Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

Woody Allen’s Hannah and Her Sisters (Come to Terms with Unhappiness)

Wednesday, June 13th, 2012

Hannah (Mia Farrow) is caring and giving. She’s closed off emotionally.

Lee (Barbara Hershey) is beautiful and passionate. She’s sleeping with Hannah’s husband.

Holly (Dianne West) is funny and vivacious. She’s a recovering coke addict.

Hannah and Her Sisters

 

These are Hannah and her sisters, the stars of Woody Allen’s drama about the complicated relationships of a family of middle-class New Yorkers. Though one could argue for the inclusion of and their Men at the end of the title, this story is really about the three sisters and the intertwining of their romantic lives. Hannah’s husband Elliot (Michael Caine) becomes involved with Lee, while Hannah’s ex-husband Mickey (Woody Allen), who once dated Holly to disastrous results, finds himself facing an existential crisis after suffering a cancer scare.

Some parts of Allen’s film feel reminiscent of a Raymond Carver story, with its examination of New England, upper-middle class dissatisfaction. It’s distinctly lighter in tone, though, with the usual Allen assurance that even though life’s dull and complicated, we might as well enjoy it when we can. One can probably see the director’s own struggle with faith and religion in Mickey’s search for God (in one amusing sequence, Mickey goes home to tell his Jewish parents he’s decided to become a Catholic).

Micky hits bottom

 

Caine and Hershey both deliver powerful performances as adulterous lovers Elliot and Lee. Though Lee conceals a quiet passion in every glance, it is the devoted, bespectacled Elliot who surprises us with his professions of undying love, especially when one considers Hannah’s caring nature. Then again, it is this very aspect of Hannah’s personality—her self-sufficiency, both in life and in bed—that Elliot finds so difficult to endure. As for Lee, she feels stifled by her partner Frederick, a misanthropic artist who claims that Lee is his only connection to the world. Feeling burdened and perhaps even a little dismayed by the notion of being a recluse’s anchor to reality, Lee decides to take the risk of seeing her sister’s husband behind the doors of a hotel room.

Hannah and Her Sisters succeeds most brilliantly through its inclusion of moments of internal dialogue on the part of the characters. In one scene, Holly berates herself for not being more forward as she travels in a taxi with friend/competitor April (Carrie Fisher) and their mutual love interest. In another, Elliot urges himself to be cautious and prudent about revealing his feelings for Lee. A moment later he has pressed his lips upon her mouth in a desperate profession of love. These scenes display the pull between desire and social expectation in the lives of Allen’s New Yorkers.

These characters are not the victims of disaster. Don’t look for car crashes or unexpected declarations of paternity. Even the cancer storyline couldn’t be more different from your usual soap opera fare. But problems lurk below the surface, simmering slowly, sometimes hot and sometimes cold. Despite the safety of material comfort, marital and existential happiness remain elusive–always sought, but unappreciated when found.

As with many of Allen’s films, the characters are followed with almost claustrophobic focus and regularity. This neurotic intensity of the camera denies us any grand shots of New York, or even sometimes just a little room to breathe and gather our thoughts. Though some may find it uncomfortable, it reminds me that this moody actor/director called Woody Allen loves people. It’s not a romantic love, nor is it unchanging. Rather, it’s a love that watches with fascination, equal parts amused and enchanted by the absurdity of the world.

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Andres Oliver, Emory University
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The Forgotten People: Gangs of New York

Sunday, June 10th, 2012

Gangs of New York

I’ve never gone on one of those websites that does your family tree for you, but I can understand the draw. The thought that we creatures of Apple, Walmart, Facebook, and suburbia may count kings and queens among our ancestors is exciting, or incredibly depressing if you think about it. Nations want the same thing. They create myths surrounding their origins, as if playing king of the sandbox with the rest of the world—“we were here first, we’ve always been here.” America is a young nation, so we have no King Arthur and his knights. But we do have the myth of Opportunity, and considering two centuries of almost uninterrupted immigration, one could say it’s a commodity well marketed. In Gangs of New York, Martin Scorsese follows the myth to its source—New York City. It was here that Irish, Chinese, and Eastern European immigrants poured in by the boatload, and it was here they found a city as much a window into opportunity as a comic parody of that same myth.

