Around a month and a half ago I was visiting family in California when an improbable series of events led to me being taken hostage by deranged Larry Elder supporters. Fortunately after the results came in last night they all committed ritual suicide, so I am finally free to continue this series for the 5 people who still look for it.
Anyway, Bareburger. It’s essentially a burger restaurant for people who are too cool to eat a regular beef grease slab like the rest of the lumpenproletariat. Everything there is organic and sustainable and other adjectives that you usually wouldn’t associate with New York. The seating is very spacious and nice, and everything is made of wood because why woodn’t they.
They had a bunch of different burger recipes but none of them seemed like things I would like and creating my own would defeat the point of reviewing, so I just ordered the standard burger with a chocolate milkshake.
The hamburger was very good. The taste is a lot less strong than you’d expect from a hamburger, but not in a bad way. The different flavors complement each other nicely, and I don’t even like pickles. The fries were slightly lukewarm, but still tasty.
The milkshake’s taste was also a lot more mild than usual, being more milk than shake. What flavor there was was pleasantly tangy, and the consistency changed from thin at the top to thick at the bottom. It also looks like Mickey Mouse, and is therefore the greatest culinary invention of all time.
Verdict: 8.5/10 saved whales
By: Alexander Rose
Alexander Rose studies satire at NYU Gallatin and wishes he was actually just Oscar Wilde. He is interested in writing, roleplaying games, and procrastination. Describing himself in the third person like this makes him feel weird.
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