Going the Distance

People didn’t start leaving me until I went to college. All my life people stayed close by. My older siblings all stayed within a twenty-mile radius for college and when it came for my friends and I to apply to college, we didn’t dare look beyond the tri-state area.

When I first got to college I was ecstatic to find out that my new friends and newly acquired boyfriend all lived within an hour of our school. My family would come and visit on a weekly basis and many of my friends were just a subway stop away for me; everything was going great. That is, until sophomore year. Mallori, my best friend since I was 8 years old, decided to study abroad. She wanted to go to Ireland for an entire semester to be exposed to another culture.

“But what about your family, Mal?” I asked.

Really, what I was trying to say was “what about me?!” I personally didn’t have what it took to live in another country, let alone live outside New York, (I have what they call, “fear of leaving the island”) and to see her go was hard. That semester, instead of going down into the city to meet and go out at night, we had Skype and calling cards on hand for emergency girl talks.

When she came back, I thought I was in the clear. I had the summer going into junior year with everyone home to keep me company. But that summer as my boyfriend and I became closer, he let me in on a little secret; he had decided to study abroad in Brazil for spring semester. At first it was okay, we had a few months left together and when he left, we would make it work… I hoped. I mean, a friendship could easily survive separation, but a relationship? Even on the day his plane took off, I wasn’t sure we’d make it. And as the days went on, it only became harder and harder. I suddenly realized I had to act like a taken girl but I was always alone. I had the commitment, but none of the perks of a relationship. No handholding, no kisses, no napping together—no nothing. That semester I hardly went out. My mindset was to just get to class, get all my homework done and get to bed at a decent hour. My two roommates, who were both in relationships, would try to include me and keep me occupied, but it always ended up making me feel sourer. They were constantly pushing me to go out with them at night but it was a rare occasion when I actually did. I hated the end of the night too much. My roommates would all go to their boyfriends’ apartments and I would do a lonely walk back to our dorm room.  There were many nights I would be alone and cry in my bed listening to the commotion of students laughing and flirting and having the kind of night I had to wait four more months for.

But it got better.

One day it dawned on me that I was the one causing my own unhappiness and maybe this separation could be viewed as a good thing instead of a bad one. And with that revelation, everything changed. A whole new part of my life emerged. I began socializing and making friends with people I normally wouldn’t have time for, I met with teachers and excelled in class, I worked on my writing and made time for new hobbies and even got this internship at the Campus Clipper! I was happy and felt content with myself. I realized that there was no reason to fear leaving or being left behind. New York is an amazing city—no doubt about that—but if an opportunity came where I would have to leave, it would be okay to go. College pulls people physically apart from each other; but that doesn’t mean you have to become estranged from one another! Even if you aren’t a quick drive from each other, you are still just a call or an email away. When you really care and love people, a little distance is healthy and can make you value them more than you have before. Now that my boyfriend is home, our relationship is stronger then ever.  Our time with each other is precious but we make sure to make time for ourselves and other parts of our lives. It’s important to remember that if you’re far away from home or someone you’re close with leaves for a college that’s far away, remember that yes, the distance is hard, but they can always come and visit! You’re in New York City! They can come stay at the Blue Moon Hotel that’s right between Little Italy and SOHO and spend your days running around the city together (you couldn’t ask for a better excuse to do all the touristy stuff).  It’s important to feel grounded not by where you are but by what you do, and to remember that life always gets better if you give yourself the chance to grow.

Jackie Aqel

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