Posts Tagged ‘roommate problems’

People You Hate

Friday, November 10th, 2023

If there is one thing that is for sure going to happen in college, in life, it’s that you are going to meet people that you just don’t like. I go to a pretty small college, and for the most part I like to think that I can get along well with anyone. That being said, even in my small community, I have some opposition. There are a couple of people that I just do not like, for whatever reason.

My first year of college was online because of Covid, so my first year in the dorms was my sophomore year. I decided to go random for a roommate, and was matched with someone I seemed to have nothing in common with. I moved in without talking to her at all, with the exception of a five minute phone call discussing if the rug she wanted to buy would fit ok in our small shared space. I had a feeling that we wouldn’t be best friends, but that was ok with me. I thought we would at least be able to cohabitate.

Wrong. I’m going to skip the details, for my sake and yours, but we did not get along at all. We had some problems that we could not resolve without getting residential life involved, and it put an extreme strain on our already foundationless relationship. I ended up moving rooms two weeks into school and we hardly saw each other after that, but once in a while we would run into each other on campus. No words were ever said, but every look we exchanged was charged with strong mutual dislike. In truth, I hated her. 

Me and my new roommate get along much better!

Now, I understand that maybe hate is a strong word, but in my case it is accurate. When everything was fresh, seeing her would rile me up. Heart rate increased, face hot, stomach turning–the whole thing. Laying eyes on her fired me up to the point of significant distress, and I fed into the toxicity that is hatred. I talked bad about her to my friends, I gave her dirty looks, I blocked her on instagram. I am not proud of the way I handled our conflict, but because I felt that my feelings were justified, I didn’t realize how my own negativity was poisonous to my mental well being. Why should I carry all this anger with me over something that had long been over?

Time, as it does, diluted those strong feelings greatly, and now, in my senior year, I do not really think about her at all. Or at least, I hadn’t in a while, until we ran into each other in the bathroom at a local bar. The two of us made eye contact, but our eyes didn’t hold any tension or malice anymore, it just felt awkward. It seemed that we had both moved on. We sort of smiled at each other, and said a polite hello as I washed my hands. Sitting in that politeness for a moment, I complimented her boots and started to dry my hands. 

“We don’t have beef anymore, right?” she asked. I wasn’t really sure. It all felt so far away now, we had both moved on. My hatred had turned to apathy.

“No, we’re good.” It was time to let go. Even though I hadn’t been thinking about her much lately, it felt good to have some closure. Hate is just not fulfilling, and I didn’t have room in my heart to carry it anymore. We chatted for a few more minutes in the bathroom, and though we will probably never be friends, it felt good to let go of all of that anger I didn’t know I was still holding on to.

Sometimes you have to feel your hate, and that is totally ok, but you cannot let it overpower your joy. Hate is a parasite. It is draining, and heavy. You do not owe anyone your affection or friendship, especially when they have wronged you in the past, but hatred is ugly and wastes energy. It’s one thing to not want to be around someone, it’s another thing to let them live in your mind constantly. Protect your peace and don’t waste your time in anger. You have better things to do.

Hate doesn’t look good on anyone, but a new haircut does! Use this coupon to save 15% on a fresh cut

By Erin O’Brien

Erin is a student based in Boston, MA studying Communications and Studio Art. She is drawn to telling stories about love and friendship, with themes of humanity and connection at its core. In sharing her personal truths, she hopes to provide readers with nuggets of learned wisdom and college survival skills

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.


Starting College, Roommates, and Italian for Dinner

Tuesday, October 27th, 2020

Before me is a white plate cradling little pockets of ravioli with a layer of parmesan, like snow dusted on top. The green of the sage just barely peeps through. My mouth waters and I look over to my friend Leslie whose face must mirror my own. Her plate of pasta speckled with pepper and pecorino beams up at her, same as mine does at me. “SO worth the wait,” she says. We dig in. 

Ravioli Burro e Salvia from I Sodi.

Months prior to this, Leslie and I met in our History of the Universe class. I noticed one of the girls I was waiting outside the classroom door with was wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt. I thought to myself, This girl is cool, I’m going to make sure to sit next to her. And thanks to our professor who loved to assign group work, we ended up working together because we were seated next to each other. Only about a month into the semester, I was waiting for the elevator in my residence hall when I bumped into Leslie taking out the trash one day. We both started apologizing profusely for the run-in before we realized who the other person was. “Wait, you live on this floor?” I asked, and she nodded. It turned out she lived just a few doors down from me (and it also turned out that this would be a huge blessing for me during my freshman year).

The more time passed, the more uncomfortable I got with my living situation. As Leslie and I got closer, I would spend more and more time in her dorm studying or just hanging out until I absolutely had to go to sleep, or she or her roommate did. Many times I would show up to class and she’d ask for updates on how it was going over in my dorm. I’d sigh and update her because there was always something to tell.

The issue? My roommate.

