Posts Tagged ‘addiction’

Same Person, New Habits

Wednesday, August 17th, 2022

We’re listening to a song in their room. I haven’t heard it before, but I know the band. It’s starting off really slow, quiet. We talk over the building music, about who knows what. With a crescendo and a great rush, the song blooms around us, sending shivers down my spine and tingles through my chest. The feeling is familiar, and I’m left speechless, awestruck by the music’s impact. My friend sees my reaction, and they grin. “The natural dizzy.” I don’t remember which of us said it, but I knew it was true. The “dizzy” had come to me, no nicotine necessary. When the song ended, we played it again.

This remains one of my favorite songs of all time; it will always hold a special place in my heart.

We all have habits. Having control over the habits we choose to put time, energy, and money into is vital. Habits, however, are very difficult to change, as Charles Duhigg points out in “The Power of Habit.” Some habits can be reasonably easy to replace, when working with the same routine for a new reward or ridding your life of certain triggers to keep away from the habit altogether. Nicotine was definitely not easy to replace, but the coffees, manicures, and other treats I buy for myself help offset the frustration of being without nicotine. Another element that eased my quitting was my discovery of the natural “dizzy.” Music has always deeply affected me, especially live performances at concerts or musical theater productions. When I was giving up nicotine forever, I knew the “dizzy” would be the hardest thing to let go of. The physical feeling nicotine gives a person is what really keeps them hooked, and my usage of the “dizzy” as a reward made it extra difficult to consider living without it for the rest of my life. When I found that live musical experiences, certain songs, and even particular melodies and harmonies could give me that physical, tingly experience that nicotine once provided, I realized I just needed to change how I sought out the “dizzy.” If I searched for the natural “dizzy,” the one you can find while your favorite band plays or at the closing number of Wicked or on a car ride with friends, that would keep me away from the chemical “dizzy” I had become reliant upon. Nicotine always left me wanting more; the new “dizzy” is more reliable. Satisfying and wholesome and, in some cases, free of charge!

I’m seated next to a girl who wishes she had a vape. I do too, honestly, but I suddenly feel resolved. It’s not solidarity; it’s support, encouragement. I’d met her an hour earlier. I tell her, “You can quit if you want to.” Maybe it’s hypocritical of me to say so, but I say it anyway. “I’m serious. You have the strength to quit.” She nods, smiles. I think my words make us both feel a bit better.

Offering support to others has really helped me to remain strong in my efforts to be nic-free. If a friend complains that they’re fiending for a vape, I’m already offering suckers, gum, something to hold that will keep their hands busy. This doesn’t always help, nor does it ever really solve anything, but I think assisting someone in avoiding nicotine for even an hour is an accomplishment.

Even though I’ve been completely nic-free for over 3 months, I still get cravings for a cigarette every so often. When the scent of cigarette smoke wafts through the drive thru of the coffee shop where I work, I can’t deny the annoyance I feel. I still find myself digging in my purse for a piece of gum when friends have their vapes. It gets easier, but I don’t think the inner struggle will ever disappear. My confidence, however, never ceases to grow. I know I made the right choice, and I’m proud of myself every single day.

Some people will always vape. They won’t see anything particularly harmful or wrong about it, so they’ll continue to allow it in their life. It will remain one of their habits. I respect that. We all have habits; we all have addictions. Some habits are worse than others and, in the grand scheme of things, vaping isn’t that awful. It’s less obnoxious and dangerous than smoking cigarettes. It can bring about joy, satisfy the desire for nicotine. I get it. For me, the issue was I knew it wasn’t good for me. It drained my bank account, hurt my throat and lung capacity, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I’d lost control. So, I made the choice to quit and pushed through powerful cravings to be free from the addiction. It wasn’t easy, and I can’t fault people for not going through with it.

There are lots of reasons people do addictive things. We all have desires for things we maybe shouldn’t have. My advice? Find something addictive AND good for the soul. Something that doesn’t cost $20 every 3-4 days.


