As a child, I hated going into stores with my mother to buy clothes that I felt like didn’t suit me. Shopping for clothes was not something I looked forward to because I often felt like I had little control over what I was wearing. My mother and I had different opinions about what looked good, what was appropriate, and what I should buy. Something that might have seemed like a simple shopping trip could sometimes turn into an argument because I wanted to choose clothes that actually felt like me. At the time, I probably did not understand why I cared so much about what I wore. Looking back, I realize that clothing was one of the first ways I wanted to express my own personality and independence.
As I got older, my relationship with fashion changed completely. Instead of seeing clothes as something my mother picked out for me, I started seeing fashion as something I could control myself. I began experimenting with different styles and going through different clothing phases. There were times when I became interested in certain brands, colors, fits, or trends and then moved on to something completely different a few months later. My closet started to reflect whatever phase I was going through at that moment.
I also started shopping a lot more. There was a period when I would spend my father’s money on clothes so often that packages were arriving almost every day. Whenever I found something online that I liked, I wanted to order it. Sometimes it was a shirt, a pair of pants, shoes, or something else I thought would improve my style. Receiving packages became exciting because every new item felt like another opportunity to change the way I presented myself.
Looking back, I can admit that I probably bought much more than I actually needed. Some clothes would become favorites, while others would barely be worn before I became interested in something else. My style changed so frequently that something I loved one month might sit untouched in my closet a few months later. At the same time, constantly experimenting with clothing helped me understand what I actually liked. Even the clothes that I eventually stopped wearing were part of figuring out my personal style.
My different fashion phases also reflected different periods of my life. Sometimes I wanted to dress more casually and blend in with other people around me. Other times I became more interested in looking put together or wearing clothes that stood out. Certain outfits could make me feel more confident, while others immediately felt uncomfortable because they did not represent how I saw myself. I learned that clothing can affect the way a person feels, even when nobody else notices the difference.
When I started buying clothes I had an idea to express myself on Tiktok even though sometimes gossip and people’s speculations about me spreaded. This is one reason fashion became more than just buying clothes for me. It became a creative outlet. Unlike other forms of creativity, fashion is something I can participate in every single day. I would thrift and buy clothes from all kinds of stores such as CottonOn, Zara and when I travel in Europe. Getting dressed involves making choices about colors, textures, silhouettes, shoes, accessories, and how everything works together. Even a simple outfit communicates something about a person. Someone can dress formally, casually, creatively, minimally, or in a way that completely ignores current trends. There is not necessarily one correct way to dress.
Fashion also allows me to change how I express myself depending on how I feel. I do not have to commit to one permanent style. One day I may want something simple and comfortable, while another day I may want to put more effort into an outfit. That freedom is part of what makes fashion interesting to me. My personal style does not have to remain exactly the same as I get older.
The arguments I had with my mother over clothes also make more sense to me now. To her, choosing clothes for me may have simply been part of being a parent. To me, however, it felt more personal because I wanted control over how I looked. As children get older, they naturally begin making more decisions for themselves. Clothing became one of the areas where I wanted that independence. Even though disagreements over clothes might seem small compared with other conflicts, they represented a larger desire to develop my own identity.
I think that experience is part of why I eventually became so interested in fashion. After spending years feeling like other people had opinions about what I should wear, being able to choose for myself felt freeing. I could walk into a store or scroll through a website and decide what I liked without someone else determining whether it matched their idea of me.
At the same time, my relationship with shopping has also taught me that self-expression does not always require constantly buying something new. During the period when packages were arriving every day, it was easy to believe that another shirt or another pair of shoes would somehow complete my wardrobe. Eventually, however, there will always be another trend, another brand, or another item that looks interesting. Personal style is not necessarily about owning the largest amount of clothing. It is about knowing what makes you feel comfortable and confident.
Today, I see fashion as something that continues to evolve with me. The clothes I wear now may be very different from the clothes I will want to wear several years from now, and I am okay with that. Style changes because people change. Our environments, experiences, interests, and confidence can all influence how we present ourselves.
When I think about the child who hated going into clothing stores with his mother, it is interesting that fashion eventually became something I genuinely cared about. What once felt frustrating became a way for me to experiment and express myself. Through different fashion phases, arguments over clothing, and probably far too many packages arriving at the door, I slowly developed a stronger understanding of what personal style means to me.
For me, fashion is ultimately a creative outlet. It allows me to communicate parts of myself without having to explain them directly. My style is still changing, and I do not think there will ever be one final version of it. That is what I enjoy about fashion. It gives me the freedom to keep experimenting, changing, and expressing who I am.
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By Aaron Newman
Aaron Newman is an Education Studies major minoring in Digital Studies. Originally from Fort Lauderdale, he writes about relationships, entertainment and fashion. He also writes about the hardship and being optimistic about his struggles and looking forward to the present and future.
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