Oftentimes, we point to our high school years as being the most fraught phase of our lives, but I’m sure that the majority of us college students can attest to our teenage insecurities transcending the first turning of our tassels. Albeit, they will likely take on new forms as we age, but I would argue that our early adulthood is just as vulnerable as our middle adolescence, if not more so.
Yes, there is more freedom to dictate how your time is spent and less compulsory pressure from your parents and your home communities—who seem to pervade every area of your life without your discretion—to live up to a culturally favorable archetype. But how do you avoid putting that same pressure on yourself when you see certain types of people consistently being rewarded or acclaimed while others, potentially those you deem to “be like you,” are overlooked or seem to “fall behind?”
Firstly, as a warning to those up-and-coming adults, keep in mind that just when we think we have it all sorted out, we will most likely come across some new revelation that informs us that we, in fact, do not, and we will probably be wrestling with these questions or those of the same “who am I and how do I lead a successful life” origin for the entirety of our lives.
But don’t let this discourage you from hoping you can still find fulfillment from life. Instead, let the uncertainty encourage you toward curiosity about the world around you and yourself and to be more open to trial and error when it comes to finding which skills, spaces, and pastimes agree with you and your sense of contentment.
It took me a while to realize that uncertainty, discomfort, failure, and resilience are all the very constants in life that determine its value, keep it exciting, and facilitate your growth, and, unfortunately, it’s taking me even longer to apply this knowledge to my own life. But while I’m out learning to embrace this truth and letting it sink in, here is one example of how this reality made itself known to me:
From kindergarten to my senior year of high school, I was enrolled in a private, college-preparatory school system, surrounded by kids who were being raised to be hard-working and high-achieving men and women. But before I knew it, I had become one of those people who measured her self-worth according to how much and the impressive nature of what exactly she had accomplished. I had also learned to mistake validation for the things I planned to accomplish as validation for my accomplishments themselves, and both these mindsets drove the majority of my decisions in my few years of young adulthood. Like, for instance, choosing a university in New York City.
Now, don’t get me wrong, being a student at NYU is an incredible opportunity, but somewhere along the way I exchanged my understanding of myself as an individual who happens to attend NYU for an arbitrary idea of what a student at New York University looks like—someone who keeps busy, is outgoing, and remains “put together.” I had to unlearn pursuing for myself what others seemed to want for themselves or what I believed was expected of me and to stop assuming that I ought to want them too. I had to reassess my goals, reframe my perception of myself, and rediscover what I truly desire from not only my college experience but also, ultimately, from life.
I want to feel more fulfilled in my day-to-day life, to live in alignment with my natural temperament. To do this, I first had to recognize and accept that I am someone who needs more gentleness in her life—more slow-paced intentionality, more time for quiet reflection, and more gradual wind-downs—which I’m beginning to realize is possible to achieve no matter what environment you find yourself living in (even if it’s a hustling one like New York City).
So if you’re looking to truly come into your own, be patient with yourself. Don’t dismiss every aspect of you that isn’t grandly rewarded or praised by the world as worthless; they may just be your secret and most essential strengths. Stay open to receiving new revelations about yourself and what brings you contentment. Most importantly, search for opportunities—both large and small—to honor your revelations, even if it seems to rebel against the environment you find yourself in today.
By Lauren Gascon
Lauren Gascon studies Media, Culture, and Communication at NYU and enjoys discussing people’s relationships with each other and themselves. When she’s not on campus, you can find her café hopping, browsing bookstores, or enjoying lunch in one of New York City’s many beautiful parks.
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Tags: fulfillment, individuality, long term goals, self respect, self worth, self-confidence, self-esteem