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Sophie Rounds is a rising junior at Loyola University Chicago, double majoring in creative writing and Spanish. She loves to read and wishes she were a better cook. When she is not reading or writing, she enjoys singing in several choirs at her university and thrifting with her friends.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Freedom?

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022

I see the vape go to their lips from across the room. I grit my teeth and turn away, the craving suddenly ripping through me. “You don’t need it,” I think to myself. There’s more than one vape in the dim room, however, and a little alcohol does a lot to break down one’s resolve. I ask the boy next to me what flavor his disposable is. He asks if I have one, presumably to perform a trade of sorts. I admit to him that I quit, that I was two months vape-free. “Seriously? Wow, man.” His words are slurred, but his eyes are wide and focused on me, “That is so impressive. I’m proud of you. It’s not easy to go against the crowd like that.” Though my urge to break is nearly overpowering, his words are reassuring. A mixture of pride and guilt meld together in the pit of my stomach, pooling in the back of my throat. How can one feel so strongly about something but still yearn for the opposite?

I don’t remember if I broke that night or not. It doesn’t really matter.

When I tell people that I’ve quit vaping, they’re usually impressed. I appreciate their congratulations, but the voice in my head telling me that I still want nicotine makes me feel like a fraud. I would feel proud of myself, but then feel silly for turning to someone and asking if I could hit their vape. In March, when I should have been over 3 months nic-free, I was caught in a cycle of going back on my promise to myself, just taking a few hits every few days. I realized after several weeks that I had fallen back into my old routine, my old habit resurfacing. I decided I could no longer allow myself to have cheat days. I knew I was strong enough now to stay away completely, so I had to fully commit to the quit. I remember resetting my timer after over 150 days. I had been lying to myself, and I was done doing that. Now, every time I break my streak, I reset the timer. It’s only fair.

Nights out with friends are fun but draining; it’s hard to be around accessible nicotine and stay away from it.

I still felt alone in quitting. The people who thought it was impressive that I quit were still vaping; they weren’t on my team in this endeavor. The lack of solidarity made it hard to be true to my promise to stay away from nicotine. Luckily, I have a secret weapon. She cheers me on and keeps me on track. She’s not in my same situation because she was never addicted to nicotine. She saw me when I was still vaping but trying to quit, and she was with me when I was fiending like crazy at a party. Someone who will physically hold you and tell the person whose vape you’ve just asked for “NO” for you is something special. Her pride means more than that of those who still vape, because she won’t dangle nicotine in front of my face. We get to stay away from nicotine together.

Sometimes I resent people who vape or smoke. It feels like I’m being teased, as they get their little rush of chemical joy while I sit fiddling with a hair tie or chewing violently on a piece of gum. I almost feel angry, seeing others with the same vice that was once mine. I allow myself to be angry, if only to keep me from asking for a spare cigarette. The solidarity between myself and those who subscribe to bad habits is demolished, because I went through the suffering that is quitting and they haven’t. I tell myself it won’t always be this way, that I’ll be able to be around it someday and not feel rage and jealousy rush to my cheeks. In her article “Neurobiology of Nicotine Dependence,” Athina Markou states, “Nicotine dependence is more prevalent than dependence on any other substance of abuse (Anthony et al. 1994).” While dependence on nicotine is a prevalent issue, nicotine itself is not the killer when it comes to cigarettes. Vaping bypasses the tobacco and delivers nicotine in chemical juice form to millions of individuals, avoiding the danger. One of those individuals used to be me. Sometimes I ask myself, why did you even quit, really? If it’s not really dangerous, what’s the big deal? If it’s so hard to stay away, then why stay away? It’s just a habit, in reality.

We all have habits.


