lives than our old ones. I don’t find myself getting homesick anymore, but I always miss my family, and now that I’m older I appreciate them more than ever (it also helps that I am no longer a perpetually-angry teenager with an agenda).

 

Today my mother and grandparents are flying in from Florida for the week and I couldn’t be more excited. Not only are they three of my six favorite people on the planet, but having family in town gives me a reason to do super-touristy activities without feeling lame. Having lived in NYC for almost four years now, I tend to avoid tourist hot-spots like Times Square and Rockefeller Center, but with my family visiting I can enjoy sightseeing New York like it’s my first time here. Everything feels new and exciting again.

I always love to take my family to my favorite restaurants when they come to visit, and I have a few standbys that I know I can rely on. I’m pretty lucky that Fordham’s campus is situated right next to Arthur Avenue– the Bronx’s Little Italy. Literally right outside my door there are dozens of options for authentic, family-style Italian food served in restaurants that have been open for a decades. However, Italian isn’t the only food that Arthur Avenue has to offer; Estrellita Poblana has the best shrimp tacos I’ve ever had in my life, guacamole to die for, and an awesome student discount ($2 Coronas!!). A bit of a connoisseur of Mexican food, I can confidently say that NYC’s best is located in the Bronx. As for favorite breakfast spots, Sarabeth’s is tops with delicious takes on traditional breakfast dishes. Plus, huge portions!! Am I right!?
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We do have to find other activities to help us pass the time between each meal. Whenever my family visits we almost always see a Broadway show. As the world’s biggest Harry Potter groupie, I insisted that we see “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”, starring His Harry-ness himself, Daniel Radcliffe. Judging by his vivacious nature and willingness to please, I’m sure Daniel will do an excellent job leading the show’s ensemble.

 

I always try to find interesting museums to take my culture-loving mother to. While the Met and MoMA are always great, it’s fun to stop into smaller places like the Folk Art Museum, or to try and catch an interesting exhibit at the Whitney. Since my grandparents aren’t much into walking at their ages it’s usually best for us to find smaller, quieter museums that are easier to explore at a leisurely pace.

I love my family so much, but when they visit it can be pretty exhausting. That’s why I’m so lucky to have great deals on coffee through Campus Clipper! I can always get a boost at Financier Coffee, and for 10% off with this coupon, it’s a delicious way to make it through the day.

 

 

Olivia, Fordham University 2012

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Until The Very End

Monday, July 18th, 2011

The beginning of a great legacy.

I can still remember my first experience with Harry Potter. The year was 2001 and I was seeing a movie whose title and content I have no memory of with my younger sisters and Dad at a local movie theater. But what I do remember seeing was the trailer for the upcoming release of the first Harry Potter film: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. The glow of November on the screen till this very day is still present in my mind. I was captivated and that following November I saw the film and so began my love for both Harry Potter books and films. I often find that I associate Harry Potter with my childhood, and I certainly believe it is representative of my generation. People my age all over the world essentially grew up with Harry Potter and this is why the release of the second and last installment of the final film this past week is considered widely a bittersweet moment.

Without a doubt, I felt it was absolutely necessary to view a midnight showing of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 this past Thursday for its U.S. premiere at the same theater I saw the first. I brought along my younger sister who was equally excited and completely aware of the likely possibility I would embarrass her by tearing up, which I did. My local theater was overrun by avid Harry Potter fans some dressed in Gryffindor uniforms and many foreheads were marked by a lightning bolt scar.  Luckily my sister and I were spotted by a group of High School friends and acquaintances that allowed us to join them on line and then began the nostalgia. The overall consensus amongst the group was the feeling that their childhood was coming to an end. In simple words: the idea of not being a kid anymore makes me sad. However, I’m happy that my transition to imminent adulthood has become jarringly clear because of a franchise that I’ll always love.

I had no qualms whatsoever with the film. It truly is an achingly beautiful adaptation of the final moments configured by JK Rowling.  Also, the epilogue perfectly captured the bittersweet feeling shared by fans worldwide. It was just a perfect balance of melancholy and sheer optimism. Proof of this is the combined mix of smiles and tears I experienced when watching the films end. And for the sake of my own street cred, let it be known the theater was chock full of young adults, both male and female, tearing up because of the films content and its projection, but also because of it’s beautiful parallel to the life of a growing individual. It really is the end of an era, a great one at that. But at the same time, the Harry Potter franchise is certainly forever because its legacy is so great. I’m sure many fans my age anticipate a future where they could share the magical world of Harry Potter with their own children. Similar to the way many of us have shared the bewitching experience with our parents.

