I have always considered myself to be selfish. My parents say it all the time—and honestly, they are not wrong. As a kid, I was laser-focused on what I wanted. At the mall, I’d hunt down my stuff first, and the second I had it? I was ready to go. Didn’t care who else needed to shop; I had my things, I was done.
When I grew up, the idea of being selfish started to haunt me. Sometimes, it hurt to think that maybe I was the person who always put herself first. Deep down, I wanted to be different. I wanted to be the kind of daughter who gave her whole heart to her parents. But no matter how much I cared, my actions never seemed to say it loudly enough. I was caught between wanting to give everything and not knowing how to express it, so I often said things I didn’t mean—things that probably sounded like the opposite of love.
Maybe that’s why when college decisions came around the corner, my heart leaned toward what my parents wanted. It wasn’t pressure, exactly— they never forced anything. But I could feel it. They saw their childhood in me. The chances they never got, the roads they couldn’t take.
At first, I didn’t fully understand. I thought they were just being vague when they said, “It’s up to you.” But it didn’t take a genius to hear what they weren’t saying. I could read it in their eyes, in the way they paused, in the way they tried not to persuade me but persuaded me anyway. Their silence was filled with hope, and I felt it sitting beside me every time I opened a college portal.
I prayed for my college decisions to keep me in New York City. I grew up here—it’s home. And as the oldest daughter of immigrant parents, the thought of leaving felt like too much. I couldn’t imagine settling somewhere far and starting over without them nearby. But that didn’t stop me from wanting it all—to get into every school I applied to, to have the kind of choices I never thought possible.
What I didn’t realize was that this second wish would send my life into chaos. I got into Columbia for writing and NYU for engineering. Two schools. Two dreams. Both in my city. Both too real to ignore.
On one hand, there was Columbia, an Ivy League—prestigious, poetic, the kind of place that would take my writing seriously. It felt like choosing the part of me that always struggled to express herself. On the other hand, there was NYU, one of the best for engineering. Practical. Respected, which felt like choosing the part of me that thrived on building, solving, and understanding how the world worked. Which one do I choose? Which one is better for me? For my family?
Whichever one I chose, I knew I would have to let go of a part of myself. My identity. Not because I didn’t want both, but because sometimes two dreams just don’t fit in the same life.
In the end, I chose engineering — not just for me, but for the version of me my parents always believed in. I chose it because it was my first dream, even before writing. I chose it because I already was a writer, with or without a degree. And I chose it because it felt like building something, not just a future, but a bridge between who I was, who I wanted to be, and who I wanted to make proud.
Maybe I am selfish in other ways, but no rule says selfish people are heartless. Choosing engineering wasn’t just about me—it was the only way I knew how to love them back.
For my mom, it was a way to say her sacrifices were seen. That every meal made after a long day, every quiet worry she carried, every time she put her own life on pause—it all mattered. If I couldn’t always find the words, then let this choice be my way of saying thank you.
And for my dad, it was something deeper. He once dreamed of this path for himself, but life pulled him in another direction. I chose engineering partly because he still carries that dream. And because I wanted to carry it with him, to make him feel like he didn’t give it up for nothing.
So if I couldn’t always say it out loud, let this be the way I show it. Not just a degree. Not just a future. But a quiet promise that I acknowledge them.
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By Marzia Seemat
Marzia Seemat is a sophomore at NYU studying civil engineering and creative writing. She loves being close to nature, especially at the beach. Her favorite things include good food, morning tea, hour-long movies, and spending time with the people she loves.
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