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Bookstores with Grandma

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011

One of the things my grandmother and I have in common is that we both love to read.  Although the language each of us reads in primarily is different—my grandmother is Japanese and speaks no English, my own Japanese has certain gaps in it—at the heart of it, we both love stories.  My grandmother will read just about anything, from novels recommended by my aunt, to manga about pirates, to crime and suspense stories.  In Japanese, I tend to stick to manga, mostly because there are so many pictures. Not only do the pictures help enormously with comprehension, they also make reading more enjoyable and less frustrating for a painstakingly slow reader like me.

Image credit: genjipress.com

So it was a perfect idea for the both of us to check out some of English-Japanese bookstores in Manhattan.  We started at Book-Off, on 45th Street.  Book-Off is a used bookstore, and customers can sell back books here as well.  The main floor contains English books, and although the selection isn’t endless—particularly being a medium-sized used bookstore—there is still a substantial amount of books in various categories.  There are also plenty of shelves that carry books for only a dollar!  This floor also has used CDs, primarily J-Pop and K-Pop, for any enthusiasts that are looking for a deal.

The basement floor mainly carries manga, as well as some instructional books.  There are both manga in English and Japanese, with English copies generally running for about six or seven dollars a volume. Price depends fairly heavily on the series, and this is especially apparent with the Japanese volumes.  Again, there are several shelves of books that are only a dollar, some series running for three, but the more popular series or the newer volumes cost about five or six dollars a volume.  I was however, able to find the first few volumes of a series I’d been meaning to start on the dollar shelves, and it’s finds like this that make Book-Off worth a visit.  The second floor carries Japanese novels, which I don’t know a lot about personally, but my grandmother seemed pleased with the selection!

Image credit: pwpbooks.blogspot.com

Books in hand, my grandmother and I then headed towards Kinokuniya Bookstore, which is located by Bryant Park.  Although a little more expensive, Kinokuniya has a generally wider selection than Book-Off.  The main floor and basement carry novels, textbooks, and other similar books, both in English and Japanese. Kinokuniya also sells Japanese stationary, T-shirts, figurines and other knick-knacks, many of which make great gifts for those who are interested in Japanese culture.  The second floor of Kinokuniya carries manga and anime, and the selection in both languages is impressive.  There is also a café facing the window on this floor that sells lunch foods and desserts.  The café is great, but on the small side, and quickly becomes crowded around lunch time.  My grandmother and I were there at around 4:30, though, and were able to find a table easily; I’d definitely recommend going at an hour between meals.  At times like this it’s totally acceptable to take your time with a book, which is part of what makes it so enjoyable.  Although it’s the great deals at Book-Off that make it one of my favorite bookstores, the café, the selection, and the other fun items at Kinokuniya make it definitely worth a look as well!

Anais DiCroce

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Posted in Family, onFun, onShopping | 2 Comments »

Independence

Thursday, June 30th, 2011

Summer vacation is by far the longest break of the year, as it should be, of course, but contrary to popular belief, some aspects of the lengthened time span are not always positive ones. What I’m talking about are parents—those old, often heterosexually paired people who inhabit your house, encroach on your personal space, lay down the rules, and maddeningly prevent any privacy.

While winter and spring breaks are short enough to prevent Child Verses Parent outbreaks, summer does not have that time privilege. Since returning to the dwelling location of my parental units, “Leave my alone” has become a main staple in my verbal diet, muttered under my breath as doors closed, or shouted aggressively into their faces, it’s a phrase that can be uttered in many different circumstances.

I’m sure that almost every teenager who’s had to deal with parents has likewise had to deal with the consistent nagging that comes along with their presence. Sometimes it’s enough to drive me up a wall. But recently it’s been driving me up a wall and back again, getting under my skin far more than it has before. I believe I can account this to two main reasons: The first being that I’ve tasted independence in my first year at college, and have now had it rudely stripped away; the second being that fact that I’m on crutches, which has lead my parents to hover around me much more than they would have regularly.

Starting with the first reason: a return from college stripping me of privileges. This reason is much more universal, and I’m sure you’ve experienced it. The initial shock when you find out you are once again bound to a curfew, or the dread which sets in when your discover you can no longer write your schedule yourself. It varies from household to household, but it’s always present in some degree.