My mom mentioned looking forward to owning all of the films on DVD because it’d be both incredibly nostalgic and fun to watch all of them in a row. I personally cannot wait for such a time too! Luckily this can be the case too for students who are conscious of student discounts.  I suggest checking out DVD Funhouse, they have a discount were you can purchase five DVDs for only ten dollars! This means you can invest in buying five of the films for a Harry Potter movie night.

Harry Potter will always serve as a reminder of the curious kid that still exists within me. In many ways the Harry potter experience has preserved my nine-year-old self in both memory and continued spirit. I know I’ll always be in awe of the magical world I watched on screen and read about. I’m sure until the very end.

Anjelica LaFurno (Baruch College)

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Movies with a Language Barrier

Sunday, July 10th, 2011

When there is a language barrier involved, it can be hard to find an activity that pleases everyone.  We found this out one night when my dad, my grandmother (on my mom’s side) and I were home one night, in search of something to do.  My grandmother is Japanese and speaks no English, my dad is American and speaks no Japanese, and I am half-Japanese with an eight year old’s grasp on the language. My mother, the main translator, was out on a reunion with old friends, and my sister, the one who often lightens the mood, was at a birthday party.  It was an impasse.  Maybe in another situation we would have tried an activity without words, like a game of catch or some other sport.  But as much as I love my grandmother, I didn’t imagine a pickup game of soccer would be her thing.

Image credit: moviemikes.com

It was my dad’s idea to put on a movie.  He found some Japanese films on Netflix, and, hoping they were subtitled, put several of them on instant. To our dismay, most of the films, even the ones from the foreign film genre, were dubbed over with English voices.  Not only was this disappointing, but in our case, it completely defeated the point of watching a Japanese movie at all.  So when we finally found a movie with the original Japanese voicing and English subtitles, we were so glad that we just agreed to watch it, without even really considering what the story itself was. It turned out to be a drama, titled High and Low, about a businessman who has to decide between his company and saving his chauffeur’s kidnapped son (guess which he decides).  Although it was a wordy film, the acting was great to watch, and this made it enjoyable for everybody.

Although I didn’t think of it at the time, another movie option would have been something wordless, like a silent film.  Silent films are something of a rarity these days—I’m not particularly a fan, and it seems that few other than dedicated film-lovers would choose a film without dialogue. However unlikely, my sister is a fan of Abbot and Costello, and she swears the films are accessible to anyone. They’re not too popular now, but I can’t imagine a more appropriate time for a silent film than when language itself is the problem.

Other times, when my dad isn’t around, we watch animated movies in Japanese.  Although a relic from when my sister and I were younger, all of us still have something of a weak spot for cute characters, and Miyazaki films are prime material for that.  Our favorites are My Neighbor Totoro and Kiki’s Delivery Service. My sister or I might miss a few key points if the characters talk too fast or use more sophisticated words, but animated movies in general are pretty easy to follow even with a spotty understanding of the language being spoken.  Not only that, but they almost always have a happy ending, and none of us would have it any other way.

Movie nights are a great way to connect with people regardless of differences. DVD Funhouse offers student discounts; with these student savings, everyone will be pleased.

Ana Dicroce (American University)

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Meeting Fellow Vegans in the City

Sunday, July 10th, 2011

Not THAT kind of vegan club!

Being in such a small minority, vegans must face others that disagree with our principles every day, and not everyone understands. Even if someone isn’t belligerent or overly defensive, mere good-natured joking can hurt if it feels like a friend is belittling our beliefs. Of course, there is no escaping people who don’t have the same moral systems, whether it has to do with food or not. However, a good way to reinforce one’s confidence with his/her choices is to seek out others who feel the same way, and college is a great place to meet with like-minded people. Here are some ways that you can start connecting.

Start by looking for your college campus’ vegan club. If the school website doesn’t have an up-to-date list of clubs, check with the student resources department. While you’re there, look for any bulletin boards maintained by student services, which can have notices for many different clubs. Any areas where students gather, like near cafeterias or student lounges, are also popular places to post flyers. Besides “vegan,” other keywords to look for are “vegetarian,” “animal rights/equality/liberation,” “anti-vivisection/cruelty,” and “humane.”

If the school doesn’t yet have a vegan club, you can opt to start your own. Each college’s process for creating a student-run organization will differ, but it usually starts by submitting a request to student services with a name and mission statement. You may or may not be required to collect signatures as proof of student interest, but that would be a perfect opportunity to start publicizing your budding club around campus. Once approved, gain members by posting flyers, informing your classmates, and playing up opportunities to run for council positions. Remember to advertise free refreshments in the flyers!

