While taking your first steps into adulthood, you may find yourself at odds with the already-adults in your life. Perhaps you are reading distrust while they eagerly offer you a fistful of advice and give warnings about the responsibilities that come with expanding your freedom. It may be, in fact, that while you feel like you are ready for the large shift in your independence, your loved ones are experiencing an urgency to protect you from adult-sized mistakes and life-altering consequences. Unfortunately, once you reach this in-between stage in life, you may no longer be receptive to their insight. In fact, it may not be until long after you leave home that you realize the benefit in having let them impart their wisdom to you. When you do find yourself in this state of uncertainty, the world will present a variety of guides for leading you through your adult life, but I have found some of the most valuable consultants to be my friends and peers.
Take a moment to picture the faces of individuals in your life who you can relate to and yet still be largely influenced, challenged, or inspired by. Think about all that you have already gained from them: mannerisms, habits, mindsets, and the like. Then, think about all that you admire—or even envy—about them. Maybe you are recalling their capacity for being highly productive, adaptable, optimistic, or involved. Perhaps your thoughts are now shifting to reflect upon all of their strengths that you lack. However, chances are, they have experienced or are experiencing the exact same feelings of anxiety or inadequacy as you.
When asked questions similar to “Who inspires you most?” the common instinct is to reference a family member—particularly parents—mentors, teachers, or public and historical figures. Surely, the number isn’t zero when tallying up the individuals who point to one of their friends as their source of inspiration. Still, I have to wonder—if most people tend to think first of such personal relationships as those formed in the family—why do the reputations of those they spend the majority of their formative and adult years surrounded by (namely, their friends and peers) fall to the wayside before their recollections of major icons? Perhaps we overlook their resilience because we witness them fail and face adversity in real-time. It may be that we confuse role models for complete and fully matured individuals rather than people who have navigated or are continuing to navigate pitfalls, detours, and setbacks of their own.
So here, I encourage you to have thorough, inquisitive conversations with your friends about their own difficulties with and approaches to “adulting.” Allow for them to be perceived as the highly admirable figures that they most likely are; you did choose them for friends for a reason. Even if you simply take the time to observe and appreciate the methods for success utilized by one of your peers, you can still find a means for applying them to your own life.
As the saying goes, “You are who you surround yourself with,” and it is not only a very famous quote but also a very truthful one. It can be recited as a warning or act as an invitation for reflection, and perhaps, for you, it has been both. I know it has been for me. But as much weight as it holds in its meditative ambiguity, this phrase is also a pure statement of fact because you actually can become more like who you surround yourself with.
So if you are ever feeling a little lost, stuck, or listless in your young life—and other guides, spaces to vent, or sources for instilling a sense of purpose seem to be misunderstanding you or not quite fit your circumstances—look to your friends, who may just be the most helpful, empathetic, and supportive role models of all.
By Lauren Gascon
Lauren Gascon studies Media, Culture, and Communication at NYU and enjoys discussing people’s relationships with each other and themselves. When she’s not on campus, you can find her café hopping, browsing bookstores, or enjoying lunch in one of New York City’s many beautiful parks.
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