Posts Tagged ‘how to make friends’

Chapter 3: Do You Also Think Women are Hot?: Coming to Terms with my Sexuality

Monday, October 2nd, 2023

Before I had moved into college, when I first started talking to my future roommate Kathy, I had convinced myself I was straight. Yes, I knew I had thoughts in my head about women that most straight people wouldn’t have, but I just repressed them because I didn’t know many queer people in my life and didn’t know who to talk to for help.

When we were in our first lockdown from COVID, I had literally nothing to do other than think, watch movies, think again, maybe do a TikTok challenge, and then think some more. Basically, I had a lot of time to reflect on my years in high school and how I almost never had a real crush on any guys and why I really enjoyed watching the “Lay All Your Love On Me” scene from Mamma Mia!. But, like I said before, I just kept ignoring those thoughts and keeping them to myself. Until Kathy informed me that she was actually gay.

I didn’t immediately come out to her when she told me. I’m pretty sure I said something like “Cool! I’m straight though,” and then we started talking about the show Glee (which I should’ve just accepted the fact that I was gay at that point…what straight person goes through a Glee phase when they’re 14). Once Kathy came out to me, I decided I would accept the fact that I like women to myself, but I wasn’t ready to come out just yet.

I won’t lie, when I chose Pace University, I knew it had a positive LGBTQ+ community and that definitely helped a bit when making my decision. So knowing this, I experimented with the idea of being out on campus because I would be around new people and it wouldn’t really affect my home life. However, that changed one fateful night before me and all my high school friends were about to separate and start our new lives in our own schools. The five of us sat in my basement and somehow, one person came out and then suddenly everyone started coming out. Which may sound strange if you’re a straight person reading this, but this specific moment, I discovered later on, happens to a lot of queer kids and is what I refer to as a “canon queer event,” aka a rite of passage.

So, with this new sudden bravery I found from my high school friends, I texted Kathy that night like “hey! I’m actually bisexual!”. And thus began my year of accepting to myself and others that I think women are hot and I’m proud of it!

During my freshman year, almost all of the friends I made ended up being queer. My current roommate now is queer and it’s also what helped us bond! Freshman year was my first year out and it was scary but ultimately exciting.I don’t regret it one bit.

But then summer came and I was home and alone with my thoughts again. I still had never been in any relationship before, but I was talking to people on dating apps. Nothing ever happened with those dating apps though. I only ever found myself talking to guys for a week and then ultimately ghosting them for literally no reason at all. All I knew is that something felt wrong. Not wrong with the guys, but wrong with me.


Me and my roommate Nellie in stupid hats our sophomore year

So, I texted my new roommate (who is also still my current roommate), Nellie, and asked if they had any idea why my brain was like this. Nellie and I had only been friends for a little less than a year at this point, but they managed to help me when I was feeling my lowest. They were the first person I told when I discovered the “Lesbian Masterdoc” (a document discussing compulsive heterosexuality from queer women) and the first person that I said “I think I might be a lesbian” to. And if I’m being fully honest, without this friendship with them, I maybe never would have had the courage to accept it. Which may seem strange because if I had already come out as bisexual, then why is coming out as a lesbian any different? To which I will respond with, read the lesbian masterdoc and discover compulsive heterosexuality and how the strict gender roles within our society mess with the female mind. If I wrote all about that this blog would be the length of the bible.


Me my sophomore year at a Pride at Pace prom event

Coming into my sophomore year, I had the strength to come out properly because of Nellie and we even attended Pace’s pride club for students together. Then, by junior year, the two of us became president and vice president of the club! The club helped me finally become comfortable with my sexuality and eventually gave me the courage to come out to my family the next summer.

By junior year, I was writing paper after paper about what it means to be a lesbian and I found one of my passions when it comes to writing. None of this would have been possible without the friends I made at school and I will forever be grateful for them. If you’re an incoming freshman, and you’re not ready to come out, there is no pressure for you to do so. But I strongly recommend finding people that are a part of your community to give you a helping hand when it’s needed.