It’s immensely difficult for me, at times, to remember that my parents are only trying to look out for me, and do what’s best. Being forced to return home by 1:30 am seems like the end of the world when the rest of my friends can be out until 4, or 5, or later, but I don’t really think my parents would devise a special plan with the specific purpose of ruining my social life (would they?). Getting used to being under house rules is a drag, I know, but I just have to recognize that some battles can’t be won, and soon I’ll be back at college, and then off to live on my own, anyway.

The second reason, my crutches, is where things get tricky. As my family members try only to help me through difficult tasks, I can’t help but be driven crazy by their constant baby-ing. I know that they’re only trying to help, but it gets really tiring having them leaning over my shoulders constantly, even if it’s only to ask if I want their help. And I know it’s harsh of me to blow-up on them angrily, but can’t they see that I’m going absolutely crazy being unable to do things for myself, and that if I’m angry, they should just leave me alone? Yes, I should be more patient, but they, too, need to recognize when to back off and let me try to function on my own.

Being at home is all about giving and taking, relearning how to function in a complex environment that isn’t always centered on your own desires. It is overly frustrating at times, but a necessary skill to have, because it can be a lesson expanded to many different endeavors in your future. And if things ever look a bit too hectic to handle, just head to one of the great spas with student discounts offered by Campus Clipper, and pick up on the family sessions after a massage.

/elizabeth Kaleko

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Storm King

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

I never even realized that I liked sculpture gardens all that much– until I visited Storm King Arts Center. My parents wanted to take my grandmother somewhere interesting, since she’d come all the way from Japan and had, for the past few days, only been to the grocery store.  My dad in particular, who speaks no Japanese, wanted to do something that everyone could appreciate equally, since the language barrier is most problematic for him. So this past Sunday, my parents, my grandmother and I packed into the car and headed to Mountainville, NY.

Several sculptures by Mark di Suvero

After pulling into the parking lot, we piled out and looked around. Storm King is enormous—wide and grassy, with a pond on the south side and incredible views of the Hudson Highlands, with sculptures of every kind scattered throughout its approximately 500 acres.  We had no idea where to start, so we asked one of the Arts Center employees with a helpful and appropriate “Ask Me” button.  She told us about the tram that drives around the park from designated stations; we decided that would be the best way to experience the park, particularly for my grandmother.  The tram is a perfect way to get an overview of the park, especially for those who have never been, like us.  For visitors who’d rather walk, there are plenty of trails, and a station to rent bicycles. There are also tours available, but visitors are encouraged to explore on their own, at their own pace.

It honestly left me in awe.  I had no idea I would enjoy it that much; I’m the type of person who goes to art museums about once or twice a year and loves the experience, but doesn’t actually visit any more frequently.  But Storm King is basically a giant, widespread, colorful and gorgeous playground, and anyone who is even slightly interested in sculpture or just likes being outdoors would love this place.

Kiss, by Darrell Petit

From the tram, we passed many of the major sculptures, from Mozart’s Birthday, by Mark di Suvero, which looks slightly like an unwound elephant, to Darrell Petit’s Kiss, in which two giant pieces of granite incline quietly towards each other and touch. There were sculptures that moved, such as George Cutts’s Sea Change, which is unimpressive in photos but looks remarkably like ocean currents when in motion.  Other amazing works include Maya Lin’s Storm King Wavefield, a work of environmental art that sculpts the landscape itself to look like waves (Maya Lin also designed the Vietnam Veterans Memorial), and Lichtenstein’s Mermaid, the racing boat painted in 1995.

After doing the basic tour by tram, my parents and grandmother headed to the Visitor’s Center and Museum while I went back to my favorite sculptures by foot.  They are absolutely incredible in person, unbelievably enormous and unique against the landscape.  I wanted to pitch a tent and stay for a week.

Storm King Arts Center is a bit of a trek and it costs to get in ($8 for students, $12 for adults), but it is absolutely, 100% worth it.  My family came in the late afternoon, but there are plenty of places to picnic; next time I think we’ll pack some sandwiches and make a day of it.  I don’t think we’ll be bored for a minute.

