Growing up, adults would call me an “old soul.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but when adults call a child an “old soul,” it is almost always because that child is a bit weird and not good at connecting with people of their own age. I was certainly no exception. In the school cafeteria, I’d talk off the ear of anyone who would listen, rarely aware of whether they had any interest in what I was saying. In the school yard, rather than playing with others, I’d sit on the benches and read, or talk to the class monitor. For the fifth grade school talent show, instead of singing a song from Frozen like a normal child, I chose “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera. The adults loved my elementary school impression of Christine Daae, while the little kids in the front row put their hands over their ears when I sang the high note.
However, being a Former Weird Kid has its advantages. First, I write these posts on how to make friends from the perspective of someone who has struggled to fit in and find my place. I understand it’s not as easy as simply “putting yourself out there” when people have not always responded well to me when I’ve done just that. There’s nothing wrong with being weird, but weirdness does not always have a place in a world that often punishes deviations from the norm.
I’m not suggesting you hide the weird or unique side of yourself in order to get people to like you. In fact, I’m advocating for quite the opposite: while I did not make many friends in fifth grade, in the long run, letting my freak flag fly has helped me find a community of people who share my interests and quirks. After my performance in the talent show, a few teachers approached my mother and suggested I audition for a children’s choir in the area — the rest is history. Though I’ve since graduated from that organization, chorus is still a huge part of my life, and so are some of the “old souls” (read: weird kids) I’ve met there.
So, don’t be afraid to be weird! Weirdness sets you apart, and can help you find other people who share your interests, hobbies, and hyperfixations. And if you’re an “old soul” who struggles to connect with your peers, don’t be afraid to make friends with actual old souls — that is, people who are literally older than you. Not only can these relationships be just as (if not more!) fulfilling than ones with people your age, but research shows that having friends across age groups actually helps your brain development. At the adult chorus I currently attend, where there are folks of all ages, I’ve gotten career advice from 30-year olds, life advice from 50-year olds, and advice on how to clean cashmere (extremely helpful) from 80-year olds. So, talk to Barbara from your birdwatching group, or Mary from your accounting class. They may not end up being the shoulder you cry on when you go through, say, your first breakup, but they might give you dating advice you’ll remember years later just when you need it. They may teach you something you’ll be glad to know, whether you’re an old soul, a weird kid, or something in between.
By Renee Ricevuto
Renee Ricevuto is pursuing a double major in English and Music at Hunter College, along with a certificate from the Thomas Hunter Honors Program. She has published her work at the University of Chicago’s Harper Review and received writing awards at her institution. She’s currently working on a research project with the Mellon Public Humanities and Social Justice Scholarship Program. When she’s not writing or researching, she loves to read, draw, sing, and embroider.
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