Posts Tagged ‘soup’

The Covid Cooking Club: Chapter 7: Soup

Wednesday, April 21st, 2021

The Covid Cooking Club

Chapter 7: Soup

Creamy Reuben Soup | 12 Tomatoes
A picture of soup. Actually it’s mostly bread, but I don’t know how to make bread.

Soup is great. Normally I’d talk about how bad I feel about my own soup and all of soup’s various flaws, but I’m not going to do that. I love soup. More accurately, I love soup as a concept. It’s like food, except you can carry it in a bottle and you can drink it all at once if you’re bored of eating and are an uncultured swine like me. Of course, to say that I actually cook soup is not actually correct. In almost 100% of the cases, I just buy it. See, my dorm is literally located right next to Trader Joe’s, and they have pretty good soup. Tomato soup, chicken soup, clam chowder, onion soup, all the good stuff. Some people say that Trader Joe’s is an unethical business for whatever reason, and they’re probably right because I don’t see how they could profit off selling stuff for such ridiculously low prices without engaging with some sort of criminal activity somewhere along the line. I’ll still happily support them, though, because whatever the hell unethical thing they’re doing directly benefits me since I can go out and buy a month’s worth of soup for ten bucks. It even comes in neat little cartons. When I don’t want to support the mining of African blood diamonds or whatever (which is almost never, I get pretty much all of my food supplies from Trader Joe’s), I generally pick up wonton soup from that one Chinese place. I don’t question what’s in the wontons so it generally works out pretty well for me. The only actual culinary preparation I have to do is microwaving the soup and maybe dipping some breadsticks or garlic crackers in it afterwards. Soup is a fairly messy food for most people what with the complex interaction between the movement of the fluid in the spoon and gravity, but I generally find it to be a lot less messy than any solid food because it just leaves a nice liquid puddle that can be cleaned up instead of ten thousand tiny crumbs that just get fucking everywhere and when you try to clean them they just get everywhere and then in a month when I’ve forgotten about them they either end up attracting swarms of ants or somehow enter me nose at night like they were conjured to life by the sorcerer’s apprentice and causing me to cough up a storm triggering my hypochondriac covid anxiety and also making me continue on this sentence for way longer than any competent editor would allow. If I’m feeling really inventive I’ll just buy broth and drop some leftover turkey chunks from my standwiches in it then heat that up. To be honest I don’t really have any substantive advice on how to prepare soup, I’m just using it as an excuse to rant about whatever I feel like. I guess that isn’t really different than the rest of these columns though.

By: Alexander Rose

Alexander Rose studies satire at NYU Gallatin and wishes he was actually just Oscar Wilde. He is interested in writing, roleplaying games, and procrastination. Describing himself in the third person like this makes him feel weird.

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