With the holidays coming up, many of us will be taking a break from school to go home and see our loved ones. Whether it be a train ride or a cross country flight, traveling back home can come with a lot of reflection, especially as we get older. When I left for college, I was only an hour away by car. But now, as a graduate student, I’m in a whole other state which is two hours away by plane. The distance means I’m seeing my family a lot less than I used to, and planning my trip back home for Thanksgiving has made me realize just how much my relationship with my family has changed over the years.
When I went to college, it was definitely an adjustment to live on my own for the first time and be more independent than ever. My sister was someone I always went to when I was stressed or having a bad day, and I could always count on my parents to support me and help me grow as a person. No longer living under the same roof meant I had to figure things out for myself and discover my own identity outside of my family, at least to a certain extent. For the first month of college, I felt like I no longer had my usual support system of friends and family back home, and adjusting to a whole new environment on my own was something I’d never really had to navigate. I was determined to “make it on my own” and became so immersed in finding my own direction that I didn’t keep up with calls to my family or come home as often I thought I would, and it was exhausting balancing this new independence with my life back home. However, I quickly realized that our support systems don’t have to change just because we move someplace new. I still needed my family, even if our mode of communication was different, and I realized that finding my own independence went hand in hand with staying connected to my family. Just giving my mom a quick call before class or updating my dad after an exam helped me stay grounded during this transition period, and the love and support I felt from them made it possible for me to grow into myself as an individual.
When I moved to graduate school I was reminded of my experience in college, though I knew that leaving for New York City would come with its own set of experiences that would help me grow as a person. I felt a need to get out of the midwest for a while and experience independence on a whole new scale. At first, it was easy to get swept up in the excitement and fast-paced environment of the city, and for my first month in New York I didn’t reach out to my family nearly as much as I’d initially wanted to. I think I needed that time for myself just to get acquainted with a place so unlike my home back in Wisconsin, though I was quickly reminded of the importance of balance when it comes to our support systems. Though I was making new friends and doing things I’d never done before, calling my parents and sister or updating my aunt and uncle became more crucial than ever. Just like in college, they were able to ground me and remind me of the person I’d grown into over the years, as well as the person I wanted to become.
Now, almost three months after moving to New York, I’ve been able to maintain a nice balance between family life and personal life. I call my mom every weekend and FaceTime my sister at least once a week, and it’s been really rewarding to update them on my life while still feeling that independence within myself. Moving has allowed me to grow on my own time and in a space where I feel like I’m free to do so, and staying consistently connected with my family has really helped with that process. There is still a lot of work to be done as I continue into my twenties, but I look forward to having my family with me through that process, however far away they may be!
By Katrina Kallas
Katrina Kallas is a first-year graduate student at The New School, studying creative writing with a concentration in fiction. Originally from Wisconsin, they enjoy writing about relationships, friendships, and personal values. In their free time, they write fictional stories on a variety of topics and hope to publish a novel after they graduate.
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Tags: college life, family life, values