Ana DiCroce

(Image credit: Ana DiCroce)

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Posted in Family, onFun, Outside Manhattan | 1 Comment »

Grandma Love

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

Kay Thomas: A Living Legend

My grandma is an indestructible force to be reckoned with. She’s a 76-year-old Italian woman with a sailor’s mouth and bones that won’t break (she recently fell off of a ten foot tall gazebo that she was repairing and was completely fine.) At every family gathering, she sports a “Beer Pong Legend” t-shirt and is the first to get a game started. And after she found out I switched from fastfood junkie to health-conscious vegan, she went out of her way to ensure there was a separate section of veg food on the table whenever I visited. If the previous sentences don’t make it obvious enough, allow me to be clear: I love her dearly and can only hope that my 60s and 70s will be as entertaining and awesome as hers have been.

Anyway, last summer, she and my mother helped me move from my Upper East Side apartment to my 25th street abode. Unlike my old place, my new home was a four-floor walk up. It made getting my dresser, chair, bed, etc. up the non-air-conditioned building and into my room an exercise in patience. My mother and I complained with every step as we tested how much heat and weight a human body can stand before it gives out. While my mother and I struggled to bring up odds and ends, dismantling furniture in the hopes it would ease our climb, Gram was barely breaking a sweat. She probably did the same (if not more) work than my mother and I combined.

She also came prepared, having bought me cleaning supplies and a vacuum. Knowing that I am domestically challenged, she made sure to explain the different kinds of cleaners, and demonstrated how to use them. After we settled things as best we could, we realized it was midway through the afternoon, and everyone was starving. Though our hunger was present, our exhaustion dictated that if we were going to find a place to eat, we would need to go somewhere nearby. Hot, tired, and ready to devour the first edible thing we came across, three generations of Thomas family women trekked a block south to ‘Inoteca. It ended up being the perfect choice.

The majority of the menu was in Italian so my grandma impressed everyone with her bi-lingual skills. And our inability to decide on one item from the menu wasn’t a problem, as we were able to split several different dishes including some incredible bruschetta. Although ‘Inoteca isn’t the cheapest of places, you can use the coupon featured below to get a great discount.

When family visits, sharing a meal can be difficult if you have some picky eaters in your group. It’s nice to have a few go-to places that you can always suggest. And whenever you can use a student discount, you will probably get bonus points with your family. Not to mention, they may be more inclined to slip you a $20 when they depart, as Gram did before she and Mom headed back home.

-Alex Agahigian-

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Hookup Messes

Monday, June 27th, 2011

http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/serendipity.jpg

What is Hookup Culture? I know what a hookup is and I know what a culture is: of course, I’m a college kid. But put those two words together, and I’m lost. After a bit of research, I discovered it was our generation’s way of wasting time before they find someone to get into a serious relationship with.  It is when people meet, talk, and instantly become intimate—but only for the night. It ranges from kissing to going home with the person. I see this all the time at college, but I never thought it was anything new. People have been getting frisky before marriage since… always! Now however, with morals on the decline, men and women have began to rely on non-committal, spontaneous hookups to kill time and relieve loneliness with instant sexual gratification. But once again this is not new information. Most college students are well aware of this culture and take part in it one way or another. Ever been up and out in the morning and seen a girl walking in 6 inch heels and a party dress at 9 am? Laughing and making light of that image is what hookup culture is all about. And as a woman in college—surrounded by hookup culture and inevitably being a part of it—I don’t mean to sound like a third party uninvolved and like I have never woken up the morning after a night out hoping no one saw the escapades I took part in; believe me, I have. But just stopping to think about all the drama and turmoil hookups cause within ourselves makes me want to take a lot of mistakes back. The attention may feel nice in the moment—through sleepy eyes you drink in their words and smile—but when that night is over and you realize you never even got the chance to give them your number… so you knew they weren’t going to call… and you kind of were glad they wouldn’t… it leaves you feeling a bit empty. Not good or bad, just if no one saw the two of you leaving the bar, you could play if off (to yourself as well as to others) like it never happened. The point to stress is that it won’t make things better. Casual hookups are short lived. You may feel prettier and attractive during the night but what about if you see that person and you realize they only wanted you for a moment and weren’t thinking about you for the long run? You could end up feeling cheated out of a chance, or maybe that people think you’re cute enough to kiss but not enough to get to know. Never let it be easier to hookup with someone than it is to ask that person out on a date. Because after that sets into your train of thought, it’s a slippery slope of what boundaries you’ll allow to be pushed just to get that momentary satisfaction.

