How Not to Do Anything: An Expert Guide – How Not to Get a Girl or Guy

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The greatest threat to a life devoid of obligations –– and the number one reason that anyone does anything –– is, of course, sex. (Almost) no one is interested in a person that doesn’t do anything, as such a person may often be considered “lazy,” or even “useless.” Obviously, such hasty judgements fail to appreciate the degree of commitment and even skill requisite to really doing nothing. But in any case, the allure of sex is a given; it is the single thing most likely to distract one from some good old indolence. It is the primary reason that scientists and musicians are constantly trying to top one another, that bankers work eighteen hour days for another meaningless zero on their Christmas bonuses, and that regular people put so much effort into appearing active, interesting, and reliable.

But even the appearance of activity, interest, and reliability takes just a ton of work. And if and when you find someone who buys the crock that you actually are fascinated by French literature or Lady Gaga and really do get more than pecuniary sustenance from your job, you only need to work harder to keep up the illusion, until it inevitably fails and you are left cold and alone, wondering why you haven’t quit your painfully dull job. Then you remember: who wants to have sex with someone who can’t even hold down a job? A vicious cycle.

To fight the threat to your inactivity that the possibility of romance presents, I humbly proffer the following brief set of instructions:

  • Maintain standards in potential partners that are well above what might be considered realistic, fair, or sane. (You can always do better.)
  • Follow advice given in chapters 1-2 (published on the Campus Clipper blog last week and the week before) and 4-9 (that are yet to come). No member of the opposite or same sex should bother you.

By Aaron Brown

Aaron Brown was one of the Campus Clipper’s publishing interns, who wrote an e-book   “How Not To Do Anything: An Expert Guide.” If you like Aaron’s writing, follow our blog for more chapters from his e-book. We have the most talented interns ever and we’re so proud of them! For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourage them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing and services.  

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