Scorsese’s epic unfolds in the Five Points, the meeting-place of five streets in Lower Manhattan where both immigrants and “natives” were thrown together in squalor and in blood. After the death of his father, “Priest Vallon” (Liam Neeson), in a literal war between the Irish and the native gangs led by “Bill the Butcher” Cutting (Daniel-Day Lewis in usual top form), Amsterdam (Cian McCormack, later Leonardo DiCaprio) spends fifteen years an orphan in Hellgate.  Though sworn to avenge his father after his release, he finds himself a gang member back in Five Points under the protection of the very man he seeks to kill. Cutting bleeds men and pigs with equal pleasure and precision, however, so any thought of murder must also be accompanied by consideration for the tender parts of one’s own torso.

Through Amsterdam’s eyes, we see not only his own personal quest for vengeance but also the unfolding of one of the most tumultuous periods in American history. In one particularly compelling sequence, Amsterdam’s and Cutting’s respective Irish and native forces go head to head as New York bubbles over with the heat of the Draft Riots, which were aimed at overturning Lincoln’s conscription of men into the Union army. What a time it was, Scorsese tells us—a time when the army of the Union fired upon the same men they would have join them, and a time when foreign and native fought with knife and cudgel in the alleys of the city as North and South took turns facing the barrel of the cannon upon the field.

 

Odd loyalties were formed and broken. Though Jimmy Spoils (Larry Gilliard Jr. of The Wire), the sole black member of one of the Five Points’ own band of thieves, once may have found acceptance among the Irish—both minorities, both hated and feared—when the riots break out, to an angry mob he is the cause of Lincoln’s war and competition for their labor. Amsterdam and love interest Jenny (Cameron Diaz) find him stretched out upon the stones of Five Points, his body lit by candlelight in a row of a hundred others nameless.

Scorsese no doubt takes some liberties with the myth of New York—though not so many as one might think. Many of the gangs depicted in the film operated throughout the 19th century, and Five Points may have been even more terrifying in real life than it was in the movie. And Hellcat Maggie, the wild-haired gangstress with the sharpened teeth and claws? Really existed.

I went walking down South Street Seaport the other day with some friends. The street carts were out selling Dippin Dots and lemonade, and there atop the quaint rows of brick houses that once would have greeted the merchants as they unloaded at port sit the shining logos of Abercrombie, cafes, and bars full of the young and the fashionable. Suspend this enchanting touristic vision for a moment, however, and imagine what this might once have been. One of many doorways onto a city of multitudes, where Americans were not yet a people but people, merely. Suspend disbelief, and you can almost imagine one of Scorsese’s young rogues leaning casually against a back alley wall, hat turned down to conceal his eyes. Imagine this, and listen to the thousand voices of the city that once were and are now forgotten, their owners’ bones beneath the very stones that now scream out in strident tones: “Dippin Dots! Get cher’ Dippin Dooots!”

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Andres Oliver, Emory University
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The Roots Beneath the City: Leon the Professional

Monday, June 4th, 2012

Leon cleans his little potted plant every day, spraying water on the leaves and wiping them down like he’s bathing his child.

“You love your plant, don’t you?” Matilda asks.

“It’s my best friend,” he responds. “Always happy. No questions. And it’s like me, you see? No roots.”

Roots, Medvednica, Croatia

Roots: he has none (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This man speaking so tenderly of his plant is an immigrant, root-less, alone in the city of New York. He is a hitman. He likes milk and Singin in the Rain. In Luc Besson’s thriller Leon the Professional, Jean Reno plays Leo, an assassin who finds his lonely life of murder for hire interrupted by the events down the hall from his apartment. Maybe murder’s not the right word. After all, he’s a professional.

After coming home to find her family murdered by corrupt DEA cop Norman Stansfield (Gary Oldman) and his crew over cocaine dealings, Mathilda Lando (a young, precocious Natalie Portman) seeks refuge with Leo, her up-to-then unknown neighbor. Leo, who seems to foresee an intrusion into his solitary rhythm of life, takes a moment to consider Mathilda through the keyhole before grudgingly allowing her inside. From this point, the foul-mouthed yet devoted Mathilda slowly draws Leo out of his shell as she talks him into teaching her the ways of the hitman. The two eventually come head to head with Stansfield as Mathilda seeks revenge for her slain brother—the only one she really loved out of her family members.