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Sophie Rounds is a rising junior at Loyola University Chicago, double majoring in creative writing and Spanish. She loves to read and wishes she were a better cook. When she is not reading or writing, she enjoys singing in several choirs at her university and thrifting with her friends.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The Quit

Saturday, July 23rd, 2022

The vape is clutched in their hand. They hit the device, casually, not understanding their privilege. Their lack of reverence for the “dizzy” fills me with a fiery anger. They don’t appreciate how lucky they are to be able to satiate their nicotine addiction. I grind my teeth together and try to remember my tracker, counting my days. They’re saying something, laughing about something. I can’t take my eyes off the colorful cylinder. An unending cycle of words courses through my brain, through my veins: “I want it I want it I want it I want it I want it.” I have no idea what they are talking about. I can’t think of any of the reasons I’d written down, can’t think of any reason I shouldn’t be allowed this one reprieve, a momentary breath of utter bliss. “Can I?” I blurt out, pointing to the vape. I am granted my deepest desire, but the vapor that spills into my lungs hurts, making my throat close and stomach curl. The “dizzy” betrays me. I want to go back, I wish I hadn’t broken my streak, I wish I could’ve held out for another minute. I open the tracker app and reset my timer, disgusted.

Quitting nicotine is comparable to breaking up with a toxic ex. Someone who makes you feel good but tears you down. Who keeps you from realizing your full potential. Even though you know they’re bad for you, you miss the good times. You let them back in when they beg you to, and you have to cultivate the strength to kick them out of your life once again.

This is Quitting sent me a text in late September, saying “Write a breakup letter to your vape. It may seem silly, but a letter can be an emotional commitment to quitting.” I did think a breakup letter sounded silly. Because I had already written so much about nicotine and why I needed it out of my life, however, I figured writing a letter directly to nicotine could be satisfying. A final goodbye.

“I should’ve never let you [nicotine] in, because you’ve wormed your way into my head. It’s hard getting rid of you. I worry that I’m never going to be able to forget you, fully leave you behind. But that worry is a trick. That’s YOU, in my brain, still trying to pull the strings. YOU DON’T OWN ME… You are simply a nuisance, a weed I must uproot from my psyche. It hurts, in all honesty, and the pulling is long and drawn out… well, I’m not having any of it. You are disgusting. You hurt me, you harm my whole being, but you had me hooked. Not anymore. We are DONE.”

-”the breakup,” September 2021.

It did feel good. I felt free. I turned to this form of coping with the withdrawals more often, jotting down my experiences and feelings in my notes app or typing away a craving in my QuitVaping app. As a writer, it would make sense that writing about this frustration and pain would be so helpful.

I didn’t just write in order to erase the habit. I changed so many areas of my life in order to shake nicotine, replacing the old routine with something new. I doodled to keep my hands busy, drank coffees and teas constantly, kept my purse stocked with suckers, watched asmr videos in an attempt to replace the physical feeling of the “dizzy” with tingles (somewhat effective). I wrote when I was particularly frustrated, and other moments were filled with little tasks to keep my mind from returning to nic.

Doodles produced by the urge to do something with my hands.

I was exposed to nicotine nearly constantly, which sucked. Being without nicotine is okay when you don’t have any access. You can forget about it and replace it with something else, as I did with coffee and suckers and snacks. I knew that any of those things were better than nicotine in the long run, for both my health and my bank account. Being near someone who has a vape or a cigarette, however, created such a strong craving that I gave in time after time, begging to obtain the “dizzy.” It was embarrassing that I couldn’t quite kick the habit just yet.

A coffee to keep the cravings away.

While I didn’t have the strength to fully stop thinking about nicotine, I had the strength to stop buying my own, to keep it out of my dorm and my spaces. Progress was slow, but I found myself making it to 3, 4, even 5 days with no nicotine before breaking, and with each reset of the timer, I began to feel more confident that I could be done forever. Finally, in mid-November, that day came. I pushed through cravings like never before, even when I was around temptations that nearly gave me physical pain. The rush of satisfaction and triumph I experienced each night I avoided the “dizzy” was nearly as good as the “dizzy” itself.

“It wasn’t too bad. Seriously, future Soph. Don’t. Have a sucker or a mint or some gum or a snack or some ice. ANY of those are better. You’ve got this<3” 

 -QuitVaping Check-in: December 3, 2021.