Me petting a dog at NYC Pride in 2022 wearing a lesbian flag cape

Summary:

  • Before I met anyone from school, I was too scared to come out to anyone even myself
  • Once I started talking to people who are also queer, I started to gain my confidence with my own sexuality
  • I joined the pride club and moved in with my roommate who helped me find courage to come out
  • Finding people within your community can help you out in the future
Enjoy a Taco Tuesday at Cafe Habana and get a great deal! Show this flyer and student ID!

By Mia Ilie

Mia Ilie is a student at Pace University, graduating in May 2024 with a degree in Writing and Rhetoric and a focus on publishing. She grew up in Rockland, New York and is currently living in Westchester, New York where she attends school and works at a local bookstore. You can always find her with her nose in a book or screaming to Taylor Swift with her friends.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Chapter 1: Welcome to College

Tuesday, September 26th, 2023

Chapter 1

(The view from my freshman-year dorm) 

“Should I wear this top with jeans or overalls, Mom?” It seemed like the most important question in the world at the time. You would think I was meeting the President of the United States when, in actuality, I was attending my college orientation. I was a bundle of nerves. Questions like: how will I make friends? How do I start a conversation? What if my classes are difficult? They all circled endlessly around my mind. It was likely evident that I was a mess inside, but I kept a smile on my face so as not to burden my parents with my anxiety. 

The start of college was an abundance of many things, like stress and anxiety, but also excitement and new experiences. Moving from Boston to NYC was not a drastic change but nonetheless a change. My school was now 4 hours away instead of 30 minutes. My bed was a cramped twin XL instead of the comforting full I had at home. Long were the days of solitude in my room, as my room was now occupied by two other people, not just people, total strangers. I was prepared for this. I was informed what college was like, and while each person’s experience is completely different, some experiences do align. 

As the days went on, my feelings toward college were nonetheless changing, and rapidly at that. Some days, I woke up and found myself excited for the day, whether due to a new conversation I had or a rewarding grade; other days, it felt like torture. I felt so lost and alone, and while I expected it to take time to make friends, at this point, it felt futile to even try to make conversation. I would walk the hallways lined with classmates who all seemed to always have a smile cracked on their faces or a laugh exploding from their mouths. Where was mine?

At the start, I relied on my roommates to be my friends… this did not pan out well. They seemed to take a liking to each other rather than including me. On top of this, I found myself in classes that were not engaging, whether it was my Intro Italian or my advanced-level Anthropology. I never found myself totally understanding or immersed in the topics; nerves made me apprehensive to attend class (nonetheless, I would still go). 

The weeks passed by, and I found myself in this limbo, neither good nor bad, just manageable. More and more, I talked with one of my roommates, Stacy. She was cool and fun and had never tried Indian food before. One night, with my Paneer Tikka Masala, I offered her a plate, a peace offering of sorts, and from there, we started to hang out more. We would go out to get lunch sometimes or walk Lincoln Square. Stacy turned from (in complete honesty) someone I disliked into a friend, and not only that, one of my best friends. A friend I would spend every waking moment with. We started sharing laughs, creating little inside jokes; all the little things were coming together. 

Soon enough, the girl I sat next to in Anthropology, whose makeup never failed to captivate me, and I started talking more. Her name, as I came to find out, was Jenna. A girl I had seen through the halls of my dorm but never had the courage to make conversation with. I can say now that she, too, stands as one of my closest friends. 

College became less daunting, classes lightened, and I had people I felt seen around. These companionships and experiences are ones that I know will last through the ages. 

 Key points:

  • I greatly struggled to find my place in college at first; friends were difficult to find, and I felt super overwhelmed
  • As time passed and tears were shed, I discovered a growing appreciation for my classes and connected with individuals with whom conversations flowed naturally, rather than trying to force connections.
  • Cultivating hope and patience enabled me to forge enduring friendships and make significant strides in my academic journey.

If you are ever craving a delicious meal and refreshing coffee, stop by Cafe Landwer and use this $10 off coupon to treat yourself. 

By Juliana Capasso

Juliana Capasso is a junior at Boston University studying Film and Television & Public Relations. Outside of her academic responsibilities, she spends her time exploring the city with friends, reading, listening to music, and journaling. 

 For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful ebooks, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2023.

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Chapter 2: Hi, I’m Mia! Please Be My Friend!