With Leo living in a gritty, multicultural corner of Little Italy, Besson’s New York is anything but glamorous. Shots of the world outside Leo’s apparent seem suffused with a yellow hue, as if a thick carpet of dust had been collecting behind the lens. But even more than the setting, it’s the people in Besson’s film that give us a glimpse into New York’s underside. At the beginning of the film, we learn that Mathilda has both been truant from her school for troubled young girls and is the subject of abuse from her father, and neglect from everyone else except her little brother. And Leon? That’s right, don’t look for happy characters here. Having fled to America after murdering his forbidden love’s father, Leo has not had a relationship with a woman—or, it seems, anyone who doesn’t end up on the wrong end of his gun or knife—for over a decade. And despite the almost ludicrous nature of Oldman’s villain, it’s not difficult to imagine some parallels with police corruption in New York’s history.

Stan clarifies his statement

Both Leon’s and Mathilda’s stories tell us the importance of taking root somewhere. From what I hear, many of the old ethnic boundaries that once divided New York have given way to gentrification. But a quick walk down a few blocks down from my apartment lets me see the deep roots that still cling in the city, and those that have formed more recently. Go down one block—Hispanic district. 2 more—Chinatown. Go even further and you’ll hit a neighborhood of Orthodox Jews, a discovery I made one Sunday morning after getting off at the wrong subway stop. It’s the desire to know you’re growing in familiar soil—something a quiet, milk-loving hitman finds in a chain-smoking girl outside his doorstep.

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Andres Oliver, Emory University
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When Harry Met Sally: Who Wants to be Just Friends?

Sunday, June 3rd, 2012

Cover of "When Harry Met Sally"

Though I stated in a previous post that I would be reviewing movies in general, I decided to hone in on a specific topic in order to better match the tone of Campus Clipper. Therefore, I’ll be focusing on movies centered on or dealing with the city of New York. Considering that almost every movie either takes place in New York from the beginning or has the characters go there during the climax—because lets face it, New York City is always the first target during an alien invasion, and love stories just don’t cut it unless they’re New York stories—the options are almost limitless. But I’m going to focus on movies that gave me the strongest sense of New York—the ones that you can watch and say that’s New York even before the first shot of Central Park or the Empire State Building. First up in the list is Rob Reiner’s well-loved romantic comedy, When Harry Met Sally.

Out of all the films that I could have chosen as my first, When Harry Met Sally stood out inexplicably from the rest. Screenwriter Nora Ephron’s and director Rob Reiner’s take one the age-old question of “can men and women really be friends” savors of New York from the moment Harry (Billy Crystal) and Sally (Meg Ryan) first part ways at the Washington Square Arch to when Crystal decides to run after her while standing under it. But its more than just the location. Sure, take out the shots of Central Park, Katz’s Deli, and the Metropolitan Museum, and you’re left with another romantic comedy about two young people who take ninety minutes to finally get around to liking each other—an epidemic that Hollywood’s carried to an untold number of cities.

The first time I saw the movie, I knew instantly that this must be how people live in New York. Not L.A. or Seattle or London. They go powerwalking in the park and eat hot dogs at street carts. They wonder about the emptiness of being single while surrounded by people at every avenue. The real draw of the movie, though, isn’t that Reiner has his characters work out these universal problems against the backdrop of New York. It’s that life in The City makes these questions all the more pertinent, especially for college-age individuals such as ourselves.

Harry and Sally are both well-off professionals with at least a handful of close friendships. Why, then, can’t they be satisfied with being just friends? Could it be boredom? At least the first 20 years of our lives are set off as a sort of constant challenge—a hoped-for transition from complete dependence to independence. There’s the various stages of compulsory education, then college, then career. And then what? Once you graduate college, most of your ties to your closest friends are severed, and you’re faced with the terrifying prospect of forming an entirely new circle in an unknown city. Sure, you can make some good friends in time. If you’re lucky, you might even like your job and decide to devote your life to singlehandedly transforming that little corner shop into a multinational money maker. But even so, you have to think, can’t help but realize at some point, that you have fifty years or so to kill until you die (add ten if you happen to live in Japan or Denmark). The thought of having to whittle away at all those hours, days, and years alone is truly terrifying.

Maybe that’s why no religion mandates celibacy (priests are married to God, I suppose). Because Jesus and Buddha and all the others knew that even scarier than the thought of some distant eternity of punishment is the idea of sixty years of sitting at home alone with late-night television, murder mysteries, and cats for company. “Celibacy?” they must have thought. “We’d lose the fan base in a second!”