I couldn’t quit by myself. My newfound conviction stemmed from thoughts of my family and friends, of others who needed me to be strong and push through these cravings. In the moments when I couldn’t quit for myself, I quit for my mom. I quit for my friends, those who vaped and those who didn’t. I quit for everyone else, until finally I could quit for myself. For past-me, the writer who wanted so badly to escape the cage she’d built herself. For future-me, who still wanted to be able to sing and run and save her hard-earned money. Finally, I quit.

“I haven’t had any nicotine in my body for a whole month. Life goes on. I might miss you sometimes, but I know my decision to stay away is the best for me and my friends. I escaped your clutches!! I have complete control over my thoughts and actions. You don’t deserve another second of my time or another penny of my hard earned money… Cheers to a month without you, nicotine. Fuck you.”

– “an anniversary,” December 2021.

Even after a month without any nicotine in my body, being nic-free was difficult. Gina Shaw’s medically reviewed WebMD article entitled “Surviving Without Smoke: Month 1” discusses what nicotine withdrawal looks like, saying “…symptoms of nicotine withdrawal include: anxiety, irritability, headache, trouble sleeping, fatigue, and hunger.” Shaw writes that these symptoms “hit a peak within the first three days of quitting,” but can linger for two full weeks. By the time you’ve made it a month without nicotine, these symptoms should be greatly diminished, if not fully gone. The cravings for nicotine, however, are a different story. I began to ask myself, “when will the cravings actually go away?”


Through my experience quitting nicotine, I found that coffee is a simple joy in life that can be both rewarding and motivating! I find that discounted coffee is even better:) NYU students, head over to Brewlita for 20% off your order when you show your student I.D.!

Sophie Rounds is a rising junior at Loyola University Chicago, double majoring in creative writing and Spanish. She loves to read and wishes she were a better cook. When she is not reading or writing, she enjoys singing in several choirs at her university and thrifting with her friends.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The Decision

Wednesday, July 13th, 2022

“I just had a rather unproductive day… I’ve mostly watched tiktok/youtube and waited for the nic to wear off of my system so I could get a dizzy. That’s actually why I sat down to write. I want so badly to be absolutely done with nicotine. I’m going to write a pros and cons list:

“I knew the list would turn out that way, but I just needed to see it on paper. I am DONE after the one I have runs out. D-O-N-E.”

-Journal entry, 9/18/21

The above excerpt is taken from a journal page written on an auspicious night during my sophomore year of college. I had been vaping for nearly a year. That night was my point of no return, my hard stop, my first act closing number going into intermission. My decision was fierce and solid. I was DONE.

Of course, I didn’t quit cold turkey. Quitting nicotine is hard. Mistakes were made and cravings were given into. That night, however, changed my mindset and my path. Previously, I hadn’t held the conviction to get rid of the vice of nicotine. The pros and cons list existed only in my mind. I shoved it to the back, hid it with concerns about my future and that one song that constantly runs on repeat underneath all brain activity. I didn’t allow it to come to the forefront and confront me with the obviousness of the choice. It was out of focus, blurry.

Everything came together on September 18th. It felt like sliding my glasses on for the first time, the blurriness of the unofficial list suddenly sharply clear. My pen was unstoppable. The pros and cons spilled onto the page, and a page of craving busters followed soon after. I made a plan, and I provided myself with resources that would help me through. I scribbled a list of advice from online sources: avoid alcohol, exercise, drink lots of water, rest, stay positive, do NOT give in to cravings. I even wrote a letter for myself, for moments of weakness when I would look back and ask why am I doing this to myself? The words I wrote that night still inspire me to this day, seeing how scared yet determined I had been.

This poster hangs over my desk and has since September 2021.

My conviction wasn’t the only thing that pushed me over the edge. I thought about my grandma, who had passed away in August from lung related complications. I thought about my mom, looking at me in disappointment and concern upon finding a stash of my empty vapes. I thought about my friends, the people I’ve chosen to love and support endlessly, addicted to this harmful substance alongside me. All of it together pushed tears out of my eyes as I wrote and wrote and wrote. I was done.