Before writing this article I was talking to a male friend of mine about the dating situation that goes on in his school and he told me, “there is no dating scene in our freshman class… everyone just drunkenly hooks up and act all embarrassed when they run into each other the next day.” So my advice for freshmen entering college, with a sea of new friends and potential hookups in front of them, it’s better to just take a step back and try to hold off on the locking of lips just yet. Get to know people, make friends and hang out first, be young and free and see if they are someone you would want to be that intimate with. Wait till someone thinks your worthy of taking out to dinner or even something more casual like coffee or karaoke with a group of friends at Karaoke Boho. Now that I’m a junior in college, not only have I seen the damage hookups can bring, but I’ve also seen how precious relationships can be when you give yourself a moment to just be alone and let love decide your actions rather than lust.  As my mother would say, “honey, you’ll never find a boyfriend if you’re kissing all his friends.”  Just be you, have a great time and make yourself a hot commodity that will only go with someone that you know is worth your kisses.

-Jackie Aqel

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Craft Time

Sunday, June 26th, 2011

I wasn’t sure how my relationship with my sister would take to me leaving for college.  We didn’t have a bad relationship or anything, but five years apart can be a lot, and we were already pretty different (my sister is far chattier than I am).  I wondered if the distance might have us talking less, or if it might make us less close.

But it turned out that spending some time apart helped rather than hurt us.  Coming home for the summer, I went to my sister’s school band concert, where she had a brief trumpet solo, and listened to her talk excitedly about her science class. Instead of seeing her as merely my kid sister who was all up in my space all of the time, I started to see my sister as her own individual self.  This time around, I took her seriously, and we were able to really talk.

Not only have I started to understand her as her own person, but we’ve started to realize the little things that we have in common as well, one of which is a love for crafts.  We spent a couple hours last weekend sewing together little stuffed figures, and it was a simple and relaxing way to spend some time together.  From designing the toy (and its clothes, in my sister’s case) to passing scissors and felt and buttons, it was a comfortable and agreeable, if not wildly exciting, way to pass a Sunday afternoon.

Image credit: flickriver.com

Sewing as a pastime seems almost archaic now, but there’s something deeply satisfying about making something on your own, from start to finish.  And even if it is a simple, age-old activity, it can be fun when relatives come to visit.  My mother, grandmother and I used to sit at the kitchen table and do beadwork together whenever my grandmother came to stay.  We’d sometimes talk and joke, but making something with your hands also occupies the mind and takes off the pressure to converse, making silence quite comfortable.  It was okay to just focus on the beads we were stringing together.  There were times when we would hardly say a word, and yet we’d still feel at ease in each other’s company, and happily busy.  It was only when someone finished their project that we’d remark how well it came out, or how wonderful the colors looked together.  Although of course beadwork can be incredibly intricate, it can also be really simple and still look great, making it a delightful little project to do with others, regardless of skill level.

Art materials can run a little on the expensive side, but if you hit a good sale it’s absolutely worth it, especially since most materials keep for so long.  I have all sorts of leftover fabrics, and these can be used for small projects, or patched together for more unusual ones.  Even materials that seem unusable, like buttons that don’t match or the end of a spool of ribbon, can be put to good use in another piece.  For the figures we made this weekend, my sister used felt that we’d had for a few years, and I used the scraps that she was done with and two odd buttons.  Out of that, we were able to make something new.

Anais DiCroce

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New Age Breakup

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

The click of a mouse and now everyone knows you are single!