I don’t know what this means for us as people about to embark on our own lives as functioning members of society. I’m not saying shave your head and find yourself a nice cave to begin your life as a hermit. Nor am I telling you to get out of their chair and go find yourself a wife or husband so you don’t end up a cat lady—or cat man, the lesser-known cousin of the same species. While I’m telling you what I’m not telling you, I should also say that I am still out on the question of whether men or women can be friends. I’m inclined to think the answer is no, but watch When Harry Met Sally, and then this video. And then you’ll agree with me.

 

 

For those of you who do believe in friendship between the sexes–bring a friend out to fete coffee for some stimulating conversation over pastries!

 

Andres Oliver, Emory University
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Existential Anguish: Longing for the Past in Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

In Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris, Owen Wilson rubs shoulders with the likes of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway, all while musing about man’s dissatisfaction with his place in time. Though viewers may consider such existential crises standard Allen fare, Owen’s turn as the deep, insecure writer departs from his usual role as the still insecure yet shallow bachelor. He broods, he vacillates, he jokes drily. We know its Allen who’s doing the talking, but with Wilson as the mouth it comes off lighter and more optimistic than usual.

Wilson’s Gil Pender is a Hollywood screenwriter and closeted novelist on vacation in Paris with fiancée Inez (Wedding Crashers costar and love interest Rachel McAdams) and her parents. As Inez and her wealthy parents live the high life at upscale restaurants, Gil feels an itching to go off and wander the streets of Paris, which he claims is most beautiful in the rain. This is trademark Allen—during an interview, he once mentioned that London’s rainy weather best suited his personality.

Gil in Rain

 

But with Gil, we see something more than Allen’s trademark melancholy. We see romanticism, the same kind that brings the fictitious Tom Baxter to life in Allen’s Purple Rose of Cairo. As with the main character in that film, though, we see the ridiculousness of Gil’s romantic notions. How else but by sheer absurdity could Gil find himself pulled into a 1920s cab one night and transported to the world of Fitzgerald, Gertrude Stein, and Hemingway?

Gil, who has been nursing his novel for years without letting anyone read it, brings it to the house of Gertrude Stein where he meets Pablo Picasso’s charming young mistress Adriana (Marion Cotillard). Though Inez can’t understand why Gil centers his novel on an antiquities shop filled with what she no doubt considers worthless junk, Adriana feels drawn to Gil and his pining for the past. As Gil returns night after night to 1920s Paris to continue seeing Adriana while meeting other notables like Dali (Adrien Brody) and the surrealists, Inez is secretly having an affair with Paul (Michael Sheen), her friend’s pedantic husband. Like Gil, we don’t want this pleasant dream to end. Like Gil, we know it must.

Looking at Allen’s work as a whole, it can be difficult to separate the man from the comic persona. He’s mastered the art of studied dissatisfaction, of not getting too excited because you know you’ll just spoil it later—or something will do it for you. As contrived as that might be, you can’t help but think that it has some basis in the real Allen, though maybe film is just his way of rising above the melancholy.

Midnight in Paris isn’t necessarily a happy movie, but it is an optimistic one. Gil has to let go of a few notions by the end of the movie, and his trip to France’s belle époque with Adriana reveals the impossibility of trying to be completely happy with the age  you were born in. However, Gil’s statement near the end of the movie is the most telling: in the same way that we long to escape our present by looking to the past, future generations may look to our own era as the best of times. Does this mean we should be happy living in our  time? Probably not. Allen revels in half-unhappiness, so it would be too much to say he’s telling us that things are fine. But we can’t let our longing for the past stop us living and advancing. We too will be longed for someday. Years from now, when person-to-person communication has become all but obsolete, our phones will sit inside antique shop windows, and passersby will stop and say, “How quaint those people were, at that time. How charming it all was!

Andres Oliver, Emory University
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A Few Words of Introduction

Monday, May 21st, 2012

My dad has always been a big film buff. You could say that’s been passed down, definitely in my upbringing, though possibly genetically as well. I watched Disney when I was younger just like any other kid, but then there were the others–Cinema Paradiso, Zorba the Greek, basically the complete works of Jack Lemmon–not your standard childhood viewing. Back then I’d start protesting as soon as he put in the VHS and I noticed that the movie was in black and white. This was a sure sign of heavy themes and thought-provoking commentary on the human condition.  What kind of kid wants to have to think when he’s watching a movie? But years later, I look back on those grainy black and white films and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’re the reason I don’t spend weekends watching Michael Bay movies. I think I would have liked cinema regardless of my upbringing, but I’ve got my dad to thank for having some semblance of taste.