Monday, September 25th, 2023

Once I had officially decided to go to Pace University, the next step was to find friends and someone I feel comfortable to live with. Pace has a designated building where freshmen live, so I couldn’t live with my friend since they were two years older. Even if I could, though, I didn’t want to. I knew that if I chose to live with someone I already knew, I would be too scared to branch out on my own and I wanted the independence of finding my own friend.

Part of my Facebook post from the Pace Facebook group for incoming freshman

So for the first time in several months (maybe even years), I opened up Facebook and edited my profile before searching for Pace University Facebook groups. The groups are student-made as a way to find fellow incoming classmates and potential roommates. I found two groups, joined both, and began adding almost everyone I thought wasn’t intimidating on Snapchat. Honestly, it felt like a dating app. Sometimes I would hit it off with people, and other times we would say hi and then instantly stop talking.

By June I was getting nervous, because the deadline for finding a roommate was coming up and I still hadn’t really clicked with anyone. It was also important I felt comfortable in my own room and because it was 2020, I wanted to make sure I was living with someone who respected COVID guidelines.

Me and Kathy after we both moved in

A few days into June I received a DM (direct message) from someone on Instagram. At first I was confused as to who this person was, but then I realized they found me from the Pace Facebook group, so I responded to her message. Instantly we clicked. We had all the same interests, were both nervous but willing to meet new people on campus, and were careful with COVID. Kathy (her name) and I ended up chatting everyday and eventually found the rest of our suitemates (the freshmen building had suites instead of just a classic two person or three person dorm).

With my suitemates and I texting each other every day, the idea of going to college seemed less intimidating now that I had more than just one friend. I was beginning to get excited as we all texted each other about what one person was packing, what movies we would watch on movie nights, and what clubs we were all interested in.

Me and a couple of my suitemates

If you’re an incoming freshman, I strongly recommend searching for any type of online group to meet new people. Having some form of established relationships will definitely help ease the anxiety of moving away from home. Even if you eventually find new friends or fall out with the old ones, you will always still have that bond with your freshman roommates. Nothing can take away that old nostalgic feeling of moving in for the first time and taking your first steps into the real world with these people. 

My suitemates and I would attend different events on campus, a lot of them virtual, some of them with social distancing, and together we all found friends. To this day, I’m still friends with my freshman year roommate and suitemate, and I’m forever grateful for them and the steps of courage we took together. We don’t live with each other anymore, but we still support each other and hang out together when we can.

However, I think my suitemates and I did have one unfair advantage that helped us grow close early on. Normal suitemates or roommates have a special bond because they are entering the real world together, but my suitemates and I actually didn’t get to take any steps outside because for two weeks we were all locked in our suite thanks to an increase in COVID cases. That’s right…in October, the entire freshman building got put into lockdown, forcing everyone to stay in their rooms for a whole two weeks.

To this day we still make jokes about how we were all trauma bonded because of this. We had to stay in our rooms, have crappy food delivered to our dorms, and watch movies almost every night to keep us from going insane. COVID may have made our freshman year difficult, but it also gave us a suitemate bond like no other.

I’d also like to mention the fact that, despite my suitemates and I helping each other out with meeting new people, my specific roommate Kathy was like a professional “friend maker.” Almost everyday she was introducing me to someone new. Thanks to Kathy, I met some of my best friends, one being my current roommate in my senior year!

My current roommate (middle), one of my best friends (on the right), and I on Halloween 2020. We all connected thanks to Kathy!

Another tip if you’re an introverted freshman like I was, make sure to meet someone who is very extroverted like Kathy is. This way, you’ll always be meeting someone new and each day will be exciting, and really that’s what every day of your freshman year should feel like. Even if you’re dealing with a global pandemic.

Summary:

  • Why Facebook groups are helpful before going to college
  • Go to events and clubs on campus! It’s the best way to meet friends!
  • Freshman year is all about excitement and meeting new people, don’t be afraid to try new things
Get 10% off any purchase at Baya Bar and enjoy a smoothie or acai bowl! Remember to bring your student ID!