Or maybe it was me. Likely, it was both of us. The strangest part of it all was that when we were texting over the summer before the semester started, we got along really well. I actually had very high hopes for the school year and was thrilled that I was roomed with someone who was so friendly and who had all the same preferences I did on the housing application. So when things started to go south, I did my best to smile through the pain. She missed a week of cleaning? It’s okay, I’m not always good about remembering either. She had her boyfriend over and they were being too loud? That’s fine, I can handle it. He’s sleeping over now? It’s okay. I’m fine. He’s here again? Okay. Maybe it’s just a few days in a row. It will stop. Wait, he’s here again

Truthfully, it got worse. The amount of time it would take to tell every incident, to detail what life in the dorm was like, would be immense. There was yelling, a lot of it, then the strained moments in which we tried to compromise, then ultimately silence that was not just awkward, but filled with tension. We were definitely both at fault. I was used to my living situation at home, where I could be left alone in peace and quiet, and she was used to being able to have people over whenever she wanted. There were times we lost our tempers with each other, but we also tried to be civil with each other the following day. Countless discussions about what we could do to make the other feel more comfortable often came to nothing, and we even went to our RA for guidance at one point. At the end of the day, whether we had come to an agreement or not, we were left unhappy.

Since then, I’ve chalked it up to us being victims of circumstance. I am almost certain that if we hadn’t had to live together we would have been friends. We were just highly incompatible when it came to our ways of living. And unfortunately, it got to the point I’d do anything to be out of my dorm. 

“I know what we can do,” Leslie said one day as we lounged on her bed. Her eyes had lit up all of a sudden as we watched a movie on her laptop in the dark. We’d been dying for a break in routine lately and she knew I needed something to take my mind off of my living situation. “I Sodi,” she said excitedly.

I blinked. “What’s that?”

“I Sodi. It’s a super fancy Italian restaurant. You have to make a reservation, like, months in advance to eat there. But after our History of the Universe final, we should go there to celebrate!”

So we made the reservation (two months in advance) and saved the little money our parents sent us to be able to have a fulfilling experience come December. When the day finally came we threw on our nicest looking sweaters and coats and braved the cold wind, walking the streets of New York to finally arrive at the steps of I Sodi. And yes, it was worth it. Of course, it was nice to be out of the dorm, but it was also one of the few times that semester I genuinely enjoyed being in New York. We still felt out of place sitting amongst people who certainly looked like they didn’t have to save money to eat there, but the meal has lived on in our memories as one of the best New York has gifted us thus far since living there. Worries fell away, the food melted in our mouths, and I could forget about what awaited me back at the dorm.

I Sodi in New York City.

But many times when I look back on my freshman year, especially that first semester, I wish I’d done better. What if there was something I could have done to make my situation more tolerable not just for me, but for my roommate?

Here are some steps you can take to try to improve your relationship with your roommate:

  • Take a Breath – Maybe you are like me and you get overwhelmed by what is bothering you and want to fix it immediately. There were times I know I was a little too quick to get on my roommate for something when I should have calmed down first thing. So breathe. Sometimes it’s a case of having to choose your battles. If you think you can handle it, try to do so, especially if there is more than just one issue at hand. 
  • Talk to Them – Can’t take it anymore? Sometimes you have to start that awkward conversation. Make sure you know what you’re going to say first and make sure you have a positive attitude before you talk to your roommate. They will likely hear you out and try to fix the situation if you are nice about it. In other words, don’t be my roommate or me who many times just snapped at each other. 
  • Give Them a Chance – College is overwhelming. It doesn’t take long to realize that. So it is likely your roommate may forget (again? Yes, again! It’s okay, take another breath) that it’s their turn to clean, or that they promised they would take out the trash. Give them at least a week before you bring it up again. It can take a while to implement something into your routine.
  • Talk to Your RA – If you are still having issues, do not be shy to knock at your Residential Assistant’s door. They will more than likely smooth over the situation and will be a neutral voice that you can count on to help you and your roommate reach a true compromise. 
  • Take it Easy – It’s possible more issues will arise, likely a few of the same ones. I made the mistake my freshman year of getting too hung up on these things, of letting them eat away at me to the point I couldn’t enjoy my time in New York. Do your best to shrug these things off. Do things that you enjoy to take your mind off it. You cannot control your roommate, but you can take care of yourself. 

And if all that doesn’t work? Find your Leslie and your I Sodi and plan something amazing that you can look forward to. Spoil yourself. Do it. You need it. 

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By: Anaïs Nuñez-Tovar

Anaïs is currently a Junior at New York University and is majoring in English with a minor in Creative Writing. Her goal for the future is to work in the publishing industry and write on the side. She loves to write and read poetry and fiction in her spare time.

For over 20 years, the Campus Clipper has been offering awesome student discounts in NYC,  from the East Side to Greenwich Village. Along with inspiration, the company offers students a special coupon booklet and the Official Student Guide, which encourages them to discover new places in the city and save money on food, clothing, and services.  

At the Campus Clipper, not only do we help our interns learn new skills, make money, and create wonderful e-books, we give them a platform to teach others. Check our website for more student savings and watch our YouTube video showing off some of New York City’s finest students during the Welcome Week of 2015.