I’m the king of FOMO, so I’ve been told. I say yes to practically everything, and I do what I think people want me to do. I’ve been trying to work on being realistic about how well my social battery is doing and how I’ll feel after a long night out; my battery drains pretty quickly, after all. My girlfriend always uses this analogy called “spoon theory.” How many spoons are you able to fill with the feelings and thoughts of other people before you overflow? You can only hold so much at the same time, after all.
Whether it’s for your social life, school, or your job, you’re expected to be on-call almost constantly. You’re expected to be accessible to the outside world, even in the safety of your home. That’s the downside to modernity. Well, one of them. Not to get deep here. I think about it a lot, though. How different these times are to any other time on Earth. In my bed I get email notifications on my phone, group chat messages on five different apps, and reminders and notifications clouding up my lockscreen. It can be overwhelming being expected to answer to so many people all the time.
Being exposed to so many people’s lives and thoughts at the same time can be overwhelming. I mean think about it—we humans know so many people nowadays, and are able to keep up with the people we’ve known throughout our whole lives with the tap of a finger. People I haven’t spoken to in years, or ever, still like my instagram posts. I always think, “Is it meant to be like this? Is this good?” I guess there’s no point in asking this question, since it’s just how things are.
Time off my phone and social media helps me stay sane. But on the other side, being able to connect with people is a part of life that’s so utterly essential. My phone undeniably makes that easier. It’s easier for me to keep up with my friends who’ve moved away, my parents after I moved out, and my girlfriend when I studied abroad. Every so often I call my friends who are living in LA to catch up. Being able to keep that relationship despite how many miles are between us is something that’s new to modern times, and is wonderful.
There’s pressure to constantly socialize in college especially. In that first year, there were times where I wouldn’t leave a friend’s room all day, and to be totally honest it’s because I thought that I had to do that. I started feeling drained, like I was losing who I really was to who I was around other people. Constantly putting on a performance without any time to rest, I felt pressure to attend everything I was invited to, even if it felt like a huge hurdle to overcome. There’s this fear of falling behind socially that happens no matter what kind of relationship it is. You don’t want to miss out on important parts of your life, after all. That’s how I felt. I’d never again be right down the hall from my best friends, so I had to make the most of it.
Simply put, that was stupid. I was exhausted and lost myself that year. So here’s my advice to you: deal with the FOMO! It won’t kill you. Lately I’ve been telling myself that. I’ve been skipping parties I don’t feel mentally ready to go to, taking time to walk around the city, and enjoying life all by myself just because I can. A little walk to get a coffee can make or break a day.
Even when I desperately want to attend something because I think it might be fun, I have to be realistic about my expectations. Will I really enjoy it? Are my spoons overflowing?
I’ve been trying to focus on what makes me happy and keeping my priorities straight, because I’ve realized that that is what helps me maintain my relationships. If other people know my limits and are okay with them—well, that’s important in a friend, isn’t it?
By: Meg Carey
Meg Carey is studying creative writing and publishing at Emerson College in Boston. They love reading and writing sci-fi, horror, and romance (bonus points if it’s all three), as well as poetry. You can find them on instagram @megcareywrites, and substack @megcarey.
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Tags: anxiety, college, college advice, college discounts, college life, Friendship, Relationships