Everyone in their life experiences that dreaded moment of breaking up with someone or being broken up with, yet in today’s world this process has become even more complicated. There was once a time when you simply ignored phone calls or forced yourself not to call that past love or mistake, but now a clean break is almost impossible because of social media as well as texting.  Nowadays it is common for an ex to be merely a text away and oddly enough your “friend” on facebook, which can easily and constantly remind a person about their past relationship because of mutual tagged photos.  This makes it all so hard to completely disconnect with a person and stunts the process of closure that is usually very necessary at the end of a relationship.  Texting and the hyper-connection of social media are all fine and dandy if you can handle remaining friends with an ex but for most people it’s usually a source of upset and drama.

The event of breaking up has become in many ways embarrassing because “everyone” knows about the failure of a relationship when a person’s facebook status changes from “In a Relationship” to “Single”. The worst part is people can comment on the situation and facebook friends can even “like” your entrance into singlehood.  Instead of a reassuring phone call or face-to-face talk explaining to friends what happened, many times texting replaces what I feel is essential to moving on, which is just talking about it, especially with close friends. The times have changed and people have changed too. It has become a social norm to be insensitive to others during a never easy experience and to make moving on so much harder than it really needs to be.  It’s for that very reason that I feel when changing your relationship status on facebook you should immediately delete the post after doing so or make it private, unless it’s something you’d like to share with your facebook friends. But for most part, the experience is quite the nuisance, so to avoid the possibility of hurting your own feelings or your ex’s it’s probably not the best idea to advertise your breakup. However, when the times comes that you’d like to make others aware you are single, make it public on your info page to get the point across.

Heated debate exists around whether or not it’s okay to remain friends with an ex on facebook, my feelings and advice depend on whether the break up was “bad” or not. Everyone is curious as to what their ex is up to after breaking up but it’s not healthy to be updated every passing second of your life! If you find yourself checking their page obsessively and notice it pretty much always leaves you with a feeling of discomfort then I suggest not being friends with your ex on facebook. To forget someone these days you need to delete him or her from your electronic life, cell contacts, as well as from your own biting reality. On the other hand, if you find yourself not caring about your ex’s life appearing on yours newsfeed then you can leave it alone.  It’s usually okay to stay facebook friends if the breakup was mutual and ended without hard feelings.  It can be nice to see how people grow and change by checking out their facebook profile. But let’s be realistic the majority of breakups are messy and emotional catastrophes, so it’s almost a guarantee that your facebook wall could end up looking like a battlefield of love.

It’s important to do what’s best for you in a time were your discovering life on your own, or preparing to successfully share it with someone new. Some say it’s harsh to delete a person representative of your past but here’s the truth: they broke up with you or you broke up with them already, which is as harsh as you can get, so why not take the extra step to make yourself feel better? You need to get away from it all but that doesn’t mean you have to book a super shuttle ride to the airport and hop on a plane. I’ve also been told that deleting an ex from your contacts is necessary because many people text their ex’s at emotionally unstable times causing confusion about the state of the relationship. Being happy is what matters most and if you can’t find happiness while constantly being reminded of your ex then you should make the change that is necessary to evolve on your own, and free yourself from that particular relationship. After all, there is so much more out there than the simulated life you “live” on facebook and so much more to say when you’re not constricted to 180 words or less by text.

-Anjelica LaFurno

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Veganism and Family

Monday, June 20th, 2011

You wish they'd support you in everything, but that doesn't always happen.

When I first told my parents I had turned vegan, they were surprisingly supportive. I was expecting them to yell, to tell me how bad it was for my health, and pretty much refuse to accommodate my new dietary restrictions whenever I visited. What I didn’t expect was how quickly their surprise faded as they acquiesced to my silly choices. They probably thought it was a fad, like the time I stopped eating seafood for a while because I thought it was wrong to take from our Mother Ocean. I was a weird kid.

I didn’t visit my parents often, but when I did, they seemed to be very considerate when preparing family dinners, always making sure that my share was separate. My mom would always dole out some sautéed vegetables on my plate before adding pork to the rest of the veggies. Then, one day when I was at home alone with my dad, he offered me some traditional soup made from seaweed, which isn’t as gross as it sounds for a Korean like me. As I ate, wholly innocently and suspecting nothing, I noticed it tasted kind of fishy.