For students who would rather socialize outside of school or are graduating soon, the city is a  platform for vegan organizations of all kinds. Take advantage of search engines and social networking sites to find groups whose events are in line with your interests, whether they be social meals or activism. For example, the LGBT and friends group VegOut NYC hosts potluck dinners on every third Sunday of the month. Also, try searching “vegan” on Meetup.com to see upcoming gatherings that you can join to meet new people in safe, public environments like restaurants. The New York City Vegetarian Meetup Group even offers the opportunity to organize meetups by contacting restaurants for reservations and creating an event on the group page.

When I first became vegan and suddenly found myself surrounded by people who were attempting to understand my new lifestyle choice, I got tired of having to explain myself all the time while trying to avoid offending people and still convey my important message. Just like it’s nice to find a person who likes the same music and movies as I do, sometimes I relish being able to talk about my personal food and ethical preferences with people who just understand. Reaching out to connect with other vegans can be a cathartic experience, and I highly recommend it to any budding or weathered herbivore.

 

-Avia Dell’Oste
@Hunter College

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onLove: When Friends Pay a Visit

Thursday, July 7th, 2011

One of the great things about living in a vibrant city like New York is that my friends from back home are always more than willing to come visit me. Especially now that summer is in full swing, plenty of out-of-town friends are staking their claim on available weekends and planning overnight stays at my apartment. These get-togethers are usually marked by touristy outings, drinks at what is deemed to be a “classy” wine bar or lounge, and people-watching in Union Square at 2AM.

While I do love my friends dearly, gone are the days of having a large, three-bedroom apartment with multiple roommates and plenty of space for people to crash at the night’s end. Now, in my humble one-bedroom abode, I have a futon shoved haphazardly into my kitchen area, which is usually an uncomfortable 90+ degrees thanks to my refusal to buy an air-conditioner (equal parts laziness and thriftiness.) The other sleeping arrangement I can offer my guest is for us to share my bed. But two sweaty, adult bodies on a full-sized mattress pretty much negates my sad little desk fan, which spins madly in the night as it struggles in vain to keep the room cool.

Of course I preface any potential visitation with a disclaimer, warning my guests that my apartment is nothing like the glamorous ones they may have seen on sitcoms and other television shows based in NYC. But no matter how much I try to prepare my friends for the harsh reality of non-luxury New York City apartments, it seems as though I never do a good enough job, because many arrive and their eyes instantly widen in surprise. Beads of sweat form on their brow, the inevitable result of walking up four flights of stairs. And their discomfort is apparent as they take a quick survey of my cluttered, cramped space.

After the initial shock wears off, there is always another concern hovering in the air: What are my friends going to do the entire time they’re here? For some, this is their first time in New York sans elementary school field-trip itinerary. Your friend will turn to you for advice on where to go, what to see, where to eat… and you’ll be expected to provide answers. So the awkward but necessary question comes shortly after my friend gets settled.

“Uh… what do you wanna do?” I ask, hoping my inquisition will not be met with silence, a shrug, or a hasty “I dunno, what do you wanna do?”

In order to avoid being caught in an awkward verbal ping-pong match, where half-hearted ideas are lobbed back and forth for several minutes, try to keep a few fail-safe plans tucked away in the back of your mind.  Even if you just spend an hour regrouping at an air-conditioned cafe, your friend will appreciate your taking the initiative. Also, this is a great time to take advantage of all the student discounts and fun activities the city has to offer. A trip to a museum or impromptu elevator ride to the top of the Empire State Building will help remind even the most jaded New Yorker that the city is teeming with diversity and life. And local knowledge coupled with the enthusiasm and excitement that a visitor brings can lead to a great bonding experience.

If offering up your couch isn’t a realistic option, friends can still visit—just work out another arrangement before they arrive.  There are plenty of affordable hotels, and some are even offering reduced rates during the summer. Blue Moon Hotel on Orchard Street (between Broome and Delancey) is offering a student discount of 10%.  As a compromise for their staying elsewhere, you can offer to treat your friends to a lunch or pay for their ticket to one of the exhibits you end up visiting.

-Alex Agahigian, NYU-

I have lots of other things to say

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Family Time

Thursday, July 7th, 2011

I suppose it was around 11th grade when I realized that having a family dinner every night isn’t the norm for most families that I know. Almost every night for as long as I can remember, my family (Mom, Dad, Sister, and I) has sat down to dinner together, at our dining room table. Regardless of whether we had an elaborately cooked meal, leftovers, or restaurant take-out, the four of us sat around the table and spent time together. We’d talk about our day at school or work, or plans we had for the rest of the week, anything really.