Did I introduce myself? My name is Andres Oliver. I’m a 21-year-old student at Emory University majoring in creative writing and Japanese, and this summer I’ll be doing movie reviews for The Campus Clipper. This means my film likes and dislikes will be out there for the world to read, discuss, and quite possibly debate hotly over dinner, creating new friends of enemies and tearing families apart. Ok, I’ll tone it down. I love movies, but this is the first time I’ve been given free rein to comment upon them in a public space, so forgive me if I get a little carried away. Some of my favorite films include Blade Runner, Once Upon a Time in the West, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Sleuth. I’ll be covering recent films as well as some of the older ones that might not be as familiar to college students. There’s a lot of material to pick out–race relations, gender portrayals, violence and profanity–and I’ll be doing the picking. Look forward to a summer’s worth of material

Andres Oliver, Emory University
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Cabin in the Woods: You think you know the story?

Monday, April 23rd, 2012

 I saw the trailer for this movie a month ago and it started as any other horror movie would start: A bunch of young people going off into the woods only to later be murdered by some unknown monster. Typical and predictable. Then in the middle of the trailer words appear in an eerie white font, “You think you know the story?” and I thought to myself, “Yes, I do think I know the story but prove me wrong because now I am interested.” What they showed next was a mixture of flashing images of force fields, monsters, blood, people screaming, things twisting, stuff turning and finally what really won me over was the name of the writer: Joss Whedon.

I am a big fan of this man’s work. He wrote Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, and several X-men comics. He is a talented writer who can really perfect characterization and take typical concepts and twist them into an extraordinary experience. He also has a quirky and sometimes disturbing sense of humor.

Onto the movie itself, Cabin in the Woods was AMAZING. The movie tricks the audience into thinking they know what is going to happen and then the movie morphs out of your expectations creating an environment of thrills, suspense, and excitement. The movie switched between moments of complete comfort of knowing what was happening to the group of protagonists, moments of complete horror, and moments of oddly placed humor which adds to the disturbing effect Whedon creates so well.

The movie overwhelmed my expectations. Yes, a lot of parts of the movie seemed obvious such as the old man warning them that they won’t be able to get back, the characters being foolish enough to play with items and read out demonic latin words that lead to blood and sacrifice. Yes, that is a bit cliche  and not hard to predict. However, it is not a movie that takes itself seriously. It is fun and meant to play with the audience with its campy spirit. The acting and characterization were perfect and the twists either scared me (like they should have), shocked me, or a combination of the first two followed by spontaneous laughter or disbelief at what was going on.

Also, there is a suprise guest at the end, though not everyone would know or appreciate this addition.

I have come to a conclusion that Joss Whedon never dissapoints and that this movie is given the rating of AWESOME. Go see it for yourselves if you don’t believe me. Don’t look for spoilers though. That just ruins the entire movie.

For after movie munchies, remember to take advantage of student discounts and the great offers at Campus Clipper.

Sophia, Rochester Institute of Technology

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Finding the Right Show for You

Saturday, January 28th, 2012

I’m young and I’m in New York City– there’s a million shows for me to see, all within my reach. Movies and comedy shows are my kryptonite, and I’m almost always willing to catch a flick or a cheap show, unless I’m in bed watching a movie.

Living on a college budget makes finding prime entertainment a little tricky, but this week I squeezed in a movie and a comedy show. Sometimes you have to treat yourself, you know? At least that’s how I justify my frivolous entertainment expenditures. I watched the movie “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” at the theater across from Penn Station. I love being in the movie theater– it’s warm, dark, and comforting– an escape from the outside world. I’m a funny or action movie kind of guy, so I was a little reluctant to go ball my eyes out during a movie set in the tragedies surrounding September 11th, but I felt as an American, it was my duty. The actors were great, but the kid’s character was way too precocious to be believable. To be honest with you, there were a few times that I wanted to smack him upside the head for things he said to his mother or the general way he acted towards people, even though I knew it was because his dad died. So, if you love America, little kids, and overcoming a horrific tragedy-related death, then I recommend you see “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.”

