Posts Tagged ‘exhaustion’

Will I Ever Be Doing Enough?

Monday, July 25th, 2022

You aren’t doing enough. 

You’re a failure. 

Other people will do it better than you. 

You’re disappointing.

These self-deprecating thoughts are constantly running through my mind. In culmination of the question, “will I ever be doing enough?” It seems at moments when I am doing okay, whether it be at school or work, I always believe I can be doing it better and that my parents would expect more from me. 

Yet, my parents have never actually applied this type of pressure onto me or anything I do. They expect me to only do what makes me happy and yet, I still feel I disappoint them if I don’t achieve all these great things or succeed at everything the first time. 

I feel this need to be productive 24/7 in order to feel okay with myself, which is suffocating. When I overload myself I tend to crave a break and burn out easily. But, when I take a break, I think of all the other things I have left to do, and then inwardly tear myself apart. My thoughts constantly lead me to believe that I am lazy or that I am not doing the best that I can with my work. When I am taking a break, I feel that I’m not actually resting because my mind is always thinking about the work I have left to do. I’m not actually taking care of myself because my mind won’t let me stop thinking about the ways I need to improve. This can make taking breaks just as exhausting as doing work. 

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To alleviate this stress, I try to engage in some form of self-care that will help keep my mind off of the work that has yet to be done. However, it is not a long-term solution. Overall, when taking breaks, I try to keep my mind clear and off of everything that needs to be done. I remind myself that I deserve a break because I have done the things that I wanted to accomplish today. Despite this reminder,  I still want to try and get ahead. Even when I am taking a break, I go on social media and I see all these other people that have multiple internships or jobs, and then I compare myself to them. I feel as though I am falling behind and must catch up to them to feel some sort of accomplishment. 

This outward comparison adds a pressure that maybe isn’t even really there, and yet it feels like it is crushing me. And that I will never be doing enough in college or in my summers that will help me to be successful. Most times, to quiet this outward comparison I really try to remind myself that everyone works at their own pace, and that all I really need to do is focus on my own goals and work to achieve them on my own time. 

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By: Ashley Geiser 

Ashley Geiser is a Junior studying English with a concentration in Creative Writing at Pace University. She is also the Editor-in-Chief and Co-President for Her Campus at Pace. She loves reading and editing. And when she is not reading or editing, she can be found baking in her kitchen.

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