However, I’ve noticed that a lot of families aren’t like this at all. Kids will dole their share onto their plates then head right back to their televisions or computers, and parents are guilty of doing the same. Dinners are turned into rushed meals of standing at kitchen counter-tops, avoiding eye contact, and rushing away as soon as possible. Often times the kids are left on their own, to make or buy their own dinner whenever and wherever they please. I’ve found that when I tell those sorts of people that my family does in fact have a family dinner every night, they look at us as if we’re crazy. My sisters claims to have had similar experiences among her peers, as well. Although my family’s Sunday brunches are spent sharing bagels from Bagel Bob’s (which sweetly offers a 10% student discount), we are supposedly the anomaly.

Recently my family’s been bonding over Jeopardy. Every night at 7:00 as we eat, the TV turns on, and the table conversation becomes a blend between the last movie I saw, the vacation my sister and I are pressing to be planned, and everyone yelling out what they hope is the right answer to the last trivia question. It’s a bit nontraditional, yes, and sure, we know that eating with the TV on is unhealthy, but it’s the weird sort of way that my family bonds, and it’s special.

This vacation that I hope gets planned is also an attempt to have more family time. I’m aiming for a recreation of a childhood vacation, where we traveled to Vermont. The two activities that are most vivid in my memory are the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream factory tour, and the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory tour.

For the past few years my family has been having fewer and fewer vacations together, what with the recession, and two students in college, two parents at work, and few over lapping vacation days, but I’m really pushing for this Vermont vacation to happen because I think it’s important for us to spend time together—and who doesn’t love ice cream and teddy bears? The point is, spend some time with your family, the summer is a great opportunity for that. My sister’s been working with my grandmother to put together a family tree and organize old photos; maybe you could do something like that with your own family. I think you’ll find it worth your while.

/elizabeth Kaleko, Tufts University

Photo by Normal Rockwell

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Friendship for Two

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011

A true friendship is one of the most valuable things in the world. Bonds with family are important, but they are also predetermined. A friend is someone you choose, based on your own plans or whims, your own criteria, your own conditions. In a way, the friends you choose say a lot about the person you are.

“So, you’ve never tried bubble tea?”

Tapioca

Two cups of Bubble Tea with tapioca

I’ve never been the kind of person who assertively seeks friends. What does that say about me? I’ve always been the type who wades in the water until a more aggressive swimmer decides to scream “Marco!” first. However, one friendship of mine has changed that.

“C’mon, I’ll take you to the best bubble tea place in Chinatown.”

Two years ago, I met Cassandra Lee through a mutual friend and she single-handedly transformed my life. Of course, when I first met her, I didn’t know that that would be the case. Every friendship starts off modestly, unassuming, even a bit suspicious. Traversing past the introductions is the fun part about meeting someone new, with the hope that you’ll both find something you can relate to.

“Hmm… well we have to find Mott Street. Then I’ll know the way from there.”

With Cassandra, introductions were completely unnecessary. She likes to jump right into the thick of things only to pull something out and make it into something new. When I met her, there was no awkwardness and no second-guessing. Her can-and-will-do attitude was infectious. No, I wouldn’t jump off of a bridge if Cassandra wanted to, but then again, she would cancel whatever was on her schedule if the jump included bungee cords. Like I said, she loves getting into the thick of things, but within reason.

“See, there’s fruit-flavored tea and milk teas. We could each get one and share.”

That’s the most amazing thing about Cassandra. She doesn’t act too radically to a point where it’s simply outrageous, but she doesn’t hesitate when she knows there’s some risk involved either. She is the eye of the storm: calm, but central to the integrity of all the commotion that surrounds her. And when we met I was proud to become a part of that commotion.

“You stab the straw right through the top. I always aim for the little guy’s nose: dead center!”

Since I met Cassandra, I’ve begun to realize a lot about myself. Life is certainly worth living more than once. After all of the mistakes you make the first go around, it would be interesting to see how things went if you were given a second chance. But the life you live now is the only one that’s guaranteed. You have to make the most of it despite what anyone tells you. When I met Cassandra, I realized I had to start making the most out of my life.

“The tapioca is the best part! I’m learning how to make the bubbles myself.”

Cassandra taught me how to live life in the moment, and I’ll always value our friendship for that. I didn’t choose to be friends with Cassandra, but I’m glad she chose me. It’s helped me recognize that decisions are to be made in life and you shouldn’t shy away from them. You have to make those decisions and not let them make you.

“Of course, I like to get one to-go and throw it in the fridge when I get home. At least until I’m really good at making my own.”

Cassandra has always been good at making her life her own and as a result, I’ve started to do so as well.

–Christopher Cusack, Hofstra University

Photo Credit: http://bubbleteablog.tumblr.com/

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