The second show I saw this week was an Improv show over at UCBT (Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre). I was in tears, had stomach cramps, and couldn’t breathe– all from laughing so hard. There’s no doubt that NYC is the place to be for comedy, and I certainly hit the funny bone at UCB. The group I saw perform was “The Law Firm,” which is a group that’s been together for a while and has gained in popularity. They asked someone from the crowd to tell a story from their week and then they acted out a series of  completely unrehearsed, improvised scenes based on that person’s story. It was pure comedic genius! The show seemed to include everybody in the crowd, feeding off laughter and listening to scene suggestions throughout the show, which was great to feel a part of such a funny experience. Plus, all their shows are dirt cheap, ranging from $5 during the week and $10 on the weekends. Talk about great NYC student discounts!

 

Paul, Auburn University 2012

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Breaking Dawn: I Really Don’t Know Where to Begin

Saturday, November 26th, 2011

I saw the new Twilight movie yesterday with my mother and two teenage brothers (a mistake), and I can confidently say that it was the worst movie I’ve ever paid money to sit through.

And I don’t think it’s the filmmakers’ fault. The storyline is just… so offensively and violently weird that it’s almost to difficult to stomach. Almost. While my eighteen and fifteen year-old brothers groaned and writhed in pain throughout the entire film, nobody got up and left (though there were threats). When the two hours finally ended, we walked into the sunlight, blinking gratefully, completely unable to find the words to describe what we’d just seen.

Breaking Dawn: Part One opens with the ever-bland Bella rejecting a pair of truly gorgeous shoes because she’s above learning to walk in heels for her wedding. As something of a shoe-freak and heel-lover, this made me audibly scoff over and over. I was essentially infuriated from minute 1. They were such pretty shoes, white with silver detailing, and REALLY BELLA? Can’t stoop to such a materialistic level and class it up at YOUR WEDDING? Ugh. Anyway.

It’s time for The Wedding. Bella’s dressed in a Star Trek Next Generation-type shiny skintight number with a very pretty hairdo. Edward looks like a wax figure that’s been airbrushed. Every guest got the memo to wear neutral golds and lavenders, and there are flowers everywhere. It’s very pretty to behold, and it’s over-the-top-ness prompts some great banter from the adorable and witty Anna Kendrick et al, Bella’s high school friends who are in the same boat with me on the ridiculousness of the scene. And THANK THE LORD that some characters seem wise to the craziness of the storyline: Bella is marrying at eighteen years old in a ceremony more elaborate than Kim and Kris and Kate and Wills’ combined. There are a few tender moments between Bella and her dad that really get the waterworks going (my mom was like a hosepipe throughout the entire scene), a vomit-inducing five-minute long make-out scene at the altar, and some fairly cute toasts at the reception. Everything seems to be going perfectly until Preteen Werewolf Jacob shows up, eliciting heavy amounts of cheers and sighs from the group of middle school girls in the row in front of us.

Jacob decided to make an appearance at the wedding even though he’s all depressed because he’s in love with Bella too (again, WHY?) and proceeds to get WEREWOLF ANGRY when she informs him that she and Edward are planning to consummate their marriage on their honeymoon. He hulks out and turns into a wolf and runs away, and Edward had to pick up the pieces. It is at this point that I realized Bella was wearing white sneakers under her wedding gown, and I became about as angry as Jacob.

Bella and Edward go off on their honeymoon via private jet to a pretty large island that the vampires just seem to own. Edward and Bella finally Do It and apparently it’s great for her but his super-vampire-strength causes him to break the bed and bruise her up a bit. I’m actually not sure because I was pretty focused on covering my baby brother’s eyes, but folks, it ain’t much to write home about.

Edward doesn’t want to Do It with Bella anymore because of the bruises, so for the next few minutes the audience is treated to a montage of Bella attempting to seduce Edward whilst engaging in honeymoon-type activities like cliff diving and chess. Her wardrobe is splendid, and Edward looks more handsome than creepy despite the glittering skin. And then, in the plot twist of the century, we discover that Bella is With Child. Enter the awkward political debate. I don’t even want to get into all of that because there are so many seriously-skewed messages being sent by this plot line, but Bella makes her own choice to keep her Vampire Fetus, and Edward is enraged.

Cut to two weeks, and Bella is so gross-looking I almost barfed. They’ve really outdone themselves in making her look awful, and her pregnant belly is covered in bruises because apparently the Vampire Fetus is as strong as Edward. There’s a lot of discussion between werewolf and vampire alike about terminating the Vampire Fetus, but Bella will not hear of it and there’s a lot of anger and wolf-fighting and hilarious stuff that made me laugh. Whatever.