By Mia Ilie

Mia Ilie is a student at Pace University, graduating in May 2024 with a degree in Writing and Rhetoric and a focus on publishing. She grew up in Rockland, New York and is currently living in Westchester, New York where she attends school and works at a local bookstore. You can always find her with her nose in a book or screaming to Taylor Swift with her friends.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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How To Make Friends

Tuesday, June 13th, 2017

 

Image Credit: www.instagram.com/thecarolineflynn/

Image Credit: www.instagram.com/thecarolineflynn/

 

You’ve done it. You’ve mastered eating at the dining hall alone, finding your way around without relying on other people, and taking your own notes in class and remembering all the homework. You don’t just walk through the city streets with a confident and independent air, you jaywalk out into the open road, fearlessly taking on whatever the taxicabs have coming. And now, it’s time. Time for the next step. Time to text the classmate you’ve been crushing on in Writing for College. Time to tell your roommates you actually hate their friends and this weekend you’ll make your own plans. Time to put down the high school group message and talk to your budding friends here face-to-face.

I know it’s not easy. Thankfully, most people show up to college for the first time in the same boat as you, knowing practically no one. If you can keep this in mind, then you are on your way to creating some of the best and longest lasting friendships you’ve ever had. Here are a few more tips to get you started.

 

1. Choose Your Victim

I know you know exactly who you’d be best friends with if you could. The dream friend. That person in class who says what you’re thinking. When they DJ at a party your playlists are specifically similar. And what’s that? They also plan their meals around which dining hall is offering the most carbs? Wow. A match made in heaven. Be careful, though. Sometimes you think your victim friend will be this one person and it turns out you just have a huge girl crush on them and you will never actually see yourself on their level. This will be fun but will not work out (totally not speaking from experience…). Or maybe you think your victim might as well be that kid you had lunch with a few times when no one else was free. NO. Go for gold. Friends are important people and you must be extremely picky when choosing a victim. (But remember, be extremely nice. To everyone. Regardless of their friend-level to you. And also be nice to yourself when choosing your friends.)

 

2. The Millennial Step

25 years ago when your parents were in school they would have to skip straight to Step 3. Luckily, we have more options. Once you have your victim, stalk them thoroughly on every social media account they own. Make careful note of your mutual friends on Facebook. If their Instagram is blocked, talk to them about something trivial in class for long enough so that when you request to follow them 3 hours and 41 minutes later it seems totally casual. During this same conversation, it’s vital that you also get their Snapchat and phone number. This way you can see who your competition is and when they are alone or have no plans. This is when you will strike.

(You can of course skip this step if you think social media, oversharing, and instant access to information are ruining our generation’s communication skills along with much of the world.)

 

3. Make Plans

Ok, so you’ve laid all the ground work. Now it’s time to make your move. Invite your Best-Friend-To-Be to a casual lunch or late night snack. And much like dating, be prepared to ask them about themselves! Get them talking and your conversation will run all night long. If you need some icebreakers, here are a few to get you started.

  • A time you got lost in NYC/the subway broke down/Uber failed you
  • Your recent Netflix Binge
  • Any story about a bad Ex
  • Any story about a bad roommate

 

4. Sunlight & Water

Congratulations! You put yourself out there! Call your Mom, give yourself a high five, and continue to cultivate this new connection. Try some cool restaurants in the area, go to a museum, treat yourself to the spa, and above all use your Campus Clipper coupons to save you and your new friend money. Suddenly, New York City won’t seem quite as big with someone who is equally as lost as you by your side. And you’ll find that as you begin to get one good friendship under your belt, others will fall into place too.

 

Where are you going to go with these new friends? Well you could try the Brazen Fox, a great restaurant right near Union Square serving delicious American Fare and cold drinks. This two story restaurant is charming and well-priced with some cool wall décor you’ll want to see for yourself.  And don’t forget to use your Campus Clipper Coupon and get 10% off of your meal!

Image Credit: campusclipper.com

Image Credit: campusclipper.com

 

 

By Caroline Flynn

Caroline Flynn is a Sales and Publishing Intern at the Campus Clipper studying Theatre at NYU Tisch. Caroline is passionate about the arts and dedicated to using her voice to make other people smile. As she heads into her Junior year, she is excited to be writing about how relationships have shaped her life while she takes on summer in the city for the first time. 

We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015. 

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