Within writing each chapter, I am forced to reflect on what it means to build a community whilst forging a “home” of my very own in a foreign city. Questions about music inspire thoughts about charismatic unity through the melodic sounds of tunes and the inscriptions written in song lyrics. Gravitation pulls towards genres of high beats or slow rhythms tell you about someone’s personhood. Their favorite artist highlighting their politics and ethics. The same can be said about fashion. Expression is folded into each crease of a person’s jeans or their color palette. What cannot be said from mere words is fabricated elegantly within their own personal style; even more so in their taste.
Every character thus far has engraved countless lessons upon my being. Monica persuades me to accept any possible opportunity from career ideas to clubs to even hobbies. She shows me what taking risks means and the rewards that come from putting my all into anything I do. Kylie reminds me that there is never not something to learn. Reminders that mistakes are a beautiful way to learn who I am are forwarded by her courage to be wrong and her doubt that she knows everything. She is immensely wise and selfless even to a fault. Irene highlights that nobody cares what others are doing. Her leap of faith into her hobbies and her sense of normalcy prompts the idea that we are all on our own journeys, impacted but not ruled by others.
Villages require villagers; thus, finding your people may lead to unexpected incompatibilities and drama. Friendships can be messy, but with clear goals and desires of what type of relationships you seek to have can provide you with the most meaningful, enriching memories. I must argue that an essential mindset must be to grow with your friends. Stagnancy and mundanity are two different things. The most mundane friendships contain a comfort in silence and appreciation of one another’s energy. Stagnancy, however, can only keep you both in a constant cycle of nothingness. No lessons being learned and oftentimes a credulous amount of toxicity and unhappiness. If you look to grow from your friends, you certainly will.
I look to others for their character, humor, etc. — truly all things that I might have never realized about myself. I also look at my relations to others. What does their background have to do with what they’ve experienced and how does that experience reflect their treatment of others and myself?
Although building a community may seem like a hassle which can be easily solved by connecting in each other’s likes or interests, forging something that lasts and fulfills the soul — the real creation of “home” or homemaking only begins when you venture through spending time together and learning about who you both are. College is a playground where kids are running around and finding out the best ways to play while adjusting to their reality of independence and autonomy. Once you observe and listen, you realize that nobody knows anything nor cares. You free your mind of anxiousness and materialize the idea that it is completely okay to not have anything figured out because nobody ever does. It is adaptation and resilience that allow you the chance to make things go in your favor.
A village brings that together. When every person can simply accept one another (with respect to their personhood), it becomes easier to look at differences as lessons to learn and curious questions to ask. Then, you can grow to appreciate each person’s interests, likes, dislikes, politics, virtues, etc. and learn from one another because ultimately you realize you both are not all that different.
By Alyssa Hong
Alyssa Hong is a rising Junior at Barnard College, studying Political Science with a minor in English. As a first-generation, low-income student, she writes about moving across the country for college and its adjustments. She utilizes entertainment, wellness/health/food, and fashion/beauty as methods to making new connections with others whilst always learning.
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Tags: bonding, college, connecting, Friendship, making connections at college