Bella finds out she’ll probably die because the Fetus is taking all of her nutrients, and somehow it’s decided that she should drink some O- out of a sippy-cup. IT’S SO GROSS. She’s all skinny and the blood is in her teeth and I DON’T KNOW WHY I PAID TO SEE THIS. So Bella’s chugging blood at this point and she and Edward are starting to get excited at the prospect of their Vampire Baby.

Bella stands up and I guess the baby kicks her in the spine because some really disgusting body contortions happen and I covered my face for most of it, but Edward essentially eats the baby out of her, and she names it Renesmee (for time’s sake I won’t discuss the name). Edward shoots Bella up with vampire venom to save her life/turn her into a vampire, and Jacob decides to kill the CGI baby as the wolves gather to help take it out. But in another Shocking Plot Twist, Jacob looks at the CGI baby and falls madly in love with it, which the werewolves define as “imprinting,” resulting in a really weird montage of the CGI baby growing up and spinning in a forest. Jacob kneels in front of the CGI baby, and the wolves have to call off their attack because they can’t harm the subject of an “imprinting.”

This movie is not worth paying to see in a theater. I can’t believe I did. It’s so offensive and you can tell that the filmmakers TRIED THEIR DARNDEST and I really pity them because they were making a movie out of a book that contained all of this material. It isn’t at all reminiscent of how real relationships work and everybody looks so weird all of the time! Why aren’t the people of Forks wise to this? I’ll probably end up seeing it on DVD at some point, but as my baby brother said, “The only good thing that came from seeing that movie is I’m 100 percent sure I’m not going to see Part 2.”

Olivia, Fordham University 2012

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There’s a pretty good chance you’ll enjoy “50/50”

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

On Sunday night my roommates and I decided to drag ourselves off of the couch, shake off the candy wrappers and tortilla chip crumbs that covered our laps, and go see a movie. We’d all seen trailers for “50/50,” and being girls who always welcome a good cry we thought a cancer-comedy might suit us better than “Puss in Boots” or “Paranormal Activity 3.”

“50/50” is a film based on the real-life experiences of screenwriter Will Reiser that addresses the difficult question of how a young twenty-something deals with a life-threatening illness. The movie is headlined by a pretty impressive cast: Joseph Gordon-Levitt takes the lead as Adam, our tumor-stricken protagonist, and Seth Rogen gives a sweet portrayal of Levitt’s steadfast comic relief of a best friend. Anjelica Huston, one of my favorite women on earth, plays Levitt’s overprotective, smothering mother and Bryce Dallas Howard succeeds in getting the audience to despise her in her role as Adam’s cheating girlfriend.

Levitt’s Adam is your everyday guy, 27 years old and working in radio when he learns that the back pain he’s been experiencing is actually indicative of a huge malignant spinal tumor. His life begins to unravel as he accepts his illness, faces chemotherapy, and deals with a girlfriend who says his cancer is “too much” for her. For me, the shining star of the film was Seth Rogen, whose portrayal of Adam’s best friend Kyle is believable, touching, and definitely relatable.

I also enjoyed Anna Kendrick’s performance as Adam’s therapist– I’ve always thought she was a great actress. Indeed, in my opinion she was the single best part of “The Twilight Saga: New Moon,” and she didn’t fail to deliver in this film. Her performance was believable, as well as the perfect counterpart to Bryce Dallas Howard’s mean-girlfriend archetype.

The film’s real success lies in its delicate balance of humor and drama– corny as it is, I laughed and I cried (mostly cried). The subject of cancer is a sensitive one, and “50/50” deals with the pressures and heartbreak of facing a life-threatening illness gracefully.

Without giving too much away, dear readers, I really enjoyed this film. I even recommended it to my mom, (something I wouldn’t normally do with a Seth Rogen film; profanity is not something she appreciates), to whom I found many similarities in Anjelica Huston’s character. I highly recommend a trip to your nearest movie theater, (I went to the one on the corner of 86th and 3rd), with your pockets stuffed with tissues. It’s not the easiest movie to watch, but I think there’s a 90/100 chance you’ll walk out of the theater smiling.

And what could complete an evening better than adding dinner to your movie? After your film viewing, why not head over to Singa’s for a delicious, (and free), pizza meal with your student ID and this coupon!

 

Olivia, Fordham University 2012

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Click here  to download the Campus Clipper iTunes App!

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Interested in more deals for students? Sign up for our bi-weekly newsletter to get the latest in student discounts and promotions. For savings on-the-go, download our printable coupon e-book!

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