A ScienceDirect article entitled “Quitting e-cigarettes: Quit attempts and quit intentions among youth and young adults,” details research on how young e-cigarette users feel about quitting vaping, saying, “…33.3% reported a past-year quit attempt, 15.3% reported serious intentions to quit, and 54.2% reported general intentions to quit.”  Half of all young e-cigarette users have intentions to quit using nicotine. Many, however, make an attempt and subsequently fall back into their habit. It’s a hard one to break. I wanted to better my odds, to not be part of the third of users who tried to quit but couldn’t make it stick. I downloaded an app soon after the 18th of September: QuitVaping. I texted “DITCHVAPE” to the This is Quitting number by the truth initiative. I was ready to embark on this treacherous journey in order to free myself, and eventually my friends, from nicotine’s iron clutches.

“Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss, get rid of nicotine,” were the final words of my journal entry on September 18th. Words I decided to live by.


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By Sophie Rounds

Sophie Rounds is a rising junior at Loyola University Chicago, double majoring in creative writing and Spanish. She loves to read and wishes she were a better cook. When she is not reading or writing, she enjoys singing in several choirs at her university and thrifting with her friends.



For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Needing

Wednesday, July 6th, 2022

I gasp in joy and relief as the bottom panel of the pod finally comes free. I let go of the pliers I had been using to pry the metal panel away and grab the little bottle full of juice; my ambrosia. I squeeze the bottle, filling the tiny pod with the nicotine infused liquid. Piecing the pod back together, I shove the plastic into the device. The “dizzy” is so close, but my obstacles are not over. I take a pull from the vape, and a sour, burning taste floods my mouth. I run to the sink and spit, the vape juice still tingling on my tongue. My nose and eyes scrunch at the offensive taste, and I gulp some water.

I cough, then bring the vape back to my lips.

I went to great lengths to continue to have the “dizzy” in my life. I couldn’t let it go. I wanted that lovely feeling to stay. I didn’t want to go without it. I sank to new lows. In some places, cigarettes were easier to buy than vapes, and so, for a few weeks, I would obtain my “dizzy” through the acrid scent of smoke. Despite the nausea, the smell seeping into my hair, clothes, and room, and the slightly different “dizzy,” I was still drawn in. Turns out, this wasn’t a want. It was a need.

The “dizzy” not only drove my days; it became the only thing I looked forward to. Taking classes online, stuck in my dorm all alone, having nothing but more monotony for the foreseeable future, the “dizzy” was a reward for making it through a few hours. I wasn’t looking to my future. I could barely look forward to the next week. I knew there were cons of vaping, but in the moment, planning my next “dizzy” was often the only thing that kept me going.

Cold, dreary, lonely days at the peak of my dependence.

I knew at this point that I needed to quit. The habit was stupid expensive, and I hated spending my hard-earned money on something that made my lungs feel so weak. I also knew my family didn’t want me to be doing it. Most people find the habit annoying, and I knew it was embarrassing to want to leave my friends in order to find the “dizzy” back at my dorm or even in a bathroom stall. Still, something held me back.

A few things, actually. First of all, lots of people around me vaped. I saw so many college students around my campus with brightly colored disposable vapes. Their flavors were never super important to me personally, but thetruth.com cites an article on flavored e-cigarette use in youth and young adult users, stating that out of all 18-29 year olds who vape, 92% started with a flavor of some kind. The smoke shop across the street from my campus doesn’t I.D., and they sell pricey disposables to fiending college kids. As one of those students, I would frequently find myself stopping by to pick up a new device, dropping a ridiculous amount of money for something that would maybe last me five days. No one else around me was quitting. Everyone was vaping, and no one else seemed to genuinely want to stop. The lack of solidarity in the idea of quitting scared me, and so I stayed on the fence. 

My own fear that I couldn’t do it, that I wasn’t strong enough to destroy this addiction, also kept me anchored in my nicotine usage. I knew that quitting would be hard. I knew from the times when I didn’t have a vape or access to any nicotine how awful it felt to be without it. On thetruth.com, a study exploring changes in mental health after quitting smoking is referenced: “Symptoms of nicotine withdrawal can feel like depression, anxiety, and irritability.” This is why so many people try to quit and fail. They give into the cravings when the quit becomes unbearable. 

