Recently, I’ve been learning more about the five love languages and how they impact my own relationships, especially since moving to a new place. As a graduate student, I’ve moved to a new city where I’ve met so many new people whilst still maintaining connections with previous friends from college and my hometown. The five love languages are relatively simple: first is words of affirmation, which means using your words to give and receive love when it comes to friends, family, and romantic relationships. The second is acts of service, meaning doing things for others and vice versa. Next is quality time, meaning spending time with your loved ones. Then we have physical touch, and finally, receiving gifts. As humans, we show our love in very different ways, and we expect a certain kind of care back.
I can say with confidence that my love language is words of affirmation. Whenever I’m having a bad day, just having someone express kindness and love through words can be incredibly helpful. This is also how I show my own love for people, which has been crucial since moving away from so many of my friends back home – just sharing our lives with one another over the phone is a love language in itself and helps me whenever I’m feeling homesick. I’ve asked some of my friends from college what their love language is, and many of them said quality time. With this in mind, we recently started planning a trip for next spring, and even though it seems far away, I know how much it means to my friends, as well as myself, to spend quality time with one another.
I moved to the city with my partner, whose love language is acts of service. I’ve learned that even the little things can make a difference in our relationship, like picking up dinner for each other or cleaning the apartment. Understanding this about my partner has been crucial to navigating a relationship in a new environment, and I think it’s really helped us work together as a team. This is our first year living together, and knowing what my partner needs and how they express their love towards me has been really rewarding. We’ve even worked this love language into our schedule, doing things for each other when we know the other doesn’t have time or just doesn’t have the bandwidth to do it. For example, we’ve been switching off who does the laundry each week because of our differing schedules, and doing something to relieve even a little bit of stress for someone can be really fulfilling.
A few of my family members have been sending me care packages from Wisconsin, and I’ve realized how much gift giving is important to their relationships. My aunt loves to send me cookies, stuffed animals, really anything she knows I’ll like, and it’s become clear as I’ve moved to New York that this is how she gives and receives love. I’ve started sending her thank you cards with updates on school and life in general, and she’s always so appreciative of even the little things. My cousin back home has always been a fan of art shows, and she loves picking out jewelry that she knows I’ll like. Little things like this have helped me learn more about her love language, and I’ve started bringing home souvenirs from places I’ve been, like a bracelet from my trip to Greece last fall or a magnet from the MoMA. It’s been really rewarding to learn more about my loved ones through their own expressions of care, and it’s helped me foster better relationships in such a new environment.
By Katrina Kallas
Katrina Kallas is a first-year graduate student at The New School, studying creative writing with a concentration in fiction. Originally from Wisconsin, they enjoy writing about relationships, friendships, and personal values. In their free time, they write fictional stories on a variety of topics and hope to publish a novel after they graduate.
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Tags: family, Friendship, love language, values