When I got the email saying that I had been nominated to be an administrator for my ultimate frisbee team, I was overwhelmed by intense emotions of excitement, pride, and anxiety. The Banshee Leadership Team, or BLT, is my college frisbee team’s group of captains and administrators. They oversee practice plans, tournament logistics, rostering players, and more. The biggest task may be bringing the positive spirit and energy to every team event, and being a reliable source of trust and confidence; to be a leader.
A smile crept over my face as I read the email. I was chosen. Me, the quiet freshman with no experience in frisbee, had been recognized as a hardworking, dedicated member of the team. My improvement over the past four seasons had been noteworthy, and I was ready to take it to the next level.
But was I really a leader? I was afraid to let people down. I always preferred to listen rather than take initiative, so that I had a clear set of directions to follow. Public speaking had never really been my strong suit, either. Sometimes, I don’t even answer phone calls because I’m scared to talk to the person on the other end. I was afraid that I was going to mess this administrator thing up and that people would question why I was in that position. I’m still learning the art of ultimate frisbee, too—though I’d significantly improved, there were plenty of teammates who were more skilled and I was worried that they might look down on me.
I shouldn’t think that, because my team isn’t like that; we’re a family. It’s an issue I have with almost every social scenario. Doing group work for classes, I worry if I’m doing my part correctly. At work, I worry about whether my boss is going to fire me because I made a small error. Even while hanging out with close friends, I wonder if they really want to meet up with me or if they’re doing it out of obligation or because they can’t say no.
I still have these intrusive thoughts, but I had to remind myself that being nominated was a good thing. A good thing. I talked to some of my teammates and they were nothing but encouraging. I didn’t have to have anything figured out at the time, and I was allowed to keep learning too. I had the entire team to back me, and not out of obligation—but out of their hearts—because I would do the exact same for them.
Though I’m new on this journey, I’ll do my best to make my frisbee team better. I want to serve this community and give back joy and confidence which was instilled in me by past leaders. Without the incredible teammates who rooted for me, even when I made mistakes, I wouldn’t have found the courage to continue finding my passion for the sport. I have had special moments with all of my past captains and administrators, all of whom have helped me to grow, but two of them really stand out. One of my captains from my freshman year would always high five me and hype me up. She really made practice fun and helped me to open up. That same year, one of the administrators helped me learn how to throw a flick and was very patient and supportive of me. Now, I get to be that person for other newcomers and help them find their love for frisbee. It’s the circle of life. I’m proud of myself for getting to this point and excited to take on the challenges ahead.
By Agatha Edwards
Agatha Edwards is a rising junior at Brandeis University from Brooklyn, New York. She is majoring in health: science, society, and policy as well as psychology. She enjoys playing ultimate frisbee with her college team, going on runs, reading, writing, and binging TV shows. She enjoys exploring NYC and Boston with friends, especially where there are cute coffee shops involved.
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