I didn’t want to fail, so I didn’t want to try.


Use this coupon to get 20% off smoothies, coffee, and juices at Serotonin Smoothies! Make sure to bring your student I.D. and a craving for a fruity drink!

By Sophie Rounds

Sophie Rounds is a rising junior at Loyola University Chicago, double majoring in creative writing and Spanish. She loves to read and wishes she were a better cook. When she is not reading or writing, she enjoys singing in several choirs at her university and thrifting with her friends.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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Wanting

Friday, June 24th, 2022

I close and lock the stall door. I dig through my purse until my fingers find the piece of plastic they are yearning for. I bring it to my lips without a thought. I could have walked back to my dorm after my class before experiencing the “dizzy,” but I want it now. I stand in the stall, holding my phone in one hand and the vape in the other, waiting in deep anticipation for the shivers to begin. In a sick twist of fate, the vape slips from my hand, bouncing off the bathroom floor and out of the stall. There is silence as I freeze, watching the shadows of girls at the sinks. I frantically collect my purse from the hook and swing the door open. “Is this…someone’s?” The girl is holding the pink disposable in a paper towel. I should just leave it. She’s uncomfortable. I’m uncomfortable. “It’s mine.” I grab the piece and shove it in my pocket, my face hot. I don’t thank her. I wash my hands and leave, my stomach curdling and my eyes on the floor. Why didn’t I just wait until I got home? The “dizzy” had been ruined and my pride tarnished. I pat my pocket as I walk, ensuring the piece is safe.

There was a time when I didn’t consider my yearning for nicotine an addiction. It was just something I liked, something I craved, something that was fun. It didn’t feel unreasonable to pool together change from around my room to buy a vape, or to drive a mile or two out of the way to go to a location that didn’t I.D. It was in these moments, like the one in the restroom, that my ideology started to shift. The feeling of dependency becomes pronounced when there are outsiders watching the struggle. It’s the opposite of solidarity; the others don’t understand why I’m standing in the bathroom with this piece of plastic. There is almost a mirror effect, in which one can see their shortcomings reflected in the eyes of another.

Photo from a gas station that did I.D., but we were only there for a fun photoshoot, not to restock. My vape was in my pocket.

Surrounded by other vaping college kids, I find it intriguing that so many of them are willing to share. Of course, among familiar faces, there is always the willingness to help a fiending friend. But in groups of total strangers, at parties or other functions, people would ask for a hit from someone’s vape, and they would oblige. This isn’t necessarily universal, but that solidarity resurfaced again in the sharing of nicotine. Everyone who is addicted to nicotine knows how it feels to be without it. The dependence exists in all of us, and many individuals are willing to allow the less fortunate to obtain a “dizzy” when they ask. There is no mirror reflecting the discomfort of the situation, no viewer highlighting the way the asking is almost begging.

The craving for the “dizzy” drove my days. The experience was almost sacred, this moment alone with my head buzzing and my body half-floating. I would plan my schedule around when I could find a private place to hit my vape, and until that time, it remained tucked away. I knew it took about two and a half hours for the nicotine to leave my system and my body to reset, closer to three for a more intense “dizzy,” and so I would patiently wait. It gave me a feeling of control, of power over my nicotine usage. I had self-control. I didn’t need nicotine. I just wanted it.

In The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg looks into the formation of habits within the brain. In an MIT experiment from the early 1990s, researchers placed rats into a maze with a piece of chocolate at one end. After going through the maze repeatedly for a week, researchers found that the rats’ brains were less active while completing the maze, as they had formed a habit of completing the maze in a certain way in order to find the reward–chocolate. “This process,” Duhigg writes, “–in which the brain converts a sequence of actions into an automatic routine–is known as ‘chunking,’ and it’s at the root of how habits are formed.” This research also posited the habit loop, a three-step process which occurs within our brains: cue, routine, reward. Duhigg continues, “When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision making.” Once a cue or a trigger of some kind takes place, the brain wants to divert focus to other tasks and allow the routine to occur.