“Dad,” I said, “is this a seafood broth or something?”

“What? Of course not,” he replied.

I still thought it tasted odd, but I believed him. That is, until I dipped my spoon in and pulled out the innards of a clam.

“DAD!”

“What? What?”

He said something ridiculous, like it must have fallen in by accident, but I knew he had simply taken some seafood soup they had made, picked all the clams out, and had just missed one. Of course, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had been doing sneaky things like that the whole time when my mom wasn’t looking.

When it came time for the New Year’s Day family gathering, we all went to my grandmother’s house for the traditional rice cake soup on the first day of the new year. When I sat at the table, I noticed that my bowl’s contents looked pretty milky, like everyone else’s did, like it had been cooked with bone marrow. I asked my mom about it, and my dad frustratedly interjected.

“Oh my god, just eat it!”

I felt my family’s patience waning. What they thought was a phase had become a new lifestyle, and they were finally coming to terms with accommodating me for the rest of their lives. They were not happy about it.

Despite the requisite compassion for living creatures, vegans have to develop a bit of a thick skin. Even if we never try to convince others to walk our path, people will take it upon themselves to attack beliefs that are different from theirs. It’s especially hurtful when such criticism comes from family, who we expect to support us. But like every other choice I made that my family initially thought was irrational, they eventually came around and accepted that I make my own decisions. My parents may never believe that veganism is sane or healthy like I want them to, but they still love me for who I am.

Even though… I still check the labels on anything my dad gives me.

Try dispelling some of their skepticism with Vegan Treats. It’s guaranteed to work better than a lecture. Scroll down for a dual coupon to Atlas Café, where all the desserts are deceptively vegan, and save the 20% Teany Café coupon for a cute and healthy teatime with your friends.

-Avia Dell’Oste.

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Everything I Learned in Life, I Learned From Gaming

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

If you don't stand in fire in game, why would you do it in real life?

After all the years of schooling, careful parenting, and going to (and dozing off in) church, it turns out that all of my life lessons ended up coming from video games. Aside from the usual “don’t stand in fire” and “turtles are jerks,” there have been more than a few jarring epiphanies leading to advice that helped me immensely in academics, work, and social life. Feeling skeptical?

1. If I want something done and done right, I have to do it myself.

I learned this while raiding in World of Warcraft (read: playing with 10-25 people at the same time to solve intricate battles). Sure, I had to trust my team and work as a cohesive group from week to week, but when it came to killing a rogue monster or fearing it away, I learned not to wait for someone else to do it while the leader yelled that we were going to die.

This advice has worked for me in real life, too. At a job, all of the employees work together toward a common goal, whether it’s customer service, meeting a deadline, or building something. But if it’s a choice between focusing on my job and letting something important in the office not get done, and taking a few minutes out of my time to ensure the continued smooth operation of the workplace, I tend to choose to take initiative for the good of the team as long as I’m not neglecting my own duties.

2. If I don’t work towards fulfilling dreams and life goals, I will eventually go crazy.

The original The Sims games were great, but when The Sims 2 introduced the aspirations system, it became a work of microcosmic genius. Fulfilling minor wants like kissing a significant other or gaining skills improved one’s mood, which in turn gave the extra boost required to do jobs well. What really spoke to me was the “Lifetime Want,” a life goal that, once achieved, would put a character in a perpetual good mood state for the rest of its virtual life.

And when a Sim went through day after day not fulfilling any of its desires, the poor thing would actually get depressed, sob randomly, and eventually have to see a shrink. It’s like the Sim is me! I could spend the rest of my life getting by with achieving minor wants, or I could set a (realistic) life goal and work towards a more lasting happiness. Oh the choices in the life a Sim… er… human.

Another thing I learned from The Sims was that ordering Chinese takeout and pizza is expensive and fattening, but that was a little less poignant. Be like a Sim and cook with your own groceries, and use the Campus Clipper coupon for Associated Supermarkets at the end of my post.