The habit loop can be helpful, because if you can control the cues and rewards in play, you can create new habits. It can be unhelpful, however, when cues and triggers are constant. Everywhere. 

While perhaps I did not need nicotine, it sure was hard to ignore.


Want some Italian-American cuisine at a discounted price? Head to Isabella Restaurant with your student I.D. for 10% off your meal!

By Sophie Rounds

Sophie Rounds is a rising junior at Loyola University Chicago, double majoring in creative writing and Spanish. She loves to read and wishes she were a better cook. When she is not reading or writing, she enjoys singing in several choirs at her university and thrifting with her friends.


For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.

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The Dizzy

Saturday, June 18th, 2022

I breathe in the rush of chemicals, their harshness hitting the back of my throat in an almost nauseating gasp of relief. Another pull and the feeling begins, somewhere in my esophagus at first. The vibrating sensation spreads into my chest and limbs, then my arms and fingers, extending to my legs and toes. A chill washes over me, and I bring the device back to my lips, craving more of this feeling. Again, the vapor spills into my lungs, making my throat squeeze but allowing the rest of my body to relax. My vision is different as I try to continue reading the post on my glowing phone screen, and I realize that my eyes are shaking. I put the phone down and watch my ceiling, eyes unfocused. A final hit, and I sigh, a euphoria of sorts settling over me as I lean back against my bed, fully appreciating the morning “dizzy.”

Most would call it a buzz, but since the day I tried my friend’s vape, I have referred to the experience as the “dizzy.” Having watched the USB-like piece become a permanent fixture in their hand over the course of several months, I asked them what it felt like. I was curious; it seemed like something they enjoyed, plus they could make cool shapes with the smoke. I had the urge to try it. I asked if they would let me. It was in my hand within a second.

Photo taken during the week of my discovery of the “dizzy.” A time of brightness, the feel of a ray of sun.

That first try was exciting, but it wasn’t what I had expected. The vapor made my throat ache and close, and I think I coughed quite a bit. But, after a moment of catching my breath and some coaching from my friend, I tried again. And again. The vapor was harsh and didn’t taste great, but the world began to swirl around me as the vibrations spread through my chest, into my hands and head. I felt like I had just gotten off of the teacups at DisneyWorld or had just twirled myself on a swing at the playground until I couldn’t see straight. 

I think I smiled. I think I laughed. After noting the dizzying effect the device had on me, the experience of hitting a vape was from that point forward referred to as a “dizzy.” 

In that first week or two, I told my friend not to let me hit it while I was driving. I was concerned that the intensity of the “dizzy” would distract me from the road, that my vibrating eyes would keep me from seeing straight. When I wasn’t driving, however, I was able to obtain the lovely “dizzy,” which I was starting to crave more and more often. The feeling was fun, something that I had never experienced before, had found in nothing else. Perhaps it could be compared to riding a roller coaster, with the tumbling of your stomach and the pounding of adrenaline through your veins. The bodily high that makes your heart race and your head swim, your breath shaky but your brain alive.

 I began asking to borrow my friend’s disposable more and more often, until I finally wanted my own. A device I could have at home when my friend wasn’t around to provide the “dizzy.” I found a gas station that didn’t ask for my I.D., and the rest is history.

Once I began vaping nicotine, I saw it everywhere. I hadn’t really thought much about it prior, even though my high school principal had been adamant about keeping students from vaping in the restrooms. Once I had experienced the beauty of the “dizzy,” I not only saw cigarettes and vapes all over, but I also gained new insight into why people have and continue to indulge in what some might call a vice. My judgment of smokers dipped. Despite my continued dislike for the scent of cigarette smoke, I found myself understanding why they were doing it. It was a type of solidarity, accepting others’ habits to avoid personal hypocrisy, a mutual understanding that the feeling cigarettes and vapes provide is just so lovely.

So lovely.


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By Sophie Rounds

Sophie Rounds is a rising junior at Loyola University Chicago, double majoring in creative writing and Spanish. She loves to read and wishes she were a better cook. When she is not reading or writing, she enjoys singing in several choirs at her university and thrifting with her friends.


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