3. Some things are more important at certain times than other things.

Despite the confusing wording, this was a pretty harsh lesson for me. I used to sit at my computer playing games for so many hours a week, it was like a full-time job. Honestly, I still play a lot; it’s the hobby that I enjoy. But during the last couple years at my first university, video games were trumping every priority I previously had, including class, homework, and hanging out with the friends I used to see every week. It wasn’t until I dropped out of school and had to get a full-time job to support myself that I finally cut down on my gaming, because I didn’t have the money for it.

Above everything, the big lesson here was to manage my time. Now, I’m back in school, working part-time, and still playing video games a good deal, because I know that at certain points in the week/semester, assignments and exams will have priority, and at other times when I have a little room to slack off, I can hang out in my virtual world without guilt.

These “life lessons” may seem silly if one has already learned them from other, more traditional sources like parents and social interaction, but they are essentially the same, no matter what the source. It is a skill for people to be able to glean information from a variety of experiences and use it to grow. Whether someone is a gamer freak or a mountain climber, the world is waiting to be studied and learned from.

-Avia Dell’Oste.

Cross-posted to my blog RP Your Life!

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Posted in onEntertainment, onJobs, Relationships, Studying | 1 Comment »

Avoiding Conflict at a Group Meal

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

Nothing is more obnoxious at dinner than getting attacked for your food choices.

No matter how proud you are about your healthy eating choices, there are always a few people with whom, even if they claim to be understanding and open-minded, you would just rather not get into a heated debate. Usually, they are the type to easily start said heated debates without realizing they raised their voices, and before you know it, you wish you hadn’t even brought up the topic of climate change/political efficacy/favorite color at all.

Though you may not be able to avoid every potential “friendly intellectual discussion” they want to have, there are a few ways to at least circumvent frustrating situations while eating out with friends. First, when collectively deciding where to go for dinner, it’s best not to throw out suggestions that are obviously specialty restaurants. Even if the name gives no hint, once the group arrives there and sees that the menu has absolutely no meat on it, your friends could feel tricked. Since you would like others to accommodate your food choices, try to think of their preferences too. If you are trying to avoid gluten, suggest a restaurant that you know has gluten-free options. If you are a vegan, throw out names of places that you know will have food you can eat but also has meat and vegetarian dishes.

Of course, after going through all of the motions of democracy, you might end up at a restaurant you have never been to and didn’t have time to research their menu. If there’s one thing that might set off your opinionated friends into an unsolicited rant, it’s watching you take fifteen minutes to order because you’re asking your server for comprehensive lists of ingredients. But you’ve been to restaurants before, and the menus for certain ethnic cuisines are practically the same citywide. Once you’ve researched one restaurant and found which dishes are safe, you can assume to a degree for other places with similar styles. A little research into pasta types will let you know which kinds have eggs, and looking up traditional recipes for Japanese foods will let you know where soy can be hiding. This can cut down on the number of questions to ask the server and avoid placing a focus on you. Great places to try for big groups are Indian restaurants with their diverse meat and vegetarian options and choices of rice or bread. Use a Campus Clipper coupon to get 15% off on a weekend when you bring 4 people or more at Cuisine of India!

Even if your friends are aware of your dietary choices, they may forget in their attempts to be generous and offer you a bite of their order. Rather than going into the reasons why you can’t share their meal, a simple “No thanks. I’m good.” will suffice. To avoid further insistence, either immediately return to your previous conversation and/or return their action by offering them some of your food. Keep the dialogue going so that it doesn’t linger too long on the table and its trappings.

When all else fails and someone decides s/he really wants to talk about why you don’t eat dairy in an opinionated and gregarious manner, let him/her go through the spiel. Chances are s/he just wants to voice opinions about it, and whether or not you respond matters less than getting the rant out of his/her system. Even if you aren’t in the mood to debate, other people might want to jump into the discussion, which will take the pressure off of you to be the sole interlocutor. If you are in a group setting, the rest of your party most likely wants the same thing you do: to hang out with friends while eating good food and having lively conversation with more laughs than speeches. If you’ve picked the right friends, they won’t let one person gang up on you or bring everyone else down.

-Avia Dell’Oste.

Check out my blog RP Your Life!

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Posted in Friendship, onFood, onHealth, Relationships | No Comments »

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